Telling Stories

Change of Scenery

Adam and I are lowlanders. Our back yard juts up next to a cornfield. We are used to farmland and silos and the smell of manure.

Not used to opening the blinds to see mountains staring back at us. But wow. What a change. We had the opportunity to come to Loveland, Colorado for a few days and as I type this, I am sitting in the cafe at Group Publishing, where this retreat is being held.

 
And I love it.

I love being surrounded by people who do what we do...who've had some of the same struggles...and maybe have new solutions. I love sitting back and watching Adam create and share and connect. And during some of the meetings, I am by his side, but during others, I am in this little cafe with my coffee and my laptop, working on my book and getting my own time of refreshing.

 

A time to reconnect with what God's saying when it's been so long since I've truly heard Him. And a time to reconnect with a friend I grew up with--a friend, I believe God brought back into my life when I needed her inspiring faith the most. Isn't that just like God?

Sometimes, you need a change of scenery. It clears out the cobwebs and allows you to think straight. To rid yourself of the self-doubt and realize that there are so many amazing people out there who have brilliant ideas and hearts that serve. It's inspiring.

To be honest, my mind is so full of information and thoughts and prayers that I can't even form coherent sentences right now. I just know that I'm smitten with the mountains...and this break has done my soul a whole lot of good.

 
Maybe when I get home I'll be able to put it together and make some sense of it...for now, though, I know God brought this trip to us at the perfect time.

...and I already feel refreshed...

 

In Search of Simplicity

I’m dreaming. A different life. A different way to spend my time. Mind not filled with worries. Open the back door to the sound of waves crashing on the shore. Or maybe the sound of a hallow forest, birds chattering to one another in the tops of the trees.  

 
Simple. Easy. I spend the days in my studio out back, a converted barn or maybe a loft over our garage. The natural light pours in, giving me the sunshine I need to feel alive again. I paint. I write. I photograph. I edit.  

On the weekends, I visit the farmer’s market, pick up the vegetables and fruit we need for the week in a basket I carry over my arm.

My kids tag along behind me, picking out their favorite treats. Maybe a jar of clover honey or a bag of juicy peaches. I don't worry about their safety or the dirt underneath their fingers. Dirt washes. They are safe. I know these things. I rest in them. In the evenings, I use what I’ve found to make dinner, perhaps paired with some organic chicken—something nourishing—something we can all eat. No allergies allowed.  

In my dream we have a dog.

 
I name him Barkley. I was a Sesame Street fan, what can I say? No one is allergic and miraculously, the dog never jumps, sheds, barks or has an accident in the house. He is my boys’ best friend. As the sun sets, I sit out back with my husband watching the kids play in the yard, finding frogs, chasing fireflies—dreaming of what they’ll be when they grow up. We drink lemonade and talk about how big they're getting. How much we enjoy watching them grow. 

After they go to sleep, I return to my Adirondack chair, next to my husband.

 
We hold hands and talk about how it’s the simple things that make us happy. Our friends. Our family. Watching our kids achieve a dream. He composes music on the back porch as the sun dips down, disappearing on the horizon...lighting the moon on the other side of a great big sky. We stare upwards for awhile, marveling at the brightness and clarity of the heavens. We pick out constellations and he shows me the ones I never seem to find on my own.  

In the morning, I go for a long walk.

Source 

I talk to God. He hears me. He talks back. We’re friends. Pals. He isn’t far from me. He’s there when I call Him. I carry a journal and record my ramblings…ramblings that may one day become stories…or dreams…or the next chapter in the storybook that is my life.  

My neighbors wave when we pass by. We trade recipes and they show me how to start a vegetable garden—how to prune my bushes and flowers so I get the best blooms. I never leave the flowers outside. I bring them in and decorate the house with the beauty of nature. Seeing them in a vase on the table makes me smile. 

There are dinner parties. Bar-be-ques and outdoor movies on the side of the house. There’s exploring and safety and beauty at every turn.  

It’s a simple life, this life in my dreams. Cotton fabrics and nothing fussy. No primping--it's a come as you are kind of place. All are welcome. The computer is far away. The video games are an afterthought, saved for a rainy day. The phone doesn't ring off the hook. Telemarketers don't know we exist. We have no idea what movies are out, what commercials are funny or what the latest celebrity scandal is.

We play board games to pass the time. I never feel hurried or rushed. I never feel like I'm running out of time or that I'll never pass by this way again. I devote my life to the simple thing that make us happy. Those are the things I pursue.

Wholeheartedly.

Simple. Easy. Alive.

 

Let's Talk Diets...

I'll try to keep this post quick and to the point. Perhaps I have too much time on my hands... perhaps sitting in the arm chair for 2.5 days straight is starting to get to me. Possible.

But I am downright confused.

Something inside tells me "just pick one and go with it..." but when it comes to diets, who in the world knows what really works? Every website or resource I've visited says something different! What on earth is a person supposed to do?

Here's the skinny on my weight loss. In a nutshell.

I had my third baby and everything went downhill. This is when my back problems started. This is when my headaches and neck pain started. That kid wrecked my body, God love him. So, I figured I'd try Weight Watchers again. It worked after I had Baby #2.

Didn't work this time. And yes, I actually followed the plan. And saved up some bonus points. And exercised.

Next, after discovering a more holistic/natural/organic approach to food intake, I decided to try counting calories while killing myself at the gym 4-5 times per week. Each class was about an hour and a half long. It was hard. I was sweaty. I loved it.

I did it for the entire summer like that. Weekly. Tracking calories.

I lost zero pounds in three months.

Yeah. Fun stuff.

So, I had my thyroid tested. Overactive. It made no sense. I should've been dropping weight!

Recently, I've been back on the roller coaster of loss and then gain and now, I'm feeling bloated and just completely frustrated by the immense number of choices out there as far as weight loss goes.

I had my thyroid re-tested and was told it's looking like Thyroiditis. That means it vaccilates between hyper and hypo thyroidism. Fun stuff.

Does this mean I can't lose weight even if I try? My doctor told me basically to just wait till it swings back to the abnormal range so they can give me medicine (which I will then be on for the rest of my life.)

So, in my quest to find something that is easy to follow and will actually work I've considered the following:

Weight Watchers. (Should I give it another shot? It did work at one time...)

Form You Three. I ran into someone who is doing this. She also has thyroid issues. Is it worth it? No idea. I want to shop for my food in the store, though...I don't want to buy someone else's food line (like Jenny Craig)...

 
Jillian Michaels kick-your-butt and demand results program for weight loss.

(I have this book. I pretty much do everything it says and so far, I'm not mastering my metabolism. Getting it out to re-read it today...)

Going back to the gym (which is admittedly kind of dumb considering I have an elliptical and free weights here in my house...)

The sit on my couch all day and wave the white flag of surrender diet plan.

HCG (I half considered this. It's all natural, but you have to inject yourself...uh....)

Really, really don't think I can stick needles in myself. Plus, this hormone is actually the one your body produces when you're pregnant. I don't know about you, but I didn't like the way I felt when I was pregnant. I certainly don't think it'd be wise for me to do that to myself on purpose.

 The Kind Diet.

I seriously think I could do the vegetarian thing, but giving up all animal products? (this completely contradicts Jillian, by the way...) I don't know if I can do it... I hardly ever eat eggs... but I love my yogurt... and that's dairy, so that'd be out... I don't know. I'm also told a vegan diet can make you really depressed. I don't need any more reasons to be depressed, thankyouverymuch. Still, it intrigues me. People who do it are really passionate about it and its benefits. I think it may be a little over the top for me, but what if the problem isn't how much food I'm eating but actually what I'm eating? hmmmm.

Back to the Endocrinologist to ask for additional testing to be done? I don't know if this is wise...

Overeater's Anonymous?

Maybe this is still all related to my eating disorders and I've fooled myself into thinking it's not? No idea. The thought makes me feel completely mental.

I've also considered eating nothing but fruits and vegetables for a few weeks and then gradually adding foods back in and seeing how I feel. Given Sam's allergies, it IS possible I've got some sensitivities of my own that I'm not even aware of...?

Now. Every one of these plans tells me to do at least one or two things differently than every other one. I know it's about calories in, calories out...but when you are tracking it all and burning good calories weekly and still not losing, where do you turn?

It's interesting, I ran across a thyroid website and discovered I am not alone in my frustration. So many other people struggle with this... they are told they obviously are eating too much or aren't exercising enough...because people who don't have the problems associated with hormonal imbalance don't understand. They assume it's the person's fault they aren't losing.

I have no idea why I'm even putting all this out there. I guess because I'm realizing that something too many choices is NOT a good thing. I have no idea what to do next. What's my next step? How do I stop being the person who gives up sugar for three weeks and still manages to gain weight?

Anyone know? Any theories? I would love some insight.

Perhaps I have way too much time on my hands with this darn back injury...but there has to be an answer. Doesn't there?

Helplessness

I am going to do my very best not to whine in this post. I promise.

No, really. I am.

I've been learning a lot about myself. It started with the revelation that I am a complete control freak. I always thought being in control made me independent...and growing up in the 90's, it was cool for girls--future women--to be independent. To not need anyone. To take care of themselves.

I guess Rosie the Riveter finally sunk in.

 
It feels weak to admit that I don't feel in control of my life 24 hours a day. It feels weak to say that I honestly believe I need my husband. Weak to admit I can't do any of this on my own.

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
-2 Corinthians 12:10

Sometimes, I think God has to smack me around a little bit. Bring me to a place of total helplessness so I can come to terms with the fact that I am powerless. I am not always in control. I cannot change other people. Or circumstances. Or the past.

I can only focus on myself. And my future. And how that relates to the four people who live in this house with me.

Yesterday, I woke up completely fine. Normal Sunday. A little rushed. A little frustrated with how my clothes fit. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I changed Sam, and when I set him down, I must've turned. It was the "Bend and Twist."

Not to be confused with the "Bend and Snap." Which I know you all have tried at least once.

 
Apparently, this little maneuver (mine, not Reese's) is one of the best ways to slip a disc.

And so I've done.

I went to church and as the morning went on it became increasingly clearer that something was very wrong in the lower back region. It got to the point where I couldn't carry a coffee carafe down the hall. I went home and laid down. Took a muscle relaxer. Fell asleep during Lost. Yes, it was that bad.

But today... today was different. I hoped it would be all better. When I went to the chiropractor and he told me it could take weeks before I felt normal again, I wanted to cry. I thought back to the pain of the previous night. The pain in walking. The complete and utter helplessness I was feeling.

And I hated every second of it.

I hate being waited on. I hate feeling like I can't do anything without someone else's help. I hate feeling powerless.

It occurred to me tonight that admitting my powerlessness, my lack of control, is the only way I've been able to do anything the past two days. I couldn't even tie my own shoes. I couldn't put on my socks. I couldn't change a single diaper. (I know...maybe this gig isn't so bad, right?)

What if this is the only way to move forward in my real life too? What if admitting defeat, waving the white flag of surrender, is the only way to truly let it go and put it all in God's hands.

 
The darkness. The fear. That thing inside me that tells me I'm not good enough. What if I stop trying to control what people think about me and worry a little more about what God thinks?

Sometimes it takes a day on the couch (or in my case, in a chair) to slow down--to see my children as little people...to have a conversation that means absolutely nothing to the rest of the world but means the world to Sophia... sometimes it's this sense of giving up that strengthens us.

In my pain, I feel stronger. Yes, my hips are still rotated and there's an ice pack chilling my back...but I feel strong. Completely powerless but completely strong.

Strange dichotomy.

I think I'll stay here awhile...

My view isn't changing...but my outlook sure is.

Buying a couch...I need help!

So I have visions of what I wish my living room looked like.

 
I love that shelving unit above the couch. How awesome is that?

I have noticed how drawn I am to big hydrangeas and other fresh flowers lately. I am not normally a flower girl, but for some reason, I'm loving them. And loving that weathered trunk/coffee table too!

Look how peaceful that looks. I am just loving it. Love the mirror and all the white.

But my living room (and my children) don't lend themselves to this look.

I've made some changes since this photo was taken. My plates are now above my mantle and the other two pictures are gone.

But let's discuss my furniture for a second.

1. I am over the red chairs. I know they aren't that old, but two new slipcovers and I've got two new chairs. Problem is, the slipcovers are $129 each. Unless I get white, which would be dreamy...but don't forget the problem with white...

These are not clean little people. They are HARD on the house. And the furniture. So, spending a lot of money for white is probably a really dumb idea.

So, today is Adam's day off. And my kids had the day off of school, so out we went on a hunt to see couches. Two stores--nothing by stalking salespeople...no furniture of interest at all.

By the third store, the kids were dragging. Ethan was playing with the employee's computer and we weren't agreeing on anything.

Oh, I forgot to tell you...the reason we are even looking at couches in the first place has to do mostly with my back. Our couch is big and soft and the pillows are really squishy. Great if you're ten, but for me--this does not work. Lately it's not been working for Adam either. We are just not comfortable on this couch.

Anyway, at the third store, this is the one Adam loved:

 

Back me up here, ladies. This is a MAN COUCH. Am I right?

I will admit, it is incredibly comfortable. The ends recline. It's got firm cushioning in just the right places. But...seriously?

We were striking out.

I did find two other possibilities, but I'm not sure I can achieve the look (and comfort) I want with either...

With this one, I would de-emphasize the browns I think, with some neutral and white throw pillows... maybe some color in there too. A light-colored coffee table...I don't know. It wasn't TOO cushiony (the pillows were attached to the back, which is the main problem we have with our couch now) but I'm not sure how easily I will be able to clean this fabric.

The other maybe...

I had/have no intention of buying anything other than a couch, but Adam loves this chair and ottoman. Again, it's not oversized, pillows aren't overstuffed. They are attached. It's somewhat firm. You can't tell in the photo, but this one has an almost yellowy-gold hue to it which is the main reason I'm not sure I love it.

I have NO IDEA what to do in my living room and it's starting to weigh on me.

The couch in there now will eventually rejoin its other half and become a sectional again...in the basement. It's perfect basement furniture. (which is where it was in our old house when we bought it!)

Anyway...does anyone have any ideas for me? I am completely lost! And while these couches are incredibly reasonable...well, it's still money and I don't want to throw it down the drain!!

HELP?! 
 
   

Bearing His Pain.

Ethan still rides a big wheel. He's six now--these photos are from last year at this time. The weather is teasing us with sunshine and warmth though I heard we're supposed to get snow on Sunday. In the meantime, we go outside and the kids play and ride their bikes. Last year, we asked Ethan if he wanted to take the training wheels off his big bike and learn to ride. 

The answer was an emphatic "No."  

I guess he's not much of a risk taker. I guess I can sort of relate to that.

This year, now that it's getting warm, we're talking about the big bike again. Yesterday, my mom came up to hang out with my kids while I wrote and when I got home, there they were, coming up the hill, my mom carrying Ethan's big wheel. He is too big for it now, but still, he can ride it...so I wasn't sure what was going on. When they got home, my mom told me he'd been happily riding along and some older boys were getting off the bus. They started making fun of his big wheel. 

He had no idea. He didn't hear them say "Oh, look at how cool he is." Or "Nice ride, dude." 

So my daughter told him. "Ethan, did you hear those kids making fun of you?" (Sweet right?)

It was at this part in the story that my heart broke. You have to know Ethan. He has such a sweet spirit. I mean, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He's the kid that gives away all his dessert at lunch because he wants to make the other kids happy. He's the first to compromise when he's in a fight with his sister. He's just sweet. 

We say he gets that from Adam, so you can imagine what that says about me. 

After she told them what they said, he wouldn't ride the bike anymore. He picked it up and carried it nearly the rest of the way. It's a long way. And when my mom tried to get him to ride it again, he said, "No, I don't want anyone else to make fun of me."

I asked him about it. He said they hurt his feelings. I said, "Maybe we can work on riding that big bike so you can ride circles around those boys."

He said, "Uh, Mom, they were like, ten." Then he kind of laughed. Covered his hurt, like we all do.

I watched him, putting together Legos as we talked and I remembered that I can't bear the burden of his hurt feelings. I remembered that he has to feel his own hurts and his own pain--and chances are, I'm feeling them much more deeply than he is as my feelings are overprotective and peppered with my own pain.

Last night, before I went to bed, I peeked in on him. He was surrounded by stuffed animals, still that little boy...the one who rides a big wheel...but I guess a little bit older now that he's seen not everyone is as sweet as him. Not everyone will give up their dessert to make him smile.

Hardest thing in the world not to try and carry all their pain.

Especially when you can see inside of them...

...and what you see is pretty spectacular.
   

Rockford, Illinois Engagement Photographer

Several weeks ago now, I got to take engagement pictures for a beautiful couple who is getting married in May. We kept waiting for a decent weekend, but we have had some pretty harsh weather this winter, so when we heard the sun was going to be out at a time we could go, we jumped on it.

But IT. WAS. FREEZING.!

So worth it though, I think... we ended up having fun and getting some good shots of the happy couple.

Because it was so cold, we didn't have time to go hunting down new places. I mean seriously, Lauren was wearing flats and no socks. I was wearing a hoodie with a short sleeve top underneath. (I think we are both insane.) So, I went for my tried and true favorite places...

...thankfully, I still managed to find some spots within those tried and true places that I've never shot before. Like this:

I absolutely fell in love with this red parking thingie. I have no idea what it's actually called. My only wish was that the painted "No Parking" was still on there... You can only see it if you look really close.

I just love it.

But then I love all of these spots.

The next one is another spot I've used two other times, but for some reason, I feel like with the snow on the ground, it looks completely different...

This one makes me so happy...

...and it's the start of 'happily ever after'... 

 
 
 

The cottage that inspired my first fiction series...

I have this friend. We met each other when our girls were in the same class (first grade). She'd purchased a copy of my first book, Scrapbooking Your Faith without knowing that the author was a patient of her husband, who has delivered all three of my babies.

Small world, no?

Anyway, at seriously 9 months pregnant, I met her face to face. I think I was taking up the entire doorway into the first grade classroom and we were both there for the girls' Thanksgiving party.

Oh, just thinking back on it. How huge I was... oy.

That's a serious belly. 

Anyway, we had the scrapbooking thing in common and later our kids all started with Christian Youth Theatre (and her daughter(s) have been in both of the shows we've been involved with) so we have lots to talk about. 

But that's now. Back in June of 2008, she still didn't know me all that well. And yet, that didn't stop her from offering Adam and I the use of their cottage in Michigan for a week that summer. 

Who does that? 

We were so blessed to go away for a few days, to spend our time here: 

...please excuse the poor photography throughout this post. I have learned a thing or two since 2008, so you'll have to bear with me. Anyway. I still cannot believe she offered it to us. I was overwhelmed with Sam stuff so it was a little hard for me to relax, and looking back on it, I keep thinking of things I wished I'd photographed, but the general point here is two-fold. 

1. I love the style of this home. I love what Beth has done to make it all come together and hope to achieve something simliar in my own house.

2. This quick trip our family took mixed with Beth's stories about this sweet little community plus a lot of imagination gave me the idea for the fiction series I'm currently working on for Guideposts. 

You better believe one of my characters will have a cottage just like this one. I mean, check it out... 

So dreamy. If I ever go back, I am taking better photos. I was so smitten as soon as I walked in the door, these are all taken after dark. But look how pretty it is!

I love the colors. While I love the all-white looks so many of my favorite bloggers are able to pull off, I think I am a color girl. Especially with Messies 1, 2 & 3 destroying everything even remotely neutral!

This is the guest room:

 
Check out the window pulls and the beadboard. Love.

And the guest bathroom...

Next is the master. I can't believe I didn't photograph the bathroom, but it was equally as stunning.

Aren't the floors amazing? The girls' room was adorable. It had this amazing loft above the closets (which I of course didn't photograph). I imagine one of my characters had a simliar loft as a young girl. Hiding place? Place to go to be alone. I would've loved that when I was filled with teenage angst.

Here's the eating area just off of the kitchen. Two tables. Brilliant.

Yep. I'm in love. So many details filled this cottage. I'm surprised Beth doesn't live here all year long!

Ok. now. for the chickens. The reason I am doing this post is because of Becky's post about roosters. I don't know Becky, but she is friends with my friend Jeanne and I wish I could hang out with them just once! Lissa too. They look like such fun girls.

Becky... this part is for you.

Beth has this adorable chicken sitting on her island in the kitchen. Well, I fell in love with it.

So much so that I thought, before I left, Beth needed a sister for her chicken. One that would always remind her of the Walshes.

Meet Edith.

Is she not the most disturbing, hilarious chicken you've ever seen? I seriously think I'm going to paint her. 

Or at least put her in my books! I laughed so hard when I saw her at one of the shops up there. Wooden carved birds with nameplates. perfect for any collector. 

What do you think, Becky? She's not a rooster, but she'll liven up your Minnesota home! 

Anyway, thinking about the chickens made me realize I've never shared this cottage on my blog. I do hope to go back soon (more exploring!) because there's so much to discover up there on the lake! I've done some research for my book and there are a few little towns up there worth visiting and I can't wait to go! (Soon!)

:)

Don't you wish you had your own Edith? C'mon...I know you do! Everyone needs a deranged chicken on their kitchen counter.

 

No Money Fun

Being married to a children's pastor definitely has its advantages. Sometimes people ask me what Adam's like at home--is he always this crazy, they say, to which I respond, "Um..no."

But when he IS crazy, we all benefit immensely.

We have family night on Friday night. We're pretty strict about it and I hope it continues until it's not cool anymore and my kids still want to do it anyway. We play board games (Sam watches) or watch movies or go to dinner or make dinner together as a family. We usually do something low key because we are so low key... and usually, whatever we do costs next to nothing.

And it's always fun. Well, a few months ago, we were sitting around trying to decide what we were going to do that night for family night when Adam picked up one of those el-cheap-o plastic balls ($2 at Walmart) and threw it at Ethan.

It hit him in the head and bounced to the other side of the room. Now, the mom in me cringed. Did I let them continue this? What if something broke?

But the laughter...well, it was worth it to me. So we grabbed another ball and before long, we were all chucking balls at each other from one side of the room to the other.

It was the best Family Night I think we've ever had.

So last weekend, we did it again.

There were lots of smacks in the face and lots of belly laughs...

...and lots of blurry photos. 

...Some tickling...

 
 ...Some tackling...

...and more tackling...

...and then a break for some hugging...   

 

And then it was time for some one-on-one catch.

Which consisted of Adam throwing the ball, bouncing it off of Sam's head, catching it and repeating the process.

 

...which we all thought was hilarious (I mean, look at the look on Adam's face...) but Sam must not have appreciated it much because within seconds he was up and doing what he does...

Running in circles around a small object on the floor.

 

This time the object was his sister.

 

...this could go on for hours, I swear.

...and that's not a bad thing because it makes everyone laugh. 

But before long, we were back to the smacking-each-other-in-the-head-with-the-ball game...

 

Ethan has THE BEST laugh. 

You can almost hear it just by looking at these pictures. 

He has this thing where he stands on the couch, then jumps when he catches the ball and falls down. It really is hysterical. 

 

So if you're looking for a quick and easy way to put everyone in a good mood, buy one of those plastic balls and go to town. No rules. No winners. No losers. Just pure, unadulterated FUN.

...unless you're afraid of getting smacked in the face, tackled, tickled or ridden like a horse...
 

Then you might want to find an alternative. :)
   

   
 
  

Kids' Television These Days...

This is going to be a total mom post. If you aren't a mom, you might not truly appreciate what I'm about to blog about... television. More specifically, kids' television.

As I sit at the kitchen table eagerly awaiting my kids' bedtime (Hey, I'm just being honest here... I'm a half an hour away and I'm just ready today!)...Adam is upstairs making Sam laugh absolutely uncontrollably. I admit, it's a much better sound than the sound of the television. But having a two-year-old in the house, I do catch a myriad of shows on all different channels, I have some thoughts. Not deep, mind you, just random thoughts.

Like, for instance. What the heck is up with Yo Gabba Gabba?

 
Sam was watching something else when this came on after. He shouted out "Yo Gabba Gabba" which I assume means "Mother, I would like to watch this Yo Gabba Gabba show, if you please." How he knows the name of this show is beyond me. I never let my other two watch it because I think it's just weird. I mean, strange and creepy.

But what I found even odder was the fact that this week Yo Gabba Gabba is having Superstar week. Their stars? Weezer and Sarah Silverman...oh, and apparently today it was Devo, remember the "Whip it" band? Now, I love Devo as much as the next 80's child, but what on earth does my two-year-old care if Devo is on his show? Does my toddler really care to know who Devo or Wheezer or (god forbid) Sarah Silverman is? Especially Sarah Silverman because frankly, I think she is just gross. Everything I've heard her do is dirty and nasty, so why on earth would you promote her on a kids' show?

Weird. It's just weird.

I tried and failed to find a clip of Devo on Yo Gabba Gabba for you. I'm sorry. I know you're upset to have missed it. I can tell you they appear to be my parents' age and can still wear their "Whip it" outfits. Lucky two-year-olds didn't miss out on that.

I guess my point is that I don't like shows that insult my kids' intelligence. I confess I have yet to sit and watch much more than three minutes of Yo Gabba Gabba, but what I've seen is just wrong. And yes, Sam will watch it, but he seems to watch whatever's on lately...including golf...so I don't think he's a good judge.

The shows may be declining a little.

Take this one.

 
Bossy Ruby takes care of one-word-speaking Max and where on earth are their parents? As if it wasn't bad enough that the older sister is so darn bossy, there's absolutely no adults in the picture. Where are the grown up bunnies? What did the creators of this show hope to accomplish by not only giving Ruby a seriously annoying voice, but then leaving out the parents? I don't get it.

And Sam's favorite...

Apparently in a few years they expect my two-year-old to have a hot crush on Dora. I know...she's just changing with the times, but huh? Why? What happened to the Dora who explores and puts puzzles together and helps find clues to save some poor animal or something.

And seriously, where's the hot version of Diego? Seems a little unfair, don't you think?

What ever happened to Blue's Clues? I miss it. I know it wasn't perfect and Steve was kinda goofy, but my kids learned things--things that mattered like colors and shapes--with the help of Blue and Steve. That's when noggin truly was "preschool on tv."

I miss you, Steve. Now we have to wake up at 6 a.m. to see you in reruns. Feels so unfair.

I guess they can't all be quality. I guess there's only room for so many of these:

 

which, incidentally, Sam has no interest in. I don't get it. It's like the one show I can stand and one that has great music and Sam wanders off whenever it comes on.

Now, I know what you're thinking..."Why don't you take him outside and do something other than watch tv?" And I agree. Every now and then, I probably should open the front door and walk out of it, but in the past year, Sam has started to watch TV, whereas before, he had no interest...so in my quest to figure out what to allow him to watch, I've had to endure some major duds.

And it made me long for the TV of yesteryear...

 
back when everything was a good, educational idea...

And there were nothing but good role models for us wee ones...

(Side note... guess who was a regular on Pee Wee's Playhouse...)

Which pill do you choose, Neo?

Um, I'll have the embarrassing one with the cowboy hat, Larry.

Anyway... I'm half kidding, but I really do think Yo Gabba Gabba is the creepiest show on TV. Nothing like taking toddlers on an acid trip via the television...

Seriously.
  

 
  

New Artwork

Six years ago, my sister had her first baby. A boy. Cooper. He was born about a month before Ethan.

They are good buddies.

That picture makes me long for summer. Not to talk about the weather on my blog, but yesterday was so beautiful, it made me remember how much I love warmer weather!

Anyway, when Cooper was born, I painted a picture for his room. It was an alphabet picture with his name on it, like the ones you see in pottery barn only well, not as cute. It's hung in each of his (I think) four rooms, which makes me so happy.

Then, my sister asked for one for my niece's room. Flowery. I obliged. I don't have a picture of that one either, but I have a picture of my niece:

They look really tan. It would be so nice to be tan right now, wouldn't it?

My niece is half of a pair. Her twin brother is Eli.

He's a sweetie...though in this picture, the two of them were actually being little stinkers, spraying the other kids with the hose. I admit, it made me laugh, but I think Ethan and Cooper were less than thrilled.

(Do you hate me for posting summer photos in March? When spring is just...almost...here...?) :)

So, then my sister had another baby three months ago. And I am loving painting lately, so I painted a picture for her, inspired, of course by Kelly Rae.

And I sent it off like a good aunt, knowing that a piece of me was in her room too.

I should add that my sister lives in Georgia, so she's far away and I don't get to see my nieces and nephews nearly as often as I'd like, so it's kind of fun knowing that my paintings are in their rooms.

So, that's three paintings...but four kids. And I'm told when Lilah's painting arrived, there were tears.

From this sweet guy:

And yes. I felt like a total schmuck.

I'd tried painting something for Eli many, many times. Tried and failed.

So finally, I resorted to using some serious inspiration. The Land of Nod catalog. And I'm glad I did. Sometimes you just can't come up with something, and in those times (and in this case because I wasn't selling it)...you have to learn from the pros. And in my mind, in the world of kids' art...Land of Nod is a serious pro!

So, last week, I finally finished one for Eli.

I did a mixed media painting with some old Chatterbox papers and I really love how it turned out. I added a ladder to the fire engine after I took this, but you get the basic idea.

I think painting art for kids' rooms is probably going to become my favorite thing to do! I am toying with the idea of entering an art show, but the thought of being the only one there with art that looks like a kid did it does wear on my nerves a little bit! We'll see. It's not till July so I guess I have some time to decide...

Anyway, that's my new painting. I hope it makes it up to my sweet nephew!

Happy Thursday!  

Someone should fire the tooth fairy

I really didn't mean to get all morbid on you with my last post. I had lots of emails and even some phone calls. My favorite was the one from my sister. It went like this.

Ring-ring.

Me: Hello?

Carrie: Hey. Pretty dark blog you got there today.

Me: Oh. Yeah.

Carrie: Wow.

We're deep, aren't we? The truth is, she's one of those people who just gets me. And she lives far away. Georgia is far from Illinois. Plane tickets for five are expensive and our van could never get us there! I should blog about our van. oh my gosh. Let me just say that things are falling off of it so badly that a guy actually flagged me down on the interstate to tell me to have it fixed.

But having no car payment is a beautiful thing, so my plan is to drive the thing into the ground.Sadly, I think we're there!

Anyway. I really am fine. I really do appreciate the wonders of the internet. Can you imagine all your friends moving away and NOT having an internet? I mean, it would make the mail REALLY happy...but the in-between days would be terrible. So, I know I am very lucky to have instant communication with most of those wonderful people. Who knows? Maybe I'll plan my own get-away!

Enough about my morbidity. Something fun happened last week and it's somewhat blog-worthy. But it reminds me of my inability to stay on top of things in my house...

If you look closely, you'll see that Ethan has finally lost his first tooth. He was six in August, and my niece who is an entire year younger than him has lost more than a couple teeth, so I was starting to wonder when this would happen.

It happened at school. I am not sad about that. Teeth sort of weird me out.

I noticed it as soon as he walked up to my car in the carpool line. He said nothing about it. Just the usual "Hey, Mom."

I said, "Ethan, did you lose a tooth?"

Him: "Oh, yeah! I did!"

He got a certificate and a little treasure chest to put it in. And as we drove away, I started reminding myself the Tooth Fairy had duties. She had something to do that night. She had a little one to visit. A morning to make special. Money to give away.

Made mental notes. I could do this.

But then, the night got busy. Adam texted me twice to remind me "DON'T FORGET THE TOOTH FAIRY."

I should've texted him back "Don't flush Ethan's tooth down the toilet."

Which is what he did with Sophia's.

Holy cow. She looks so small in that picture.

I suppose it is gross to hold onto lost teeth (gross right? not acceptable like holding onto hair?) but still. His rash decision to flush it shocked the mama in me.

Anyway. I doubt I'll ever scrap Ethan's tale, so I'll just tell you our Tooth Fairy totally needs to be fired. She stinks. She even borrowed a dollar from a friend and still forgot to put it under the pillow.

Nothing like waking up at 6:10 in the morning to Adam saying, "Um...you forgot the Tooth Fairy. And he's up and he's going 'the tooth fairy didn't come!'"

Picture me completely not awake, listening to this run-down of how I've already screwed up the day. Sigh. Insert Mom-Guilt here. I told Adam where the dollar was and asked if he could sneak it in. Maybe inside the pillow case or somewhere Ethan hadn't looked? I'm sneaky like that.

Thankfully, he was able to sneak it under the pillow without Ethan seeing him (though Ethan had already looked once.) I guess I should be thankful he didn't put it all together.

Well, it worked. Thank goodness. ethan was pretty happy. "Ohh! It was IN the pillow! I didn't look there."

Gotcha.

Sophia wanted to play the part of the fairy and I really should've let her. If you're looking for a fun read, check out my husband's now dated post on how Sophia discovered the truth about the tooth fairy. He sums it up better than I ever could. We told her after that horrible realization that she could help with the tooth fairy duties. Dumb of us to promise her that since she goes to bed at the same time as Ethan.

Anyway. That's the big news in our house! (Exciting, no?)

Now, we're in for a super busy week around here, so wish me luck!

Happy Tuesday!

Darkness

I’ve been married over ten years. I have considered myself a grown-up for about that long. Before I got married, I was just a college grad. working a job. But not a grown-up.  

And I guess I have had this sort of misconception that grown-ups don’t really need friends. They have their kids to keep them busy. And who has time, ya know?  

But a couple of weeks ago, all on the same weekend, several of my friends (both online and in real life) had girls’ weekends. Weekends where friends came to visit. Weekends where they went to visit friends. Weekends of flower markets and antique stores and good coffee and great food and laughing and secret-telling and acting like NOT-grown-ups.  

I admit. I was jealous. I am jealous. Because many, many of my closest friends, the people who really “get me” are far, far away. Other states. Not within driving distance.  

And while I’ve tried to convince myself it doesn’t matter because I’m a grown-up and grown-ups don’t really need friends, I realize after the last few months that’s just not the case.  

And if I keep going at this rate, I’ll never be the old lady in the cupcake shop, laughing and indulging and sipping a hot latte with my very best friend. 

 
It’s something to be understood, isn’t it? It’s something to have friends who truly “get you.”  

And when those friends are far away, it can be lonely. It can be sad. And you cherish the friends who ARE close, but you miss the ones who aren’t.  

A few months ago, I went through the darkest time in my life. Ever. The hardest ever place to be. And maybe it’s just my nature—that perfectionist in me—but as much as I struggle to be transparent, there ARE some things that you can’t talk about. And they writhe around in your belly and torment you because you can’t get them out. Nowhere is safe. And it’s painful. And it hurts.

And you struggle to find some courage—from somewhere—and somehow, you pull yourself up and manage to move forward. You put one foot in front of the other and press on.

But the pain is still there, eating you up inside. Deep sadness. Loneliness. Because darkness forces you to believe there’s no one within arm’s length, doesn’t it?

Sometimes…the dark place calls to me again. It tells me I am alone and misunderstood. And sometimes I believe it. Sometimes I feel different and odd. Sometimes I wonder if my dreams are too big or if I will ever feel safe anywhere. Sometimes, the darkness pulls and claws and tears…  

And my courage is not within my grasp.  

And I feel like collapsing. And the pressure I’ve placed on myself brings the guilt and the shame. And I care too much what people will think. And it becomes too great a burden to bear.

Alone.

And I remember I’m not alone. And I try to rely on God. But sometimes I think we Christians make ourselves feel worse if we still feel these emotions. If remembering God hasn't forsaken us doesn't make it all better...then somehow we are "less" of a Christian.

And I try to force anger and bitterness far---far away---but they are ever-present, aren’t they? Waiting in the wings like an understudy praying for her big break.  

God tells us to be “patient in times of tribulation.”  

He’s working things out in us. It’s painful. It’s hard. I hate it.

And sometimes the darkness is just too dark.

And I can’t find the match. 

Inspiring Interview with Artist Jessica Rose

You know how you're on a blog and they link to another blog and then another and you end up in a place and can't really remember how it happened but you've got a new one to add to your favorites?

That's kind of what happened with me when I stumbled upon the blog of my Inspiring Interview for the week.

Her name is Jessica Rose and you are going to love her!

Friends, meet Jessica:

 

Jessica's unique and whimsical style had me at "hello" and I keep returning to ooh and ahh over everything she's done. I love that it's foreign to me. I can't dissect it. It's just complex enough (for a non-techy) that it leaves me squinting at the computer screen and scratching my head.

But most of all... it leaves me completely and totally 100 percent inspired...Read on and I think you'll agree.

Have you always thought of yourself as an artist?

Actually, I guess I always have. Even when I was a little girl my parents went out of they’re way to make me feel as though I had a special talent.

What inspires you?

I’m inspired by so many random things. A trip to the mall will yield a handful of new color combinations I want to try, Quotes will inspire an entire print, and many of the blogs I read put a sudden urge to create. J

What keeps you creatively motivated?

The biggest most important thing is that I enjoy what I do. This goes a LONG way in motivating me. Keeping it from seeming like work does the trick for me.

 
 

Where do you get your ideas for your artwork?

I’m not really sure. I try to follow trends, but not let them lead me. I try to keep a positive outlook and work to make sure that translates into each piece.

How did you learn to create your artwork digitally and what program(s) do you use?

I am completely self taught. I just took it one step at a time. I use photoshop and try not to overwhelm myself. I take each day at a time. When I want to do something, and I’m not sure how, I just google it. J Google is my best friend.

Do you do something creative everyday?

Unfortunately no. J I have two little ones still at home, so my everyday routines are not always geared towards creative-ness. J

What do you tell people who swear they aren’t creative?

Look a little harder, everyone has done something creative at one point or another. Whether it be adding an extra ingredient to a recipe, or even putting a creative spin on an outfit. J

What is a one of your BIG dreams regarding your creative life?

To one day have my own studio/craft space. I would LOVE to be able to leave a project out and not have it take up kitchen table space.

Describe your style… do you find it translates to your home decorating, your fashion, etc.?

I’m not too sure about this one. I do tend to lean more towards a modern simplistic approach to decorating. My fashion sense took a turn for the worse after having my first daughter. It’s much more fun buying clothes for them, or decorating the house.

*Interjecting to tell you that I am in love with the above print and intend to get it in as big a size as I can.  

Are there certain conditions you need just so in order to create? (Foods/atmosphere/Music etc.)

It definitely helps to set aside time to create while my girls are napping. Having time to do something without being interrupted is priceless.

Complete this sentence… I am passionate about…

Life. I’m always worried I’ll look back and wonder what I did with my life. How will I be remembered?

What’s something most people don’t know about you?

I am TERRIFIED of spiders. If you have been around me for more then a day you already know this…

What photo can you always look at to ensure a smile?

Family pictures will always ensure a smile. Pictures of my husband and I when we were dating, pictures of my girls.

What’s your favorite room in the house?

This would probably be my kitchen. Just because my little work space is set up there and I do 99% of my creating here. We completely remodeled the kitchen last fall, and I really like how it all turned out.

 
 

Describe your perfect day:

My perfect day would have all of these ingredients;

Creative time to work on a crafty project, an equal serving of play time with my girls, a smidge of house cleaning, sunny warm weather, a bowl of chocolate peanut butter ice cream, and a cup and a half of cuddle time with my hubby. J Not necessarily in that order either. ;) 

Complete this sentence: “An artist is…”

Talented, creative, and blessed.

  
 To get your own dose of jessica's work, check out her BLOG. 

Once you've done that, you're going to want to run (not walk) to her ETSY SHOP. where you can see her prints, cards and Photoshop Overlays.

You will love them!

*All images are the property of Jessica Rose and are used with her permission. Thank you, Jessica!

...Now, wasn't that INSPIRING?

 

Snow Play

My beautiful Mom comes up to my house once a week to watch on Sam and pick my kids up from school. She does this so I can go have a few hours of uninterrupted writing and I love her for it. I would post a picture here of my mom but I don't even know if I have any because she refuses to allow photos of her.

Let me dig around.

Found one! That's mom, me and Carrie, my sister. My face is glowing like I just drank uranium or something. I don't know how that happened, but just look at my mom and ignore the big head in the middle.  

Anyway, sometimes the kids tell me they've done things with Grammy that I don't allow them to do. Not like starting fires in the kitchen or using steak knives to play Star Wars...but simple things, like Sophia changing Sam's diaper. I never knew she could do it, but my mom let her and she did great.

Now, sometimes she'll get Sam up for me and change him. I'm always so impressed and surprised when she does this. But she is almost nine.

So, the other day I was out at the bookstore writing (I could do a blog series about the crazy people I encounter at the bookstore.) and I came home and saw Ethan running around outside.

In this cold.

Is he crazy?

I know I've told you what a hermit I am, and sometimes I think when it's -10 outside, it's best to keep the kids inside. But it's been warming up. And I'm still inhibiting their outdoor play.

Bad mommy.

He was having a blast. Looking at his snow angel:

 
eating snow... (with a loose tooth...)

...and just generally soaking up what's left of the winter.  

yeah, it was one of those "I should be doing this everyday after school, Mom" moments.

 

I think the lesson I learned is that so often my answer is "No" before I even hear the question. I mean, seriously, if he wants to go outside and run down the hill in the snow, why do I automatically assume that it's too cold? My first thought is that I would hate it so I attribute my own feelings to my kids when I really should let them figure it out for themselves.

And not turn them into homebodied hermits.

What about you? Do you ever find yourself inflicting your own feelings/issues on your kids without realizing it?

Please tell me you do. Because if I'm alone in this, I'm gonna feel like one rotten mama!

 

 

A Review of Pure Via

It's no secret that I love my coffee.

I love it enough to photograph it and then make the photo prettier and enlarge it and print it and hang it on my wall. (That's my plan with this photo.)

Maybe I'll make it uber-spiritual and include a verse so it's clear that I am NOT worshipping the coffee. Important to keep telling myself that.

Anyway, a few weeks ago in this post, I told you about my juicer. I should really name that thing. I could write poetry in its honor. If I'm gonna write poetry about it though I better name it something like FRED so there's lots of rhyming options. Be a shame to name the l'il guy Ebenezer or something.

Bunny trail. Off I go again.

The point. Is that this very nice person from PureVia sent me an email. She'd read on my blog that I use TruVia and wondered if I'd be open to trying out a sample of PureVia and reviewing it on my blog. Ever the happy mail lover, I agreed and a few days later this came:

*Notice my bananas in the background are still totally good. Not all gooshy and black like those other ones I told you about.

So, I was hugely excited about the insulated coffee cup (fewer trips to Starbucks, friends! And yes... I DO need fewer trips:)

*Incidentally after last week, when I received two bad cups of joe, I kind of lost the taste for it. I haven't been back in several days. I'm onto something new here. It's so freeing.

I should start by saying normally I use Stevia:

I only used Truvia because they were out that day. I recently bought another bag of Stevia and then my PureVia came in the mail.  

I have to say, I think I like the PureVia better. The Stevia in the raw is really powdery and doesn't dissolve quite as easily. PureVia has more of a sugar-texture and it tastes really good. I have loved my coffee since I started using it.

I put three packets in;

And it does the job for this mongo cup of coffee I drink every morning. It looks like this:

which you can't really tell from the photo, but it's nice and sugar. It doesn't fluff into powder and get in my nose when I pour it in. I like that.

This is to show you how big my mug really is. I'm not ashamed. Go ahead and judge.

Anyway, the bottom line is, I like it and I'll definitely buy it again. I can't stand Splenda or Equal or Sweet and Lo. nothing like putting more chemicals into your already chemical laden food... but these natural options are really better tasting and better for you.

Some facts about PureVia from their website...

• Their packaging is Eco-friendly. Gotta love that.
• it contains only natural ingredients.
• It's gluten-free and can be used by diabetics.  

I read the FAQ's because I was concerned about the other ingredients listed on the back of the box. According to the website, all of these (there are only, like, three) ingredients are natural. Not chemically processed.

The best part is...no bitter aftertaste.

Gotta love it.

So, if you're looking for a yummy new, no-cal sweetener, this is the one! :)

It's been in three grocery stores I've checked so far, so I'm thinking it's pretty readily available!

Drink that coffee, friends!

happy wednesday!

 
  

A Letter from Sam to his mother...wherever she may be...

Dear Mom,

Have you ever noticed that my face is always dirty?

Be it cheese or chocolate...

 
or something else entirely unrecognizable...

I'm starting to get a rep. A bad one.

As the dirty kid.

Do you think you could maybe do something about that?

Do ya, HUH?

Thanks. That'd be great.

Signed,

Seriously Slimy in Illinois

Married People on a hot date.

It starts with an idea...

You're crabby... why don't I try sending you some photo messages on your phone while I'm sitting three feet away from you...?

Hmmm... Not working?

(I'm not sure why they didn't work...looking at them now, in a different frame of mind, they are relatively funny.)

The one he took of Ethan attached to the words "you are crabby"... still not funny:

We must need a HOT DATE.

We managed to find a wonderful babysitter and a couple of hours later we were on site for the beginning of the hottest of hot dates.

Target.

But this means trying on clothes without small people smacking my backside and say "SEE DA BOOTY, MOMMY!" And it ends with a checkout.

We also got Seasons 1 & 2 of Lost.

We've never watched it.

Hot date destination #2. Outback. My favorite salad ever. (Chopped Steak Salad).

Where we had a completely grown-up conversation.

But I think we disqualified it because when dinner was over we both got our phones out to check text messages and commented on how adult our conversation was.

I was trying to take one without the waitress seeing me. I have camera-phobia too. I never want people to wonder why in the world I'm taking orange-tinted photos at dinner.

Maybe the black and white ones are less embarrassing?

Doubtful.

Adam has no camera phobia.

Those are my crazy eyes. My sister named them.

They have regular appearances in my photos. This is why I stay behind the camera.

well, and this...

and this.

but especially THIS: (Adam is notorious for taking these photos of me.)

mid-sentence, probably telling him to put the camera down.

Flattering, no? I am sharing me at my best here, friends.

Then we started messing with the exposure:

which was fun and lasted several minutes.

Of course, Adam took it to new levels...

Flailing around while the shutter was open.

After we paid, we decided to end our date the way any old married couple would... at the hospital. This reminds me of Pride and Prejudice when Mr. Collins keeps referring to himself as "an old married man."

 
I keep trying to make jokes about this with Adam using the same British accent and inflection as Mr. Collins but it's just lost on my husband because he refuses to watch Jane Austen movies with me. I think it's because he knows how I'll cry at this part...

...and who could blame me? I mean, come on.

Pause for a collective SIGH at the  sight of Mr. Darcy.

Now, back to my equally as romantic date.

The hospital. Our friends had a new baby. And he's perfect:

 
Don't you think?

His brother sure does:

So does his sister...

His other big sister... well, she had other things to do...

We did squeeze in a family shot before she conked out though...

 
I was so happy we could be there to celebrate with them.

And, when they were changing rooms, we continued our hot date.

Not to be outdone by Mr. Darcy...

 
I know. Stand back, ladies.

 
We were in the hallway of the hospital and we could hear the nurses around the corner. I think there might've been a video camera right above us. Adam clearly doesn't care.

Not when he's channeling his inner-Abercrombie.

I seriously think he's insane.

So then I tried to hop in the pictures with him. this is what I got:

 
I thought I'd introduce you to BOTH my chins.

...and my ridiculous husband.

but I know...what you'd rather see is more of this:

or maybe this:

...or, if you're like me...an OLD MARRIED woMAN... maybe what you're really looking for is another collective SIGH...

...because every hot date needs one of those.