I don't fancy myself a brave person. In fact, sometimes, I'm downright wimpy. I worry a lot. If I hear the slightest noise at night, I lay in bed awake imagining worst case scenarios and wondering how much damage I could do with a blunt object in case we had an intruder. And, oh, shoot, do I have any blunt objects near the bed?
It's not the best way to live.
But God reminded me of something the other day...and it kind of came out of nowhere really. I started to think back to the days leading up to our move to Colorado. Days where I sensed His presence more than I had--maybe ever before.
It should have terrified me to do that. It made no sense on paper. I had no job. Adam was leaving a job he'd been in for 12 years. It wasn't a "smart" financial move. We had to rent from a crabby old man who used our rent money to fill the house with workers every. single. week.
We didn't know a single soul in Colorado. We were wonderfully, horribly on our own.
But a funny thing happens when you step out of your comfort zone. When you're led by the peace, you're okay with not having all the answers. You don't know how you'll pay the bills or make new friends or get through your kids being the "new kid" at school. Twice. But you do it.
And on the other side of it, you should be stronger and braver and more willing to take risks... but you fall into a safe pattern again and you forget everything he's brought you through.
On the outside, it may look like my hardships have been few, and in some ways, they have... but in other ways, I've just realized, I've been through a lot. Not the kind of "lot" that would have me crying on the intro of a reality tv show to make viewers like me more... but still, a lot.
Emotionally, physically, spiritually...our family has been tested. I, personally, have been tested. Often, I fail, but I'm thankful God gives me the chance to learn from each mistake.
What I've discovered is that HE brought me through it...so why is it so difficult to believe he can bring me through every challenge I face? Why do I constantly fear?
It's almost like we think we aren't worthy of his help. We think we've got to figure it all out on our own... but that's so not what God has for us.
He's just waiting for us to ask.
I tend to be stubborn, so learning my lessons is an ongoing process with me, and with each new challenge, the first thing that pops in my head is "But what if this is the time God decides to throw me out of the boat... what if I can't swim? If I jump...is he really going to be there to catch me?"
Fear can be such a paralyzing thing, but over and over, God tells us NOT to fear. Why can't I get it through my thick skull?
So, let's talk.
What is God asking you to do...and does it scare you? If so, how are you handling that fear?