Imperfect.

I'm afraid I've neglected my blog because I don't really have anything uplifting to say. I've been cramming with Adam on this new curriculum and I have to say, it's really coming along. The stuff he's written has been amazing - and I'm hoping he can fix the stuff I've written! lol

Other than that, our house has officially been on the market just over a week. We had an Open House Sunday that went really well. Lots of great comments, some interest... but no offers yet. It's still early in the process, and while my brain knows that, the anxious side of me is really struggling right now.

I thought I shouldn't blog because to be honest, I am feeling like maybe I'm failing a little bit, in actually DOING what I know I should be doing (Trusting God, having faith, resting in his peace...) but then I thought, you know, that's where I'm at... and I'm not going to pretend I've got it all figured out when I SO don't. The truth is, I'm freaked out. Adam is soooo calm about the whole thing and I'm sooo freaked out. Why can't I just 'get it?' Why can't I just say, "Well, when it sells, it sells, hopefully before our closing on the new house." And be okay with that? Why can't I disregard the comments like "You know how slow the market is right now, right?" or "You already BOUGHT a house?" (insert disbelief and 'are you stupid' look on face of person saying these words)

The truth is, if we hadn't bought the house, we would've lost it. She would've sold it to a very nice couple this past Sunday who really wanted to buy it. We wouldn't have our new house. So, buying that house with a contingency wasn't an option. And we LOVE our new house.

So, that leaves us with a month and a half to sell this house and move. Sounds like a lot of time, doesn't it? I thought so until the days started dragging on and one week on the market feels like a month on the market.

One good thing I've noticed is, it's really not that hard to keep your house clean. (who knew?) Of course, half of our stuff is in storage, but still... I wake up, make beds, load dishes, do a load of laundry, pick up toys and wipe down counters. It's so clean! That feels good... though it's wearing on me a tiny bit because to top all of this stress off, I've been having these great stomach pains. ugh.

So, see... that's why I've kind of stayed away from my blog. That and the busy factor. So much going on. So, I'm going to keep praying that God works a miracle... and in the process, I'm constantly reminded of my imperfections. Reminded of how far I have to go - how much I have to learn... and still struggling to find that peace, that faith that is so sure that everything is going to be okay because I know in my head it will be. God always takes care of us. When our bank account dwindles, suddenly Adam plays piano for a rehearsal that pays him just enough to cover everything or a check comes in the mail. It's always JUST IN TIME.

And I know this will be too.  That's how good God is. In just one SUDDEN moment, everything could change. My head knows it. My heart is struggling to grasp it.

Reminds me of this layout I did for my book:

It still rings so true. 

Comments

[julie]

thanks courtney...another good read.

i had been checking everyday for a new update.

i want to see pics of the house!!! i need to email you. we took your advice..."find your school and you will find your house" and we found our house!

God is so good. so, let's swap pictures. i'll show you mine if you show me yours :)

miss you!

[rosie]

I always appreciate how you write from the heart. I, also, have a hard time sometimes just trusting. I worry and try to "fix" everything and have trouble just relying on God. When I look back on my life, I can see so clearly how He has steered us in the right direction and how things do fall into place, not always in the way we would have done them, but often into a better place than we could have imagined. Thanks for the reminder today that it's worth the struggle to rely on Him.

[nely]

so glad you share your struggles, too. makes you more real.

and i'm glad you're enjoying your new house. i'll be praying that your "old" one sells soon!