Losing It.

17 and holding.

How long has it been?

Too long, I'm afraid. But I'm still on the plan, following it faithfully and hopefully seeing my numbers drop. Last week, I used my 'no weigh in pass.' I went to the meeting and learned all about throwing together quick meals that aren't going to trip you up. Seriously glad I was there. But after a week of food at the conference we went to, I just didn't want to get up there and see that I'd gained anything. (In truth, I weighed on my scale and I was the same, which is better than gaining... but a week with no loss in my book would just be sad, so I used the no weigh-in pass.)

So I'm sitting still at 17 down and needing the scale to budge this Thursday.

I am concentrating on REALLY recording my points. I'd gotten away from it sort of, and tried to do too much in my head. Now, I'm back to writing it all down and drinking tons of water. :) It's a good thing. I'm even craving the water, so that's good.

The weather's getting nicer so I'm thinking outdoor walks are well on their way. I cannot wait to get outside more! And I really can't wait to get a lawn. That's coming in the next couple of weeks.

Anyway, I'm still here, plugging away. Trying to avoid junk food and really relying on Smart Ones for lunches. It's just easier right now - and the joy of cooking isn't there so much when I'm busy.

How about you? Doing okay? Still with me? angry that I've abandoned you for too long?

Go ahead, I can take it! I've been a bad blogger! I know! I will try to do better! I promise!

Hope you're doing well!

Seventeen down.

... let's focus on that instead of figuring out how far I still have to go.

Yesterday I went to Wal-mart. It's really hard for me to get there because if I have any children with me, I won't have room for all the food in the cart. I think it's been since February that I went. Yes. You read that right. In the meantime, I've run to our little local store up the street (well, down the interstate) and gotten the necessities to get us through, but they don't have my Weight Watchers stuff or good fruit. As I checked out, something went through my head...

I'm setting myself up to succeed.

I even bought a mango. I've never had one before, but I thought it would be fun for me to try it with the kids. There's all kinds of goofy looking fruit I've never tasted. Why not give them a go? I filled my cart with stuff I knew my family would eat, but also stuff that will keep me from eating the stuff my family will eat. For instance, Adam LOVES these Fudge stick cookies and the Famous Amos vanilla sandwich cookies (which are really yummy.) So, while I knew I wanted to get those for him, I knew I needed an alternative for me.

Enter the Mrs. Freshley's Swiss rolls and peanut bars (think Nutty bars and Swiss Cake Rolls). Also the Weight Watchers frozen stuff which I love. I also bought some fat free vanilla yogurt so I could make this recipe for a cookies and cream shake. (Think FF vanilla yogurt, Reduced fat Oreos - four of them and skim milk.) I haven't tried it yet, but it sounds yum.

I have taken four versions of my April photo and all stink. I guess I'm going to have to post the least of the gross photos. I really need highlights again. And a hair cut. And a pedicure. But hey, Jesus loves me, right?

Okay.

I told you about the hair. yow. And we're going on vacation next week, so looks like I"m just going to have to go as I am. bah. It's hard to find time to do that when you have three kids!

Anyway. I was down another pound last Thursday bringing my grand total to 17 pounds. Don't you wish you could spot reduce? I seem to be losing in one area in particular and not so much the hips and thighs. I noticed yesterday that my stomach really needs some help - the kind that may only come through a series of crunches... but that's okay. I can handle it.

So, little by little it comes off. It's funny because I think it's easy to assume you'll lose quickly or be at a certain place by a certain time, and it doesn't always go that way. The thing is, while it's coming off slowly, I know it's coming off for good... and that makes it worth it.

Our neighborhood is perfect for walking - it's a big circle, so it's like a track, and there's sidewalks and lots of people out walking all the time. I'm going to look into a better stroller. I never got a walking stroller, but in the fall it's just going to be me and Sam around here, so it's perfect.

Last night, I made a Weight Watchers mac and cheese. It was pretty good. It had dijon mustard and sour cream in it, but I still think I baked it too long because it was a little dried out. Sophia loved it. Ethan had been eating non-stop yesterday (he eats in spurts. It's like he stockpiles his food), so he wasn't very hungry. He said he only had room 'here' (pointing to the right side of his belly.) "And only for dessert."

Yeah, right, buddy. Go sell crazy somewhere else.

He went to bed without ice cream.

Anyway. The recipe:

Was POINTS® Value: 9
Now POINTS® Value: 5
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 18 min
Cooking Time: 40 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients

• 12 oz uncooked macaroni, elbow-type
• 1/2 cup fat-free sour cream
• 12 oz fat-free evaporated milk
• 8 oz low-fat cheddar or colby cheese, shredded
• 1 Tbsp Dijon mustard
• 1/4 tsp table salt
• 1/4 tsp black pepper
• 1/8 tsp ground nutmeg
• 2 Tbsp dried bread crumbs
• 2 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese

Instructions

• Preheat oven to 350ºF.
• Cook pasta according to package directions without added fat or salt; drain and transfer to a large bowl. While pasta is still hot, stir in sour cream; set aside.
• Heat milk in a small saucepan over medium heat until tiny bubbles appear just around the edges (known as scalding). Reduce heat to low, add cheese and simmer until cheese melts, stirring constantly with a wire whisk, about 2 minutes; remove from heat and stir in mustard, salt, pepper and nutmeg.
• Add cheese mixture to pasta; mix well. Transfer to a 3-quart casserole dish.
• Combine bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese; sprinkle over pasta.
• Bake until top is golden, about 30 minutes. Yields about 1 cup per serving.

It's yummy!

Why go to a meeting?

...Well, I'm glad you asked. I'll tell ya why.

Since Easter, I have to admit. I have not done well. I've managed to slip by with a pound or two loss a week and today I was down .4 - not a good loss, but not a gain, so still, it's something. At the same time, I KNOW I should be losing about 2 pounds a week - and I'm just wasting time by sneaking Easter candy from the cabinet.

Yes, I confess. The leftover mini Reeses cups. No one polished those off except me. And the Rolos? Me too. Was I tracking these little sins? Nope. Just eating. Figuring my bonus points would cover it. Not making good choices. It's horrible.

But today, in our meeting, a woman who had been dieting forever found out she had lost 6 pounds in two weeks. She was ecstatic. I mean, she was giddy. And it was contagious. I remember what it felt like to discover that I could lose weight and not sacrifice eating the things I love. It brought back all those memories and finally, finally gave me the motivation I have been needing. The thing is, I've recognized my lack of desire, but I've been unable to get out of this funk. today, though, a day when I usually use up all of my bonus points for the week, I am back on track and feeling 100% ready to conquer this week - even though we are going to go out of town for a few days. Yes, I CAN do it. :)

Anyway, my plan of attack starts with taking control of my environment. See, I work from home.That means at any given point during the day, my kitchen is just steps away. And so is this:

Meet my arch nemesis.

The candy jar.

All of the birthday and Easter candy finds its way here so the kids don't pig out on it. They get to have it for treats and stuff, but me? I can have it whenever I want. Let's just say lately I've been wanting it nearly every time I walk into the kitchen. Somehow, I've stopped telling myself no.

Now, I don't eat the 'big' candy - notice the Cadbury creme egg is still waiting to be devoured... but the little stuff... it's fine and apparently, in my mind, it's point-free. One or two a day would probably be fine, but the truth is, I visit this jar of sin on a regular basis throughout the day - mostly out of boredom. If I'm really honest with myself, I'd have to say I usually don't even TASTE the candy while I'm eating it. It just pop it in my mouth and chew and swallow. No thought to enjoying it at all.

So today, I'm stuffing Easter eggs for the Easter egg hunt we are still waiting to have around our house - the one Ethan will not let me forget - and I'm taking this candy to the church to use on the prize cart in Faith Kids. I'm taking control of my environment.

One thing that's really been helping me lately because I have been insanely busy are the Smart Ones meals and especially the desserts. I love desserts. My favorite blizzard is the Cookie Dough blizzard. I'm too lazy to look it up, but a small is well over 20 points. Yeah. Think on that while you're eating one. It's crazy! But I've discovered these:

They are amazing. They're only three points each. I eat one every single night after I put the kids to bed. It's my special treat. I know that's not a good picture, but you get the point.

I also like their meals, which really help me at lunch. The new Quesadillas are really good and only 4 points for one. The mac and cheese is pretty good too - almost too much for me to eat in one sitting. And I check the points values on the Lean Cuisine meals too. I'm finding having these things around the house really helps me when I need something quick or I have forgotten to eat. I highly recommend them!

So, while I don't have any new recipes to try... those are my food tips for the day!

I'm off to fill my jug with water again. Just having it around makes me drink it. I drank a lot yesterday so I'm doing good with that!

I hope you can refocus and control your environment too! It's going to work wonders! :)

I know what's tripping me up.

I am a creature of habit. Routine. I like everything in its place... order, detail. When I am succeeding on my weight loss journey, I have the same thing for breakfast everyday and it gets me started the right way. Since that something is a cup of coffee and a Weight Watchers muffin, I am struggling. See, I can only find these muffins at Wal-mart... and I haven't had time for a full fledged Wal-mart run... just the quick, pick up something for dinner for a couple days kind of run.

By the way, you know how grocery stores sell roasted chickens? Seriously - how easy is that? Peel off the skin and go to town - dinner for the whole family and it's already cooked for you. I did this on Sunday because after the weekend away I wanted something healthy as opposed to quick food (or not eating anything, which is not good either.) I made some rice to go along with it (this kind was 4 pts. a cup without the butter.)

Anyway, when you start the day off wrong, you're doomed. And frankly, I've gotten lazy. When something is new, it's easy to be gung-ho. The trick is keeping it up when it isn't fun anymore. Not slipping back into old habits - and that's hard. I have a wonderful knack of quitting before I cross the finish line - convincing myself I'm satisfied where I'm at. But I'm not. Not even close... so on I press.

Need to go back and read those things I was hoping to change... I dont' think I've changed them yet. Thing is, in spite of my horrible-ness, I don't think I've gone over my points. I am just making bad choices and using up way too many too quickly and then starving at the end of the day... or allowing myself to peruse the candy aisle (has anyone else ever had to literally have a conversation with themselves to get out of that aisle? I did. Last night. I thought it might be nice to replace the milk duds I've been snitching and not counting... and then that voice creeped in...WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT OF THIS AISLE! THIS STUFF MAKES YOU FEEL CRAPPY! RUN! RUN! To which I naturally respond: Oh, it's just Swedish Fish. How bad can they be?

Yeah. You know that voice. The one that convinces you it's not that bad. It is though. It is that bad. Especially when you eat an entire bag in one sitting. Seriously. Run out of that aisle.

So, I listened. That's the key. Listen to that voice. If you don't, you can never win at this journey.

I haven't posted my April picture yet. Course I haven't paid my April bills yet either, so you can see I'm a little behind. I will, I promise.

Mean time, I am going to have breakfast and fill up my water jug. Just filling it up will usually make me drink it.

Hope you're staying on track!

well, glory be... how the heck did that happen?

It's official.. I have lost fifteen pounds. Do not ask me how on God's green earth I managed to lose a pound this week, but I did. And I'm happy. I keep reminding myself if I would get back my STRICTNESS this wouldn't go so slowly. I would be farther along now.

And then there's the ladies' tea. Our pastor's wife took all of us to this tea room today. They serve all kinds of 'delicacies' they call them. They should call them "SIN." They are bite sized so you think they're hardly anything, but I know better. I know a tiny praline cheesecake is still probably about three or four points. I know the homemade lemon pudding thing they gave us at the end was definitely at least the same... and itty bitty egg salad sandwich had to be up there too. Yes, folks, today was a day to add bonus points to my tally. The hard part is, I have no idea how many.

I am going to attempt to add them up according to other similar items, but I'll add a few points on just to be safe.

Anyway, tomorrow it's all back to crazy point counting for me. I want to see if I can lose more than one pound if I am ridiculously diligent and stop popping food in my mouth absent-mindedly  (like Starbursts on the way out the door or whatever.) This has got to be holding me up.

So. That's my story. we'll see how tomorrow goes!

:) PS. I still haven't gotten groceries.

Celebrating the little things

Awhile back, I asked Adam to help keep me accountable. Poor guy. This was before I had Sam the last time I was doing WW. The hard thing about it was that whenever he'd say, "are you really hungry for that?" I would get offended. It took me back years to remember all the times I'd hear 'fat' comments. bah. It wasn't fair for me to put that on him. Now, if he helps remind me I don't need another cookie, I am grateful for it. He does it because first of all, I asked him to and second of all, he knows the goal.

Do you know your goal? I think I've gotten a little bored and sloppy about my goal. Where every time I turned down pizza or dessert used to feel like a triumph, now it feels necessary, like an obligation - and I've forgotten to celebrate those small milestones!

Last night, we took Sophia to our favorite pizza place. Giordano's. They have stuffed cheese Chicago style pizza like you wouldn't believe. Some people (the crazy ones) think all the cheese is gross. They are insane. So, we sat down and the waitress there knows us. She knows I'm going to be high maintenance and ask her about nutritional values and end up with a salad anyway. I sort of ruined my salad with too much vinegar and oil (I thought the two little containers were supposed to be mixed, like one was vinegar and the other oil. Not so. It was kinda nasty dumping both on there. I only needed one.)

Anyway, I didn't eat any of that pizza. I had three small garlic toasts with my so-called salad and really just had fun hanging out with my family. It was so much less about the food by now - and it should be. I've been at this for three months now, I should be able to say no to the pizza. Thing is, I should've been able to say no to birthday cake too. And since I'm all about being honest, I didn't eat one piece of that cake, I ate two. One was my entire lunch and the other I had after dinner at my mom's. (They had my other favorite pizza.I ate that one.)

Have you noticed when you mess up early in the day it's easy to just throw all caution to the wind and keep eating whatever you want. That's so backwards. Gotta get a grip on that. By my calculations, I went about 7 points into my bonus points for the week. Not bad, but I still feel totally guilty.

Anyway. I'm about to throw the Easter candy out the window followed by the leftover snacks we made for Sophia to take to school for her birthday. I also NEED to go get groceries, which is so challenging right now because 1. I have to make a list to know what I need to make these recipes and 2. We're just now starting to get healthy - so I've been putting it off until everyone felt better. I need to start cooking again.

Okay. Here's my list of objectives. Things I am going to change on this, the first day of April. I'm down 14 pounds in three months. Not bad - not great - just, it is what it is. By June, I need to lose at least that much and it's not going to happen unless I refocus.

1. Get back to drinking ALL my water. (two big 32 oz. jugs a day - at least)

2. Cook from home and try new WW recipes

3. track everything. No more snitching laffy taffys from the cupboard

Those are a good place to start and I'm sure will make a huge difference. :)

Hopefully! How will you refocus?

Super Fast update

I just updated my other blog, but I wanted to post on here quick. I weighed in on Thursday and was down another 1.8. That's 14 pounds now, and I hit a major road block this weekend: birthday cake. I haven't been able to quite get away from the sugar ever since. Ugh.

So, I need to get back to that first week the way I wanted to - when I didn't unconsciously pop food and candy in my mouth without tracking it first. I need to get back to my water - it's taken a back seat. I need to get to the grocery store and get cooking again. It's been too long. When things get busy, I head for the drive through - and while I track those things and make good choices, it's not good food - it's not good for me and I know it.

No more. Putting my foot down. Not willing to quit now - I've got about 14 pounds more to get to my pre-pregnancy weight (and then at least that much to get to my goal.) While I am doing pretty good, I know I could be doing better.

Need to be more diligent. That's my goal for this week - track everything, quit snacking without thinking. Make better choices. Make choices ON PURPOSE.

I'm going to win. One way or another! :)

You with me?

Scared of the scale

I gotta be honest. I'm terrified to get on the scale. I think I've doomed myself. Even though I have pretty much stayed under my points (with the exception of Easter, when I used 5 bonus points) I haven't been eating well. I've had too many sweets and snitched too much Easter candy. I think part of the problem too is having gone to too many places where I don't KNOW for sure the points I'm eating - leaving me to guess, which is honestly so scary - I almost always guess higher than I think I should and later find out it's still not high enough.

This past two weeks has been so rough for us - everyone has been sick and then the Easter service that we did - plus, Adam's been working like a madman this past could of weeks, so it's just been harder than usual. The house is finally semi-clean and I've been working on getting the laundry caught up (does that ever happen?) but I know for a fact that I am not as strict as I was when I started Weight Watchers.

So. What's the plan?

Well, I'm glad you asked. The way I see it, I could relapse and continue wearing pants that are fastened by a rubber band (most of the pants I have actually button now, but for comfort's sake, I still rely on the band!) or worse, I could gain back what I've already lost... or I can take action. Refocus. Go back to week one and review what it is I need to do to get back on the wagon.

I think the second choice is a little more appealing than hanging onto the extra fat. I can feel the skinny me inside just waiting to get out and wear comfy, cute clothes by summer. Oh my gosh, that's only a couple months away! I need to get busy!

The other thing I've been thinking about is exercise. Remember when I started - I was sooo gung ho about the exercise - I felt so great. Then I realized I wasn't losing any weight. So I quit the exercise to concentrate only on the eating and I started to lose. It makes absolutely NO sense why that happened - but I'm starting to think the weight loss is less important than how I feel - and honestly, how long can my body FIGHT losing if I'm exercising? I am thinking about starting some pilates or yoga simply because since I had Sam I've seriously been struggling to feel good - I feel like my muscles are all balled up and tense. Ick.

So, I think I might tackle that. I'm supposed to weigh in on Thursday. I'm nervous. I am really nervous. But, it's time to face the music. Ignoring it isn't going to make it go away...

The other thing I wanted to say was about a comment Shaun left on my last post. (Shaun, I tried to email you again but it bounced! I'm sorry!) One thing I've discovered about WW is that you HAVE to eat all your points. For me, I lose when I eat all my points plus about half my bonus points. Remember, you're not really 'going over' your daily allowance if you're keeping it under those 35 flex points. (My saving grace this weekend thanks to the pistachio dessert. Nine points for a slice of that baby.) Anyway. That will frustrate you if you continue to skimp on your points because your body will hold onto everything! (It makes no sense does it - that you have to EAT to lose?) But, ya do!

:)

So, anyway. I'm hopping back up on the wagon. I'm feeling better and looking for a chance to do some yoga today. (Patty, can you come teach me personal lessons? I think it's gonna be ugly!) :)

Is anyone else where I'm at? Needing to refocus? Start over before you get out of control? Please say I'm not alone!!

And have a great rest of the week!

Easy this isn't.

I know I talked about sabotage the last time I posted - and I swore I wasn't going to do it, but well, I sort of did it. Not on purpose, it's just been the way things have gone this week. I weighed in Thursday and was down another 1.6 pounds. That's 13 pounds total! I was pretty excited. And then my real week started. We had a women's conference at the church which meant lots of really fattening food and chocolate. I managed to stay away from most of it, but not knowing exactly how many points I used is REALLY hard for me and throws off the rest of my day - or in this case, two days.

Then I realized I was nauseous just about every day and have been for about six days. This nausea is accompanied by a dull headache that will not let up. I've had it for literally seven days. I am STRESSED out right now - so it very well could be the fact that I clench my jaw when I sleep. I woke up two of the days and my jaw HURT so badly. It could be the lack of water I've been drinking. It could be the lack of sleep since Ethan has also been sick (we're going to the doctor this morning.) It could be the aching in my neck muscles - still bugging me after having Sam. It could be a number of things. Whatever it is, it set me off.

I think I've been nauseous because when there's not 'good' food in the house, I tend to just not eat. I'll eat like, an apple all day or something. This is horrible because then I get nauseous and then I feel like I need to eat to get rid of the nausea. It's a circle. It's been a really terrible week for me. So terrible that I think I'm going to avoid the scale this morning and just concentrate on following my plan exactly for next week. I am not saying you should just not weigh-in, but I'm saying for me - I need the break to refocus and not get discouraged.

I have discovered about Weight Watchers that this plan really works - and it works best if you account for every bite of food you put in your mouth. When you inadvertantly (sp?) inadvertently? No clue how to spell that - anyway when you MINDLESSLY throw tiny quiches or choclates in your mouth, you aren't writing them down and then you are going over without realizing it. The other thing is that the things you choose don't stick to your body the same way. For instance, the apple I ate last night is digested differently than the entire bag of popcorn I ate the night before. (not the low fat kind of popcorn with a little bit of oil and parmasean, just straight from the bag Orville Redenbacher popcorn because I was nauseous and needed something quick.)

It's just different. So although I am exhausted today and Ethan did NOT sleep last night, I have decided today to focus on keeping something in my stomach and eating the RIGHT kinds of foods - not necessarily the quickest foods - and drinking tons of water even though my big jug is missing. I will get back on track in spite of the challenges I'm facing right now - pain being the most annoying of these.

sigh. No one said it would be easy, right?

Weighing in

I don't think I could ever do this without Weight Watchers, and I'll tell you why. Last week was hands down, one of the worst weeks of my life. The stress was enormous. We have a lot going on and it seemed that Murphy's Law was in full effect... everything that could go wrong did.

From the flood in our basement to double booking ourselves to changing plans at the very last minute to things spilling and kids getting sick enough for the words 'emergency room' to be spoken... it just wasn't a good week.

Typically, it would've been a week to eat... a lot. With my sweet friend Heather's comment about being under attack locked in my head, I went on about each day, armed with the perfect number of points I was supposed to consume. I have started using about half of my bonus points each week and then half on the day I weigh in (which is one treat I have been wanting - like a mocha or something) - so knowing that, I was able to stay within my points.

Thursday was a crazy day. Adam did the chapel at Sophia's school, so I went there, then ran to Weight Watchers to weigh in then ran to IHOP where Adam was eating with the members of the praise team that had come to do chapel with him then to a women's meeting at the church then to a birthday lunch. The good news is that I was down another 1.8 pounds. I've lost about 11.8 pounds now, and I'm really starting to notice. I've found that people asking me how I'm doing it or telling me I look like I'm losing really encourages me to keep going.

About this time is when a nasty little thing called SELF SABOTAGE kicks in. You start to relax, feel good about the progress you're making and maybe let up a little bit on tracking points or being careful about what you're putting in your mouth. Don't do this. Do not let up. Press on and do not be swayed by the voices telling you "Oh, just splurge... you deserve it... you just had a baby... you can eat cake once in awhile..." Listen instead to my voice telling you (from experience) "You will feel worse if you eat it... think about how good you're going to feel when you get on that scale to weigh in... even if it's only you and bathroom wall celebrating your success. Think about how good it feels to be in control instead of giving in to every food whim you've got."

It's been just under three months since I started doing this. Granted, I would rather have a bigger number to boast, but I have to stay focused on the positives. Here is my progress so far:

I know - I look really happy in that last one. The truth is, Adam was having trouble getting the camera to take the picture and this was the best of all three 'concerned' looks on my face. sorry 'bout that. I think you can tell the difference better from the side:

and can we say 'posture issues'?

I could rip on myself all day, but I won't. Instead I'll say 'job well done... so far...' and refuse to sabotage myself this early in the game.

I hope you are doing well!