It's the third week of our All Four Love photography challenge. The theme? Love Yourself.
Hm.
If you read my blog or know me in real life, you might know this is something I deeply struggle with. It maddens my husband that my self worth is tied up in a number on a scale or in what other people think/say about me.
To be honest, it drives me nuts too. I wish there was a turn off switch. A way to move past it. I'm starting to learn. I've found ways to be more at peace with myself lately. It starts with getting rid of toxicity. Keeping yourself clear of people who make you feel small.
And I'm not talking about physical stature here.
I've basically been on a diet in one form or another since I turned 12, but as I age, I'm starting to realize that while I can celebrate my weight loss achievements (I'm down about 25 lbs. since we moved here in August) I know they don't make me who I am.
And I also know that I am deeply loved. By my Creator, of course, but by the man he's given me to share my life with. A man who sometimes leaves his wet towels on the floor but who always hugs me when I need it.
I guess the bottom line is...I don't have it all figured out. Or even half of it. But I'm trying. Trying to see myself through God's eyes, through my kids' eyes, through my husband's eyes. Trying not to belittle my accomplishments, my ideas, my dreams...and desperately trying not to let anyone else do that either.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." --Eleanor Roosevelt
I do confess there is one part of my body I like...pretty much no matter what I weigh, I still like it... I can't believe I'm admitting it... but this is it...
My collar bone. See how it sticks out just a little bit? I love that. Gross, right? It makes me feel...I don't know... feminine maybe? (I'm resisting the urge to tell you how dumb I know I am for feeling that way...I'm not a feminine person.)
You may admire the way your legs look in heels...I like my collar bone. It's my thing, I guess. I hope you have something you love about yourself too...no matter what you weigh or wear. Even if no one else gets it.
I am thankful for the journey I've walked when it comes to my body. It's kept me close to God. Just like praying for everyone who emailed me yesterday or left me a comment has done.
It brings me peace. And I'm so thankful for that comfort. Especially since sometimes it makes no sense.
But God gets it. He even sends me friends to call at the exact moment I need them to tell me they're going through the same thing. Old friends who know me and get me and encourage me. And, like melted butter soaks into a slice of warm toast, I soak into the comfort of the knowing.
I choose to love myself. Because it doesn't simply happen. You choose it. Like you choose to love your kids when they're making you crazy. Or your husband when he forgets to put the milk away. Or the person who hurts your feelings or breaks your heart.
I do that to myself sometimes. I hurt my own feelings. break my own heart.
But today...I choose to love myself anyway. To stop the self deprecation.
Because who I am isn't tied up in what I do. Or what size pants I wear.
I am so much more than numbers and statistics.
And that, I love.
We're linking up on Jeanne's blog today. Even if you just snap a photo quick, join us today. Tell us about your own journey to love yourself. We'd love to see it.
I love your pics in the post. You look great :)
Posted by: Tara | February 18, 2011 at 10:45 AM
Courtney...these pictures are beautiful. We have a lot in common - your words could have been mine...right down to the towel on the floor. :) I am so grateful for a loving God who does love us beyond understanding. Have a wonderful weekend!
Posted by: Jen | February 18, 2011 at 10:59 AM
Jen's right...a lot of these words could've been mine, too! You are beautiful, Courtney:) So real & honest. And, I don't really know you, but I know you are so much more than numbers!! Keep on loving you because you're worth it:)
Posted by: Leah C | February 18, 2011 at 11:03 AM
Absolutely beautiful. Words and photos.
Posted by: Sherry Cartwright | February 18, 2011 at 11:42 AM
3rd to last photo? Perfection! Oh, I love every darn thing about this post. I love your vulnerability here, Court. Love your heart. You and JB are inspiring with this post! I need to do one myself and link up...but it'll be late. No surprise there.
Posted by: Flower Patch Farmgirl | February 18, 2011 at 12:11 PM
Wow. You wrote this especially for me today. Thank you
Posted by: Bernice | February 18, 2011 at 02:16 PM
courtney I LOVE this post! You look beautiful and fabulous! yowza girl! I just starting thinking about ridding myself of toxic people to me as well!! one of the prettiest posts i've ever seen! and it's all YOU girl!
Posted by: lissa | February 18, 2011 at 02:21 PM
love, love that first shot, courtney. and the sunrays are so beautiful, as well as the effects and frames!
Posted by: amy | February 18, 2011 at 04:08 PM
oh girlfriend i am right there with you. i get so weary of the dieting and madness.
Posted by: Amber Pamper | February 18, 2011 at 06:10 PM
I love the softness and honesty of your photos! Very brave and true...
Posted by: Karen | February 18, 2011 at 09:21 PM
I love that you are coming to a deep sense of contentment with who you are. I wish you could see yourself in my eyes...because you are always beautiful. You have been beautiful since you were a little girl. Your photos are so captivating and your words reflect your heart.
Posted by: Jeanne | February 18, 2011 at 09:48 PM
Beautifully written!
Posted by: fefe | February 19, 2011 at 09:48 AM
beautiful!
Posted by: Amanda | February 19, 2011 at 06:34 PM
You look great, Courtney!! I have a thing about my feet, so I know what you're saying about your collar bone. It is a very pretty collar bone, by the way:)
Posted by: Liz | February 19, 2011 at 06:54 PM
Sweet Courtney~you don't see yourself as feminine? Oh honey, you need to take a good look at these photos! I don't know if I will ever understand why we see ourselves differently than others see us. Your feelings about yourself have always mirrored my own. You could be my younger sister, from another mother....hee hee hee. Well, we are Sisters in Christ. Love to you. Thanks for sharing. <3
Posted by: Karen Larson<3 | February 21, 2011 at 10:14 PM