My Weblog

That sense of overwhelm...

Sometimes I feel like my life is swallowing me up. I feel like I am underwater and there's no way to gasp for air. Sort of like Meredith on Grey's Anatomy last season, as she sank to the bottom of the ocean only to be rescued by McDreamy at the very last possible second.

But of course, SHE is Meredith. And SHE is only fictional. (Much as I sometimes wish she was real.)

But life does that to us sometimes, doesn't it?

I have to admit in the past few months, I've sort of been drifting. I've been going through motions and trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy, but the truth is, I've been falling farther away from what I know is most important in my life. My relationship with God. God is always at the forefront of just about every thought I have, don't get me wrong... but sometimes it seems we have to get to a place of NEEDING him before we'll finally return his waiting embrace.

Why is that? Why can't I just cling to Him even when every need is met?

Tonight in church, praise and worship felt alive to me again. It's been awhile since I've shut out the distractions. I hate to say that, but it's true. But you see, this week, every night, I've awoken to a sense of worry. Anxiety. Dare I say it... Fear... All the 'what if's' and 'could be's' clouding my mind... thoughts that make me believe the things I know are true maybe aren't... things like the fact that God absolutely wants to bless us - even beyond our wildest dreams. Things like God is my provider. He provides for our family - not because he has to, but because he wants to.

I think this past year has been a test. I think I've passed most of it - though I feel like maybe I'm on the last page... and God's wondering, "Are you going to let me steer the ship?... Are you going to rest in my peace and let me take care of all the things that aren't in your control?"

It's that surrender I've always struggled with... giving up control. Being able to say, "Well, this is a huge risk, but I trust God. Because God said He would provide for me. Because I believe his promises are true."

That's what I struggle with. And that's what I strive to overcome.

To be completely and totally surrendered... not just because I know I should be, but because I want to be. To give everything over to Him. To trust Him even when on paper - nothing makes sense... even when the rest of the world says there's no way... even when in my heart there's a seed of doubt. I have to get to the point where I can put that doubt to rest. Without the sleepless nights. Without the angst.

Because He wants to provide. He's just waiting for us to ask.

I hope I can get there. I strive to get there. I struggle and kick and scream my way there... but I know I can do it. It's the last page of this test (until the next one...)

And believe me. I want to pass.

Home again, Home again...

I've come to realize something about myself. I don't travel well. Last year at CHA I had to leave the show to spend quite a bit of time laying down in my room with a horrible stomach something-or-other. This year something very similar happened, though I didn't leave the show. I nearly passed out on the floor at one point, but the stomach pains were what just about did me in. Come to find out I've also got a urinary tract infection (on antibiotics now) which I think came on Saturday.

And I didn't even fly!!

I have to thank Christy for bearing with me through my "wow, my stomach really hurts" complaints and Leah for walking slowly... lol. I just want to get to a trade show with nothing (except maybe my feet) hurting!

Regardless, I did manage to have a good time! I saw lots of cool inspiring layouts (which has always been my favorite part of the trade shows!) If I wasn't so lazy I would upload some photos of my very favorites, which includes a layout from the Mustard Moon booth by my sweet friend Linda Albrecht. Her work is incredible.

I loved all the new felt from Fancy Pants and of course the Queen and Company felt was yummy too! :) I'll post my layouts later, but right now I have to run get dinner. We had an eventful day. Swimming in the morning and then met with a builder this afternoon. I can't believe it, but we might build a house! We've got lots of praying to do... but we're exploring all the options... I guess I never thought building was one of them! :)

I'd love to hear everyone's favorite new releases from CHA! :) OHH! And I can't forget Scenic Route! They had some amazing stuff too!! what did you love?? 

houses and babies and soda and stuff...

I finished up my assignments early this week (cursing my procrastination the entire time...) and felt quite happy to be in a place of going to CHA with nothing else looming overhead. Immediate deadlines loom... and I somehow seem to thrive on them!

Yesterday, I sat down at the kitchen counter with my cup of coffee and Nic's book. I was just noticing how there are coffee stains designed onto the pages and I was thinking "That's kinda cool, and I could do the same thing because I have a nifty Photoshop brush that does that..." and I flipped to a layout called "GRRR" all about things that annoy Nic when suddenly the page caught on my cup of coffee and I spilled all over myself, the counter and the book. So, I guess we didn't need coffee stains designed into my copy - I like to provide them myself...

But it made me laugh - the irony of it. I mean, one of my biggest annoyances are inanimate objects that don't cooperate with me (because it wasn't MY fault I spilled the coffee, somehow it was the CUP'S fault.)

Anyway... Monday, we went for our ultrasound. I am nearly 21 weeks pregnant, if you can believe it. I can't. I mean, that's over halfway through the whole thing, and truthfully, I've been doing pretty well. I'm over all the nausea and I'm feeling really good. And while I had a whole long list of girl's names picked out, we discovered we won't be able to use any of them.

Unless we want to call our son Lucy. lol

And we don't.

Yes, we are having Walsh baby boy #2, and while it was a complete shock to me at first, because I had it in my head this was a girl (and I had names picked out for a girl) and I guess since Sophia wants a sister so badly, I assumed, of course, this was a girl.

Then he started moving. And I was shocked. No butterflies. No little rumbles. We're talking full-on punches and kicks right from the get-go. And I thought, "THIS is exactly how Ethan was. I think it's a boy."

My mom told me my sister was the same way, so I guess my gut instinct sort of went away until we saw the ultrasound. Sophia said "That could just be that thing that goes into the belly button!" but the ultrasound tech was pretty certain... we are having another boy.

And I have no names. lol

Thank God we've got some time!

So we're still trying to decide if we're moving. So far we haven't found THE house, but we're talking to a builder next week and may go that route. (That would be my dream!) So, we'll see...

I'm still totally obsessed with Dr. Pepper. Just thought I'd throw that in there between slurps.

And I leave tomorrow for CHA. I'm rooming with Christy Tomlinson, who I met through Chatterbox, but who is with Making Memories and BHG now. She is one of the sweetest (and truly funniest) people I know. I remember hearing her tell a story that still makes me laugh out loud when I think about it... I know I probably won't stay homesick for long with her around! Praying I can find my way around without getting lost!

I'm excited to meet up with the Memory Makers people, though I wish every single one of them would be there! I'll be doing book signings in their booth each day, (I'm really nervous to do that...) but mostly I'm going to be walking around and drooling! :) I hope I get to meet some new people this year too!

Well, back to my Dr. Pepper and then off to check out a few more houses. Have a great rest of the week!

Random acts...

The other day when we were getting ready to go to the pool, I ran to the grocery store to grab my contribution to lunch... (chips and cookies... I'm such a gourmet!). Anyway, we rounded the corner of the chip aisle, and I stopped to grab some bottled water when I noticed Ethan at my side, right in the path of a woman coming around the other corner. Naturally, I scooted him out of the way, smiled at the woman and said "I'm sorry about that."

And then she did something I hope I never forget. She glanced at my kids, Sophia at the right, Ethan at the left, and she smiled. I'm not sure if it was the fact that they were wearing goggles right there in the store that captured her heart, or perhaps she's just a sweet lady who loves children, but she said to Sophia, "Would you like some donuts?"

If she knew Sophia she would've known this wasn't even a question worth asking... Sophia is a donut magnet (she gets that from me, poor kid.) Sophia nodded.

"Would your mommy let you have some donuts, like these?" She had a packaged of gooey frosted donuts from the bakery in her cart, and she held them up to my wide-eyed children (who only get donuts on Sunday morning, and then only from Hostess...)

I said I thought that would be fine, and she put them in our cart. We thanked her and she said, "Make sure you tell them those are from Rita so you don't get charged for them, and she went on her way.

It wasn't until later that this sweet little random gesture really struck me, and it made me think of a commercial that's on now, where people witness other people doing nice things for other people, and it makes them want to look for ways to do nice things for the people who cross their paths.

This morning I sat down with a cup of coffee and a bowl of granola, and I read one of the last articles in the newest issue of Memory Makers. The article is on Kindness, and once again, it put it at the forefront of my mind.

It's such a cliche, but it's really true that you never know when the tiniest act is going to profoundly affect another person. A compliment. A helping hand. A note or a card in the mail (does anyone send cards anymore?)

I guess this one woman's sweet idea to give my kids gooey donuts on a Monday morning has affected me in a really positive way... the kind of positivity you have to pass on in order for it to really mean something.

So I'm chewing on that this morning... how about you?

Summer Lovin'!

... and we're having a blast.

I think that whole 'moment in the middle' thing really hit me hard. You know how sometimes you get a revelation and then it sort of passes on by... well, that one stuck with me. I always pray that God will slow time down for me... lol - what I really mean is 'let me notice it AS it passes instead of once it's already gone...'

For some reason, even with more work on my plate than I've had in awhile (everything piles up around CHA time, doesn't it?? Good thing I love it!) and with the idea of a move and a baby still weighing a little heavy on my mind, I still feel like I'm less stressed than I have been in a long time. Normally under these circumstances I would be a stress-case - frazzled and probably cranky - but I think because I PURPOSED that I was going to really enjoy my summer, I've found pockets of time to get my work done and still get out and enjoy myself. Heck, I've even gone swimming TWICE already!! (And that is UNHEARD of!)

[Side Note: I do have a secret though... I am LOVING a maternity swimsuit! Are you kidding? It's not tight at ALL! It's sooo nice not to feel like I have to constantly suck my stomach in. Do you think it'd be weird for me to ALWAYS wear a maternity suit?]

Anyway, today before it started storming, we spent our second day at our boss's pool. A bunch of the pastor's wives are getting together every week for swimming, and it's already been a huge blessing. It was 100 degrees today, but the kids still got to play outside - THAT is perfect. It's also a great time to practice some photography. I've been shooting completely on manual and I'm noticing when I get it right, the colors are SOOO much better than when I have it on auto. Need to read some more on it all, but I'm loving experimenting!

Here's some fun shots from Saturday and today:

I have to say, Ethan is pretty fearless when it comes to the water. Sophia (who has actually had swim lessons) is not. But today, she got her own personal lesson and she was swimming like crazy before we left. I was so happy to see her finally start to get a little brave!

Here's all the kids eating some popsicles in the pool. Surprisingly, it's not chaotic, even with this motley crew!

And just because I love this photo, here's my sweet niece at lunch:

And I've recently been purging my photos - getting unneccesary photos off my hard drive - people we don't see anymore or blurry pics or duplicates that aren't quite up to par... and I remembered something I learned at the Chatterbox retreat a couple of years ago. We're scrapbookers, so it's easy to WANT to wait to print these pictures or display them because we always INTEND to get them on pages in albums on display...

But there's always a box of photos waiting to be scrapped... so one thing I was inspired to do when I got home was take all of my favorites and get them developed (remember what it was like to develop pictures? I miss that!)... then put them in NORMAL photo albums on the table for display. Gosh, what a novel idea - lol.

And as much as I loved this and my kids loved it, I havent' done it since. Looking through all the pictures on my hard drive, I found ones I'd forgotten. I want them in the empty albums! I'm going to put them on a disk and get to the store soon so I can do that! :) It just makes me happy to have them out to see.

I should add that after today's activities, this is where Ethan has ended up:

That's a sight I don't see very often! :)

It's been a WONDERFUL moment in the middle today.

I hope you got a few too! 

Busy (and wonderful) 4th of July

  I determined at the beginning of this summer that I was going to get out and have FUN. Last summer, I spent most of the time working, but now that Sophia's been in school for a year, I really value the time she's home even more. I miss her so much when she's gone. So, I've been making myself leave the house - lol - which sounds terrible, but I am such a homebody, it's just the way I am. I'm so glad I made that choice, though, because so far this summer, we've been having a blast. The 4th of July was no exception.

I love the 4th of July. It's so fun in our small town, and oddly, it's the holiday with the most traditions for our family. I almost don't want to move now having had such a great week and especially a FUN 4th!

We started a new tradition this year - one that I could see continuing for a long time. There's a small-town parade here starting around 10 a.m. so we had some friends over for breakfast before the parade.

Adam cooked. :)

He made eggs with Italian Sausage (holy cow, they were good - and I don't even really like eggs!) and then we had fresh bacon and sausage (my friend's grandpa gave it to her - he has a pig farm. It was also SOOO good!) And then, of course, Adam made pancakes and we had cinnamon rolls. We didn't eat ALL of this in one sitting, but those were the options. :)

Everyone had their fill. Including Ethan, who was particularly fond of the cinnamon rolls. lol

Next, we headed out to the parade. We sat with several of the other pastors and some friends from church. It was really fun to watch the kids scramble for the candy and hold their ears every time a band or motorcycle went by. I especially loved that all the kids got to spend the morning together. It brought back something Adam said to me years ago about the house we lived in and the neighborhood being Sophia's "Stomping Ground..." - these are the kinds of things they'll remember years from now. I just think that's cool. Here's some parade pictures:

After the parade, we headed to my mom and dad's house, which is always one of our favorite ways to spend the holidays. It's just relaxing - and it's so fun for our whole family to be together. My brother and brother-in-law had made a trip up to Wisconsin the night before to get a bunch of fire crackers, so not surprisingly, that entertained everyone for most of the day. The kids weren't crazy about it, but overall, it was a hit... and the "Morning Glory's" (new and improved version of sparklers) were a huge hit with the kids! (Notice Sophia's front tooth hanging by a thread? It finally came out yesterday at lunch). 

Here's my niece and Sophia preparing for some LOUD firecrackers...

Ethan's big 'find' of the day was this tiny little frog, which I'm pretty sure my niece later killed and buried under a tree. :( I felt so bad for the poor little thing. Ethan loved it though. He wanted to bring it home.

The "Morning Glorys" in the background... (carefully supervised) :)

Another one of my nieces. Too bad she's so unhappy - lol :) (I love kids who are easy to photograph!!)

My sister and I. :)

And I am officially 19 weeks along now. That means next week, I'm halfway there. I can't believe it. It's actually gone really fast!! I should add that not only did I get bacon grease on the first outfit I wore that day, a brand new comfy dress, I also got vegetable oil on this brand new shirt. Sigh. Does anything take out vegetable oil? Because my stain remover DIDN'T! :(

So, that about wrapped up most of our day... except for the fireworks, which we hit on the way home from my parent's house. On that drive, we also saw this:

He had two others with him, just hanging out in the field. I love when I see deer (and they aren't bounding towards my car.) :)

Overall, it was an awesome 4th of July - and exactly what we needed after our crazy week with VBS last week!! It was such a relaxing day!

I hope your 4th was happy too! :) 

lately....

So much going on... the hunt for the house is on again. Let me just be straight. I have to get out of my neighborhood. No, it's not a bad neighborhood, but ever since we started sleeping with the windows open, we've been hearing... well, noises... coming from our neighbor's, ahem, bedroom window. (Ours faces the back of our yard, theirs faces the side/back of our yard.)

First, we thought a fence. (This would also solve the problem of the millions of cats and children who seem to love to play in our yard). Then I got pregnant and we began to entertain the idea of a move. Then we sort pooped out on looking because life is busy and putting a house on the market is busy and risky and packing really stinks and hey - I love my scrapbook room...

But then, the noises started. As if a sign were coming down out of heaven shouting "MOVE!"... the noises. (Do you 'get' what kind of noises I'm talking about?) Frankly, I think it's sort of funny, though being woken up at 1 a.m. (until 2 a.m.) is really getting old. Especially when I am finally asleep after a ear-infected Ethan has FINALLY calmed down.

SIGH. You can imagine.

Truthfully, I'm a total prude. I mean - complete and total prude, so hearing these sorts of noises (not on the computer, not on the tv, not by choice but in my very own back yard) is REALLY kind of gross.

I know it's not the kind of topic I normally blog about, but I'm tired and a little bit loopy from lack of sleep - and I just had to explain the blaring sign from heaven that yes, indeed it is time to move.

SO... the house hunt is once again on.

We just finished Vacation Bible School last week. I can honestly say - this year - I totally helped. Lately, I was finding ways to appear, but not really engage (mostly in the preparations, I mean) - but this year, I decided Adam really does need my help with the organization (men aren't into details, after all...) so I helped. And it felt really awesome. As always, we had HUGE help from our volunteers and the kids were so good. Constantly excited and not one of them was a problem. I had a blast... though, I am exhausted!!

I've got a lot of work to catch up on this week, along with the 4th (lots of cool festivities in our small town) and getting the house clean for a visit from Adam's mom on Thursday. (Anyone know a good maid - lol - I'm actually serious. I'm so darn tired!!)

All is well on the pregnancy front. We're growing nicely, me and my belly. I go in tomorrow for a check-up (gotta love starting the day on a scale in front of other people... ugh.) I am feeling lots more movement now, which is really cool - and on the 20th (baby willing) we'll find out what we're having. :) That - we've never done before.

Things are going really well. I feel happy (and sleepy) and I feel like God's been teaching me a lot over the past few months. John Bevere was at our church last week - he wrote this book called Driven by Eternity. I'd never read it, but I'm reading it now. I was just amazed at the revelation he brought. The whole idea that God has a specific purpose for me - and that when I get to heaven I'm going to be judged on how I carried out that purpose - not what my intentions were, necessarily, but did I complete the tasks given to me - or did God have to find someone else to do them because my attitude or pride got in the way?

There's sooo much to it, but it completely messed me up. I just learned sooo much that night. I want to know my purpose. I don't want to take on the opinions of other people or the offenses of other people - because that's just poison that I don't need. It was just amazing. Highly recommend the tapes and/or book to everyone. :)

Other news: we got cell phones. YES, we sold out. And thank God because last week, we used them a TON!! That was until Thursday when we went to an indoor waterpark here in town and SOMEONE (named Adam who looks remarkably like this guy:

jumped in the lazy river with his brand new Crazr (Crazor? no clue.) in his POCKET.

Yeah. It doesn't work anymore.

Sigh.

I've still got my trusty little strawberry chocolate, though, you better believe... :) And I'm really liking joining this century!

So, that's about all that's happening here. Adam's sick. Ethan's sick. Sophia and I are healthy and happy. :) We're doing well. I'm excited this week is the 4th. A bunch of us are getting together to watch the parade and the fireworks. I love this stuff.

Happy Sunday!