Dreamin'

At this moment, I am in my usual evening position, sitting next to Sam, (who is sleeping) sipping my jug 'o water.

Tonight, though, I'm a little bit of a ball of nerves because for the first time ever, I've given away a part of myself that I've never given away before... a project I've been working on is, at present, in the hands of my husband, who I am quite sure will give me an honest opinion. I write all the time. I write articles for one awesomely great scrapbooking magazine. I even got to write a book or two. (no link on that 'two' because I'm still writing... :) ) but the STORIES I write are different.

Earlier this year, one of our pastors preached a message. As is usual, I clung to a bit of it. He said, "be careful who you share your dreams with."

I think sometimes we think we have to shout it from the rooftops what we hope to accomplish - like maybe that will make happen quicker or something... but this sort of resonated with me. And it made sense. I mean, you can't tell just anyone your BIG dreams. Sure you can tell them things like, "Gosh, I'd really love to feel comfortable in a bathing suit..." (who wouldn't?) But to say something like, "Gosh, I sure would like to be a size six..." could warrant a slanted glance back in your direction, a raised eyebrow, some little gesture as if to say, "YEAH RIGHT..." that will send you reeling back to grade school where you got picked on... and inevitably this will throw you off course and probably make you GAIN weight instead of lose.

It's the same with career-oriented goals, don't you think? If I say to just anyone "I really want to be in television" (a seemingly unattainable goal for most of us) and that person doesn't receive my declaration with the excitement I'm hoping for, it can crush the dream. Instantly. Even if God had it in the cards for me to be on TV... I won't even try for fear of failure. You can't tell just anyone your biggest, most important dreams. God gives them to us for a reason, and if it's something he really wants us to do... well, no person's doubting should stand in our way.

All that to say, I started thinking about it. There are very few people I TRUST with this sort of raw showcase of my dreams... my mom (who I think would tell me she loved it no matter what... really, Mom, could you honestly tell me if you hated something I wrote??) and my sister (who is just waaaay too busy right now to deal with anything extra... and my sweet husband, who is by far one of the best teachers I've ever met.

So right now, I'm letting him in on this dream God's placed in my heart. I won't go into all the details except to say... I'm kind of a ball of nerves. A sleepy ball, but a ball just the same. Oddly, though, it feels really good... to know that this person upstairs really wants to help me and he loves me enough to share in my dreams.

I think that's pretty cool.

In other news: I am EXHAUSTED. Not a lot of sleep last night.

I chopped my hair off. I posted a picture on my other blog. I think I like it - it's definitely not as heavy... so that's a good thing!  I'm a little sad I'm not going to CHA this time, though I have to say when I'm away from my family I get incredibly homesick. The summer show is an hour away, and I still get homesick, so it's probably a good thing that I"m staying home.. plus, I could never leave Sam this young.

Tomorrow, a bunch of us from church are heading up to a steak place in Wisconsin where you cook your own steak. It's a Valentine's Day thing, sort of... I think it'll be fun. HOpe you have a fun weekend too!

:)

Comments

[sarah vrolyk]

Anxious to hear your husband's reaction to what you have written. I'd also love to hear more about it as you feel led to share. :)

And I LOVE your hair!!!

Oh, I'm going to CHA this summer as well! Like you, I can't travel far from the fam. And I am o-k with that!

[pomaika`i scrapaloha]

May all your dreams come true!

[MelissaC]

I think your hair looks beautiful!! I pray that all your dreams come true. Howe wonderful that your DH can be your dream sharing partner!!

[JenGallacher]

It is very difficult and also wise sometimes in how much we put ourselves out there. Not everyone will handle our life story with such care as others will. I wish you nothing but the best. :)

[Miranda Ables]

I'm generally afraid of failure, especially when it comes to putting any part of myself "out there". But God has shown me one thing- at the end of the day I'm not trying to please people. When I stand before Him, it will only have mattered if I lived for Him. I pray the best for you and wish you well on achieving (more) success. You are truly inspiring!!