So...where was I?
A funny thing happens to me when I sense God is doing something. That we're on the edge of change feeling takes over and I find myself looking for it everywhere. Like Sherlock Holmes, I try to deduce where God is taking us, as if it's a mystery to be solved. As if I can't wait another moment for the answers. As if He's not going to show us in His time.
In the case of our move here, it was the pervy pastor.
In the case of our move back home, it was something else entirely. And I was bummed out when I decided that I must not, after 36 years of trying, be able to hear God's voice after all.
As a wife, I think it's safe to say that I can spot discontent in the man I married. He is, by all accounts, incredibly laid-back. Otherwise, I'm certain there's no way he could live with me. When I started seeing his discontent, I started to wonder what we were going to do...but then he'd have a great day (usually off at a video shoot or something) and it would be fine for awhile.
But then, it wouldn't be.
I'm not sure which one of us handled this worse. (Yes I am, it was me. I handled it worse.) Because I hate seeing him unhappy. Knowing what he can do and how good he is at what he does, seeing him spend his days doing something other than that just about killed me.
So, I started praying. I prayed that Adam would find the kind of job that utilized his talents--his gifts--the things that made him truly happy. Adam has star potential, and I knew he'd couldn't be long-term happy in a cubicle.
Then our church announced that they needed a worship leader. And while I knew my husband did not want to go back into church ministry and he most certainly didn't want to be a worship leader, all I could think was "This is something he could do."
And I felt strongly about it. And I knew this was it. And I convinced Adam to call the church. And one hour before he called, they filled the position. And I moped and sulked a little because what other option was there for us? How, God? How are you going to fix this one?
Oh, ye, of little faith.
Man, I had little faith.
That weekend, we were in Illinois for some reason and I remember recounting the whole story to my mom (who, if you can believe it, worries even more than I do...hey, I learned from the best.) But while I was telling her the story, this strange thing happened...
"But you know," I said, driving toward Wendy's for my apple pecan chicken salad. "Adam doesn't want to be a worship leader. The thing he keeps talking about is theatre. Kids' theatre. Teaching music and acting and directing...that's the thing we both miss."
And in that moment, literally, it was like oh-my-gosh-that's-what-we-need-to-do...Like a lightbulb. Like THAT was the thing that we had in our hearts--that Adam especially had in his heart...and if it weren't for my misguided attempt to force him into a box he didn't want to go in, we wouldn't have realized it.
That's when we started discussing our options...that's when we started dreaming about doing what we'd always loved to do...something we do together sort of beautifully.
See, sometimes, we head down a path and we're sure it's God. And then it doesn't work out. I believe that doesn't mean it's not God...it's just God's way to get you to a different place...
Adam isn't going to be a worship leader, but that closed door got us dreaming again. Outside the box dreaming...and now, months later, here we are...standing on the corner of God's Will.
Just where he wanted us to be.
It's easy to get caught up in the method...to look at these detours, these twists and turns and beat ourselves up because the closed doors MUST mean we haven't heard God...but I don't believe it for a second. If you surrender, he'll get you exactly to the spot you're supposed to be in.
I'm sure of it.
What detour have you taken lately? Is it possible that it's leading you to something bigger?