Losing It.

Seventeen down.

... let's focus on that instead of figuring out how far I still have to go.

Yesterday I went to Wal-mart. It's really hard for me to get there because if I have any children with me, I won't have room for all the food in the cart. I think it's been since February that I went. Yes. You read that right. In the meantime, I've run to our little local store up the street (well, down the interstate) and gotten the necessities to get us through, but they don't have my Weight Watchers stuff or good fruit. As I checked out, something went through my head...

I'm setting myself up to succeed.

I even bought a mango. I've never had one before, but I thought it would be fun for me to try it with the kids. There's all kinds of goofy looking fruit I've never tasted. Why not give them a go? I filled my cart with stuff I knew my family would eat, but also stuff that will keep me from eating the stuff my family will eat. For instance, Adam LOVES these Fudge stick cookies and the Famous Amos vanilla sandwich cookies (which are really yummy.) So, while I knew I wanted to get those for him, I knew I needed an alternative for me.

Enter the Mrs. Freshley's Swiss rolls and peanut bars (think Nutty bars and Swiss Cake Rolls). Also the Weight Watchers frozen stuff which I love. I also bought some fat free vanilla yogurt so I could make this recipe for a cookies and cream shake. (Think FF vanilla yogurt, Reduced fat Oreos - four of them and skim milk.) I haven't tried it yet, but it sounds yum.

I have taken four versions of my April photo and all stink. I guess I'm going to have to post the least of the gross photos. I really need highlights again. And a hair cut. And a pedicure. But hey, Jesus loves me, right?

Okay.

I told you about the hair. yow. And we're going on vacation next week, so looks like I"m just going to have to go as I am. bah. It's hard to find time to do that when you have three kids!

Anyway. I was down another pound last Thursday bringing my grand total to 17 pounds. Don't you wish you could spot reduce? I seem to be losing in one area in particular and not so much the hips and thighs. I noticed yesterday that my stomach really needs some help - the kind that may only come through a series of crunches... but that's okay. I can handle it.

So, little by little it comes off. It's funny because I think it's easy to assume you'll lose quickly or be at a certain place by a certain time, and it doesn't always go that way. The thing is, while it's coming off slowly, I know it's coming off for good... and that makes it worth it.

Our neighborhood is perfect for walking - it's a big circle, so it's like a track, and there's sidewalks and lots of people out walking all the time. I'm going to look into a better stroller. I never got a walking stroller, but in the fall it's just going to be me and Sam around here, so it's perfect.

Last night, I made a Weight Watchers mac and cheese. It was pretty good. It had dijon mustard and sour cream in it, but I still think I baked it too long because it was a little dried out. Sophia loved it. Ethan had been eating non-stop yesterday (he eats in spurts. It's like he stockpiles his food), so he wasn't very hungry. He said he only had room 'here' (pointing to the right side of his belly.) "And only for dessert."

Yeah, right, buddy. Go sell crazy somewhere else.

He went to bed without ice cream.

Anyway. The recipe:

Was POINTS® Value: 9
Now POINTS® Value: 5
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 18 min
Cooking Time: 40 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients

• 12 oz uncooked macaroni, elbow-type
• 1/2 cup fat-free sour cream
• 12 oz fat-free evaporated milk
• 8 oz low-fat cheddar or colby cheese, shredded
• 1 Tbsp Dijon mustard
• 1/4 tsp table salt
• 1/4 tsp black pepper
• 1/8 tsp ground nutmeg
• 2 Tbsp dried bread crumbs
• 2 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese

Instructions

• Preheat oven to 350ºF.
• Cook pasta according to package directions without added fat or salt; drain and transfer to a large bowl. While pasta is still hot, stir in sour cream; set aside.
• Heat milk in a small saucepan over medium heat until tiny bubbles appear just around the edges (known as scalding). Reduce heat to low, add cheese and simmer until cheese melts, stirring constantly with a wire whisk, about 2 minutes; remove from heat and stir in mustard, salt, pepper and nutmeg.
• Add cheese mixture to pasta; mix well. Transfer to a 3-quart casserole dish.
• Combine bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese; sprinkle over pasta.
• Bake until top is golden, about 30 minutes. Yields about 1 cup per serving.

It's yummy!

Why go to a meeting?

...Well, I'm glad you asked. I'll tell ya why.

Since Easter, I have to admit. I have not done well. I've managed to slip by with a pound or two loss a week and today I was down .4 - not a good loss, but not a gain, so still, it's something. At the same time, I KNOW I should be losing about 2 pounds a week - and I'm just wasting time by sneaking Easter candy from the cabinet.

Yes, I confess. The leftover mini Reeses cups. No one polished those off except me. And the Rolos? Me too. Was I tracking these little sins? Nope. Just eating. Figuring my bonus points would cover it. Not making good choices. It's horrible.

But today, in our meeting, a woman who had been dieting forever found out she had lost 6 pounds in two weeks. She was ecstatic. I mean, she was giddy. And it was contagious. I remember what it felt like to discover that I could lose weight and not sacrifice eating the things I love. It brought back all those memories and finally, finally gave me the motivation I have been needing. The thing is, I've recognized my lack of desire, but I've been unable to get out of this funk. today, though, a day when I usually use up all of my bonus points for the week, I am back on track and feeling 100% ready to conquer this week - even though we are going to go out of town for a few days. Yes, I CAN do it. :)

Anyway, my plan of attack starts with taking control of my environment. See, I work from home.That means at any given point during the day, my kitchen is just steps away. And so is this:

Meet my arch nemesis.

The candy jar.

All of the birthday and Easter candy finds its way here so the kids don't pig out on it. They get to have it for treats and stuff, but me? I can have it whenever I want. Let's just say lately I've been wanting it nearly every time I walk into the kitchen. Somehow, I've stopped telling myself no.

Now, I don't eat the 'big' candy - notice the Cadbury creme egg is still waiting to be devoured... but the little stuff... it's fine and apparently, in my mind, it's point-free. One or two a day would probably be fine, but the truth is, I visit this jar of sin on a regular basis throughout the day - mostly out of boredom. If I'm really honest with myself, I'd have to say I usually don't even TASTE the candy while I'm eating it. It just pop it in my mouth and chew and swallow. No thought to enjoying it at all.

So today, I'm stuffing Easter eggs for the Easter egg hunt we are still waiting to have around our house - the one Ethan will not let me forget - and I'm taking this candy to the church to use on the prize cart in Faith Kids. I'm taking control of my environment.

One thing that's really been helping me lately because I have been insanely busy are the Smart Ones meals and especially the desserts. I love desserts. My favorite blizzard is the Cookie Dough blizzard. I'm too lazy to look it up, but a small is well over 20 points. Yeah. Think on that while you're eating one. It's crazy! But I've discovered these:

They are amazing. They're only three points each. I eat one every single night after I put the kids to bed. It's my special treat. I know that's not a good picture, but you get the point.

I also like their meals, which really help me at lunch. The new Quesadillas are really good and only 4 points for one. The mac and cheese is pretty good too - almost too much for me to eat in one sitting. And I check the points values on the Lean Cuisine meals too. I'm finding having these things around the house really helps me when I need something quick or I have forgotten to eat. I highly recommend them!

So, while I don't have any new recipes to try... those are my food tips for the day!

I'm off to fill my jug with water again. Just having it around makes me drink it. I drank a lot yesterday so I'm doing good with that!

I hope you can refocus and control your environment too! It's going to work wonders! :)

I know what's tripping me up.

I am a creature of habit. Routine. I like everything in its place... order, detail. When I am succeeding on my weight loss journey, I have the same thing for breakfast everyday and it gets me started the right way. Since that something is a cup of coffee and a Weight Watchers muffin, I am struggling. See, I can only find these muffins at Wal-mart... and I haven't had time for a full fledged Wal-mart run... just the quick, pick up something for dinner for a couple days kind of run.

By the way, you know how grocery stores sell roasted chickens? Seriously - how easy is that? Peel off the skin and go to town - dinner for the whole family and it's already cooked for you. I did this on Sunday because after the weekend away I wanted something healthy as opposed to quick food (or not eating anything, which is not good either.) I made some rice to go along with it (this kind was 4 pts. a cup without the butter.)

Anyway, when you start the day off wrong, you're doomed. And frankly, I've gotten lazy. When something is new, it's easy to be gung-ho. The trick is keeping it up when it isn't fun anymore. Not slipping back into old habits - and that's hard. I have a wonderful knack of quitting before I cross the finish line - convincing myself I'm satisfied where I'm at. But I'm not. Not even close... so on I press.

Need to go back and read those things I was hoping to change... I dont' think I've changed them yet. Thing is, in spite of my horrible-ness, I don't think I've gone over my points. I am just making bad choices and using up way too many too quickly and then starving at the end of the day... or allowing myself to peruse the candy aisle (has anyone else ever had to literally have a conversation with themselves to get out of that aisle? I did. Last night. I thought it might be nice to replace the milk duds I've been snitching and not counting... and then that voice creeped in...WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT OF THIS AISLE! THIS STUFF MAKES YOU FEEL CRAPPY! RUN! RUN! To which I naturally respond: Oh, it's just Swedish Fish. How bad can they be?

Yeah. You know that voice. The one that convinces you it's not that bad. It is though. It is that bad. Especially when you eat an entire bag in one sitting. Seriously. Run out of that aisle.

So, I listened. That's the key. Listen to that voice. If you don't, you can never win at this journey.

I haven't posted my April picture yet. Course I haven't paid my April bills yet either, so you can see I'm a little behind. I will, I promise.

Mean time, I am going to have breakfast and fill up my water jug. Just filling it up will usually make me drink it.

Hope you're staying on track!

well, glory be... how the heck did that happen?

It's official.. I have lost fifteen pounds. Do not ask me how on God's green earth I managed to lose a pound this week, but I did. And I'm happy. I keep reminding myself if I would get back my STRICTNESS this wouldn't go so slowly. I would be farther along now.

And then there's the ladies' tea. Our pastor's wife took all of us to this tea room today. They serve all kinds of 'delicacies' they call them. They should call them "SIN." They are bite sized so you think they're hardly anything, but I know better. I know a tiny praline cheesecake is still probably about three or four points. I know the homemade lemon pudding thing they gave us at the end was definitely at least the same... and itty bitty egg salad sandwich had to be up there too. Yes, folks, today was a day to add bonus points to my tally. The hard part is, I have no idea how many.

I am going to attempt to add them up according to other similar items, but I'll add a few points on just to be safe.

Anyway, tomorrow it's all back to crazy point counting for me. I want to see if I can lose more than one pound if I am ridiculously diligent and stop popping food in my mouth absent-mindedly  (like Starbursts on the way out the door or whatever.) This has got to be holding me up.

So. That's my story. we'll see how tomorrow goes!

:) PS. I still haven't gotten groceries.

Celebrating the little things

Awhile back, I asked Adam to help keep me accountable. Poor guy. This was before I had Sam the last time I was doing WW. The hard thing about it was that whenever he'd say, "are you really hungry for that?" I would get offended. It took me back years to remember all the times I'd hear 'fat' comments. bah. It wasn't fair for me to put that on him. Now, if he helps remind me I don't need another cookie, I am grateful for it. He does it because first of all, I asked him to and second of all, he knows the goal.

Do you know your goal? I think I've gotten a little bored and sloppy about my goal. Where every time I turned down pizza or dessert used to feel like a triumph, now it feels necessary, like an obligation - and I've forgotten to celebrate those small milestones!

Last night, we took Sophia to our favorite pizza place. Giordano's. They have stuffed cheese Chicago style pizza like you wouldn't believe. Some people (the crazy ones) think all the cheese is gross. They are insane. So, we sat down and the waitress there knows us. She knows I'm going to be high maintenance and ask her about nutritional values and end up with a salad anyway. I sort of ruined my salad with too much vinegar and oil (I thought the two little containers were supposed to be mixed, like one was vinegar and the other oil. Not so. It was kinda nasty dumping both on there. I only needed one.)

Anyway, I didn't eat any of that pizza. I had three small garlic toasts with my so-called salad and really just had fun hanging out with my family. It was so much less about the food by now - and it should be. I've been at this for three months now, I should be able to say no to the pizza. Thing is, I should've been able to say no to birthday cake too. And since I'm all about being honest, I didn't eat one piece of that cake, I ate two. One was my entire lunch and the other I had after dinner at my mom's. (They had my other favorite pizza.I ate that one.)

Have you noticed when you mess up early in the day it's easy to just throw all caution to the wind and keep eating whatever you want. That's so backwards. Gotta get a grip on that. By my calculations, I went about 7 points into my bonus points for the week. Not bad, but I still feel totally guilty.

Anyway. I'm about to throw the Easter candy out the window followed by the leftover snacks we made for Sophia to take to school for her birthday. I also NEED to go get groceries, which is so challenging right now because 1. I have to make a list to know what I need to make these recipes and 2. We're just now starting to get healthy - so I've been putting it off until everyone felt better. I need to start cooking again.

Okay. Here's my list of objectives. Things I am going to change on this, the first day of April. I'm down 14 pounds in three months. Not bad - not great - just, it is what it is. By June, I need to lose at least that much and it's not going to happen unless I refocus.

1. Get back to drinking ALL my water. (two big 32 oz. jugs a day - at least)

2. Cook from home and try new WW recipes

3. track everything. No more snitching laffy taffys from the cupboard

Those are a good place to start and I'm sure will make a huge difference. :)

Hopefully! How will you refocus?