Cliff diving has never been something I would ever consider doing. But then God is in the business of asking us to take giant leaps, isn't he?
There we found ourselves, standing on top of a rocky cliff, toes inching toward the edge, knowing it was time to jump.
And I don't know if I just don't have a strong enough faith or what, but I was terrified. I still am routinely terrified. Daily. Sometimes hourly. Sometimes Adam just stares at me, shaking his head and asking when I'm EVER going to finally trust that God is in control.
(My addition to the chalkboard wall in Adam's studio)
I'm a slow learner. I'm pretty sure this topic has been the subject of many, many blog posts over the years.
Regardless. I grabbed on to him with two hands and off we went.
There's something I've discovered through all of this that's worth mentioning. I find that in most ways I've spent my life trying (hard) to please people. I am not a boat rocker in any sense of the word. I like everyone to be happy and get along and I like for people to like me. I do as I'm told. I do what's expected.
(Adam's addition to the chalkboard wall:)
This was an all-out family affair, the Studio-remodel. Our kids spent a lot of time there this summer...and while I'm sad we weren't on a grand vacation of some sort, I'm thrilled they got to go on a completely different kind of adventure...
Outfitting a space for a performing arts studio was not expected. Building walls where there were none, picking out paint colors, laying flooring, creating chalkboard walls...not expected.
And when you step out and do something big and scary and crazy that makes no sense on paper, you aren't going to make everyone happy.
Some people will not like you. And that's okay.
You won't like some people either. And that's okay too. What I've learned is that I will treat everyone with kindess and love whether they like me or not...but I'm not naive enough to expect the same in return.
I'm learning to wear protective clothing, a thicker skin is a requirement because words hurt and people don't always know how to use their words.
And I fail. And I live in my flesh. And I spend too much time worrying and wallowing and trying (hard) to please other people...After all, the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate....
And every time I get off base a little, I feel God pulling me back, begging me to stay focused.
I have something better for you...
Better for everyone? No. But definitely better for me. And better for Adam. And better for our family.
And that is why I'm okay if not everyone is kind or loving or respectful to us. Because my goal cannot ever be to make those people happy. My goal can only be to do what God says.
Adam's studio has the chalkboard wall, which he had to completely sand to smooth enough for chalk. Oy. but so far, I think it's a big hit:
Our dream is to create a place that encourages and inspires. To build confidence in kids and make them feel loved and accepted as we teach and train them in the performing arts.
It's not a vision we take lightly. It means something to us at our core. It's more than just a business to us.
God gave us a dream. Then he allowed our lives to feel like they were falling apart so we would get up and pursue that dream. He never promised it would be easy or successful.
If he did, I suppose it would've required no faith at all.
And when I start to falter again (which happens more often than I care to admit) when I begin to question/doubt/worry/fear, the only choice is to draw myself closer to him and relive all the ways he has been faithful so far.
And really, that trumps any doubt or fear or negativity that threatens to drag me back down every day of the week.