I'd be lying if I said this move was all working out exactly according to plan.
I'm remembering how very much like childbirth this whole process is... you go through the most agonizing pain of your life, but once you have the child (or the house), you forget how much work it actually was. This week has me repeatedly saying, "I'm never moving again. Ever."
And "There's so many details."
You know, you don't think about paying bills once you've closed your bank account. Or what if all your stuff doesn't fit in the truck you've got? Or why does the buyer's agent need to walk through the house today...in the middle of the move, adding more pressure and making me feel like I need to clean.
There's no time for cleaning until the end and that's just a fact.
Last night, after everyone went to sleep, my house was quiet, and I walked around for a few minutes, thinking about how it looked when we bought it. For a few long minutes, I looked around at all the work we'd done and I was really happy that we were leaving something better than it was when we found it.
I want to do that with everything in my life. Especially kids. Mine, of course, but the ones we get to work with too. I want them to be better for having known us.
I'm trying to focus on that and not on the things I'll miss about Colorado.
Like getting a call from Adam that he's turning around and coming to get me so I can see these right down the street from our house:
I tend to be pretty good at setting aside my emotions when I need to, of convincing myself that it isn't hard. That it won't hurt. That it'll be better...
But just because something is better for you doesn't mean there's no pain in saying goodbye.
We're going home, so in that respect, I know we'll be so happy...Adam's job is a huge opportunity for him to really do what he's been created to do, so I know he'll be happy...
But moving is traumatic in its own right, whether I want to face up to it or not.
I'm not leaving Colorado the same way I came, and while I'm thankful for that, for the lessons I've learned, for the truths I've finally seen, for the peace that it's brought me...in some ways I'm sad to see it end.
Maybe this is why I choose to focus on the details and the parts of the plan that aren't falling into place...because if you can busy your mind, you don't feel the band-aid being torn from bare skin.