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I miss them when we're gone...

This week we spent three days at the Willow Creek Conspire Conference, a conference (our first) just for Children's Ministry workers and pastors. Even though we drove back and forth and got to see our sleepy kids in the evenings, I still really missed them while we were gone.

At the same time, having three whole days of car rides and uninterrupted time to just reconnect with Adam and take in all of the information was invaluable. I met some amazing, inspiring people who are working this children's ministry thing out just like we are. I sat under the teaching of some phenomenal leaders - people who have amazing stories to tell and wonderful insights into this thing we're doing. People like Phil Vischer who is the creator of Veggie Tales and who has an amazing story to tell. People like Christine Yount Jones the editor of Children's Ministry Magazine, which has been an invaluable tool for us since we started about two years ago.

I feel fired up, but internally conflicted. See, the past year has been full of changes for us as a family and for me personally. I finished up my second book. In case you haven't seen the cover, let me just post it again because I love it so so much:

and as I said before, I had nothing to do with how cool it looks so I can brag about it and not feel like I'm being - you know - braggy.

Anyway... there was the book. We moved. We had another little bugger to add to our clan. This guy, remember him?

(The boy one, of course... the girl one has been around for a few years.)

And I've gotten really involved in some things that I really love. Memory Makers Magazine for one thing... working as a Contributing Editor for them is literally a dream come true for me.

So with all of these things going on and the whole being sure I don't miss little things like this:

tiny little feet sticking out of the blanket. Feet that melt my heart...

I carry on an internal struggle. How do I do everything God has put into my heart to do? Especially when you throw in CYT - Christian Youth Theatre, which Adam and I are happily bounding into with full force. I mean, what could be better than an organization that trains kids in theatre and music - the primary passions of our lives? You've got KIDS, THEATRE AND MUSIC... that's me and Adam to a T. Surely God wants us to dive in head first, right?

Please tell me you have the answers because I don't. How do I reconcile keeping my life in balance, doing God's will and still having time to sleep? How do I pursue personal and professional goals while still helping Adam with our ministry? How do I sit quietly and wait for God's voice to inspire and motivate me when everything around me is so loud that hearing HIS voice is getting harder and harder and harder?

About five months ago - maybe not quite so many - I started to know for sure God was changing something. He was up to something. He was telling me about one of the big dreams I've been holding onto, preparing to release me into pursuing that dream. I've been working towards that... I've been praying towards that...

...and then there are so many other things pulling my attention. What am I really supposed to pursue when I really love all of the things in front of me? How do you compartmentalize the day so you can tackle each one and not allow anything to suffer? Why is God silent in times you need him most?

So, I'm conflicted and inspired and motivated and tormented all at the same time. I'm a 'do it right' kind of girl. I am a rule follower. I don't like to do anything the wrong way and I most certainly never want to step out of God's perfect will for my life. Maybe I'm putting unnecessary pressure on myself, I don't know... I just know I can still feel Him at work, still feel things shifting... still feel myself asking hard questions and struggling to find the answers.

And all I can say is, "God, I'm Yours. Do with me what you will..."

I can't tell you on a blog entry how very much I got out of this conference and how insanely much we needed it. I can't explain the feeling of having my gas tank full of information that is both practical and easy to implement. I can't deny the excitement I have as we embark on a year with such wonderful tools at our fingertips.

And as always, I continue to pray God will be at the healm (or is it helm - seriously, if I'm going to keep using this analogy, I should look it up...AHA! According to Wikipedia, It's HELM: the entire steering apparatus of a ship - not to be confused with HE-LAM which is what Wikipedia, in all its wisdom thought I was trying to spell.) ha. Just goes to prove that good ol' Wikipedia isn't so smart after all. Or something.

Anyway, I continue to pray God is at the helm of our ship. And that's all I can ask... he'll steer us in the right direction. Not always out of choppy waters, sometimes right into the eye of the storm... but he's right there with us, manning the wheel and throwing us that life jacket when we get tossed overboard.

Pray for me as I wade through so much information. I feel like there are some important decisions in our future.

...and if you ever get a chance to go to a Willow Creek Conference in your specialty: go. If you have a CYT in your area, sign your kids up. Even the non-theatrical can benefit in self esteem and have so much fun.

Off to a b'day party! Happy Weekend!

Before you tell me what a bad mom I am...

Let me explain this:

First of all, I think it's hilarious. Look at Sam. He looks so tiny next to Ethan. lol

The truth is, I sorta staged this picture. On Thursdays, I go to Weight Watchers and this is Ethan's Wii day with Daddy. (Well, Wii hour and a half because that's about how long I'm gone for... one glorious scream-free hour and a half)... When I got home, Ethan was fully into Super Mario Kart Double Dash, so I decided to let him play a little longer. It's my suspicion that when Daddy's home Ethan doesn't REALLY get much playing time. So, there he was playing and there I was trying to calm Sam down when I remembered how much Sam loves being around Ethan. Truly, whenever Ethan enters the room and says one word to Sam, his whole face lights up. It's gotten to the point where it's making Sophia angry that Ethan always gets the smiles from their baby brother and in her mind, she never does.

Anyway, Sam was totally content once I set him down there - not for a real long time, but for a few minutes and I knew I needed to get a picture because it really does make me smile.

Oh, and for the record... Ethan hasn't played the Wii since, but he's greatly looking forward to Thursday morning! :)

I am not a big fan of video games. When we first got the dumb Wii, we made the mistake of letting Ethan's fervor for the games win over our best judgment. This cartoon really hit home around here...

We quickly noticed it was all Ethan wanted to do and bought him about four puzzles and forced him to go outside for some fresh air and dirt. (Ok, not really, it's been a very cold winter and we've all been cooped up for too long.) Both Ethan and Sophia just understand computers and games and technology without having anything explained to them. I'm sure it's the same in your house - it's second nature these days.

Anyway, I thought this moment was a cute one, in spite of my hatred for the games. Now we give him an allotted amount of time on Thursday and that's about it unless we're all playing as a family. It works for us.

Still, I don't suppose my telling you that Ethan has been wearing the same pants for three days would support my case that I'm not a bad mom, would it? I have to admit the fact that this means less laundry for me has crossed my mind... the truth is, he has developed this sort of independent streak and I actually think it's important for him because he's been up until this point a little bit, shall we say... wimpy? He has. I confess. I may have babied him a bit too much. Anyway, with this new found desire to dress himself comes a few battles that in my mind aren't worth fighting. So he gets out of the bath and puts on the same pants he wore yesterday... who am I to critcize?

Okay, today's bath will be a good chance for me to snatch the pants and put them in the wash before he even knows it. I'll definitely be doing that!

Anyway, Sophia is doing her SATs this week, which is why our get away has been postponed. We decided to go to Indianapolis. After much thought and a brief infatuation with the idea of driving 16 hours to find an ocean, we decided this year, a closer get away was a better idea. We're still going to be in the car for four hours, but our plan is to stay at a really cool fun hotel and take the kids to the Indianapolis Children's Museum and the Indianapolis Zoo (where, I read, you can actually swim with the dolphins. It's the only place in the Midwest you can do that. I don't know if I have the courage, but I really want to touch one!) :)

We're going later this month. Adam asked me what I wanted to do on vacation. We were planning so much according to what the kids would like, and I didn't really have an answer for him. The truth is, I guess I would want a little alone time. Yesterday when I was in the bathroom carrying on a conversation with Ethan who was on the other side of the door and refusing to wait until I was finished, it occurred to me I might not get enough of that. I don't think I'll get it on this trip, but maybe down the road. :)

Anyway, later this week I'm going to do a really COOL giveaway. I will probably be doing more because I'm setting up my new scrapbook room after the terrible news that we can't finish the basement for a year - they want to make sure they fix all the water problems and advised us to skip the finishing until after they were done. Wise move, I know. So, we're setting everything up in one of our front rooms. At the moment, it's a mess and maybe tomorrow I"ll have the energy to post about the grand fiasco of buying a new cabinet at Lowe's, but in the mean time, I am trying to get organized - purging the old things I know I can't use anymore and making room for everything.

I hope your week is going well! :)

get-away ideas... i need them!

I dont' know if I should go into all the mishaps of the weekend. The Heroic Boys Workshop was a smashing success on many levels. The hotel accommodations was not one of them.

Sigh.

Remember how I had everything figured out - all i's dotted... all t's crossed? And then the problems started almost instantly. From the second we got there til the second we left, it was one thing after another. Things I had specifically worked out with the sales and catering managers all went wrong. Seriously - where in the world is good customer service? I don't want to rehash the details though I'm considering rehashing them in a letter to whoever's in charge, but I think I'd rather not think about it.

I will say this: It was a weekend of conflict. I didn't let it go when they tried to push everything off on us. I stood up for myself. For that, I am proud. I overheard the restaurant manager going off about our group because we wanted to pay with one check. Well, it just so happened that's what the catering manager told me I could do. I asked the question specifically. So, I stood up for us. I told them my entire conversation with the manager and even said, "You know, if you're going to have three different people working on bringing a group in, maybe those people should communicate with each other."

I know. It was a little out of character for me. But when you're paying that much to bring a group in and doing that much business, the least they could do is what they said they would do.

Sigh. That's not the half of it. I witnessed their staff being downright rude to other guests in the pool area - it was just ugly. It made me feel yucky.

Thankfully, the boys had a blast and were completely unaware of the entire mess. Thankfully Adam was able to teach them a lot about respect and what it really means to be a hero. Thankfully though the devil might've pulled my attention away, the rest of them stayed on course.

My job was to bake cookies and make lunches... and sadly, to put out fires. But, it's over now. And while we have our Beautiful Girl Workshop (self esteem workshop for girls where we teach them God loves them and made them in HIS image...) I just can't bring myself to start dealing with another hotel. ugh.

Anyway. The worst part was, after all that mess (and I hate conflict)... we took the kids out to fly kites on Sunday. it was the perfect day for it. They ran, they jumped, they got outside. It was so nice after this long, long winter. Anyway, our church has a school and when the snow was melting, they blocked off the field to keep people from parking out there (because they park there for our Wednesday night stuff). It's not uncommon or forbidden to park out there, it was just too muddy and people were getting stuck.

Well, it's not muddy anymore, and Sam was asleep so we pulled our van out into the field where people usually are parking and we starting flying the kites.

Then this man comes along out of nowhere with his kid and their two kites. I'm thinking, "Oh, nice, another kite flyer... how fun!" That is, until he ignored my hello and moved on to Adam. He said,

Do you know whose van that is?

Adam: Yeah, it's mine?

Evil Kite flyer: Don't you think the private school put those barricades up for a reason?

Adam: Actually, I put those barricades up and that's my van, so I think it's okay.

Evil kite flyer: Dont' you think you're sending the wrong message then? Putting up the barricades and then driving out here?

Courtney who had had enough at this point: Don't you think you should leave us alone and let us fly our kites with our kids?

I know. It was uncalled for and completely un-Christian (Bridgette, don't think less of me. I had a bad weekend... and something came over me.) I should probably repent for my anger. ugh. I was too far away for the man to respond to me, though I almost wish he had. Adam and I looked at each other when he walked away... You've got to be kidding me... it's what our looks were both saying.

I wanted to tell the guy we happened to know that parking out there was actually okay. We worked for the place that owned the field. I mean, who was HE anyway? Someone looking to ruin someone's day off, I think.

Anyway. After all that, we came to a conclusion. We need a break. We haven't been on a vacation in a few years and while we don't have time right now to go far away for very long, we are going away for two or three nights. Here's the criteria:

• It should be within driving distance of Northern Illinois
• It should have a pool
• It should have a limited number of people (because while we're in ministry and we love people... we just need a break from them right now. )

We're thinking we'll go away and play board games and swim and watch movies and all that kind of stuff we can do at home but without the worry of laundry or the threat of the phone ringing.

I have been searching. Though about the Dells, but I just think the 'not having too many people' thing is too important to go there. Maybe. I'm still kicking it around. So, if anyone has any good recommendations for a resort somewhere closeby (Minnesota/Michigan/Indiana/Wisconsin/Illinois), please let me know!

In other, happier news... we had another Scarlet Lime kit. Again, Christy outdid herself. Seriously, this girl. I need her to come decorate my house and pick out my wardrobe. She just puts things together RIGHT. Here are my pages:

Seriously so blue. I can't figure out why everything has this blue hue. Please ignore. I am too tired to try and fix it.

That's my sister's little boy. I love that picture.

Sophia at her Thanksgiving feast at school. She was an indian.

My baby. I LOVE that background paper by SEI.

One of my all time favorite photos of Ethan rolling down the hill at my parents' house. I promise the papers aren't really crooked. I think I took the photo weird.

This one is really blue. I made it to tack on the bulletin board. It's just over 5x7 and it was a leftover photo from another layout. I had to make sure it was small because my nostril looks huge, but I like it because it really showcases the way Adam and I are together. He's always pulling pranks and I'm always trying not to laugh. :)

For more layouts by the other fabulous girls, go HERE. 

And just to prove the kite flying wasn't a total bust:

Yes, the photo is blurry. She was running and I had my zoom on. Whoops. But you can still see the joy. If only I could bottle up this kind of laughter (you seriously should've heard them) and sell it to people who were depressed...

If you haven't flown a kite lately, seriously, it's a sure fire happy-maker.

And it begs the question: why don't people play outside anymore?

:) Happy Tuesday!

Okay, I'm tired.

Adam and I are a great team. He's this great visionary with big ideas and I'm pretty good with details, deadlines, that sort of thing. So when we decided we needed a boys' weekend to complement our Beautiful Girl Workshop, I was concerned. I am, after all, not a boy. This means I could not GO on the retreat with the boys, I could merely plan it.

And plan I did. Boy, did I plan. I hooked our boys up with the COOLEST resort with an indoor waterpark and only about an hour away. Perfect. I set up the meeting rooms. I bought and packed lunches for tomorrow. I created packets for every boy and every leader. I designed and ordered tee shirts. I rocked it out.

And then came the day of truth. The day (today) when I put all 50 of the boys and leaders on series of vehicles, and like a caravan heading through the desert they headed off for the fabulous resort.

Let me back up. A few weeks ago when we decided to go with this resort, the woman I am dealing with gave me an alternative to the banquet menu which is astronomically priced. And seriously - what ten year old needs a breakfast buffet for $12? So this week I get my catering manager and he tells me there's no way her alternative will work and "I'm not sure why she would tell you that."

SIgh.

Okay. Plan B. Breakfast in a restaurant and I will buy and pack lunches. No big deal. They would still handle the pizza party tonight.

So, I"m feeling pretty good although I can tell by the frazzle in Adam's eye, he is not. See, somehow, I think I give him this odd sense of calm. It makes me feel good to realize it. That I make his life easier somehow. I guess that's sort of a goal or something. Anyway, I reassure him that he'll be fine and wave to the caravan as they leave. The boys are so excited, they're bouncing off the bus windows.

Fast forward an hour to the actual retreat where the pizza party has just started and already it's clear there's not enough pizza. And oh, by the way, two of the boys' folders are missing and did you remember to give everyone a pencil?

Sigh.

My balloon of pride has deflated and the pat on my back is now no more. I feel like such a failure. So, I took a break from baking 100 cookies to take up with me tomorrow to try and formulate a plan of attack for getting myself there and somehow saving the day when Adam calls me after the first session. Everything has somehow come together and the night is now PURE AWESOMENESS. it went really well and the boys were learning something. He felt effective.

My balloon started to inflate again just a little. This time not of pride but more of happiness. things were okay after all.

About five minutes ago he called again from his room where five boys - all about nine years old were holding their own WWF (or is it WWE now?) championship in the room. I feel so sorry for their neighbors. He said he's shutting it down at 10. We'll see.

Anyway, everything is going to work out in spite of my blunders, and somehow those boys are going to come back from the Heroic Boys Workshop with a little better understanding of what a hero is and how they can be one.

As for me, I guess my work here is done. I can't do anymore at this point but be sure to bring the cookies and the lunches. :) that, I can handle.

Hope your weekend is a good one!