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I'm confused.

Last night, Sam wouldn't let me put him down. I could barely keep my eyes open, and he wasn't having anything. I would gently and carefully attempt to lay him in his beloved car seat or at my side and nothing worked. Tonight, I randomly laid him down on the chair just to run to the bathroom and the kid hasn't moved since.

Huh?

Anyway. Happy New Year! Well, in 13 minutes. My house is quiet. I've got three extra kiddos here. My niece and nephews are cozied upstairs after much chattering... finally they fell asleep. The snow is pounding us and my sister's plan of leaving them with my mom and dad overnight was sort of thwarted by that. Driving an hour in this is just not ideal.

So. We have six children tonight. I'm the only person in my house who is awake, and I have to say, it's hard not to answer the call of my growling stomach. Today was a success, though, and I'm readopting my former motto....

I WIN.

Whenever I make a good choice or walk away from something I want or exercise when I don't feel like it... I WIN... and I tell myself that I win. It works.

I woke up and there was Billy and his brand new amplifier. After the warm up, I soon realized I wasn't quite ready for the amplifier yet. It's a 3 pound bar that you use WHILE you're doing the typical tae bo moves, which already kick my butt. Anyway, I still worked up a sweat in spite of the fact that I had to stop halfway through to feed Sam, who, Sophia reminded me is "Way more important than exercise."

That made me laugh.

After that, I did pretty well with my eating - even forfeited my coffee and creamer... and then tonight we made that stir fry. YUM. My sister and her family came over and we all ate stir fry and drank diet sodas and water. Then we ate a Weight Watchers dessert which was really good. It's a lemon pie, and it's really lemon-y, so that made it sweet... sweet enough for me to avoid the cookie dough while I baked cookies for the kids (and Adam who has never had a weight issue.)

Anyway, I like to try recipes other people have tried and recommend, so I'm going to post this one here. I got it from the WW website, and I do recommend it. My sister said she should've baked it a little bit longer - it wasn't quite set, but it's super easy and really good. :)

Ingredients:

• 6 whole reduced-fat cinnamon graham crackers
• 2 Tbsp butter
• 11 oz fat-free sweetened condensed milk
• 2 large egg(s)
• 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
• 1 Tbsp lemon zest

Instructions

• Preheat oven to 350ºF.
• Grind graham crackers in a food processor until fine, or place crackers in a resealable plastic bag and crush with a rolling pin. Place crumbs in a small bowl.
• Melt butter on stove top or in microwave and pour over graham cracker crumbs, mixing with a fork until completely moistened. Press crumbs evenly onto bottom of a 9-inch pie pan; place crust in refrigerator while preparing lemon filling.
• Place condensed milk and eggs into a bowl and mix until smooth. Add lemon juice and zest and stir until incorporated. Pour milk mixture into prepared crust.
• Bake pie for 15 minutes. Cool completely, and freeze for up to two weeks before serving. For best flavor, serve chilled.

So, that's about it. Day One. In a nutshell. I won't tell you about all the laundry and dishes I did today... ugh.

I hope your New Year's was happy... and I hope you'll join in if you're wanting to lose the weight. :) Like Zac and Vanessa say... "We're all in this together..."

(yes, I did watch the High School Musical Sing-along... I even DVR'ed it... but no, of course I don't have a movie crush on Zac Efron...promise I don't! he's like, 18, for pete's sake!)

Bring on 2008!

Resolutions... wanna join me?

While I have some reservations about sharing certain aspects of my life with the entire cyber-world, I do want to get past it and share about my weight loss efforts in the upcoming months. I don't want to over-talk the subject to death, but I think it will help keep me accountable if I post my progress every week on the same day or close to the same day... so I think I might try to do that.

Weight and the excess of it seems to be a common thread among women everywhere, and I have to say, I'm tired of dealing with it. My child-bearing days are over, so there's no reason for me to gain again... I just need to get on top of it.

It just so happens that tomorrow is the six-week marker from the day I had Sam. I'm glad that it is, though when I see that Jenny Craig commercial with Valerie Bertinelli - the one where she says that this is the first year in the past 20 that she hasn't made a New Year's resolution that has anything to do with her weight... that's gonna be me next year.

So. Who's with me? I would love to do this with some of my internet friends and blog readers, if anyone else is making the resolution this year... I've been wanting to cook more, so I'm planning to try out some new recipes and maybe post those here too... I'd love to have a day where we could post how many pounds we've lost, that sort of thing... though I'm still not comfortable telling you all how very much I weigh at the moment. That number - while it's just a number - is a number I just cannot bear to type.

Instead, I'm going to set small goals for myself. The smaller goals along the way help break it down. Instead of looking at the big picture, I'm looking at the small goals that will get me there. Or as Adam always says, "How do you eat an elephant...? One bite at a time..." (Not sure where that analogy came from... has anyone ever really eaten an elephant?) The first goal is to lose 8 pounds. Random number, but it means something to me. So... tomorrow starts my exercise plan and my goal is in full force - here's what I'm planning:

1. Exercise (Billy Blanks... we've already talked about him)
2. Drink waaaay more water
3. Smaller cup of coffee in the morning (the creamer is non-fat but it's still full of calories... empty ones.)
4. I'm going to have chicken stir fry tomorrow - loads of veggies and chicken with whole wheat pasta (or maybe no pasta - the stir fry is pretty filling... we put diced tomatoes, broccoli, peppers in with the chicken - it's so good. You could add any veggies - pea pods, squash... it's all yummy!)
5. I'm going to keep track of my points. (Calories, points, it's all the same - WW works for me, so that's where I'm headed!)

:) What about you? Any Resolutions this year? If yours is a weight loss one, what's your first goal? I'd love to hear about it! We can do this!!

Gotta run get ready for church... Adam's preaching tonight in the main service, which always makes me nervous even though there's not a nervous bone in his body... :) Hopefully it goes well!

Happy New Year!!

Oh! I also plan to post photos of this weight loss journey, though I refuse to take any photos of myself showing any kind of skin (ala THe Biggest Loser) - I'll spare you. You'll get the gist.... assuming I find the courage to post it!

:)

Christmas wrap-up

It used to be that our Christmas season was crazed. We always put on a show at the church when we were in charge of the Fine Arts department, so we had tons of rehearsals and LOTS to do. I'm sort of a rehearsal freak, so we would have a couple of months of two or three times a week of rehearsals. Needless to say, it left us with little time to do much else. Now that we're in the children's department, we thought we'd have pretty relaxed holidays, but somehow this year, it hasn't worked out that way. We've gotten less sleep and had more to do in the past few weeks then we ever did back then. It makes me equally happy and sad when Christmas is over. Sad because there's a part of me that feels like I missed it all and happy because honestly - I just need to regain a sense of normalcy in my life... and in truth, I haven't felt it since we put our house on the market in August. It's not normal to live that way. It's also hard to consider the first few weeks after childbirth 'normal.'.. especially this particular childbirth and the subsequent pain.

So today, the day after Christmas, I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, I'm so glad that 'normal' doesn't seem as far away anymore...but there's something so magical about Christmas, that in that respect, I'm sad I've sort of 'missed it.' All I'm left with is an even messier house and the need to play 'catch-up' in so many aspects of my life. I don't want to take the tree down for fear I haven't fully enjoyed the dancing lights in the darkness of the night. I sort of like the way the stockings look on my mantle and that anticipation of giving the perfect gift... it's gone. (for now.)

Of course, I do have my memories to get me through. One of my favorites:

I actually missed it because I was in the kitchen getting a bottle for Sam, but I was able to score a Nintendo Wii for Adam. It wasn't so much a Christmas present as it was a 'thank you for everything the past four weeks' present. And it wasn't so much planned out as it was "if you happen to run across one of those, I'll buy it from you..." I have to admit, what I've seen so far, the thing is pretty innovative... and actually pretty fun. We've had a lot of fun playing it, and it's pretty amazing that Ethan seems to be the best one in our house. He's incredible at these games - and I totally stink at them.

So now I'm faced with the prospect of setting up house around here... something you'd think wouldnt' be too terribly difficult, but overwhelms me every time I think about it. How do you do it when you've got the typical everyday stuff to take care of? I mean, I do laundry and dishes for what seems like hours every single day. It's getting old. Especially when there's actual organizing and unpacking to be done! Moving is tricky!! (Remind me never to do it again!)

Overall, the kids had a great Christmas. Sophia got an American Girl doll from my parents so now along with taking care of the house and the three children I've brought into this world, I'm also required to dress and care for Nicki, the modern day American girl doll. Let me tell ya, there's not much else I'd rather do.

Ethan made out like a bandit with the Cars stuff. Fifteen individually wrapped die cast metal Cars... who knew it could cost so little to make a four-year old's entire Christmas something to scream about? Sam pretty much didn't get anything except life this year. We figure that's a pretty good present.

And that's our little Christmas wrap-up. I'm hoping to go see PS I Love You sometime while it's still in the theater, and I'm going to muster the courage to get back to the Weight Watchers scale, in spite of the knowledge that the three numbers glaring back at me are likely to send me into a state of depression before they motivate me to get off my butt and change them.

Oh! I have to tell you, August Rush was absolutely amazing. I loved it. I wished the ending were just a little more... hm... something... maybe just a little more... but overall, this was a great movie. The music really made me happy and this little boy made me smile. Kind of an odd role for Robin Williams, but he's great in it, of course. I highly recommend it!

I'll leave you with this Christmas greeting: and impromptu shot from yesterday, just after opening presents and just before realizing I'd once again undercooked the cinnamon rolls.

Happy Christmas:

 

Out With the Old...

It's time. Time to say 'so long' to this old house. It's not really an old house, but we've been referring to it as 'the old house' for some time now. Today, it will no longer be ours.

And while I was cleaning it for the last time, it occurred to me that there are actually things I miss about it. I miss that all the mess was pretty much confined to one or two rooms (toy room is a BIG plus). I miss the huge drawers and breakfast bar in the kitchen. I miss our old neighbors who took forever to warm up to us, but once they did turned out to be the nicest old couple.

In spite of that, I am so happy to be closing this chapter of our life. It's fitting that it comes at the tail end of the year, I think. It's fitting that the new chapter begins at the beginning of the new year. I finally feel some sense of relief. I feel like - wow... now I can focus on the new house. Is it weird that I'm excited to clean?

The other thing that I'm focusing on... is my body. When I had Ethan, I wasn't an exerciser. I rarely worked out. This time, the six post partum weeks are dragging on and I feel like a total lump. It's not a good time of year to start Weight Watchers or to try and lose weight being unable to work out, but it's another reason I'm looking forward to the first week of January. That will be the end of my sentence and I am planning to get reacquainted with this guy: 

That's my Billy.  He and I used to be really close. I've neglected him, but I can't wait to see what he's been up to. That stick thing he's holding will maximize my workout and keep me from getting bored. I can't wait to play with it. In fact, I'm hoping that my husband is off buying this for me right now. Aside from a night out to see August Rush, I told him Tae Bo Amped is all I want for the big 3-2. (It was Tuesday. Go me.)

The older I get the more the birthday sort of blends into the rest of the week. However... we are going to see that movie tonight and I cannot wait. I've wanted to see it since I first saw the preview. I love Keri Russell. I am one of the die hard, DVD-owning Felicity fans out there... so I was happy to see she was in this movie. I have no idea if we'll like it, but I am so excited we are going out!

Anyway, like I was saying, with the coming of the new year comes a new me. A new me that will hopefully look a little like the old me. A little something like this photo my sister decided to send me today as motivation to put the cookies down and shake a tail feather. (I should add that she also baked me the most ridiculously good strawberry cream cake for my birthday, which I have eaten for both dinner last night and breakfast this morning...)

This is me pre-Sam:

And while I always still felt a little sorta fat, I realize now that I would really like to get back here. I have about 28 pounds to lose to get to where I was when I got pregnant and about another 12 to lose to get to this point. And... since I'm feel frisky, I'll probably go for an extra 5. So that's 28 + 12 + 5... ugh. 45 pounds.

Better than the 65 I had to lose after Ethan!

Anyway. It's good to get it out there because then I really will have to stick with it. Right? I will say that Weight Watchers WORKS for me. So that's where I'm heading... probably along with half the city... right after the New Year. I cannot wait.

I really am so excited because there's a lot going on, much to look forward to and after today I will only own one house! :)

Plus... it's almost Christmas... and since I got my Sam for Thanksgiving, the best Christmas present ever is OURS... ONE HOUSE! :) And it's slowly beginning to feel like home. I hope your days are happy and maybe a little bit slower so you can soak in this amazing time of year.

Happy Christmas!

Hanging in there!

I love the chiropractor.

I've never really had good experiences - or even heard of anyone having good experiences at the chiropractor, but I was talking to a guy from our church who had similar neck/shoulder pain as me. He said it had lasted for a month. I told him about all the drugs I was on and how much I hated it, and he told me about his chiropractor. The next day, I called the doctor, got an appointment (for that afternoon) and immediately started to notice a difference in the pain.

As of right now, I have no more pain in the left side of my neck whereas last week at this time I could barely function. Sad thing is, I slept wrong again (or maybe it's our mattress?) and now I have a pain in the right shoulder - am I getting old or what?? Thankfully, it's bearable. Much better than before.

We've been keeping very busy, as I'm sure everyone has this time of year. Right now I'm making carmel corn which I'll give as a Christmas present and I'm missing the celebration with my dad's side of the family (23 cousins - big family)... but Sophia has been pretty miserable with a nasty cold that won't seem to leave her alone.

We sold our house. Funny story. God actually heard my prayers. ha. I can honestly say the four months of waiting were really, truly for me. It was about growing and stretching - about getting out of my 'lukewarm' state of mind and finding that personal relationship with God that I so desperately need to maintain any semblance of sanity.

Our contract with the realtor was up Nov. 9th. For that entire three months, every time I prayed, I kept thinking about this girl I knew from church. Her mom told me she wanted a house in the town we were moving out of - and even the same style of house as what we had. Maybe that's what got her on my mind, but I honestly think it was God. It was like in the back of my mind, there was this ray of hope... in spite of all the near-offers we had.

Finally, once the contract with the realtor was up, I told this girl's mom we were going to sell it on our own - drop the price and try to get the thing moved before the baby came. She must've told her daughter because she walked through the house, brought her husband through and absolutely loved it. It was just what they wanted... (how cool is that?)

A couple of weeks went by and I started to get nervous... but the week of Thanksgiving, the day we came home from the hospital, we got a call that they wanted to come over and put an offer on the house.

Talk about a week to be thankful... first we had this beautiful, healthy baby... then we sold our house.

God is good. And he was with me that whole time... in the midst of that storm...

I heard Joyce Meyer say this week "God's never late... but I haven't found him to be early very often either." It was really hard to be in that mess... not knowing how it was going to end up. Not knowing whether or not we were going to completely drain our savings or end up as one of the statistical people in this market who saw their financial demise... but I knew God was there... stretching me - drawing me close.

Through that situation, I discovered a lot about myself - I rediscovered my personal prayer time. I found myself relying on other people which is really hard for me to do. I learned how very much people care about us - even people I'd pretty much decided didn't care. It was a HARD lesson for me - the person who likes a plan - who likes to be in control... and I'm sure there's much more to learn, but I'm so glad it's over!

:)

We're getting more snow right now - after the ice storm last week, which coated the trees with the coolest shine... as long as I can stay inside, I love this weather!

We're continuing to slowly get settled in the new house - I can't wait to get pictures on the wall. But it's starting to feel homey - well, homier... and we're starting to get used to being here.

I'm also trying to get used to not being pregnant but having nothing to wear. I am anxious to get back to Weight Watchers, though with the holidays I've decided to wait to actually get back to meetings until after. I am at a loss, though, as to what in the world I actually ate when I was on Weight Watchers before... seems like everything either sounds unappetizing or it's too many points. bah. I am really, really anxious to get exercising again too - only two more weeks and I think I should be able to jump back in...

After I had Ethan I got a Y membership - it was January about four months after I had him. I remember my first time on the elliptical - a machine I'd never heard of let alone used... it was awful. I don't even think I lasted twenty minutes. I moved to a stationary bike thinking it would be a little easier. It really wasn't.

Within a few months, I grew to actually love the elliptical and the gym became a part of my normal day. The kids loved playing there and I loved the way I felt after I worked out. Time-wise, the gym isn't really the best option for me, but we have an elliptical trainer now, so I'll have to hop back on that. I miss how strong I felt when I was active.

Well, it's time to stir the carmel corn. I will have to bag it all up right away so I don't eat any of it!

Here's to a happy week!

Mid-week Ramblings...

This is what happens when Adam decides to cut Ethan's hair.... Ethan came running downstairs saying "Mom, look! Isn't it FUNNY???" And the emphasis is definitely on the word "Funny."

This isn't the way he left it, thank God, but it was pretty funny. :)

Something else that Ethan did this week that completely wrecked my hormonal self... he was in the toy room watching Noggin when Moose A. Moose came on, talking about all the things we have to be thankful for. He went through a long list of things to be thankful for and then he said, "What are YOU thankful for?"

What do you think Ethan said?

"My Mommy."

And it was even sweeter because he didn't know I could hear him. I wanted to cry. Love that kid.

There's a lot of things I love about my new house. One of them is this:

I know - it's not all that pretty, but what it represents is that I can see the sunrise and sunset every single day. The only time I saw the sunrise before was when I had to be out of the house early for some reason - and usually I was too tired to appreciate it. This morning, the sunrise was incredible - pink and orange - I wish I'd taken a picture.

Sam is growing. He's now 9 pounds and 3 ounces. We took him for his first doctor's appointment this morning. Hard to believe Ethan was never this small. They are getting along wonderfully:

Yeah, it's pretty much my favorite photo of all time.

Yesterday was the first day I actually felt normal. One of the medications the doctor gave me is a muscle relaxer - which I quickly realized was a lot like drinking too much alcohol and then passing out. I hate that feeling. (Which is one of the many reasons I've never been a drinker.) When I take this, I feel like I can't form the words in my head with my mouth. It's the strangest feeling. I hate it. So, I stopped taking them - and then we realized maybe that's why I'm still in so much pain.

For the past two nights, Adam has had Sam downstairs so I could sleep... and for the past two days I have felt *almost* completely pain-free. There's a hint of a headache that's worse when I bend over, but for the most part, I'm functional - which is huge compared to earlier this week.

All of this begs the question: If God CAN heal (and I believe He can)... then why does it sometimes take so long? It's one of those religious mysteries I don't understand. I asked the same thing with the sale of our house... God, I know you could orchestrate this sale in a heartbeat... what is taking so long...?

Well, I know why now... it was to stretch my faith. Perhaps the healing thing is to help me appreciate my husband more. Who knows? But I DO appreciate him so much more now after what I've been through.

It started with Labor and Delivery... and his being the only voice in the room I could hear. If it weren't for him, I would've lost it or passed out, I'm sure. Then, coming home, he just really helped - exhausted and having slept on a hospital cot for two nights in a row, and he was up at every feeding with me making sure I had enough pillows to support me. Then the headaches/neck pain started... and he does things like lets me sleep so I'm okay the next day.

I don't know where he came from, but he's just an amazing person. I know- it's sappy, blah, blah, blah and I'll shut up now... but seriously - I need to get him something awesome for Christmas and I need ideas! A riding lawn mower just doesn't seem sentimental enough.

Anyway, I forgot to mention that we did sell our house. We ended up doing it for sale by owner and sold it to someone we know - thing is, they weren't ready four months ago when we put it on the market... and they couldn't have bought it at that price anyway. So during that entire four months, I was growing and stretching and learning and getting closer to God than I have been in months (years?)... and now I understand God's timing and his ways. I understand that they are always perfect. I understand that sometimes there's a lesson to be learned as I walk through the storm...

... and that running away from it isn't going to solve anything.

So yes, we close Dec. 20th which means I have one chock-full scrapbook room to move this weekend. yikes. But we'll be done with it by Christmas... and I cannot think of a better present.

Well, maybe I can think of one:

Yep. He's pretty amazing. His hiccups are at present keeping him awake.

Oh, and I have to say hi to my brother who lurks here, I just found out, but who, I'm sure would never comment. Even still, I love that he reads and looks at crazy pictures of my kids.

Hi Chad! :)

I'll post a picture of him next time, if I remember!

Off to make some cookies with the kids! (Which I can't eat - Thanks to Weight Watchers!)

:) Happy Thursday!

I'm still here...

It's been two weeks and one day since having Sam and I'm starting to feel somewhat normal. There's been a bit of a saga that's left me with ridiculous headaches and neck pain for about the last week. It came on really strong last weekend, but I just thought maybe I slept wrong on my neck. Well, when the stiffness moved from the right side to the left side of my neck I knew something was wrong. By last Wednesday, I was completely unusable... the pain was radiating into my head and I could barely function. (Fun trying to take care of a baby that way.... not to mention two other kids.)

Thursday, I woke up not feeling much better and I mentioned this pain to my boss's wife. She happened to know someone who'd had something similar after she delivered, so she got a hold of this girl to have her call me. After talking to her, I was convinced I had the same thing. What happened to her was the epidural went in just a little bit too far and punctured something called the dura which causes a leak of the spinal fluid. This causes the kind of head and neck pain I was having. She told me the doctors would try and treat it with anything but the one thing that can take care of it instantly - and that I should demand to have something called a blood patch. (This is where they basically take a ton of blood from your arm and inject it into the spot of the epidural - so, in essence, you're getting another epidural. Yay. That was just what I wanted.)

Anyway, after talking to her, I called my doctor's office and told them what I thought it was. They said they were going to contact the anesthesiologist and get back to me. The anesthesiologist's office called me. They referred me to a pain management clinic. I was going to get in that day... and if I had this blood patch, I'd be better immediately. (That made the whole process seem worth doing again.)

Anyway, I started calling the pain place around 10 a.m. I left messages. I called all three places back at least twice trying to get myself an appointment. Nothing. No one would call me back. Meanwhile, my head is throbbing, my neck is killing me and I'm feeling emotional and rejected because I can't get these people to call me back.

Finally, around 3 p.m. it was clear I wasn't getting this taken care of that day. The idea that I was going to spend another night like the one before wrecked me. Adam called in the midst of my breakdown and I told him no one would call me back. He said, "Give me the number." I'm torn because I don't want to be that annoying person that keeps calling (the receptionist at this pain place wasn't particularly nice to me...) but I know I need some answers.

On his first try he gets through to the woman who I'd left a message for hours earlier. First try. Makes me an appointment for the following morning first thing. Just like that. I'm equal parts thankful and torked off that seriously - why wouldn't anyone answer MY calls?

Anyway - I finally get into this pain place in the morning and I tell them what's been going on. Adam had told them about our anesthesiologist who gave me the epidural and it turned out she'd been up the whole night before with a sick kid (no wonder she was yawning and slurring her words...) but after assessing my symptoms he came to the conclusion that it wasn't epidural related. It was a pulled muscle. I believe the conversation went something like this:

Doc: Let's face it, you're no spring chicken to be having kids - not with all these 14 year olds I see come through here... it's actually called 'elderly postpartum.'

Me: Did you just call me elderly??

Apparently my 31 years put me at risk for too much strain on my neck. The treatment? Drugs. Lots of drugs. Considering that I'm the biggest prude you can imagine, this treatment wasn't exactly ideal, but I figured I needed something.

The muscle relaxer is the killer. It totally messes me up - and how do you feed a newborn when you're on muscle relaxers? Thank God for Adam - he fed Sam three feedings in a row starting at 11 p.m. and ending at 6 a.m. (with one in the middle) for two nights in a row. And I soon realized the muscle relaxer wasn't going to work for me.

In fact, none of the drugs are really working for me... leaving me wondering if perhaps I really DO have some sort of puncture and fluid leak.

I just thank God that Sam is such an easy baby. He wasn't particularly easy last night, but as a general rule, this is one easy baby... and if he wasn't, I do not know how I would've gotten through the past two weeks of pain.

Incidentally, Samuel means "God has heard..." and I have to say... He did hear. He heard my prayer that this baby would be a good sleeper (Ethan wasn't), a good eater (Sophia wasn't), peaceful, content, happy... and of course, completely healthy. God heard.

And I know God can heal this problem with my neck and head. Sometimes he's the best doctor to rely on...

I've got some new pictures to post, but I'm on the laptop so it'll have to wait until later. I'm just a wee bit too lazy to get up and take care of it right now.

Hope you had a great weekend. :)