This whole world wide web thing is really cool. I mean, you can get things online you wouldn't otherwise have access to - sometimes with low shipping and sometimes they even work out perfectly. You can meet up with old classmates and find out how people are doing - what they've been up to. You can form these little communities of people who almost sometimes make you forget you've got a 'real life' they are so engrained in it - just part of the furniture.
But you know, you are also exposed to emotions and feelings you may otherwise never experience. I'm not talking about stumbling upon 'adult' content or anything like that - I'm talking about being keenly aware of someone else's suffering when you don't even really know the people involved... and then having it profoundly affect you at every turn.
More specifically, I am talking about mothers with children. Beautiful children - who for one reason or another do not survive. Being constantly exposed to stories of horrible injustice - early deaths, accidents, terminal illnesses - and then being on high alert, ready to breakdown at any second, reminded once again of one's own mortality.
I never used to be like this. I could get on a plane and I was fine. I could be miles away from those I loved and I didn't think once about my untimely demise. But then I had children and my entire world became something different. It became so NOT about me - and so MUCH about them. I don't believe in living through your children - and I do still have my own life/interests, etc. BUT... I understand unconditional love so much more now. Knowing that there are those out there who have that taken away from them - long before it should be - is affecting me right now.
And I feel helpless. And thankful. And it makes me want to go kiss my babies and thank God once again for the blessings in my life...
Because we all know - even without the reminders - that time is not on our side. That life slows down for no man.
I feel so moved by this pain - pain of those I don't know - and would never know if it weren't for this computer screen blinking in front of me. I honor their strength. Their courage. Their bravery.
And I wonder - am I better for being aware of these things or does it make me retreat into myself a little too deeply?
I'm just. not. sure.