My Weblog

Nightmares...

Adam isn't feeling well, so he hasn't been sleeping well. I'm almost 8 months pregnant, so I'm not sleeping well either. We're not sleeping well.

To make matters worse, the Nyquil made his dreams race and something messed with my dreams last night... could've just been the fact that I've watched waaaay too much 24 in the last few months, but I think it was something more than that.

Any time things get rough, I assume God is trying to teach me something. I mean, isn't that why we go through these tests and trials? To learn? I've been praying that I would learn whatever lesson it is that I'm supposed to learn quickly so I don't have to continue to try and figure it out. Ever since we put our house on the market, I've discovered revelation after revelation - and honestly, even though it's been hard, it's been so good. I've learned so much. But yesterday, I think I got the biggest revelation of them all... and maybe the most important one.

Let me back up. When I was in college, my dad gave me this piece of paper. On it, he'd written what I later found out was a verse, or at least a portion of it. It said:

"I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place."

It's the underlined part that stuck with me.

Over the course of the last few years, I've rediscovered that piece of paper. Several times. It's so odd... I don't think Adam even knows about it, and I doubt my dad remembers it, but it keeps popping up. That reminder... don't forget your first love...

Well, I've never been one to pretend I've got everything figured out... and I surely know I've messed up my fair share of times... so I'm not afraid to tell you all the many ways I've had to have God sort of slap my hand...

Here's the honest truth... I HAD forgotten my first love. Again. When things are going well, it's easy to get caught up in how well things are going - you don't have that immediate need, so you don't spend the time staying close to God. Yes. I admit it. I got busy. And I let the 'busy' take over my life. I convinced myself I was too busy to pray every morning. I convinced myself that because I'm rarely alone, I couldn't really pray - and my 'in the car' prayers would have to do.

Well, just like with any relationship, when you only give half, you start to lose sight of the other person. God's no different. I should've known that. So, anyway, throughout the course of this move, I've been praying. A LOT. Of course - I mean, I have a need, and I can't get through it without God's help... and I know that... so I make the time to pray. (Funny how that happens, isn't it?)

Last night, I had a horrible dream. I won't go into the details, I'll just tell you - at the risk of sounding odd, that I really think God is always speaking... and just because we're asleep doesn't mean he stops speaking... this dream I had was eye opening. This morning, I was telling Adam about it - and he doesn't know about this latest revelation, but he said, "Well, I think that means that you really need to pray... I mean, you live at a higher level when you take time to pray."

And then he said, "It also sounds to me like you've forgotten your first love..."

Huh?

Was he serious? I hadn't thought about that verse in probably two or three years - the last time I ran across the paper from my dad...

But it was so clear. That was it. Now, I'm not saying I've learned everything I can from this situation, but I learned another hard lesson. You can't put God on the back burner. No matter what. Even though you're busy. Even though things aren't going your way. Just like Job said, "Though you slay me, yet will I praise you..."

In spite of how nothing SEEMS to be working out right now... I will PRAISE my way through this storm.

And as always, I know he will never leave us or forsake us... that's why it's so important to me that I don't leave him - that I never turn away from my first love.

Sometimes these HARD lessons are the ones that stick with us the most. Obviously God needed to get my attention again.

... it worked.

I'm doing a chat... what??

I've never done an online chat before, but Saturday (tomorrow) I'm scheduled to do my first one at Lifetime Moments. I'm excited about it! I think you have to register there and the chat is on the message board... for more info, you can go here.

I hope someone will come and talk with me!! Oh! And there's a challenge and a way to win a copy of my book. :) (see sidebar for more info on my book!)

Come play!! (Please??) :)

Do you know Ginger?

So... I said I would post about some of my favorite scrapbookers and tell you all the great things about them... and I'm ready to post #2!!

A few months ago, I put out a call for Memory Makers for pages that were made 'on the go.' One of the awesome scrappers who submitted to that call was Ginger Williams. Her pages were soooo beautiful... and she made them by the pool in some far off exotic place like Mexico or Cancun or something. I was jealous. I still am. A vacation by a large body of water (with no threat of shark attack, drowning or natural disaster) could be just what my doctor is ordering these days, but that's a story for another day!

Back to Ginger.

Check out this layout. I think it is sooo fun! And so funky, yet still totally clean. I am not able to achieve 'clean' very often unless it's really simple (though I'm working on it.) Ginger does it perfectly. I love this layout and the colors... yummy.

Anyway, I picked up one of the pages for my article and still check Ginger's gallery regularly. I think sometimes it's really cool to be inspired by people who aren't your style. I mean, typically, I'm a grungier, messier scrapbooker (though I seem to have gotten away from that a little bit in recent months...) but still, when I go through the gallery of this clean, linear scrapbooker, I'm totally inspired to get up and create something! I love that!

Anyway, this is a link to her gallery at 2peas. And this is a link to her blog. Both have lots of eye candy for you. I really don't think you'll be disappointed!!

:) Hope you're having a great day!

PS. I cooked tonight... and you know what was sooo awesome??? My kids ATE the food I made! lol AND they liked it! AND they asked for seconds! AND they said "I LOVE THIS STUFF, MOM! THIS IS SOOOO GOOD."

Now seriously, whoever swiped MY children needs to return them... pronto... although... I could get used to this!   

Another weekend... another set of swollen feet...

I sat down last night and looked at my feet. They looked a lot like giant marshmallows with red tips. I didn't sit down much yesterday. Today it will be different. I was back at the doctor on Friday for my glucose test and a check up after the fluid retention, and while they said I looked less puffy, they told me I still need to stay off my feet as much as possible. I normally would probably just blow off the idea, but truthfully, I feel like I NEED to stay off my feet more!

Being down in the children's department every Sunday morning, I don't often get a chance to get involved with the praise and worship in our main services. This is hard for me - the only really difficult thing about being at 'the other end' on Sunday mornings. Praise and worship at our church isn't just 'singing....' it's so much more... and honestly, I just NEED it. I've always said the times I've felt and heard God most clearly was during praise and worship. It's when I get the most creative ideas. When I get the most revelation. When I finally FEEL better... just to thank God for who he is.

Sunday night is the one service I get to be involved with the adult praise and worship... and it's hard because we don't have kids' programs on Sunday night, so I'm constantly watching the kids to be sure they're okay (though, Sophia's quite the little worshipper herself these days...) but last night - we sang this really old song. At first I was like, 'oh this song again...' and then my brother in law came over to me. I wish you knew my brother in law. I wish everyone knew him. He is just such an amazing person.

I think he knew I was feeling the stress of the house sale... and he reminded me that we've sown for this... and now it's up to ME to step into it. God's already SOLD our house... can I line myself up with God's Word to see it done? This whole time I've known I need to SPEAK positively about the sale of our house... but what about the thoughts I'm thinking? Aren't those just as important?

Throughout the service, I kept thinking about all the miraculous things God's done... given me TWO (soon to be THREE) HEALTHY children... healed people of cancer and depression... sent finances through at JUST the right time (can't tell you how many times he's done that for us!)... protected us from injuries we didn't even know we could have... how easy it is for HIM to do these things... when we just give it over to him.

About ten minutes later, during the chorus of a song that goes "THERE'S NOTHING MY GOD CANNOT DO..." a friend of mine walked over to me and said, "I'm supposed to pray for you about your house because it's already sold. You just have to believe it now. It's done." Then she reminded me... "You know I'm not the type of person to just walk up and pray with people, but this song is for you guys."

And this morning, I woke up thinking about the people God's placed in my life. Another miracle in and of itself. People who build me up when I need to be built. People who obey God and put themselves on the line to come tell me something that most certainly is going to bring me to tears because I KNOW it in my head and haven't been able to get it in my heart (until now.) People I wouldn't want to be without. He just knows what I need.

Anyway, I didn't intend to write all of that. I guess this whole house selling thing is a growing and stretching project... and it's definitely been a huge learning experience - more spiritually than anything else.

I know God is in control. I know everything is going to be okay. I love these reminders... even though they are sometimes painful... but I'm done worrying about it.

I have other things to take care of. :)

Here are my goals for once we move... (I have this whole list of things I want to implement, but with us moving, it's been hard to get any kind of normal schedule... so I've decided once we move:)

• I'm going to learn to cook. I'm not going to be afraid to mess up food. It's just food. I've always looked at cooking as this mundane task I HAVE to do... but for whatever reason now I'm looking at it as a way to take care of my family (big revelation there)... not a chore. I can't wait to learn more!
• We're going to have Family Fridays. Adam's off on Friday, and after we pick Sophia up from school, we're going to do something as a family - and it's not necessarily going to be something that costs money. Just something fun. Maybe making pizza together or watching a movie. Something simple. We just don't have a night for just us... and we're going to.
• I am going to make our house the kind of place kids want to hang out. Sophia has started getting lots of 'play date' invites - last week, it was just after school for a couple of hours. I want our house to be one where she can invite her friends... and I don't want to care if it gets messy.
• I am going to get very familiar with our floors. It's time to get down and play. Ethan's sooo into Cars - he's collecting them. Now he has a race track and some other cool toys... all on the floor. we're going to play. I'm going to play. I just don't do enough of that now.
• Oh, and I'm going to have another baby. :) I am officially 29 weeks. Just 11 weeks left unless he comes early or they decide to induce me early given the fact that I birth big babies.

He's growing lots and kicking lots! :)

Now if only we could think of a name....

Settling in.

So, here I am with my feet up. Trying to do what the doctor said. It's been a little tricky to stay this way over the weekend - we had two house showings and a football game, a pep rally and all kinds of other stuff going on. It's been hectic, but I have ankles again, so I think all the water I'm drinking is doing the trick. I go back to the doctor on Friday to have my glucose test (really excited about that) and see if the fluid retention is going down.

In the meantime, I woke up this morning with some sort of stomach something or other. I feel really nauseous, which is strange - I mean, it's not like it's my first trimester or something.

Sophia is settling into first grade, and we're hitting a normal routine. It's been really good to be up and moving early again, even though Ethan pretty much kept us on a relatively similar schedule all summer. He cannot seem to sleep past 6:30 a.m. First grade is a lot different from kindergarten, and even though Sophia loves it and loves school, on Mondays she always tells me she's rather stay home. I think the weekend at home with all of us makes her realize she likes being home too... but she usually snaps out of it once she gets there.

Another big addition to the evenings: Homework. It's rare, but she's had a little bit here and there. Here she is doing math homework to prepare for her math test (which was yesterday).

And a little more concentrated on the work:

I also finally uploaded pictures from Ethan's birthday. It's so funny because right after this, we buzzed his hair and he looks like a completely different kid... but this poof thing just wasn't working. This was the actual night of his birthday - we did a cake at home just our family.

Ethan has had plenty to play with since his birthday. He's never been much of a television watcher anyway, but it's been especially quiet in the past couple of weeks.

The house stuff is still going... we had a contract, but it fell through, so we're back where we started, only we've had a lot more interest in it recently. I think it helps now that people have their kids settled in school... so we're just praying... and I know it's going to work out in God's time. I have this clock my mom gave me years ago (it's packed up right now, but I really wish I could get to it.) It says on it: "God's timing is always perfect."

I keep thinking about that clock. I keep thinking about how his timing is different from my timing. There've been so many situations over the years when I've thought I knew how things would work out - or I thought I'd end up doing one thing... and then I realize if I had or if things had worked out the way I wanted them to, they wouldn't have worked out at all. It's funny... because my trust in God has had to increase by mass quantities this past month. And this morning, though I was a little frustrated about the deal falling through, I asked God, "Where ARE you??"

and I heard so clearly, that verse... as if He was speaking it directly to me, "I will never leave you or forsake you."

He's not going to hang us out to dry. (duh.) As if that's the revelation of the century. Anyway. It's a test. It's a huge test of faith and patience and putting aside that desire to "help" God. And I know that even if it doesn't work out the way I want it to... it's all going to be okay.

I haven't written much about my house situation on my blog, mostly because I've been struggling a little bit with the way I feel about it... and I feel like I want to be positive on here - I want to be a good representation of my faith... but this is what faith is all about, isn't it? Finding faith even in the darkness... when it seems like everything is falling apart... when it FEELS like nothing is going to work out... still being able to say, "I TRUST YOU, LORD...and I know that you've got my life in the palm of your hand."

That's where I'm at. HIS will... not mine. Experience would prove that I know next to nothing without HIS guidance... so this one... it's all on HIM! lol I guess that means I can let go of it now.

:)

Anyway, I've got another great scrapbooker to highlight. She's amazing! I hope to do that tomorrow!!

Have a great Wednesday!

oh, the retention of water....

I usually do pretty well as a pregnant person. I have great pregnancies. Without event. It's pretty clear from the girth of my hips that I'm meant to bear children. Well, apparently, my body likes to hold onto things. (no big surprise here.) It likes to hang on when I splurge on birthday cake. It likes to hang on to fat cells and calories. And the newest one... it likes to hang on to water. I suppose it just doesn't feel right if it's not hanging on to something.

This morning, I went to the doctor. I am now 28 weeks pregnant. That is amazing to me. I only have 12 weeks left. And I"m happy to report that my weight gain has been sooo much less than the last two. However... this past five weeks it was a little higher than anyone (especially me) would've liked, and my doctor said that is due to the large amounts of fluid I'm holding onto.

Gotta love water retention.

So. My prescription? Lay flat on my back all weekend.

HUH?

Okay. Not to be cynical here, but HOW? I have always been so amazed by women who do the whole 'bedrest' thing - I mean, obviously, when you have to do it, you do it, but HOW? Tomorrow, Sophia is doing a dance at school for a pep rally.Then they do the dance again that night at the Varsity football game (It's elementary school night at the high school). Saturday is actually relatively free, but Sunday I'm on my feet all day and most of the evening at church.

I'm just not exactly sure how I'm going to swing this one.

It's been a crazy week already - lots of running around which has led me to the conclusion I actually like that Sophia isn't in a TON of extra curricular activities. We're going to get her registered for gymnastics and that's going to be it. It's hard on her - she likes to be home, reading and playing. (And selfishly, I like her here too!)

Been really missing her this year. Missing her all day while she's at school. And this week, we've had dance practices every night - and while she LOVES it, and I love watching... I miss HER. So my goal is to simplify everything. Definitely working on simplifying. :)

Anyway... I still have a stamp and some goodies for Margot (email me, Margot!) It'll be fun to send that out!

I guess I'm going to go lay down now! Have a great weekend!

Winner!

It's been a little hectic for us this weekend so I'm just now getting to the drawing. Adam's back is out (so weird), my niece's birthday party was Saturday and yesterday we had an Open House. Today is not only Labor Day, but the day we're celebrating Ethan's birthday so we've got lots going on! But it's fun stuff! :)

So anyway... here is the winner of the Scarlet Lime logo stamp along with some other yet-to-be-determined goodies I'm going to put together!

Posted by: Margo | August 31, 2007 at 07:55 PM

Margo, email me your address! :) I have to get to the post office this week, so I'll get right on this!

I hope everyone is having a GREAT holiday weekend!