Telling Stories

Celebrity Crushes--The hubster's List

Not too long ago, as a tribute to my sweet bloggy friend Shannan, I presented you with my own list of Celebrity Crushes.

It was inspired by Shannan's list and it got us all talking over here in Walsh World.

As I hunted for people to put on my list (I didn't hunt too hard, most of them are givens. Let's just gaze upon the witty beauty that is RDJ:

 
When he showed up on the Oscars last night (a bright spot in the otherwise poor excuse for witty repartee) Adam ordered me to stand down. I blew him off with my claim that "He doesn't even look that good" but then they moved in for a close-up and I had to recant.

Anyway, somewhere along the way, Adam started asking aloud "Do I get a list?"

"Sure, honey," I said. "I'll make one for you."

"So I only get a 'Courtney-approved list'?"

"Yup."

Ok, not really. Truth be told, if I were picking Adam's list there would be lots of mom jeans wearing actresses who leave much to the imagination. But alas, I married a man with his own mind.

Darn me.

So, in an effort to keep things fair, here is THE LIST. The one Adam actually had me write down for him as he dictated to me.

I think I get bonus points for that.

In no particular order:

 
1. Kate Winslet. (I think she's on my list too.) He claims she's on there because of Titanic (yeah, he saw this mushy tear-jerker with me in college, but unlike me, he's watched it again. I can't. I hate crying.) but I think maybe he's not being honest with himself. Methinks his crush is really on another one of her characters:

 
Who wouldn't love this feisty, take-charge woman?

Speaking of which...

  
2. Beckett. (Stana Katic.) Clearly, Adam and I love Castle for different reasons.

I chose a very G-rated photo of her because I still have final veto power.

 
3. Carrie Underwood.

She was Adam's pick on American Idol from day one. She really was just sort of better than everyone else. Though, clearly Chris Daughtry had some serious chops too.

 

4. Sandra Bullock. It took me a few scroll-downs to find a picture of her with even the hint of a smile on her face, which is interesting to me because she's so darn funny. I do realize her life this past year hasn't warranted giggles and joy, but darn, she's just so awesome no matter what she does. Adam added her to his list during the Oscars last night. She was a good add-on.

 

5. Famke Janssen. I was surprised by this one. I think it's the superhero tie-in. He's a big X-Men fan. I guess he likes characters that end up becoming Birds of Prey and killing everyone.

(Isn't that what happened? I fell asleep.)

 
6. Leigh-Allyn Baker.

You know. The mom from Good Luck Charlie. Have you watched this show with your kids (or, say, alone, when they're at school?) She's hysterical. She's my favorite thing about the show. I kind of love that Adam put her on his list. What can I say? He loves a funny girl.

Which stands to reason why...

 
7. Tina Fey is on the list...

Duh.

It's hard to choose only 6 or 7, so he added a few Honorable Mentions.

1. The Childlike Crush.

 
The Childlike Empress from The Neverending Story.

There's a boy at our bus stop named Atrayu, so I'm thinking this movie left an indelible mark on many people in our generation.

2. The Oedipus Complex.

 

Seriously. Helen Mirren is hot. Did you see her on the Oscars last night?

Stunning.

3. The blond FBI agent.

 
Dr. Spencer Reid.

Adam routinely pauses Criminal Minds to giggle at something Spencer has said or done. Nerdy, brilliant with a serious head of hair, this guy should top everyone's list.

'Nuff Said.

 

 

All Four Love: Love Your Passion

 
I really don't consider myself a passionate person. At least I didn't until I started thinking of things I wanted to include in this post. As I sorted through photos, I realized that passion is about more than just a feeling in your gut. It's not like you have to be up in front of a group of people shouting till your cheeks turn red, spitting all over a microphone or anything. 

It's inexplicable. It's internal. You don't see the geyser bubbling until it explodes. 

Passion is about a willingness to work at something because you love it. You're passionate about it.

Whether it's your marriage...

 

Or your decision to move to a new state...

 
(We took this in the mountains on the trip out here, when God began to speak to us about moving to Colorado. That was a year ago next month.)

...Or your family...

 

(That's us in the latest issue of Children's Ministry Magazine, playing Group's awesome game Gabbit. It was about two weeks after we arrived in Colorado.)

Passion requires sacrifice. A willingness to learn. To stretch. To make the right choices.

 
(Prayers I wrote for the people who either emailed or left comments on my blog post last week. I am still praying for you.)

Passion isn't only "in the throes"...sometimes, it's about perseverance. A willingness to press on.

To take your decisions and turn them into something amazing. Like the decision to make a life in a new place...

A place with amazing skies and sunsets over mountains...

 
(and in this case, outlet malls...)

...while still holding a special place in your heart for home.

 
 
It's about finding a place in your life for the things you need in order to fulfill the purpose for which you were made...

 
(My Big Picture Scrapbooking Class.)

To create freely, without boundaries. And without contempt for your small beginnings...

To me, passion means surrender. Because while anything worth doing is worth doing well, anything that I do has to first be submitted to God. I surrender to YOUR will...

  

I always figure he knows better anyway.

 
It's about looking through the hard stuff and realizing it is worth it. Even on the days when you want to lock yourself in the bathroom. And not come out. For a long, long time.

 
Yeah. It happens.

I'm passionate about finding the humor in the midst of it.

 

I'm passionate about making it smell good.

 

(They're all completely burned down now. I love them. So much. I need to get more.)

I'm passionate about learning.

 
I'm passionate about writing.

And about writers.

 
I'm passionate about my relationships. The ones that made me who I am...

 

(Sorry, Daddy, pretend you're in this one too...the picture I have of the two of you is one Mom doesn't want me to post. She gets fiesty about it. Blame her.)

...and the ones that help me become who I want to be...

 
My life is full of passion. I find it in unexpected places. I'm intentional about creating it in others.

What are you passionate about? How do you live a passionate life?

Link up with us for this last week of All Four Love. Jeanne and I can't wait to see what you've got to show us!

Time...

Lately, there's no time.

Only deadlines.

And house hunting.

And daily chores go undone so my husband is down to his last white undershirt.

There's warm drinks meant to soothe, to comfort. And when poured from my new kettle, they do their job.

The very image of it makes me happy.

There's time for letters, rearranged on the refrigerator, meant to bring smiles.

 
or maybe just to remind me to DVR their new favorite show.

Time for quick glances intended to educate.

 
...but the glances are fleeting because there is always something to do. No time to sit and devour knowledge the way I sometimes want to.

I fight the thoughts from entering my head as I lay down at night, having unwound with an hour of television, but I fail.

And the night creeps by, sleepless.

And the alarm buzzes and we do it all over again.

And while time flits and wanders away from me, I am thankful for the projects that occupy my mind. The work that God's brought my way, the need to stretch my creativity and think outside the box that I so often forget to open.

There's a great big world out there...

 

...and I'm going to find time to explore it.

Linking up with Emily & Co.

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A few of my (foodie) favorite things

When we moved, I sort of backslid when it came to my healthy eating mission.  Moving takes a strange toll on a person. Especially on a mom. Suddenly, we needed to eat cheaper, quicker and I had to figure out what grocery stores were going to be the best for what we needed.

Oh, I still planned menus, but they were things I likely never would've fed my family before. (High fructose corn syrup? Hydrogenated oils? Um. Yuck.) I packed lunches, but they weren't healthy, they were cheap and easy.

But, in true New Year's form, I resolved to do things differently. We've been here long enough, I've budgeted well enough and I've learned to endure an electric stove* (sort of ) enough that I had no more excuses.

*I take back what I said about the stove. Last night it burned my granola with 10 minutes left on the timer and I decided I pretty much hate it.

I'm back on the health food wagon. And I'm really excited. I thought I'd share a few awesome resources I've found to help me on my journey.

First, bento boxes.

 
(have you seen these?)

My friend Amber posted about these a few months ago, but with our impending move I never really "caught the vision." Now, I get it. I want to be able to fill my kids full of fresh foods and this Japanese-inspired way of doing lunch is inspiring me.

I think it was this blog that first started me on my quest. Fed up with School Lunch. About a year ago they had a guest post from an American teacher in Japan. You wouldn't believe the differences in the way they do lunch over there. As I sort of have a volatile relationship with food to begin with, I found their approach completely enlightening. Take time to nourish your body. Eat quietly. Enjoy the food. Can you imagine?

And seriously, if you saw Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, you've got to know what I'm talking about.

 
Anyway. Back to Bento boxes. I'm planning to order some from this site. And I'm currently devouring this blog to figure out what in the world to put in the darn things. I've never been very good at packing, so this is a new challenge for me.

Check out this list of food ideas for lunch! How awesome is that?

Another awesome blog (that I found thanks to my FB Friend Sherry) is Another Lunch, although when I showed this one to Adam he shot me a look of disbelief. He didn't have to say anything I knew what it meant. "Are you really going to do this?" No, I take it back. He actually did say that.

 
Source

Well, no. Not like she does it. But I'm all over the idea of fewer plastic baggies, less waste and healthy lunch. Three birds my friends.

With my kids home yesterday for the Day of the Prez, I tried it out with my own little Tupperware.

 
(PB&J on gluten free bread, carrots, sugar snap peas (our new fave), grapes, GF pretzels, strawberries)

Needless to say, I didn't have all the cute accessories, but lunch was a tremendous hit. Sophia and Ethan ate every last crumb. The Hobbit's sat on the table for many hours, slowly dwindling as he grazed like a moo-cow. He eventually ate most of it, though I'm gathering he's not too fond of his gluten free pretzels. Wouldn't even touch them.

Ethan's was mostly the same, though I got two mini sandwiches out of their bread. (The GF bread is smaller.) Ethan got a star and a bug. Cream cheese and jelly. He even ate the snap peas. Without ranch.

 

Sophia got two heart sandwiches and Colorado made potato chips (does that make them healthier, if their local? Let's go with "yes.")

 

In a perfect world, I think I would've also given them some cheese, but I really don't buy much cheese. I've come to realize it's probably because I feel sorry for myself because I can't really eat it, but my kids love it so I'm going to have to deal.

This morning, their lunches were nearly identical. They looked like this:

 

Two toned sandwiches, yogurt covered raisins, strawberries, hard boiled egg, carrots, cauliflower, and cherry tomatoes, (Sophia had snap peas too) Clif bar for kids, organic milk and applesauce.

There's still some excess waste here (the applesauce, the clif bar wrapper) but we're cutting way back. I put a the hard boiled egg in unpeeled but soon I plan to hook myself up with these bad boys:

 
You can find them here.

And there's a great tutorial on how to use them here.

I mean, seriously:

 
Source

Did you know you could do that with an egg?

I'm also loving this post, with tons of great healthy lunch ideas. I struggle with ideas (Can I get a witness?)

Plus, someday I'm going to have to pack school lunches for my Hobbit, so I might as well get a head start researching ways to pack allergy-free. Also on that site is this amazing chart which I am printing out to put up on my fridge because at 7 a.m. I need all the help I can get.

And yes, I know I should pack lunches the night before. I almost never do.

It's the curse of the procrastinator.

One last thing I have to share with you...especially you gluten free eaters out there...

This weekend, I also tackled a little baking with almond flour. (I usually use rice flour, but wanted to try the almond flour. I think it's better for you.)

A lot of people have asked why I'm cutting out sugar and the short answer is, it's really bad for you. It makes me break out, makes me crabby, and I don't like feeling addicted to it. (Though apparently my coffee addiction gives me no reason to pause.)

The two black bananas on my counter led me to  Elana's Pantry.

I made this delectable bread:

 
Here's her recipe.  

*I didn't have grape seed oil, so I used 1/2 butter and 1/2 olive oil. I also substituted Stevia for the agave nectar. I've read mixed things about agave (namely that it has a LOT of sugar?? No clue, but I'm not doing sugar, so I didn't want to risk it.) It turned out amazing. I LOVE this bread. If I made it again, I probably wouldn't change a thing.

My kids devoured this stuff and are already begging for more! Elana's also got a great frosting recipe if you can have heavy cream. (I can't.) I bet that's YuMMo!

I like being refocused on our health. I like realizing that it's worth a little extra cost to eat well and to feed my family well. Would love to hear your healthy lunch ideas. Busy moms need to stick together so lay it on me.

*And thank you for all the comments on yesterday's post. This is new territory for us so it's interesting to explore the feelings associated with finding a church. Thank you for sharing your stories.  

 

The Church Search

 
Since moving, we’ve had the new experience of picking a church. It’s weird since we were part of the same church for so long (I grew up there), to be out “auditioning” new churches, but here we are. And just when I think we’ve settled on one, something happens to make us change our minds.

We’ve tried every kind of church. Small churches where the people notice they’ve never seen you before. Big churches where you can sink into the background. Churches with praise and worship that reminds you of a rock concert, only the people in the crowd don’t even pretend to sing along. Churches where the 65 year old pastor wears skinny jeans, a leather jacket, pointy boots and an unbuttoned button-down. (Did I mention the bleached blond hair?)

 
We’ve been to churches where the worship consisted of one guitar and churches where they had too many people on the stage to count. Churches that teach academic, textbook messages, and churches that never get to the message because the holy spirit has moved them in a different direction. Churches where money was king and really nothing else mattered—even though it seemed the opposite on Sunday morning.

So many churches.

And yet, my heart is still searching for the right one. In our quest, it’s started me thinking about church in general, wondering if maybe God is grieved by what it’s become. I know church is biblical. I know God says not to forsake the “gathering of the saints.” I guess I’m just wondering if the gathering is forsaking God.

 
This past week, we went to a church, the one we’d sort of settled on. Church is the place I expect to meet people. I expect to finally find friends in Colorado and babysitters and people who recognize me in the hallway. I may be agoraphobic, but I’m not unfriendly. When I’m there, I try to put myself out there. I sat toward the back because I had Sam with me and saved a seat for Adam (who was playing keyboard for the first time.)

A few minutes later a couple comes in and scoots past us. Sam’s bag was sort of hanging over the seat next to me onto the other seat, where the woman decided to sit. I picked it up and moved it so it wouldn’t be in her way and she said, “OH, is this one saved TOO?”

It wasn’t what she said so much as the way she said it…like I had no business saving a seat. I said “Oh, no, I just need the one.”

 
After one of the songs, they had everyone “meet and greet” each other. The lady next to me turned in my direction, and like you'd see in a pathetic movie highlighting a person’s humiliation, I turned toward her, thinking she was going to “greet me”. Well, she looked right past me to another woman across the aisle. The two of them proceeded to stand on either side of me, chatting about something while I sat there, with Sam, wishing I could just get up and leave.

It's a small thing really, and something I am sensitive to, but it contributes to my feeling that people are screwing up church. People (Christians) are screwing up people.

And my mind turns back to our years in ministry and I wonder how many people I looked past in favor of someone comfortable—because I truly don’t do well with the awkwardness that accompanies new relationships.

I don’t have it all figured out, but I know what I’m looking for. Genuine, authentic people who love God in a way that’s not scary or weird. People who love people in a way that’s uplifting, encouraging, inspiring. People who build you up. People who are safe. I hate feeling critical and disbelieving when I sit in the pews…but it’s there. I admit it. I am expecting to be let down.

Because people let you down.

 
And I could tell you that the truth is that GOD never lets you down—because you and I both know that’s the fact… but in this moment, I'm still searching.

Certain that eventually, I'll find what I'm looking for. 

What about you? I'd love to hear your stories of how you found your church family...was it an instant connection or a long journey? 

         

 

All Four Love: Love Yourself

 

It's the third week of our All Four Love photography challenge. The theme? Love Yourself.

Hm.

If you read my blog or know me in real life, you might know this is something I deeply struggle with. It maddens my husband that my self worth is tied up in a number on a scale or in what other people think/say about me.

 
To be honest, it drives me nuts too. I wish there was a turn off switch. A way to move past it. I'm starting to learn. I've found ways to be more at peace with myself lately. It starts with getting rid of toxicity. Keeping yourself clear of people who make you feel small.

And I'm not talking about physical stature here.

 

I've basically been on a diet in one form or another since I turned 12, but as I age, I'm starting to realize that while I can celebrate my weight loss achievements (I'm down about 25 lbs. since we moved here in August) I know they don't make me who I am.

 

And I also know that I am deeply loved. By my Creator, of course, but by the man he's given me to share my life with. A man who sometimes leaves his wet towels on the floor but who always hugs me when I need it.

 

I guess the bottom line is...I don't have it all figured out. Or even half of it. But I'm trying. Trying to see myself through God's eyes, through my kids' eyes, through my husband's eyes. Trying not to belittle my accomplishments, my ideas, my dreams...and desperately trying not to let anyone else do that either.

 

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." --Eleanor Roosevelt

I do confess there is one part of my body I like...pretty much no matter what I weigh, I still like it... I can't believe I'm admitting it... but this is it...

 

My collar bone. See how it sticks out just a little bit? I love that. Gross, right? It makes me feel...I don't know... feminine maybe? (I'm resisting the urge to tell you how dumb I know I am for feeling that way...I'm not a feminine person.)

You may admire the way your legs look in heels...I like my collar bone. It's my thing, I guess. I hope you have something you love about yourself too...no matter what you weigh or wear. Even if no one else gets it.

I am thankful for the journey I've walked when it comes to my body. It's kept me close to God. Just like praying for everyone who emailed me yesterday or left me a comment has done.

 

It brings me peace. And I'm so thankful for that comfort. Especially since sometimes it makes no sense.

 

But God gets it. He even sends me friends to call at the exact moment I need them to tell me they're going through the same thing. Old friends who know me and get me and encourage me. And, like melted butter soaks into a slice of warm toast, I soak into the comfort of the knowing.

 

I choose to love myself. Because it doesn't simply happen. You choose it. Like you choose to love your kids when they're making you crazy. Or your husband when he forgets to put the milk away. Or the person who hurts your feelings or breaks your heart.

I do that to myself sometimes. I hurt my own feelings. break my own heart.

 

But today...I choose to love myself anyway. To stop the self deprecation.

Because who I am isn't tied up in what I do. Or what size pants I wear.

I am so much more than numbers and statistics.

And that, I love.

We're linking up on Jeanne's blog today. Even if you just snap a photo quick, join us today. Tell us about your own journey to love yourself. We'd love to see it.

Praying for Wisdom

 
For a few months there, it felt like we hadn't actually uprooted everyone and moved across the country. Things were blatantly normal.

Boring even.

But with the house hunt in full force, everything's taken a turn and a healthy dose of reality has set in. As we search through other people's homes, sifting through the cast-offs of their lives, I remind myself to be patient.

If it's meant to be ours, it'll work out.

I beg myself not to get emotionally attached or imagine my teenage children bringing their friends home to the kitchen in the house that already has an offer on it.

I remind myself that if it's not this house, then there's something more perfect out there for us. And I remind myself not to settle simply because we want out of our rental.

Today I am trusting God. Because so far, he's never let me down. When I'm lonely and need a friend, the long lost person who knows me best calls and offers just the advice and encouragement I need. When I worry that somehow we're going to end up imploding financially for all this move has cost us, God gently reminds me that we're okay. That he's got our backs. That our willingness to work will be taken into account.

He isn't leaving us.

So, if you're the praying type, I'd ask for a few soft spoken utterings on our behalf. Mine especially because I'm the gun-jumper. Finding a house that's right for us is a big deal right now. We don't want to move again in another five years. We want to settle in. Make a home.

My heart is dying to make a home.

And after a year in limbo and another year before that knowing we were being uprooted...it's time.

It's time to settle.

To enjoy the days. The sunsets. The ridiculously unlike February temperatures. I'm constantly reminded that it's time to rid myself of the old. The things that I failed at in our old life, they have a way of coming back to haunt me. Will I choose differently this time? Will I find my worth in HIM?

 
Will I listen?

This time, will I listen?

What can I pray for you for today? I'll be seeking God for wisdom most of the day today, in between assignments...I'd love to add you to my list. What do you need most? What are you believing for?

He's listening.

Linking up with Emily & the others at Imperfect Prose today.

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The Joy is in the Learning

Typically my weeks are for working. I write. I edit. I critique for writer friends. I rewrite. I re-edit. I critique some more.

I love it. I love the way I spend my days. And on the weekends, I'm typically ready for a new mode of creativity. I can't believe it, but I'm itching for my scrapbooking supplies. After I finished my second book, I kind of went fetal and stopped scrapbooking completely. There were a number of reasons, but mostly I'd attribute it to burn-out.

However, since we're so limited on space in this house, I can't bring everything in. And my photo printer isn't even hooked up.

So I paint.

This weekend I finished some projects I'd started and did some new ones. I am loving it. I love making art for kids' rooms.  

I want to attempt dinosaurs next. But so far, I'm going with vehicles for boys.

 
(Sam is not a fan of this train because 1. The boy isn't wearing an engineer hat and 2. His own skin isn't brown. Apparently he thought I was making this for him.)
 
I love happy colors. And birds. And little girls with floofy hair.

 
And quilted dresses.

And I am loving doing the custom paintings with a specific message, taylor-made for a specific child. Like this one.

 
Mika's mommy asked me for one that said "she scattered sunshine wherever she went." Her daughter scatters sunshine so it seemed most appropriate. I love that this one will be heading to Mika's room and I hope it makes her feel good about herself.

Then, I thought I'd try some lettering, which I don't do much of, but always did a lot of in scrapbooking. This is a quote that's really stuck with me. It's so true and it accompanied my (embarrassing) realization that the parables Jesus told were stories. Not necessarily things that actually happened to people.

I'm quite the Bible scholar.

 

I've seen lots of paintings and illustrations of books piled up like that and wanted to try my own stack. Those were the same colors we used when we directed Godspell and I think I'll always love them.

I struggle not to compare my simple paintings with fine art and more complex works of art. Isn't that always the way? Whether we're writing or taking pictures or painting or delving into something new... there's always someone better than we are. There's always someone we compare ourselves to...and we come up short.

But I've realized if I look at those people as potential teachers...if I study their work, that only benefits me in the long run, right? The bottom line is, I'm learning with every painting. And I think that challenge of learning something new keeps me intrigued.

Tackled any new creative endeavors lately? I'd love to hear about them!

 

 

Weekend Recap.

I could go on an on about Valentine's Day today. Tell you we made the cutest handmade Valentines using all the latest scrapbooking products and candy and glitter and sparkle.

But we didn't. At all.

I had some conflicting information from the school and realized Thursday night they wanted Ethan's Valentines at school Friday. Needless to say...there was much rushing involved. So much so that three of his classmates didn't get the pre-packaged Star Wars Valentine's that the rest of them did as Ethan's Mom failed to see there weren't enough cards in the box.

I kinda hate the pressure of these holidays. So I called it done. Nothing fancy. And we're okay with that.

Apart from our Valentines fiasco, the weekend went well. Here's a recap in pictures.

 
Marshmallow-faced Hobbit in Sophia's hat.

 
It was an all-afternoon addition to his outfit.

 

Is it just me or does he have the smoochiest lips ever?

Friday night, Sophia begged her way to the Sock Hop at her school. It was a last minute thing (which is typical Walsh) and she borrowed a poodle skirt from a friend when she got there.

 
But she was feeling all attitude-y before she left. 

 

Obviously.

 
I'm told she does quite a number on the Cha-Cha Slide. 

Adam took them. It was imperative to Sophia that we didn't bring Sam. She's onto him, I think, and knew he would inevitably do something to make us leave early. He has a way of wearing us down.

Ethan had a little too much sugar while he was there...

 

And ended up in tears by the time they left. But he mostly had fun.

Sophia's three closest Colorado friends were there.

 

[Someone tell me how I'm going to make them switch schools again when we buy a house here. I don't even want to think about the possibility.]

 

The most exciting thing about this weekend (for me) was the reintroduction of coffee to my morning routine. It's been 40 days since I've had sugar (which includes my creamer) but I found a sugar-free non-dairy creamer that I like. Mixed with Stevia it's pretty good.

 

Joyous day.

As far as Valentine's Day goes...well, I found this on my computer this morning...

 

Compliments of this sweet guy...

 
What more do I need?

And just in case you're wondering...

 
My real Valentine and I will be spending a quiet evening at home. Probably watching a movie. We don't have sitters yet in Colorado... and that limits the amount of "out of the house" dates we can have. 

 
Good thing we're homebodies, no? 

 
We may be boring, but that's okay. He takes care of us perfectly and our new life is just what the doctor ordered. 

I think I'm gonna love my first Hallmark-imposed holiday in Colorado. 

How about you? 

All Four Love: Love Unexpected

 

Unexpected.

I have never been the person who thought of myself as an artist. My grandfather was an artist (the real kind) and by comparison, I paled.

So, I guess it was somewhat unexpected for me to stumble upon art. And to find myself smiling while I paint.

 
It was unexpected that I would venture out of my scrapbooking box and fall in love with a different form of art. Especially when I never looked at scrapbooking as "art" even though in so many ways, it really is.

I find it wonderful and exciting to discover a new passion...a new love...waiting for me underneath the layers of paint and gesso. It keeps my creativity fresh and stretches me to constantly learn and try to improve.

 
They say you always find love when you aren't looking for it. And I don't think they're only talking about a soulmate.

 
Passion hovers. Waits in the shadows, and like an unrecognized wallflower sitting alone at a high school dance, it stares at us wide-eyed...hoping for that one glance in its direction.

All it takes is one glance...enough to fall in love.

 

Unexpected.

Link up with Jeanne and I right here on my blog this week! We can't wait to see your photos!

 

Imperfect Parenting

I often refer to The Hobbit as my most difficult child.

I sometimes regret that I've said that, even though truer words were never spoken. I guess I don't want him to know how difficult he is, though there are times when I wonder how he could not know. I confess that Sam tries my patience and tests my resolve on a consistent basis.

And sometimes...oftentimes...I fail him.

 

Neither Ethan or Sophia ever threw tantrums in the grocery store. I was the mom who'd look at my smiling toddler and feel sorry for that other lady with the screaming kid.

My, how things have changed. (Note. It's very important to keep your cool in these situations. Whatever form of punishment you choose to administer, do it quickly, quietly and effectively. And consistently. And please, for the love of all that is holy, don't YELL at your kids in the store. Seriously. Everyone will look at you and think "No wonder the kid's screaming.")

Yesterday, Sam threw a little fit in the store. He couldn't hold on to his M&Ms with his mittens on. He dropped to the floor and started crying. I took the M&Ms (paid for), put them in my purse and then set him back in the cart. Then we wheeled out to the car.

 

I should mention for those of you who don't know me that I don't do well in crowds to begin with. Flushed cheeks, paranoid that everyone's looking at me. The works. But, I took him to the car, got him buckled and told him he couldn't have his treat because of the way he acted. It seemed to get to him given the ear-piercing scream he let out.

 

Perhaps Sam does get away with more simply because he's more verbal (read: LOUD) when he doesn't get what he wants. Often, I am just not up for the fight. But sometimes, he gets the better of me and I have to find a quiet place to hug my knees and rock back and forth while lowly humming "Jesus Loves Me."

I fail him. Almost daily.

 

But then there are these precious (what a cheesy word!) moments that creep up on me when I least expect them. Moments when Sam, standing upstairs on the landing, will shout down "Mommy! I still love you." Or when he'll tell Adam "Daddy, I wanna keep you." Or when he brings me a dinosaur and says "Wanna play with me?"

Moments when the folks at Group send home this photo:

 

...which is part of their upcoming VBS, PandaMania.

The point is, I'm growing adults here. He's been entrusted to my care and I get to help form him into the kind of man he's supposed to be. And his stubbornness could prove to be a tremendous asset down the line somewhere...I know mine was (and still is!)

This kid teaches me something new every single day. He's as much my teacher as I am his. And even on the hardest days when my patience is the thinnest, I wouldn't trade my job for anything in the world.

 
Juicy Fruit moustache, anyone?

Linking up with Emily and the others today...

And don't forget to join us tomorrow for Week TWO of our ALL FOUR LOVE photo challenge. The theme is Love Unexpected. You're going to link up right here on my blog and you don't have to have played last week. Just come back and all the info will be right here! Hope you'll play along!

Writing Journey Wednesday

Yesterday I got a phone call from one of my all-time favorite people in all the world. A friend from college who has always challenged me to go after my big dreams. I distinctly remember the first time I met her in Dr. Kasch's COM 101 class. It was a lecture class and she moved over a seat so I could sit next to her on the aisle.

 
She was a creative kindred spirit from the get-go. Jewish. From California. She opened my small-Midwestern town mind like a can of baked beans and I don't know if I've ever properly thanked her for that. (Thank you, Jess!) She and I understood each other. Plain and simple. You know those friends who just "get you"? They are few and far between...and they should be cherished.

Anyway, my sweet friend was having, like I've been having, a bit of a creative identity crisis. You know, where you feel so full of creativity but you aren't sure where to start or what to pursue?

 
See, recently, there've been some changes in the way I spend my days. I'm no longer freelancing for the magazine due to some serious cut-backs in the publishing house...which, at first, was a tough pill to swallow, but then became a sort of open door to my creativity. I could do anything. Pursue anything. Of course, I still have novels to finish and editing to do... but the time I'd spent working on the magazine... I could do whatever I wanted with that time.

Then it hit me. Oh my heck. What am I going to do with all that time?

 
Our conversation got me wondering about the creative process and whether or not she and I were the only two people in all the world who are feeling this way. You have the energy, the drive, the ambition, but you just aren't sure where to start. Or what to start on. If you have ONE thing that revs your motor, you're lucky in a sense, because odds are that's the thing you're going to pursue. You're going to love every second of it. Pour yourself into it.

And hopefully live a full, satisfied life.

But what if you have more than ONE thing that keeps you up at night? What if it's stories and art ideas and dreaming of cake decorating or catering? What if you could easily get jazzed about starting a Christian Youth Theatre in your new town or you want to take classes and learn new techniques and write books and study photography and art?

 
How do you decide what to do next? How do you work it all in and still do each thing with excellence?

Because none of it is worth doing if you aren't doing it to the best of your ability, always striving to get better. Or, as a great editor said this past weekend at the writer's conference I attended...

"Don't bring God something that didn't cost you anything."

Gosh, that's good advice.

I don't have the answers to these questions, but in an effort to make my friend and I feel like we're not going postal, I'm asking if you've ever felt this way, are feeling this way or anticipate ever feeling this way. If so, how do you handle it? Do you simply make time for everything? Work on one thing at a time?

 
What do you do in the midst of a creative mid-life crisis? Not that I'm mid-life, mind you.

Would love to hear your thoughts as I'm tossed on the sea of uncertainty. Surely, I can't be the only one!

...Or can I?

Winner of the SheArt Workshop!

 

 

I am so excited for Christy's workshop I can hardly wait! (Which is funny since I'm behind on my Soul Restoration workshop--which is also awesome, by the way!)

But one lucky reader is definitely going to join me in this class and that is...

 

Can you see that? It's #78!

  Marilyn Johnson said...

So excited for Christy's class, I can hardly wait!

Reply February 05, 2011 at 07:47 PM

Marilyn! Send me your info and I'll pass it on to Christy! :)

If you havent' signed up for this class, or you're on the fence about thinking you're creative (you are!) go for it! You've got NOTHING to lose and it's only $35. (A GREAT price, by the way!)

Thanks to everyone for playing along. :)

Red Umbrella

Choosing to leave Illinois, the place where we'd grown up and lived our entire lives wasn't a decision we came to lightly. It came after much prayer, lots of conversations and a bit of input from people we considered our "wise counsel." The idea came to us sort of accidentally, but once we'd spoken it aloud, it grew and tugged at our heartstrings.

It started as a "What if...?" question. I usually love those. Those are the basis for any good idea, I think. But this "What if" scared us--not a Freddy/Jason kind of fear. The kind of fear that's mixed with excitement and bubbles way down deep in your belly.

You know that fear?

In the early stages, someone very close to me, who I knew prayed for us and heard God on our behalf, told me something that I've never forgotten. She said "I see you leaving, but under the covering of a big, red umbrella. God is going with you."

If you're not a spiritual person that may sound like a load of hooey (and if anyone else had said it to me, it may not have meant so much) but it resonated with me. It was confirmation.

We were going...under the covering of a red umbrella.

I'd just started painting at that time (this was a little over a year ago) and I immediately knew I wanted to paint something that signified how I felt.

 
Since that time, I feel like I've painted better paintings, but this one will always hold a special place in my heart. Because it came from a place of passion. What I longed for...that red umbrella...to lead us HOME. To that place of acceptance, where we can simply be ourselves.

I did a google search of "Red Umbrella" and guess what I found?

 

I listened to the lyrics and cried. It was almost like God had reserved this song just for me. Like these lyrics were written just for me at this time in my life. (Did you know God can use secular songs to speak to you? Gasp!)

Since that day, I've listened to this song more times than I can count because it lifts me up. It makes me feel better. It speaks to me in a way I can understand.

Let it rain...it's pouring all around me...let it fall...it ain't gonna drown me...after all, I'm gonna be okay...so let it rain...

Yeah. Pretty much just what I needed. And still need. A love song from God, one that reminds me he never leaves me or forsakes me. He's got it covered. When I worry and panic (which I do more than I care to admit...) He's still in control.

Recently, I did another red umbrella painting, this one quite a departure from the first. (Or any that I normally do). I wanted to learn to draw a better umbrella so I googled till I found some cool ones. I based this on one of the sketches I found online, but naturally I have no idea where.

 
Adam was quite concerned for her. ("She doesn't have any boobs.") Aw, honey, so nice of you to notice. This painting was more an exercise is "let's see if I can figure this out..." than anything. And I'm not satisfied with the umbrella, but it's a start.

I have a feeling, that red umbrella will always speak to me. Any time I'm in a tough spot, I'll remember those words and they'll comfort me.

I'm gonna be okay, so let it rain.

Has God ever used unconventional means to get your attention? Like a country song, rather than a church song? Tell me I'm not alone!

P.S. Today's the last day to enter the giveaway for Christy's SheArt workshop! Don't forget to comment on this post!

 

All Four Love: Loved Deeply

It's been an interesting week for photographing things around here. Basically, having the kids home for two days due to extreme cold had me feeling, well, not deeply in love with anything.

But I did manage to capture one moment. One very special moment that is indicative of our life. And I thought for the beginning of "All Four Love" it was a perfectly one to share.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, this post explains it better. (And it's not too late to join in!)

The theme for this week was Loved Deeply...

 
I admit, there are moments when I don't feel I love deeply enough. There are days when I wonder if my husband and kids got the leftover crumbs of my love.

But there are other moments when I know they have my whole heart. Days when, in an instant, I stop and take note.

Like the other day, Adam was rushing out the door to work. He doesn't usually rush in the morning, but on this day, I think he had an early meeting. As he was getting ready to leave (literally, he had everything ready to go), Sam, sitting at the kitchen counter, said "Daddy? Will you play with me? Just for a minute?"

And who can resist a lisp like our Hobbit's?

Not his daddy, that's for sure.

 

My camera was right beside me so I snapped a few pictures...because I wanted to remember how my husband does this. Stops everything for our kids. I'm not quite as adept in that area.

 
(Aren't you jealout of our 1980's gold rimmed fireplace? But I'm trying to be better about not whining about our rental. So, that was just an observation. Not a complaint.)

This isn't a moment out of the ordinary. This is typical, and that's why I think it's so much more important to document it.

 
Adam picks up the toys and enters right in to Sam's world. Just like that.

 
...moments that someday, when the lisp is gone and he wears something other than pajamas, Sam will always remember.

Yeah, that's the kind of thing that makes me love deeply in this world. There's nothing else like it!

If you want to play along, head over to Jeanne's blog and link up! We can't wait to see what you come up with!

And don't forget to comment on the post just below this one for a chance to win a spot in Christy Tomlinson's mixed media She Art Workshop! It's gonna be amazing!

Have a wonderful weekend!! I'm heading down to Colorado Springs for a writer's conference and I cannot wait to keep learning how to craft a better book.

P.S. I keep playing with my font choices here on the ol' bloggio and I can't seem to settle on one. I promise eventually I'll figure out what I like and keep it consistent. Eventually.

Mixed Media Giveaway

About a year ago, I took up painting. I needed a creative outlet that still allowed me to play with paper but had no rules, no assignments and a world of possibilities. When we moved, I decided I would set up an area for painting and if you read my blog, you know it's become a huge part of our lives. In fact, when looking for a house last week, my husband said, "I think we need an art room for you and the kids."

Yeah. He gets me.

I've been painting a lot lately, mostly kid art--stuff you'd hang on your kids' walls...

Like this little girl...

 

And this angel...

 
(My mom informed me this "wasn't her favorite." I laughed. I love that she's honest with me. It's like when we used to go shopping and I could always count on her to make sure I didn't leave with my muffin top fully exposed. She needs to come visit me. I miss her.)

I've done a few others, but what really gets me jazzed is the thought of learning more about mixed media and working my scrapbooking supplies onto these canvas creations...

And that's why I am SO excited my dear friend Christy Tomlinson is offering a mixed media art workshop!

 
Christy and I worked together at Chatterbox back in the day and I've always, always considered her one of my very favorite scrapbookers. But more than that, she's an artist and her artwork is full of vibrant color, whimsical design and the layering and texture that made her scrapbook style all her own. More than that, Christy is just good people. I cannot wait to take this workshop!

(I'm hoping she teaches me to get over my fear of rub-ons.)

I'm especially excited because I get to give away a spot in this class to one VERY lucky blog reader!

Here's what you need to know!

 
The She Art Workshop is a 3 week e-course the begins February 28th! In this workshop, you will learn how to create unique and detailed girls, as seen in my art projects! I will also share with you how I create my backgrounds, textures, and layering styles on canvases and other surfaces! You will walk away from this class feeling confident in creating your own personalized" She Art" projects as well as having learned  new art techniques you can use in other mixed media projects!  The She Art Workshop begins February 28th. Registration ends February 27th!

If you want to register, you can check out THIS LINK for more info.

If you want to enter right here to win, simply LEAVE A COMMENT IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. (Not on Facebook, leave it right here!)

For additional chances to win, simply blog about the giveaway, Facebook it or Tweet it and then come back and leave another comment!

And listen. If you've NEVER done something like this and it terrifies you to even think of it, remember that no one is watching, the instructions will be super-easy to follow and YOU ARE CREATIVE so you've got the goods to make some pretty awesome stuff.

Ok. The contest will be open through next Monday, February 7th (Midnight MST). I'll draw a winner and post it on TUESDAY!

Also, just a reminder, be thinking about your ALL FOUR LOVE Photo! We're posting tomorrow and our first theme is "Loved Deeply."

So much fun stuff going on today! And to think, I thought today was going to be rotten because I had to go to the grocery store first thing! Boy, was I wrong!

Writing Journey Wednesday

I've found that tough decisions are so much easier to make when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what God wants me to do. In 2008, I was working as a Contributing Editor for Memory Makers Magazine and loving certain aspects of that job.

 
(That's my layout on the cover. My best friend's daughter, Elsie, was the cover girl!...pretty exciting day, that was!)

The people I worked with were top notch, and I did everything from home. I'd been passionate about scrapbooking--preserving our family's memories--for as long as I could remember. Still, something felt off.

I'd just finished writing my second book The Busy Scrapper.

  

I'd just had a very difficult baby.

 
I was directing a show for Christian Youth Theatre. And my husband had found his niche in children's ministry.

I felt displaced. Weren't husbands and wives supposed to have the same ministry calling? Wasn't that what I'd always seen?

But I didn't feel called the way Adam was.

I clearly remember praying one morning and asking God "It's clear what Adam's meant to do...but what about me? What do you want me to do!?"

The answer came, as answers sometimes do, immediately and with extreme clarity.

"Write."

I'd been writing in some form or another since I graduated college, but in my mind a real writer was someone who wrote novels. I'd always wanted to try, but I knew the rewriting stage would nearly kill me so I let my fear of failure stand in the way.

 
That day, something changed. It was almost as if I'd gotten God's green light to go ahead and pursue the dream I'd buried down deep in my heart.

Still, I wanted to be sure. I put out my own fleece and it came back affirmative. I was good to go on this writing thing. (Even though I'd technically been doing it already for nine years.)

I left the magazine and started to descend out of the world of scrapbooking, which I don't entirely regret because it was right for me, but I miss certain things about it. My friends, for one. The constant creative spark for another. And that fall, I went to my first fiction writer's conference, ACFW in Minnesota.

I hold it as a turning point in my career. I had a few requests to read my proposal from editors and an agent, but I walked away with so much knowledge and a precious friendship. Those things have served me well. My goal in leaving was to find an agent by the end of that year. It was already September.

People thought I was nuts.

I thought I was nuts.

But I had this gut feeling guiding me. So I went for it. I sent my proposal to a well respected (read: intimidating) agent in the CBA (Christian Booksellers Association.) Because I'd been published in non-fiction, I was able to submit to them. Because I followed my gut initially and scrapbooked all those nights away, I now had an open door I wouldn't have had otherwise.

 
(Amanda, Chip & Sandra, the fearless agents at MacGregor Literary)

I don't know how long it took, but sometime in November of that year, Sandra Bishop, one of the brilliant agents at MacGregor Literary, dialed my number. I think the conversation went something like this.

Sandra: Hi Courtney, it's Sandra Bishop from MacGregor Literary.
Me: HUH?
Sandra: I've read through your proposal and I'd like to talk to you about representation.
Me: Fer reals?
Sandra: I think we'd be a good fit, but I want you to feel comfortable so do you have any questions for me?
Me: Are you sure you have the right number?

Needless to say, I was flabbergasted. Or, gobsmacked as our friends across the pond like to say.

I hung up the phone with her and I still didn't really understand what had just happened.

You see, sometimes God blindsides us with exactly what we were hoping for, and we don't know how to process it. When I told Adam about it, I don't think I fully grasped that an agent had just called me, that she was interested in my work, that she wanted to represent me.

I think his response was "You're surprised?"

Because God had told me to do this. And it was so clear. Why would I be surprised when he took care of me?

I should add here that I now count Sandra as a dear friend. Not just a business associate. She prays with me, guides me, calms me when I panic, tells me the truth (in love) and just all around has my back.

 
I am very blessed.

The fact is, God tells so many of us to go after our big dreams. And that's when fear steps in and says "You can't do that." and "You're no good." and "Who do you think you are?"

Many are called to write. Some are called to write in their journals the whispers of their heart. Some are called to write self-help books that speak to the pain people keep hidden away. Some are called to invent stories that move people and expose truths the way the parables did all those years ago. Some of us fall somewhere in between.

"'Thou shalt not' might reach the head, but it takes 'Once upon a time' to reach the heart."

What are your deep dreams? What have you buried? Do you see the corner of them sticking out from under the sand (or snow, as it may be?) Don't do the world the disservice of hiding yourself for one more minute.

Grab a shovel...it's time to start digging. 

 

Mixed Media Parenting

We're entering a new phase of life with the girl child...the tween years. In another two months, (she keeps reminding me) she'll be in double digits. I'll have a TEN year old child.

And for some reason, this means a little attitude from the miss.

 

I'm pretty sure the attitude thing comes from me. I mean, I'm too sarcastic (my sense of humor is really dry)...but a week or so ago, I'd just had enough. So, Sophia and I sat down and I asked her to come up with a list of adjectives that she wanted to describe her. I really didn't have any plan for what we'd do next, but I wanted her to think about what she wanted to become.

How do you want people to describe you?

 

She did. Her list started with "pretty and skinny" (the skinny thing, I'm guessing comes from me also. In how many ways can I wreck my kid? Seriously.) But we sat down and talked about all of them. One at a time. We thought of people she admired and wanted to be like. I asked her to tell me what each word meant and then why it was important to her.

In the end, she decided "pretty" and "skinny" weren't all that important. (And she came to those conclusions on her own. I'm guessing she gets that from her daddy.)

I decided we needed to do something to keep this list in front of her at all times, so we went downstairs and started a new painting. I told her "I'm not helping you at all with this one. This one is all you." She used gel medium to cover the canvas with book pages. 

 

While the gel medium dried, she typed out her list of adjectives using different fonts (ones she chose.) We printed them out and cut them in strips.

 

While she worked, we talked a little more about what these words really meant. How they applied in her daily life. "What do you think a good leader does?"

"A good leader teaches other people how to do things."

"And people look up to leaders."

"So they make good choices."

"Well, the good ones do."

But I mostly left her alone. I wanted her to think about it herself--and to do the painting without asking my opinion.

 

For the most part, that's exactly what she did.

 

She knew she wanted to do a tree and a girl, so once she sketched that out, she laid the adjectives on the canvas and glued them down with coats of gel medium on the top and the bottom.

 

Then, of course, she painted it. This is the fun part. I was cooking dinner at the time. If you look in the background, you can see that The Hobbit joined her for a little bit of art fun. She worked quietly the entire time. I'm not saying she was deep in thought about the words or their meanings or who she wanted to be when she grew up...but she was deep in thought. About something.

 

When she was finished, she really was so proud of what she'd made. (This picture is from the next morning--note the bedhead and sleepy looking eyes...) In fact, she was so proud, she promptly removed the painting I did for her that was hanging in her room and hung her own painting up. I found mine face down on the floor.

 

At the bottom, she wrote "Perfectly me" and on the back, she wrote out a dedicatiion to the people she strives to emulate. Her art teacher back home, a very special "big sister" from our kids' ministry back home, Mommy & Daddy... and two friends at school who are "smart at math."

 

I'm not going to lie and tell you that this has changed every little thing about her attitude, but it planted a seed, gave us a chance to talk and gave her a visual reminder, a memory of that conversation.

What creative parenting ideas do you have to share with me?? I'm coming up on the tween years, here, so I need all the help I can get!