I miss them when we're gone...

This week we spent three days at the Willow Creek Conspire Conference, a conference (our first) just for Children's Ministry workers and pastors. Even though we drove back and forth and got to see our sleepy kids in the evenings, I still really missed them while we were gone.

At the same time, having three whole days of car rides and uninterrupted time to just reconnect with Adam and take in all of the information was invaluable. I met some amazing, inspiring people who are working this children's ministry thing out just like we are. I sat under the teaching of some phenomenal leaders - people who have amazing stories to tell and wonderful insights into this thing we're doing. People like Phil Vischer who is the creator of Veggie Tales and who has an amazing story to tell. People like Christine Yount Jones the editor of Children's Ministry Magazine, which has been an invaluable tool for us since we started about two years ago.

I feel fired up, but internally conflicted. See, the past year has been full of changes for us as a family and for me personally. I finished up my second book. In case you haven't seen the cover, let me just post it again because I love it so so much:

and as I said before, I had nothing to do with how cool it looks so I can brag about it and not feel like I'm being - you know - braggy.

Anyway... there was the book. We moved. We had another little bugger to add to our clan. This guy, remember him?

(The boy one, of course... the girl one has been around for a few years.)

And I've gotten really involved in some things that I really love. Memory Makers Magazine for one thing... working as a Contributing Editor for them is literally a dream come true for me.

So with all of these things going on and the whole being sure I don't miss little things like this:

tiny little feet sticking out of the blanket. Feet that melt my heart...

I carry on an internal struggle. How do I do everything God has put into my heart to do? Especially when you throw in CYT - Christian Youth Theatre, which Adam and I are happily bounding into with full force. I mean, what could be better than an organization that trains kids in theatre and music - the primary passions of our lives? You've got KIDS, THEATRE AND MUSIC... that's me and Adam to a T. Surely God wants us to dive in head first, right?

Please tell me you have the answers because I don't. How do I reconcile keeping my life in balance, doing God's will and still having time to sleep? How do I pursue personal and professional goals while still helping Adam with our ministry? How do I sit quietly and wait for God's voice to inspire and motivate me when everything around me is so loud that hearing HIS voice is getting harder and harder and harder?

About five months ago - maybe not quite so many - I started to know for sure God was changing something. He was up to something. He was telling me about one of the big dreams I've been holding onto, preparing to release me into pursuing that dream. I've been working towards that... I've been praying towards that...

...and then there are so many other things pulling my attention. What am I really supposed to pursue when I really love all of the things in front of me? How do you compartmentalize the day so you can tackle each one and not allow anything to suffer? Why is God silent in times you need him most?

So, I'm conflicted and inspired and motivated and tormented all at the same time. I'm a 'do it right' kind of girl. I am a rule follower. I don't like to do anything the wrong way and I most certainly never want to step out of God's perfect will for my life. Maybe I'm putting unnecessary pressure on myself, I don't know... I just know I can still feel Him at work, still feel things shifting... still feel myself asking hard questions and struggling to find the answers.

And all I can say is, "God, I'm Yours. Do with me what you will..."

I can't tell you on a blog entry how very much I got out of this conference and how insanely much we needed it. I can't explain the feeling of having my gas tank full of information that is both practical and easy to implement. I can't deny the excitement I have as we embark on a year with such wonderful tools at our fingertips.

And as always, I continue to pray God will be at the healm (or is it helm - seriously, if I'm going to keep using this analogy, I should look it up...AHA! According to Wikipedia, It's HELM: the entire steering apparatus of a ship - not to be confused with HE-LAM which is what Wikipedia, in all its wisdom thought I was trying to spell.) ha. Just goes to prove that good ol' Wikipedia isn't so smart after all. Or something.

Anyway, I continue to pray God is at the helm of our ship. And that's all I can ask... he'll steer us in the right direction. Not always out of choppy waters, sometimes right into the eye of the storm... but he's right there with us, manning the wheel and throwing us that life jacket when we get tossed overboard.

Pray for me as I wade through so much information. I feel like there are some important decisions in our future.

...and if you ever get a chance to go to a Willow Creek Conference in your specialty: go. If you have a CYT in your area, sign your kids up. Even the non-theatrical can benefit in self esteem and have so much fun.

Off to a b'day party! Happy Weekend!

Comments

[Dawn (rn4jchrist)]

Courtney, it's 1am and I'm really sleepy but I was blogline checking....

..so here's what's on the top of my head:
Matthew 6:21
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

I believe when we are truly doing God's will, our desires are God's desires for us,(although we may not have realized it at the time; I believe he places some of those desires in us...our "callings" so to speak) so if doing all these wonderful things fulfills you..then so be it!
You just need to know when enough is enough (or too much to handle,interfering with family time,etc,etc.)
I sometimes feel God's silence means I already know the answer to my questions..lol but to each their own..kwim?
love your post..it got me thinking (at 1am...I've been on my own spiritually journey..(check my blog a few post back...) anyway..love the pics of your kiddos and Congrats on your new book, can't wait to get it! and oh btw..I'm soooo slacking on my WW (regained my 4lbs =(
hugs & blessings!

[MelissaC]

Courtney -- you will never know how deeply your entries touch my soul. I sit and think -- wow that's my dilemma In this case hearing the lord and being sure to follow his perfect will for my life. You are much further and stronger in your walk with the Lord than I am. Your honesty comforts me so much in knowing that I am not alone.

I often wonder what is his plan and purpose for me and lately I have felt pretty clueless so I think it is time to sit and be with Him.

Courtney thank you so much for being such an inspiration and mentor to me from afar. I hope and pray that someday we will meet in person and I can give you a big hug and tell you in person how you have touched my life.

[Jana]

Courtney -

You are amazing and I know that it's God's will that you inspire all of us to be better people. Don't worry about the struggle - put it in God's hands. Remember that we living on his time, not our own, and that he has priorities for you that you might not realize yet. When you get overwelmed: Take a deep breath, find that peaceful point in your head, and pray for guidence.

My words of wisdom are actually from Dwight Smith's "Invading Secular Space":
If God has worked his grace in each one of Christ's people in a unique way, then what they do with their grace testimony in all of their relationships is indispensable. If the Holy Spirit has given gifts to every person in the body of Christ to us in life and ministry, then discovering and using them is imperative. If the body of Christ is God's chose incarnation into the world for this time and place, then how people live their interpersonal relationships among each other cannot be relegated to secondary consideration. The church is not the object of the ministry, but is instead the instrument of the ministry into the world, which is the true object of ministry of the church."

Every time I read this quote, I know that when my life seems overwhelming with work and projects and my life seems so out of control that I can focus on the little things (like cute baby feet), I remember that is what a camera is for because God put me here to do his will and that means working on the tough stuff! Stay encouraged and smiling... God is with you and would never give you more than he knows you can handle.

[Julie Brooks]

I love WILLOW CREEK!!!! We went to a ministry conference there a few years ago. My husband and I can't wait to go again.
I love your blog and I can't wait to get my hands on your new book!! So exciting!!!

[Susan Beth Breuner]

If your purpose in life is to glorify God, believe me, you can do that in a zillion different ways. But, he calls you to something specific and unique to you.

I love scrapbooking! So, I'm bias towards you staying in that. I think it is fertile ground for God to be glorified. I think it is a place with many ministry opportunities. I think you can have an influence and make a difference there.

That said (remember, I'm bias), I wonder what your husband thinks. As long as he supports the scrapbooking thing, and you are able to fulfill your Biblical role to him and the children, maybe God is giving you that extra juice that lets you have a ministry that is unique to the talents he gave you. But, if your husband is feeling left out, left behind, neglected, or abandon, then that needs to be your guide as to where your time belongs.

I'm not a famous scrapbooker like you. I just do LSS stuff and take a periodic shot at getting published (one success so far). But my husband has a ministry to indigent people here in our town through a law practice. It doesn't make a lot of money, but it does a world of good. I have struggled with resource allocation in our money - scrapbooking is expensive!- and in time and attention. It is an ever changing balance that requires constant vigilence. I have to tell God - and myself - almost daily that I will give it all up if needed. He always is faithful! He always provides the way to keep me in what I need to be in and allow me to serve my husband and child the way he calls me to. And everytime it is successful I praise him. And every time I need correction becaue I've gotten things out of balance, I praise him for the correction. It is a constant learning process, and you know that! It always will be. There will be times to set down the scrapbooking dreams and trust God to guard them and keep them safe while you do something else. But if he hasn't taken them away, I truly believe he has a role for them in your life. Maybe just with a bit of different timing and emphasis than the world will tell you is necessary.

[JenGallacher]

All things in order is the key. He will inspire you to do many things but does not necessarily require you to do all things at once. Constant communication to him is key, quiet time to hear his voice is important, and faith in yourself is necessary. Love to you and yours, Courtney!