I quiet the background noise and try to focus in on what he has to say...because in my spirit, I know it's something I need to hear.
He tells me this morning he prayed for me.
I say my own silent prayer of thanks. He must be able to tell I needed it today.
Of course he knows the inner workings of my mind. He recognizes when I'm in a bad mood and he almost always knows why.
His words from last week whirl back toward me. "So, be afraid. But do it anyway."
He doesn't want to hear all the reasons I'm justified in my fear. For him, it's cut and dry. He knows the value of bravery, having been so very brave in his own right the past few years. So my instant thought that he just doesn't understand is nothing more than a lie.
He gives me an insight into myself that I hadn't considered. He's good like that--seeing things from a different angle...and sometimes it's clear he knows what I need better than I know it myself. I do the same for him, but it's easier to believe in his gifts and talents than it is to believe in my own.
"I believe you can do anything," he tells me.
Even the scary things? Even the big, ridiculous things?
For all my feeling like God has been silent lately, I have to wonder if he's just choosing to speak to me in a different way...? Through a husband who loves me, perhaps? Through that gut feeling that has never steered me wrong before? Could it be he's been speaking all along, but I haven't been able to hear?
It occurs to me that not everyone has someone in their life who believes in them--someone who won't laugh at their big, ridiculous dreams... it occurs to me that someone could be you. So, even though I hate to admit this weakness, this mountain I walk around every single day, I wanted to put it out there...to tell you and to pray you hear me when I say...
You aren't alone.
If you're struggling to overcome the fear, struggling to believe that you can do something big and amazing, struggling to see yourself as valuable, struggling to do it in spite of the "what ifs"...you aren't alone.
And I believe in you.
Be afraid. But do it anyway.