In the wake of seeing this dream come true, I have to be honest, I've been riding the roller coaster of emotions from one side of the amusement park to the other. My brain tells me I should shout it from the rooftops.
I WROTE A BOOK!
But in my heart, I find I'm quiet.
I've been watching this over and over...
And while, in theory, this makes me so happy, to see these three Swedish girls creating a rhythm section on empty cottage cheese containers, and wondering how many hours they spent practicing before perfecting it... I mean, that's smile-worthy, right?
But maybe it's the combination of their voices, the way the harmony haunts...the emotion it evokes is not, as I originally thought, happy. It's more pensive. Or moved. Or something.
Yesterday I spent the day wondering if I'm hormonal, but decided there's a part of me that just wants to exist for a moment...to watch this part of my story unfold instead of always being the one turning the pages.
At any given moment, I feel like I could burst into tears. Whether that's just gratitude or stress or happiness or elation or flat tiredness...I'm not sure...but what I'm feeling can't be characterized by a word or two.
It's a cocktail of emotions.
My friend Jenn is reading my book right now and she texted me something I'd written in it that I'd almost forgotten. I guess, in many ways, it sums up what I'm feeling perfectly.
Early on, Campbell (my protaganist) , having just lost her mother, travels to Sweethaven where she meets Luke. If you're not in love with Luke at the mention of his name, you will be. He has that effect on women...
Luke owns the local cafe and coffee shop in Sweethaven, where Campbell's gone, scrapbook in hand, to piece together her mother's past...and find her father. She orders a medium latte with no whipped cream. Luke hands her a large latte with whipped cream and tells her she looks like she needs it...
And then, this...
Campbell walked to the end of the counter and waited for his attention.
"How's your drink?"
She set the cup on the counter. Curiosity got the better of her. "What'd you mean by that?"
"By what?"
"I look like I need a large. I look like I need whipped cream. Do I look that bad?" She scolded herself for asking. Her insecurity bled through like a wound through gauze.
He shrugged. "My mom always says 'sometimes it's a whipped cream kind of day."
Her face warmed into a smile. "And you think I'm having that kind of day?"
"If I had to guess." He opened the cash register and shuffled some bills around. "Do I have to guess? Or do you just want to tell me?"
Sometimes I find myself in these characters...and I suppose in many ways that's the kind of day(s) I'm having. A Whipped Cream Kind of Day.
I suppose pure gratitude and amazement feel this way? When someone tells me they bought my book, they're reading my book, they've finished my book...it does something to me...it humbles me and amazes me and makes me feel so thankful.
This morning I woke to an email from a friend who'd just finished A Sweethaven Summer. It was incredible to read her words--kind words that I want to write on the pages of my heart so I never doubt or fear again. As writers, we put ourselves out there...we open ourselves up and lay bare in front of all the world...
It's a volatile place to be.
I wasn't anticipating this mixture of emotions. While I want to celebrate and amp myself up and fully embrace this moment...I find myself feeling quiet.
Content to exist for a moment on this whipped cream kind of day.
What about you? What do you do when you're having a whipped cream kind of day? I can't be the only one...right?
If you have A Sweethaven Summer in your hand, I'd love for you to email me a picture of yourself with it for something fun I've got planned...
You can send it to courtneycrops{at}msn{dot}com!
If you find yourself in need of a copy, it's available for pre-orders HERE and HERE and officially releases February 1st!
