Telling Stories

Scrapbooking Your Faith Weekly Prompts {Week Five}

 

(why can't youtube give me decent thumbnail choices? I mean, really.) 

 Here is the layout I made for this week...

 

This week's prompt: Create a layout to remind yourself what God says about you as opposed to what people say about you. Use verses or quotes, but take the focus off of any negativity that's been spoken over you and focus instead on the truth of God's words. 

I really wanted to break a layout down for you, but that meant photographing in my office at night. If you can't bear with the horrible lighting, click the red X in the upper right-hand corner of your screen now. 

Usually when I start a page, I have a vague idea of what I want to do...but it's really vague. I grab my supplies:

I tend to pull everything that might possibly work on a layout out onto my desk. Makes for fun clean-up. In this case, I am using the "It's the Little Things" line from Fancy Pants, which I absolutely love.  

Step One: Use the product packaging to cut handmade scallops to go underneath your photo:

I'm a huge fan of using packaging because you get a "stripe" of all the different patterns. I cut from both ends to give a little variety. 

Step Two: Cut solid black scallops to "break up" the pattern so it doesn't get lost. In this picture, you can see I was planning to use this die cut flower on the upper right of my photo. 

Step Three: Use the leftover piece of the product packaging to cut out letters for your title. In this case, I left the "O" out because I saw a sticker heart I knew I wanted to use. Once I finished the title, I realized the die cut flower wouldn't fit where I'd planned. I also adhered my scallops down to help me keep my photo placement. 

Step Four: If there's a good amount of white space in your photo, you can use it to add a bit of decoration. Here, I used my baker's twine (From Divine Twine), tied it around my photo and then used Foam Squares to pop the whole thing up off the layout:

Step Five: The photo still needed more, so I found these paper flowers and layered them with Foam Squares, using a flower shaped sticker for the center. 

Step Six: I still loved that die cut flower, so I decided to cut it in half and use it in the blank upper right of my page. Using that as the foundation, I layered a few other cut elements, including die cuts and stickers, incorporating a bit of dimension underneath just a couple things:

Step Seven: Next, I finished my title by adding the heart and then adhering my hand-cut letters with small Foam Squares. These letters and the scallops really gave me the handmade look I wanted for this page. I also used a few mini letter stickers to create the "I Am" part of the title:

Step Eight: I stood back and looked at my page. It was still a little bare. So, I used the other half of my die cut flower, popped up a little rainbow die cut and used a coordinating paper flower and button to create a cluster of embellishments in the lower left-hand corner of my photo:

Step Ten: Still, I thought my page needed one more thing. A border to bring it all together. But I didn't want a straight border, I wanted a rounded rectangle. So, I used a scratch piece of cardstock, rounded the corners and traced around it with a pencil. I used a ruler on the straight lines: 

This worked like a charm. 

Scrapbooking Your Faith on Facebook:

So, to help make sharing easier, I'm thinking of starting a Scrapbooking Your Faith Facebook group where we can share pages and prompts, etc. but I refuse to just put people in the group without asking them, so if you're interested, shoot me an email or leave me a comment with your Facebook info and we'll get that started! This will be a GREAT way to stay in touch!

***

OH! And....We have a winner!!!

All four of these books will find a happy home...

IS....

 Jane said...

Hi Courtney, I found your scrapbooking faith challenges this week and love all of the ideas. I want to start an Art journal with this in mind. I came over from Homegrown Stephanie's blog. I have been following along with her since 2007. So glad to find you and all of these wonderful books. God has been speaking to me about gentleness. I have struggles that seem to fire me up. So He's telling me to watch,listen,and use some gentleness in my attitude, behavior and reactions. I look forward to seeing you again next Friday. Thanks!

ReplyMay 18, 2012 at 07:14 PM

Jane, send your address to me at courtneycrops{at}msn{dot}com and we'll get your books out pronto! 

***

So, tell me, are you scrapbooking your faith? Finding it hard to dive in? I'd love to see what you're up to...and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

For those who've been beat down...

It's Monday.

What else do I really need to say? You can deduce all you need to from those two simple words. 

My mom arrived on Wednesday with the intention of helping me pack. I pretty much wanted to go shopping, eat ridiculously good salads and talk about books. 

In the end, we covered all our bases. 

The packing is just too eye-opening. Realizing we're actually doing this again is like realizing you just jabbed yourself in the ear with a fork...but at the same time, I can hardly wait for Adam to move to a job where he gets to do something he loves. I mean, I can hear the excitement in his voice. 

And it's been a long time since I've heard that. 

Adam is the type of guy who has always known what he's good at...and what he's not good at. And he's GREAT at telling you about both. I admire that about him. Women don't get to be so candid. I would never say "this is what I'm really good at. This is how I can make a difference."

Though I would be happy to say "I'm really bad at this...I fail at this every time...don't ask me to do this because it won't go well..."

What's up with that?

You know, if a woman tells you her strengths, we think she's bragging. It's annoying to hear someone go off about how great they are at something.

But men and women are different. Men are supposed to be confident. How would any of us respond to a man who told you he was terrible at everything he did? Who didn't know his strengths? (Come to think of it, how would we respond to a woman with such self-doubt? That's good food for my thought...)

Recently, my dad hired a new mechanic who came in with a big folder of his own accolades. My dad said, "I liked that he sold himself to me." 

That man wanted the job. And he got it. 

But women? We don't understand this male phenomenon of self-confidence. It's been interesting to wrap my brain around it. And disappointing to discover that not everyone accepts self-confidence with grace or integrity. Some people don't want to know a person is good at something because it threatens their own self-worth. 

That threat comes from a place of insecurity--of not being able to see someone else operate in their gifts. My question is why are we so quick to tear other people down? 

Why are we so quick to tear ourselves down? Why is it so easy to say negative things about ourselves and so hard to say "This is the gift God's given me. I'm good at XYorZ." Does that make us cocky? Arrogant? Narcissistic? Because we KNOW what God's called us to do? 

I don't think so. It's revelatory. It's brilliant. To know how to focus your energy and how to not waste your time? Genius. If only we could all be so self-aware. 

Me? I admire this about my husband. I LOVE that he's the kind of person who can get beat down for two years and still come out knowing God has better things in store...areas where he gets to teach and train and encourage and uplift...

Knowing we get to build kids up...that's the thing that draws us back. Not our love of the stage, though we do love it. Not our desire to be flashy or in charge, though those things ARE really fun. But knowing that we get to walk out the gifts God's given us...to take those things we've learned and use them as building blocks to motivate children...that's the sweet spot.

I cannot think of a better way to live my life. Truly. 

And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that moving to Colorado was God's definite plan for us...we learned a lot while we were here. We were quiet and we needed to be. But now...now, God's saying "Enough wallowing. I need you back. Get back in the fight. You still have things to offer...so you must." 

So, this is a little pep talk for anyone who's been beat down. Talked to like they're an idiot. Treated poorly in any capacity especially when it comes to using the gifts God's given you. 

Steward your gifts. No matter what. 

Be confident in all that God's created you to do. Be the person and do the things that HE has ordered you to...and when you meet opposition from small-minded people who don't understand what it's like to have a divine purpose you're so passionate about...press forward.

Know that there is always someone out there waiting to tear you down.

Don't let them. Keep your eyes focused on heaven. There's more at stake here than your pride. 

God wants you to embrace the gifts he's given...it honors him and makes him proud when you don't waste them. As always, it's not the opinions of man that matter, only HIS voice should be whispering in your ear.

Remember this always. 

Scrapbooking Your Faith {Week FOUR} & A Fiction GIVEAWAY!

Week Four already of Scrapbooking Your Faith! Here's a little video about this week's prompt and a cool Pinterst Project I was able to put to good use to finish it off! 

 

I got to share my "I Believe" project on the Creating Keepsakes blog, but I wanted to share it here too because it's really important to me to document this particular topic.

The funny thing is, I've made LOTS of "I Believe" layouts, some are lists, others are just one belief that I can document...and it seems as much as my beliefs stay the same, they're always changing too. 

Anyway. That's the scrapbooking element this week, but I was inspired to take the prompt for this week and do something a little different. A mixed media project I can display as a constant reminder. 

The prompt for this week is: Create a layout or project that focuses on one word or key phrase you know God wants you to focus on. Could be for this season of your life, this week, this month... What is God's plan for you in this moment? 

Also, be sure to check out the video where I talk about the cool Pinterest find on how to make these super simple tissue paper flowers! 

They might be my new favorite thing ever. 

So how about a giveaway?

How was that for a random change of subject?

This week, I am sooo excited because I get to offer the chance to win all three of the books I reviewed this week AND a copy of my book, A Sweethaven Summer. 

I do believe these will all be autographed and ONE  lucky winner will get to add all four to their bookshelves! 

Summer is right around the corner, so how can you resist beautiful stories that tug at your heartstrings and transport you to other worlds?!! 

All you have to do is leave a comment on this post and I'll announce the winner NEXT Faith Friday! 

Sounds too good to be true. :) 

Scrapbooking Your Faith Weekly Prompts {Week Three}

It's the third week in this Scrapbooking Your Faith venture, and I'm finding that I'm sort of coming up with prompts based on whatever kind of week I'm having. Maybe if I pre-plan a "Scrap Your Blessings" week, I'll have a WEEK of blessings?

Hm. It's worth a shot.

Regardless...here's the video for today's prompt: 

 

For the record, my thumbnail choices are atrocious. Come on Youtube!

So, here's this week's prompt:

Scrapbook (or document) a disappointment and talk about how it
stretched / challenged / shook your faith. 

I took a bit of a sideways approach with my layout because I didn't document specific disappointments...rather, I looked at disappointment as a whole and created a page based on something God's taught me recently...that HOPE never disappoints. 

I shared this photo yesterday on my blog, but I wanted to do more with it. I want to always remember (because I DO fear hoping)...that hope is a very good thing...and if your hope is in HIM, you won't be disappointed...

That said, you better believe there are times when I want things to go a certain way and they don't... I could easily scrapbook those times too. And since we all have them, so could you.

Take the opportunity to look at something that just STINKS and journal your feelings about it. 

My friend, Tania Willis (you can find her blog HERE) created a layout inspired by this week's prompt:

(Click on the image for a larger version so you can read her amazing journaling.) 

I LOVE that Tania didn't use a photo on this page. This page is all about getting her feelings out on paper...writing the words that her heart needs to say...

...and hitting on some solid truths that we all feel. It's funny how I can relate to so much of what she's written here...

"Because of it, I’ve lived the last several years of my life hoping
with a fragile kind of hope.
Because of it, I’ve come to learn that it’s only by God’s mercy
that I haven’t let disappointments consume me.
Because of it, it’s taken a while for the concept of
God’s mercy to sink in, but it never fails to test me again."

I so get this...don't you?

Here's what I've learned...God doesn't expect us to always be laid back and never feel disappointment, but there are lessons in these things if we look hard enough. Just writing/scrapbooking through these feelings can be SO helpful in finding the truth of them.

And suddenly, these hurtful things have a purpose. Is it going to solve all of your problems? Ha. I wish. But it might help you put things into perspective. 

So, this week...are you in? Have you ever felt disappointed? Can you turn that disappointment into a layout/art journal page or some other documentation? Share your links in the comments so we can all be inspired! 

Clinging to Hope

I'm preparing for our inspection today while at the same time preparing for Faith Fridays tomorrow... and I don't have a lot of words to share, though I'm sure Adam would rather I process my thoughts here...it's been one too many nights of verbal processing, I think. 

And it really is just processing...the kinds of things that have no answers. 

So today I'm quiet. Because sometimes we need a quiet day. 

And this is all I have to hold onto: 

Because sometimes there are no words. Sometimes there is only hope.

The hope of a quiet heart searching for something bigger than itself. 

The hope of answers that make sense and odds that are defeated and truth that is spoken.

In the stillness of this morning, I cling to that hope. 

10 Things You Can Do To Make Your Day Better

This morning I found myself getting ready (read: putting my pajamas back on after my shower) and simulataneously praying "God, can I just have an easy stretch? Not just a day or two, but an actual stretch of easy..." 

I'm whiny in the morning. Or is it whiney? So long as it's not wine-o, I think I'm okay. 

It was the weary in me talking, wanting more than anything for a true "month day of rest." When I get tired, I get emotional. 

And I wish I had a more gung-ho attitude about all that's going on, but there it is.

So I've been thinking about what it was that I've been missing in my life lately. Besides sanity. And I've come up with a list of ten things I want to do every single day. I thought I'd share so we can strive for it together...or at least strive for part of it. 

1. Pray. Quiet your mind. Take a time out. Be still.

You think it's a given, but it's not always. My days go so much better when I actually pray, when I take a few moments in the morning to stop and ask God to take hold of my day. WHY isn't this a given? Why, after 36 years, do I have to remind myself to do this? Lordie. It's so helpful to refocus on things like Ephesians 4:4: "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still..." 

Photo by LyndseyLewPhotography

2. Speak a kind word. 

Sometimes, I go to sleep at night with my kids' faces in my mind...and I try to remember how I've interacted with them that day. There are moments of loving, maternal, ever-loving motherhood... but often, I've rushed through my day so carelessly nothing sticks. I can't even conjure a memory of the day. I want to speak kind words to them, to my husband, to my friends...

Never miss an opportunity to pay someone a compliment. 

3. Remind yourself of your purpose...it will help you define your priorities. 

For everything you say "yes" to, you're saying "no" to something else. You have to decide which demands deserve your "yes" and which can handle your "no." Do you want to say "yes" to everyone else at the expense of your family? When someone is demanding something--even something GOOD--you have to step back and say "does this, in any way, bring me closer to my purpose..."? If it doesn't, let it go...

4. Hug someone. 

Do you remember the movie "Life as a House"? I remember watching it, depressing as it was, and there was this part where Kevin Kline went to a nurse and when she touched him, he realized he hadn't been touched in a very long time...and he needed it. We all need it. We need to be held. We're built to crave touch...so hug someone. Even your big kids, because while you don't think they need it and they may act like they don't want it, they do...and you'll benefit from it too.

5. Learn something.

You can never stop learning. You never know everything. None of us does. There is always someone who can teach us something, often in the most surprising places. Seek out the chance to learn every single day...

6. Choose not to talk badly about yourself. 

I love to self-deprecate more than pretty much anyone I know, but there's a difference between things I don't care about (how bad of a cook I am) and things I do care about (whether or not I'm a decent writer.) Negative self talk isn't going to get you anywhere. Charge yourself for every ugly word you say about yourself...and reward yourself when you focus on the positive. 

7. Appreciate God's creation. 

I'm aware now more than ever how beautiful this earth is. Sometimes, when I'm outside, it just fills me up...and many days I fail to notice. Catch the sunset, marvel at the moon, admire a mama bird feeding her ugly hairless babies...there's so much out there to speak to your soul...but you have to open your eyes. 

8. Take Care of Yourself. 

This is one of those "I'm gonna do my best to try this because I know it'll make me feel better" things. Here's the truth. I sit at a computer pretty much all day long. I have to remember to reset my posture, to stand up, to drink water, to stretch out, to find time to be active, to eat well...when I do, I'm more productive and happier. When I don't, we all suffer the wrath of Courtney. 

9. Fall asleep with your blessings behind your eyelids. 

I tend to get very mired down in all that's going wrong rather than looking at all that's going right. It's a conscious choice to focus on the good. No one can do that for you. 

10. Surrender.

I like to worry about things I have no control over. There is NOTHING so great as the peace that comes with complete surrender. To be honest, this is something I have to do daily because if I didn't, my mind would implode. Focus on what you can control and give the rest to God. I mean, really give it over...as in, take it and put it in His hands. Out of yours. 

And don't pick it up again. 

(That's me being bossy to myself, in case you couldn't tell.) 

So that's my list...I want to know what do you do to make your day better? 

Scrapbooking Your Faith Weekly Prompts {Week Two}

 Ah, here we are again...time for another installment of "Faith Fridays." 

Let me start with this trust little video because I know you're all dying to stare at my dark roots and asymmetrical nostrils. 

 

To note: 

1. My favorite phrase is "super excited". 

2. I swear I didn't "color outside the lip lines" with my lipstick. I checked it twice, but it still looks off. Whatevs. 

3. There is no good natural lighting in our house. 

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...here is my layout:

The prompt is: Create a page or project to serve as a word of encouragement for yourself or someone you love. For me, this layout was a way to remind my son of something God's already done in our life.

Also, part of the challenge would be to create something that you could easily integrate right into your regular, annual albums. This page isn't overtly "faith-based", yet the journaling very much is what I wanted to remind him of. 

So, that's the prompt for this week. 

I think after I created this for Ethan, I needed to do something to remind myself as well...so I did this art journal page:

Here's a close up on the journaling:

To me, this was 1000% therapeutic. Sometimes you just have to get lost in the paint. Regardless of how accomplished (or not) you are. 

I created her bubble skirt using tissue paper and gel medium. I tore small pieces and balled them up, dabbing a dot of gel medium inside and then dabbing a dot on the back. Once it was all in place, I covered the whole thing in gel medium. 

It's not going anywhere. 

This week, I'm especially excited because I'm featuring the ridiculously amazing work of mixed media artist and god-lover, Stephanie Ackerman from Homegrown Hospitality. 

Here is Stephanie's take on this prompt:

I think I may use her project as a jumping off point for whatever I do next week just because it's so darn inspiring. The truth in this..."Out of my hands and into his..." is SUCH a great reminder, and I love how she really created something meaningful for herself. 

You can see more of Stephanie's project on her blog HERE. Scroll around there, it's amazing! 

So, there you have it...don't forget to share your projects once you get going...I cannot WAIT to see what you guys come up with! 

And finally, the winner of the life-changing, soul-jarring book "Lost and Found"
by the fabulous Ginny Yttrup is...

ROBBIE IOBST! 

Robbie, send me your address and we'll get it in the mail! (And if you aren't Robbie, head over to amazon to pick up a copy for yourself. It's a gift. I promise.)

Scrapbooking Your Faith Weekly Prompts {Week One}

I'm so excited to share the very first "Faith Friday" Scrapbooking Your Faith Prompt!

 

Things I've learned from making videos of myself: 

1. One of my nostrils is bigger than the other.

2. You should never film yourself with the camera looking up at you. Even the slightest angle can show all your chins. 

3. There is nowhere in our house that seems to have good natural light. 

Today's Prompt: 

Scrapbook/Journal/Document Your Truth. 

What I mean by this is, document your latest revelation, your latest word from God. The most recent thing you don't want to forget. Your ah-ha moment...

Here's my page:

I'd like to apologize now for crummy lighting. It's been overcast and I took these photos THREE times. sigh. 

Regardless, you can see I'm all about keeping it VERY simple. It's important for me not to overwhelm myself with the crazy pressure of creating art right now. I'm on deadline and very busy preparing to move...so simple and easy is the name of the game. 

The point is, I don't want to forget the story. That's the most important thing. I don't want to forget what it's like to be in the middle of this revelation...

I've hidden the journaling behind the strips of patterned paper. This makes it easier if you happen to be journaling something you don't really want everyone to read. 

Clearly, I'm not:

In this case, I took the words straight from my blog post (which is where I digest most of this stuff anyway...) 

My embellishments were few and I printed the title right on the photo to make this whole thing even easier. 

Now, what about you? What revelation will you document? 

How would you like to win a copy of "Lost and Found" by Ginny Yttrup?

Leave me a comment and I'll enter you in a drawing to win an autographed copy of Ginny's book. I can't explain the importance of reading something so powerful, and the fact that the revelation comes through a fictitious story...you'll be amazed. 

Now...for the five winners of "Scrapbooking Your Faith"...

1. Stacy Caddy

2. Renee J.

3. Kimberli

4. Karen Larson

5. Susan C.

You five, email me your addresses at: courtneycrops{at}msn{dot}com and I'll get those out to you! 

And, like I said in the video, I hope you'll link up here when you finish your projects...even if they're simple (like mine), they can still inspire.

Have a wonderful weekend! 

 

Truth Is Power {Lost and Found by Ginny Yttrup} Part Two

There's so very much I could write about "Lost and Found." In so many ways, this book opened my eyes to my own issues. The way I've allowed myself to be too caught up in the world's opinions. The way I've maneuvered my life to try and become who I am expected to be. 

If there's one thing I've learned over the past five or so years, it's this. 

Truth is power.

I think we have a tendency, as humans, to hide our mistakes, our sins, our evils, and then they become the thing that plagues us. The thing that could easily take us down. 

But when you speak them out, when you confess your issues or shed light on your sins...a funny things happens, they can't hurt you anymore. 

Light and darkness cannot co-exist. So, when you pull something out of the darkness, it's filled with light...and while the process can be painful, the truth of it brings power. 

Once there's light, there's hope...and that thing you've been hiding can't hurt you anymore. It's no longer a weapon that can be used against you...

In Ginny's book, there's a paragraph I circled: 

It is so like her to act as though nothing has transpired between us. To move forward without a backward glance. An apology. An acknowledment of any sort. These are the times that leave me feeling crazy.

And that's how it can be when you're unsure, when truth isn't prominent in your mind. You allow other people to dictate the things you believe, regardless of what you know to be true. 

Why do we do that? 

Why do I do that? 

Reading the words in this book opened my eyes and helped me realize that while I've felt like something was wrong with me all this time, in reality the only thing wrong is that I wasn't allowing the truth to have the power in my life. 

Like I said yesterday, I feel like this book was a gift to me. A way for me to fully embrace the things God's told me to do and allow them to be the only thing that matters. 

And the scary part is that I expect to be tested with this again. And again. Until I get it down. Until I can fully embrace this revelation. 

To that end, here's what I know: 

1. I'm first a wife and a mother. My family is my #1 ministry. Anyone who tells you differently (in word or in action) doesn't have your best interest at heart. 

2. I'm called to be a writer. 

3. Not everyone in the world is going to like me. And that's okay. 

4. I can't worry about the opinions of others...because if I please one person, I'll likely not please another person. There are, after all, as many opinions as there are people.

5. God has a divine purpose for my life. (And yours.) 

These are some of my truths. I have to stay focused on these and not get diverted watching enemy missiles firing at me. 

In a few short months, I'll be walking back into familiar territory. The place where people know me as the person I always was, and I'm tasked with the trial of staying true to what I now know. And it may be difficult not to let myself get tied in to the things that used to be such a huge part of my life. 

You know, it's kind of like trying to change your personal style...if I started wearing dresses everyday, would people think "Who is she trying to be?" 

Maybe. 

But the fact remains that the hard lessons I've learned over the last two years are in me now. They can't go away just because I'm shopping at the same Target store I used to shop at. And I think, in many ways, Lost and Found taught me that. 

That it's okay to seek the truth. 

That it's wise to hear God's voice and act accordingly, regardless of what anyone says about it. 

That sometimes speaking your mind, when done with grace, isn't a bad thing. 

This is my truth. 

What's yours? 

By the way...you can visit Ginny on her website/blog HERE.

And you can buy your own copy of her incredible book HERE. 

When God Sets You Free {"Lost & Found" by Ginny Yttrup}

I'd just sat down to read a nice little story from an author I'd heard so much about. Her name is Ginny Yttrup, and her first book, Words, is one I've had on my "to read" stack for some time. Why I decided to read her second book, Lost and Found first was a mystery...until after I closed the back cover. 

Now, in hindsight...it's very clear. 

Pages 21-22:

"The object of our adoration can either sustain us or sink us." She bends down and picks up one of the red leaves fallen from the Japanese maple.

"What do you mean? God isn't going to sink us." 

She rubs the leaf between her fingers. "No, but He's not always the object of our adoration. Right?" 

"You're suggesting I adore Brigitte?" I laugh. "Really?"

She shrugs. "To adore someone is to revere them--to worship them. Isn't that what you're doing, in a sense, when you give someone so muh power in your life?" 

My heart sort of skipped and I went back and re-read that again. Especially that last part. The book is about a woman (Jenna) stuck in a verbally abusive relationship with her mother-in-law (Brigitte), and as I read, I identified with Jenna so clearly. It was as though Ginny's words were written for me. 

When I read this book, I had no idea we'd be moving back to Illinois. I'd spent my entire life there, and during those years, I'd always been the people pleaser. I followed the rules. I did what I was obligated to do. It's who I was. Who I'd always been. 

What I didn't realize was that by doing what I'm obligated to do, by constantly caring what people think of me, by worrying if I'd make someone mad if I stepped out and did what I thought God told me to do...I was essentially saying "These people's opinions are more important than what God says." 

Looking back on it now, I feel like this book was a gift to prepare me to go back to my old haunts but as a changed person. With a new perspective on life...

The story went on, and I thought maybe it was a fluke. Like maybe pages 21 and 22 were an accident. 

But then I reached page 121 and I read these words: 

"I need to persevere, I think." Then she sighs. "But..." 

...

"But...that isn't working. I'm"--her eyes fill with tears--"so weary. So tired." 

...

"I just want...more than anything...I want to please God. I want to do what He wants me to do. To handle things the way He'd have me handle them." 

I lean forward again. "Jenna, what happens when you dump your weariness on God? When you turn to Him and say, 'I just can't do it anymore?'"

She hesitates. "I...I don't do that." She shakes her head. "I don't turn to God during those times. Because I think I should be able to handle whatever is going on." 

Again, my pulse quickened. Was Ginny inside my head? Did she somehow base this character on me? At the time, I didn't know the author, and yet, her words were resonating with me. 

I was weary. I was tired. I wanted to do God's will but nothing seemed to be going right.

But God knew where we were headed...and he knew it was time to set me straight on some things. 

Because there are many forms of abuse. There are many ways in which people (friends/colleagues/employers, spouses, etc.) manipulate and control you.

They make you fearful. They have the final say. They are always in the right. And in doing what they do, they make you think there's something wrong with you. Like if you feel something is off, if you feel like you have to perform in order to be valued, that you're the one in the wrong... 

I always felt like that. That wanting the things I wanted (to be a mom and a wife and a writer and not much more...) was wrong. That by not wanting to be typical and play the role I'd been cast in...meant that something was wrong with me. 

But did it? Does it? 

For years now, it seems these kinds of personalities have been a part of my life, and as a result, I've lived in constant angst. Worrying what's being said or if I did something wrong or why someone isn't speaking to me...

And it wasn't until we moved to Colorado that I finally started to see that this isn't okay. I finally stopped being obligated. It's not okay for people to treat other people this way, but it's also not okay for me to allow myself to get so wrapped up in pleasing other people (who don't know God's will for my life) that I forget to seek first HIS kingdom. 

I'd forgotten who has the final say. I'd been unable to look at the things GOD says about me, too wrapped up in the opinions of a select few who ultimately have no bearing on my life.

I see now that the timing of me reading a book about someone on an identical journey wasn't an accident. In truth, I don't know that I'd have the strength to maintain my new convictions when I walk back into the familiar. 

I still don't know if I will, but I feel like Lost and Found was God's gift to me. It was God's way of saying "You're not crazy. You can do this. You will be okay." 

It was his way of reminding me what HE says about me is what matters. 

Nothing else. 

I realize that this pattern in my life will appear again, and I'll have a choice to bend or to stand. 

To remember page 213:

There is no punishment. 

No condemnation. 

Only grace. 

And to cling to that. 

Whose opinions do you focus on? Is it hard for you to break free of abusive or toxic relationships? What gives you the strength to do so?

More on this tomorrow...there's just so much to process...

When God's "NO" is a much-needed detour {the next part of the story}

So...where was I? 

A funny thing happens to me when I sense God is doing something. That we're on the edge of change feeling takes over and I find myself looking for it everywhere. Like Sherlock Holmes, I try to deduce where God is taking us, as if it's a mystery to be solved. As if I can't wait another moment for the answers. As if He's not going to show us in His time. 

In the case of our move here, it was the pervy pastor. 

In the case of our move back home, it was something else entirely. And I was bummed out when I decided that I must not, after 36 years of trying, be able to hear God's voice after all. 

As a wife, I think it's safe to say that I can spot discontent in the man I married. He is, by all accounts, incredibly laid-back. Otherwise, I'm certain there's no way he could live with me. When I started seeing his discontent, I started to wonder what we were going to do...but then he'd have a great day (usually off at a video shoot or something) and it would be fine for awhile. 

But then, it wouldn't be. 

I'm not sure which one of us handled this worse. (Yes I am, it was me. I handled it worse.) Because I hate seeing him unhappy. Knowing what he can do and how good he is at what he does, seeing him spend his days doing something other than that just about killed me. 

So, I started praying. I prayed that Adam would find the kind of job that utilized his talents--his gifts--the things that made him truly happy. Adam has star potential, and I knew he'd couldn't be long-term happy in a cubicle. 

Then our church announced that they needed a worship leader. And while I knew my husband did not want to go back into church ministry and he most certainly didn't want to be a worship leader, all I could think was "This is something he could do." 

And I felt strongly about it. And I knew this was it. And I convinced Adam to call the church. And one hour before he called, they filled the position. And I moped and sulked a little because what other option was there for us? How, God? How are you going to fix this one? 

Oh, ye, of little faith. 

Man, I had little faith. 

That weekend, we were in Illinois for some reason and I remember recounting the whole story to my mom (who, if you can believe it, worries even more than I do...hey, I learned from the best.) But while I was telling her the story, this strange thing happened...

"But you know," I said, driving toward Wendy's for my apple pecan chicken salad. "Adam doesn't want to be a worship leader. The thing he keeps talking about is theatre. Kids' theatre. Teaching music and acting and directing...that's the thing we both miss." 

And in that moment, literally, it was like oh-my-gosh-that's-what-we-need-to-do...Like a lightbulb. Like THAT was the thing that we had in our hearts--that Adam especially had in his heart...and if it weren't for my misguided attempt to force him into a box he didn't want to go in, we wouldn't have realized it. 

That's when we started discussing our options...that's when we started dreaming about doing what we'd always loved to do...something we do together sort of beautifully. 

See, sometimes, we head down a path and we're sure it's God. And then it doesn't work out. I believe that doesn't mean it's not God...it's just God's way to get you to a different place...

Adam isn't going to be a worship leader, but that closed door got us dreaming again. Outside the box dreaming...and now, months later, here we are...standing on the corner of God's Will. 

Just where he wanted us to be. 

It's easy to get caught up in the method...to look at these detours, these twists and turns and beat ourselves up because the closed doors MUST mean we haven't heard God...but I don't believe it for a second. If you surrender, he'll get you exactly to the spot you're supposed to be in. 

I'm sure of it. 

What detour have you taken lately? Is it possible that it's leading you to something bigger?

Scrapbooking Your Faith Weekly Prompts {Won't You Join Me?}

I'm interrupting my story to gather the rest of my thoughts. I'll tell you all about how this move has already been challenging in that my son is acting out in school because he can't seem to process his emotions. I'll explain what it's like when well-meaning people plant a seed of doubt in your mind and how difficult it is to cling to what you know you know...

The story just keeps changing. Today our Realtor is coming by to talk about selling the house. When we moved here, I was terrified about our house in Rockford. It never did sell, but we have fabulous renters. 

Sometimes God works things out in a way you never expected. I love that. 

Because of it, I feel like I can walk into this next season with more peace. I don't know how God will work it out, but I know he will. I rest in that. 

Anyway. Today, I want to direct you to the Creating Keepsakes Magazine Blog where I'm guest posting (yay) and sharing a layout inspired by my book, A Sweethaven Summer. (Should go live later tomorrow!) Since I haven't talked about the 'ol book in awhile, I'll put in a shameless plug here...I think it'd make someone an awfully nice Mother's Day Gift, don't you? 

You can head right over HERE and enter to WIN a copy along with some fabulous scrapbooky prizes! 

I'm also working on some fun events to help spread the word about the book because we all know word of mouth is what really sells a book. 

If you've shared it with a reader in your life...thank you. Immensely. 

If you haven't, feel free. I'll pledge my undying devotion to you if you help spread the word. 

Too needy? 

Here's a little peek at the project I'm sharing over at CK...

(It's a map project. I love a good map.)

A few weeks ago, CK Editor Extraordinaire Jennafer Martin was in town and my good friend Liz and I got to meet up with her for breakfast:

I can't resist. I have to mention how sleepy I look. Wowza.

If there's one thing I LOVE about scrapbooking it's the friends I've made...which is why I'd LOVE for you to come join me for this new thing I'm doing right here on my blog. Six weeks of journaling prompts to help you Scrapbook Your Faith. 

Now, I'm not much of a video girl (which you will soon see givent he crummy webcam I'm using, but today I'm doing something I've never done before...a video announcement to tell you more about this fun idea.

I want to stress that this is NOT just for scrapbookers...this is for anyone...and I hope you'll join me...

At the risk of looking like a complete dork, here we go...(And the freeze frame/lighting are sooo flattering.)

 

So, let's recap (and talk about how you can WIN some GREAT, awesome, wonderful stuff.) 

1. Go over to the CK blog and enter to WIN A Sweethaven Summer and a scrapbooking prize package! (Post should be up tomorrow!) 

2. Leave me a comment on this post and you'll be entered to win a copy of Scrapbooking Your Faith (and one of the five winners will get a scrapbooking mystery box as well!) (And also, tell me if you're going to join in and journal YOUR faith!)

3. Come back next week for the first "Scrapbooking Your Faith" journaling prompt! It's going to be tons of fun! 

4. Tell Your Friends! 

Hope you have a wonderful weekend! 

When God Surprises You {part three of this story}

I sat down on our bed and stared at my husband who had this sort of giddy-as-a-schoolboy expression on his face. 

"What's going on?" My heart was racing and I felt the change coming. 

We knew we were in for a change, but I have to tell you that every time I prayed about it, I prayed "God, there are just two things I can't lose. My house and the kids' school. Just let us keep those things." I don't care about cars or clothes or anything like that...but the kids' school and our new house are important to me. 

And the funny thing is, I prayed the same thing about our house in Illinois. 

Sometimes the things you cling to the tightest are exactly what you have to give up. Perhaps these things were my "Isaacs"...perhaps God wanted to see just what we were willing to lose to gain his will for our lives. 

"I've been waiting for you to get home," Adam said and then he launched into a recap of his conversation. And by "launched into a recap" I mean he relayed about two minutes of a forty-five minute conversation. 

This is my life, folks. If you want details, you have to probe. 

The long and short of it is this: Our Chicago friend was absolutely ecstatic about helping us however he could. For a good forty-five minutes, he and Adam discussed exciting things like insurance and logistics and Adam was feeling great. And then, somewhere in the conversation (the details are, let's just say "fuzzy") turned and our friend told Adam that two days before their current Artistic Director (a woman we all LOVE) had resigned. 

Because her family's business was booming (I'll blog about that some other time...that's a whole separate inspiring story...) she needed to devote more time to it. 

And that left CYT-Chicago without an Artistic Director. 

(today is blurry-picture day on my blog.) 

I stared at Adam and kind of shook myself out of my what-did-you-just-say trance. "So, what? We'd move back to Illinois?" 

His eyebrows popped up as if that were an acceptable answer. 

I can't explain what happened next. It was like, inside me something switched and I realized that while we love Colorado, ever since my launch party back in February, my heart has been homesick for Illinois. (Coincidence?) 

Sometimes I think when you're in the thick of something, when these are your circumstances and you don't have another choice, you simply keep your head down, make the best of things and focus on what's good. And there is a LOT of good here. 

Friends that I do NOT want to lose. Weather that you cannot beat. And, like I said, a school and a home I've grown to love. 

But in that moment, when he said flicked his eyebrows at me...my response was "Let's do it." 

(not commenting on my posture...resisting the urge to self-deprecate)

Later, Adam told me that as SOON as he heard they needed an Artistic Director, he knew that was our next step. Just like as SOON as I heard they needed an Artistic Director, I knew that was our next step. 

...but that didn't keep me from worrying. 

You see, Adam decided to resign from his position at Group. Crazy, right?

He came home one day and told me "I just can't do this anymore." And I can't explain the inexplicible peace I had in that moment. I couldn't stand to see him unhappy for one more day. This was not what he was called to do and everyone knew it. So I said "Then give your notice." 

We had to go on the faith that what we knew God was telling us was going to happen would really happen...but there was always that slim little chance we'd mis-heard...it had happened before, after all. 

I spent the next several weeks wondering things like "What if someone else swoops in and gets the job?" and "What if they decide they don't like Adam after all? Maybe his brand of humor will offend..." and "What if for some reason Illinois falls into the ocean never to be seen again?" (seriously, sometimes that's how ridiculous it is.) I practically made myself sick over it and all the while, Adam was completely confident because hearing God for him is very cut and dry.

Mind you, he'd only relayed portions of conversations with me so there's a very good chance he's instituted a plan to take over the world and I'd be the last to know. 

I clung to the fact that I'd been here before. My gut knew this feeling. I knew this was our step...and so did Adam. We committed our plans to God and we were going for it. 

We were all in. 

After several more conversations, Adam learned that one of the biggest parts of his job at CYT will be writing curriculum to streamline their classes...and after working at one of the top companies for church curriculum, he'd been trained in writing GREAT curriculum...regardless of the misplaced commas or hyphens. 

I can tell you in no uncertain terms, my husband is an insanely good writer. 

And it sort of ticks me off if you want to know the truth. 

Anyway. All of the sudden, all of my "WHY did we have to move here if only for two years?" became "Wow, God. You really set us up...Now it all makes sense." 

NONE of this is what we expected but when I see how all the pieces came together, when I see how God took care of us, used this whole experience to build our faith, it's clear that he is not about to shove us out of the boat without a life vest. 

After a trip to Illinois and several official interviews, we got word that it's a done deal. And as far as I know, Illinois hasn't fallen into the ocean yet. 

And God. Is. So. Good. To. Me. 

When God Intervenes {part two of this story...}

Needless to say, we didn't take the job with the pervy pastor. 

But that didn't keep us me from doubting that I'd heard God's voice. See, a funny thing happens when you think you know what God's doing...and he does something different. You assume you've missed it somewhere. You've messed up. 

And if you're like me, you wallow in the "I'm 33 now I should be able to distinguish God's voice, shouldn't I" of it for days...or, months. 

But in retrospect, when I look back, I realize that God's nudging really was there all along, I just didn't acknowledge it. Because I didn't want to. Because I thought this was it. Because we were so sure. 

Don't get me wrong, I think this whole scenario had to happen. I think God wanted us to check it out, to interview at this place, to inform us in no uncertain terms that "no" means "no." That he will stop us if we start down a path that's not his. I truly believe that, and it's comforted me in every decision we've made since. 

Including the one to move to Loveland for Adam to work for Group. 

We came here ready for something different. Ministry is an amazing thing, but it really can be grueling, and with our young family in tow, we just needed a different life. A different schedule. And we needed to calm our cynical hearts. (Just being honest.) 

See, another lesson that's hard to learn is that God is not found in a person. Or a church. Or in a litany of "things I did good today." And it took moving here to differentiate what God was saying and what people were saying. Often, the two were not the same thing. 

So we came here and three months later, there was a big shake-up at Group. They reorganized and many people lost their jobs, including a bunch from Adam’s department. Thankfully, Adam wasn't one of them. This is an incredible company doing incredible things, but for Adam, his "incredible" is all creative...and this job now didn’t allow for the amount of creativity Adam was looking for. That tends to happen when a team of 10 is cut to a team of 3 and the workload doesn’t change.  

If Adam had been any one of you in this position, I would've said "You need to find something else." And even though part of our livelihood depended on his job, even though I was a bit terrified about what we'd do and why we moved and the whole deal, I knew I couldn't support him staying in a job that he didn't love. 

It's just not how we're wired. 

Turns out, when you're supremely creative (and that's your main gift) checking for commas, periods and misspellings isn't exactly fulfilling. 

So, we started talking about what we did love. What we wanted to do. More than once I said, "What do you really want to do when you think about your days?" Sometimes he shrugged or said "I don't know..." but I started to pay attention and he kept talking about theatre for kids. 

We both missed it. I mean, CYT got into our blood. When we went to see "Tall Tales", the first show we wrote, that's when it really started to sink in what we'd left behind. 

So, here we were, months later, writing another original show for the same organization and feeling like we should be directing it one day. 

And this is where it gets interesting. 

I want to say something that I have absolutely no biblical proof of. At all. But it's what I've discovered in our own lives. Years ago, I overheard someone who was out of work saying "Well, I'm just waiting on God..." (This is truly a wonderful thing to do...and I think it's important to master the art of waiting. It's not in my arsenal of gifts.) 

But in the back of my mind, I remember thinking "But what if God is waiting on you to put in a resume or make some phone calls or get out there and take a step? Could it be that you're not getting your answers because you're not actively pursuing them? 

(As a disclaimer, I also think that sometimes God tells you "sit tight. Wait on me. Trust." So if that's you, ignore this...but in our case...God seems to move when we move.) 

So, we did. We made phone calls and set up meetings. We were going to start our own theatre and music program here. It would be hard and challenging and Adam would have to work another job, but we were dedicated to making it work. Again, we thought this was where God was leading us. 

And it was, but not for the reasons we thought. 

In the middle of all of this, Adam called our friend at CYT-Chicago. Why wouldn't we? They're the leaders when it comes to this kind of program, and we needed guidance and wisdom. They spent a good chunk of time on the phone and then Adam called me (I was out getting the kids)...twice...asking when I was going to be home. 

When I arrived, he pulled me into our room and shut the door. 

He looked at me, this strange little flash in his eyes and said, "Okay...keep an open mind." 

I kind of laughed and said "Oh, what are we moving again?" (as in "ha ha, that'd be just ridiculous...") 

His jaw went slack and he stared at me..."Just...keep an open mind..." 

God was about to shift our path yet again...and as the pieces fell together, it became clearer and clearer and he was answering the prayers of my heart...

God, we want you to use us. Take our lives and make them yours. Show us what you have. Put us in a place where Adam will thrive, where his gifts will be valued and he's able to use them on a daily basis. Help us make an impact in the lives of the people who surround us. 

We had no means to do any of these things...

But God...

When God Says "No" {where this story begins}

So. The dirt. The dish. The lesson(s) in all of this. 

I've been trying to think of the best way to share the story behind this great big change...and I've come up empty. I mean, I want fireworks to emphasize the right points because you know, there were mental fireworks. 

I want you to see how awesome God is...even when you feel lost...because he's still there. Loving us. 

The burden of making that clear is weighing on me right now...I'm not sure why. 

Anyway...I'm going to tell the story in a few different posts because  hindsight is 20/20. I'm starting to see the pieces fall into place, and it's amazing to me the way God has worked this out, how he was there in those moments when I was sure he'd forgotten us. Amazing. 

I mean, shaking-my-head at the computer screen amazing. 

To start with, I want to talk about "When God Says 'No'"...

Before applying at Group, Adam only applied at one other place. A church. We went there. He interviewed. We imagined. And the whole time, I had a PIT in my stomach...I can still remember walking to the bathroom at the end of the service, shutting the door to the stall and crying. 

God, this isn't what I want. 

But I ignored it because of what I thought God was doing. It seemed like He had lined this thing up for us. They wanted Adam. They were creative and valued his creative gifts. They were unique. 

We lay in bed at night running through the possibilities and trying to determine...God, is this what you want us to do? 

There was no booming voice...no fire or brimstone...but we didn't get a "no"...at least, we thought we didn't.

So we landed back in Illinois, making plans to break the news that we were moving. 

But then something happened. Adam had been texting back and forth with the pastor making plans for our future. Plans to take a HUGE step and move away. 

So when his phone buzzed and he got a new text, he asked me to read it because he was driving. (And I should add, that the pit in my stomach had not gone away.) So, I opened the phone to a new text from this pastor.

And it was most certainly NOT a text for my husband. 

I've washed my eyeballs out repeatedly, but cannot seem to get the words (and the image they conveyed) out of my head. 

"Just read it," Adam said. 

"I can't read this out loud." 

Adam frowned. "What's the big deal?" 

I shoved the phone at him and as he read the words, I could tell he thought the same thing I did. 

First, "ew." And second, "What in the world?" 

(I refuse to repeat it, but basically it was a VERY crude text...the kind that would make any girl blush. And not in a good way.)

Adam texted back an "Umm...was this meant for me...?" 

Dear Jesus, I hope not. 

But really, did it matter who the intended recipient was? The issue, in my mind, was the lack of respect and the dirtiness (for lack of a better word) of it. 

The phone rang and the apology came, but the damage had been done.  

The door had been slammed shut. 

I looked at Adam, completely shell-shocked...because while I am a prude, I also believe that there is a respectful way for a husband to talk to his wife. I know married people all have their own way of doing things...but this signified that something was off. Something wasn't safe.

And more than anything, we needed safe.

The rawness in my stomach intensified. 

"Is that a deal-breaker?" I asked. 

Adam shook his head, clearly as stunned as I was and said, "I think it might be." 

We'd been ignoring the signals. We'd been shoving aside the feelings of discomfort, the little inconsistencies, the red flags. We were so sure we knew what God was saying we failed to listen. It's like people who pull a Bible verse out of context when it supports their position, but forget to look at the rest of the chapter. 

That's what we'd done. We were Bruce Almighty begging for answers behind a truck full of "STOP signs"...and yet, we failed to hit the brakes. 

But I think God allowed it because what it did was teach us to trust that gut instinct. To pay attention to the peace...to follow it, no matter how it seems to the rest of the world...to seek it out. And to KNOW that when it wasn't the thing he had for us, he'd shut the door. 

Even slam it. 

Looking back on it now, I see that this incident, though heart-breaking, taught me to trust that God has our best interest at heart. Even when we mess up. Even when we need twenty five different signs. Even when we fail to hit the brakes. 

More than once since then, I've recalled that moment and have been able to remind myself what's been echoing in my head the past several months...

He's got me in the palm of his hand.  

Trust your gut. Follow the peace. And know that even in the darkness...even in the storm...He's got you in the palm of his hand. 

...and this is just the beginning of the story...

 

The Benefit of the Dirt

Everything I've read or been taught about blogging tells me not to go into detail about my kids. "I don't want to hear about your kids' football games," they say, "unless you're famous." 

Which I most certainly am not. 

But I'm a mom, and like most moms, I learn something new everyday...often thanks to my kids. 

I learn to say "I'm sorry..." as in "I'm sorry you can't have Hershey Kisses for breakfast, but those are the rules." OR "I'm sorry you don't want to go to school today, but the law won't allow me to keep you home and for the sake of my own sanity, you're going to school...." OR "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." 

I'm great at apologizing now, thanks to my kids. 

Lately, I've been thinking about my life and how it's not taking the course I'd set it on. It's veering off into it's own direction a little bit...and I fought back for awhile (a long while) and now, finally, I think I'm starting to go with the flow. 

I'm starting to learn a little something, maybe thanks to this guy: 

Ever since Sam was a baby, he's loved to play in the dirt...

(Go ahead, tell me not to blog about my kids...I'll stick my fingers in my ears.) And yes, that is dirt UNDER his pacifier. 

It's got protein in it.

I started thinking, you know, I don't like dirt. I don't like it under my fingernails. I don't like to kneel in it, stand up and have it embedded in my skin. I'm not a fan of it in any form. 

But when I check on my youngest in the back yard and he's doing this:

...grinning while happily getting filthier than filthy, it stops me in my tracks. 

What does he know that I don't know? 

Clearly there's a secret I've yet to uncover. 

So, like any mom in an uber-pensive mood, I start to ponder the point of dirt. It makes things grow. When watered, those things thrive...and it hits me that sometimes you have to get a little dirty...a little mired in muck...to see the green shoot out from the ground. 

And plus, it can be sort of fun to play in. 

We all go through seasons...transitions...changes...and boy am I ever riding the roller coaster of change right now...but somehow, I feel like there's something new being cultivated. In the dirt of it (the ugly part), something's been planted that I have a responsibility to water and care for. 

And if I'm too afraid to get my hands dirty, it'll never happen. 

So if you're stuck in the dirt right now, go ahead and dig around for awhile...I have a feeling there are answers waiting to be uncovered...

What about you? Do you ever feel like you're in a season of change? Do you welcome it or do you, like me, fight back until finally you reach a place of surrender? (C'mon stubborn friends, 'fess up! We can form a club...)

In the Knowing...

I want to explain everything I'm thinking right now, but I find myself in the rare position of not being able to do that. Usually I'm just an open book and I like to muddle through the meanderings of my mind with you...

But some journeys are solitary and some problems you have to work out in the quiet of the night. 

Sometimes you can see how the things God's teaching you affect your children...and that's a hard thing to take. 

Sometimes I feel angry for it. 

When I wipe their tears, ones I wish I could cry myself, it makes me angry as much as it does sympathetic. 

Angry at circumstances that should be different. Angry that everything doesn't work out like your favorite song. Angry that lately I've been living on a steady diet that includes coffee and Aleve because my body isn't cooperating. 

And other times, I'm willing to move forward...because I know on the other side of the valley there's a forest of green, filled with exactly what I need. 

There are moments in the journey where I feel stuck, like a shoe that's come off in the mud. And in that state stuck-ness, I'm learning to listen rather than talk. I'm learning to run to HIM instead of people. It's easier to run to people because often, they say what I want to hear. 

Sometimes He doesn't. 

His answer is always the same. 

Trust. 

Sometimes it comes in the form of a question. Do you trust me? 

And I sort of scoff my "Of course I trust you..." as doubts swirl around my head like a cloud of dust kicked up by tires travling a dirt road. 

Of course I trust Him. I know there's much learning to be done in the desert...

But do I trust him to work it out? I did last week, what's changed? Am I that quick to forget? 

It strikes me that sometimes the landscape here in Colorado looks like this:

No mountains. They're covered by fog and even though you know they're there, you can squint for days and not find them...

And then something shifts. Some slight change...

And there they are. Clear as day. 

Could it be that it's like that with God's blessing? With the answers to my prayers?

Could it be that it's more about my focus, what I'm choosing to fill my days thinking on? That it's a choice to be positive and hopeful...?

Why isn't my knowing He'll take care of me as strong as my knowing that mountain is there behind that thick cloud?

If I KNOW he wants the best for me, if I KNOW the mountain really is there, whether I can see it or not, that it's just going to take a bit longer for the clouds to move away, for the fog to lift, before I can see them clear as day again? 

It's often in the fog that I lose my way...

Praying I can see through it today with a fresh pair of eyes...

***

ETA: Picking the Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge Winners today! I'm notoriously indecisive but having so many amazing entries SURE isn't helping anything! You guys made this impossible for me!!

In the Land of Doubt...

Last night we did our taxes. Right now, we're living on a pretty strict budget. We've got things worked out. I have a plan.  

That plan includes looking at everything we're spending and realizing that when you spend almost $4 at Sonic's Happy Hour each day (as an after school treat), you're spending $80 a month on drinks. 

$80! Really?!! 

That's one habit we've broken...we'll make it an occasional treat. No one needs that many limeades (diet or otherwise) anyway. At least that's what I'm telling myself. 

Having to pay in to both Federal and two different state taxes was not part of my plan. And while for a fleeting moment, I thought "I'm sure it'll be okay..." 

Something else took over. That something? Doubt. 

The kind that niggles at you as you're trying to fall asleep. The kind that won't go away, won't leave you be. The kind that demands your attention. 

So I did what any freaked out, doubtful wife would do and I kept Adam from sleeping for at least an hour, lamenting over that thing that always seems to freak.me.out. 

Money. 

Throughout the course of the conversation, Adam, in all his nonchalance (which is equal parts helpful and annoying) claimed that it would all be okay. "There's always more money to be made." I rolled my eyes, having no place for his optimism. I wanted to wallow. I wanted to dig my heels in and fret. 

I wanted to worry. 

And at one point, I listened to the words coming out of my mouth and discovered something clear as day...(and Adam pointed it out just after I said it, so that was, you know, equal parts helpful and annoying.) 

But for me...money = security. 

My security isn't wrapped up in the provision God's promised...it's wrapped up in money. 

Ouch. 

But beyond that, I think part of my problem is that I don't believe God wants to do good for me. It's like I'm back to that being afraid to hope thing. I'm back to waiting for the other shoe to drop...and I think this morning I discovered why. 

Here's the ugly truth. People will let you down. Even Christians. Even church leaders. Even the righteous. Even the people you love most. We all let each other down--intentionally, unintentionally, whatever the reason...

A lack of character. A lack of integrity. A lack of follow-through or honesty or whatever it is. 

Or we're just busy and scattered...we've all got our excuses. 

Because we're all people. 

And I'm starting to realize that the one grave mistake I've made is that I've been attributing human characteristics to GOD. 

So, imagine my surprise this morning, when after a visit to Jill Savage's blog, I discovered this:

"God is not man, one given to lies, and not a son of man changing his mind. Does he speak and not do what he says? Does he promise and not come through? I was brought here to bless;
and now he's blessed - how can I change that?"

-- Numbers 23:19-20

And yes, I was completely convicted by it. 

Does he not speak and do what he says? Does he not promise and come through? 

He's not like the rest of us...sinners who hurt each other...he's GOD. He's here to bless...nothing we do can change that. 

Once again, I'm turning my eyes toward heaven, begging for forgiveness for my own disbelief and asking that somehow I can put my HOPE in HIM and not in the things of the earth, not in the things around me. 

Are you with me? Have you been where I am today? Have you made the mistake of putting your hope in the wrong thing or expecting God to disappoint the way people do? 

Do tell. 

A Manifesto

It's the middle of the day on a weekend and I'm sprawled on my bed with a pile of books surrounding me. In them, I expect I'll find the answers to all my questions from those who've gone before. 

Those who've studied and dove in head-first. Those experts. 

I believe in what they say, so I read with a highlighter in my hand, clean pages of a new notebook at my side. I'm poised and ready for wisdom to hit me. 

But the longer I sit and the more I read, the more I feel this odd sensation bubbling up inside me. The idea that maybe the answers aren't out there at all. Maybe, just maybe, the answers are already inside me, but it would take me being quiet to hear it. 

I set the two open books on my lap down on the bed and grab the plain white pages of the open notebook. I smooth my hand over the top page and close my eyes, inhaling the words that are boiling in my belly. 

I need those words, so I quiet my mind...and then, almost furiously, it comes. 

And I write: 

***

Your life isn't about working a job. The daily grind. Making ends meet.

Your life is about leaving a legacy. Using your gifts. Glorifying God.

Your purpose isn't to make someone else's dreams come true while your own dreams get farther and farther away...buried somewhere under files of paperwork or inbox messages clamoring for your attention. 

Your life is about something bigger...

About taking what you've learned (in all these years of being safe) and using it to challenge the status quo. 

Who strives to be mediocre? 

Not you. 

Step up. Step out. Be BOLD. take a risk. Put fett to your vision. Pound the pavement. Live on mac 'n cheese. Do what it takes. 

You get one chance to make this life look like the one you're dreaming of. 

So what are you waiting for? What are you so afraid of? 

Work hard. Make a difference. Speak truth.

Be real. 

And keep God at the center of it all. 

it's time to create something for yourself. 

To give back. To inspire. 

So go ahead. The legacy is yours to leave. 

***

My mind stills. My hand pauses. I'm finished writing.

The answers were inside me all along...and I know what I must do...

Words That Speak

I confess. I'm a word nerd. I love words. I love to string them together to evoke emotions. What can I say? I'm a writer. 

But I also love how words can encourage and uplift...and I'm not above encouraging and uplifting myself. We all need a little pick-me-up every now and then. Today I want to share with you a tiny little book I created full of words and reminders that I often need. A little positive self-talk never hurt anyone. 

This book started with a few digital layouts. I used this Kitschy Digitals kit from jessicasprague.com (Click on the image to check it out.)

I thought of them like little cards, so they're small, like 2.5"x3.5" and I used the same basic design for each one. It made everything simpler.

So this is what the cards looked like:

I chose words that spoke to me. Words that really get me out of any funk I might be in. You could easily do this with Bible verses, words of wisdom, notes to yourself...anything that speaks to you. 

The trouble with digital is that they do you no good unless you print them out. And I knew I wanted these cards to be carry-aroundable. 

What? It's a word. 

So, I went for a hybrid mini album. I made the booklet by hand using accordian-folded cardstock which I covered with print-outs from my digital kit. 

Very simple little booklet, but powerful for me...because the words are powerful. 

What words speak to you? Have you put them in a place of importance to help you remember them? And isn't it funny how we often forget them, choosing instead to focus on other words...like can't or who do you think you are? or you'll never...? 

There has to be better words than these, don't you think? 

And also, tomorrow is the last day to enter the Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge! Are you entered?? Click HERE for details on how your art can win you big prizes!!

 

Out of Focus

Recently, I had coffee with a couple of my friends. Friends I prayed for when we moved here because I knew I would need good, solid, God-loving friends if I was going to survive a cross-country move. God answered in spades. 

And as a side note, I've never understood what that phrase meant. "In spades?" Where did that come from and who decided spades were plentiful? I don't have a single one to my name. 

I was updating my friends on a couple of current situations in my life...a life which has, by many accounts, not gone according to my plan as of late. I have a laundry list of things that have gone wrong, in fact, and could recite it as easily as I can recite the entire Preamble to the Constitution. 

Don't test me. I really can. Along with all the presidents in order. (I had a really good sixth grade teacher.)

And as I told them some of the cool, miraculous, Big God things going on, one of my friends kind of shook her head and wondered aloud why it was that everything seemed to fall into place for me. 

I think the idea of it gripped me because lately I've felt more than ever that we are under a crazy mountain of eveyrthing-that-could-go-wrong-does.

I've wallowed and lamented. The only thing missing from my outbursts of grief were the sackcloth and ashes. 

I've been a mess. 

Let me rephrase. I've allowed myself to feel like a mess.

Yet, as we talked, to my friend, it seemed like everything was going swimmingly...

Somewhere along the way, I'd gotten out of focus. I think it's the lists... the ones of everything that's gone wrong. As if somehow it's going to prove my point and make me feel better to whip out my scroll and recount all the ways things are NOT going my way. And while I may not share these things aloud, inside, this is what I've chosen to focus on. 

This is what I've chosen to focus on? 

Why? 

Why on earth do I tattoo these things on my forehead rather than letting them go and instead turning my face towards all the things that God is working out for us? 

This weekend, Adam and I watched Clash of the Titans. I'd never seen it, despite recently having finished a script for a musical production of Hercules (which really has nothing to do with Clash of the Titans except that the gods are the same in both stories...) But it's funny what I found myself wondering about as I watched. 

1. Does Liam Neeson really glow like that? (And incidentally, I also wondered if Ralph Fiennes "Hades" reminded anyone else of Voldemort...)

2. Why doesn't the guy from Avatar get more big parts? He's kind of awesome. 

3. Why was there no love story in this movie? Methinks Perseus should've fallen in love...

And most importantly:

4. Could I learn something about God from this portrayal of Zeus? 

Clearly the greek gods are very different from the one true God, but I found it interesting how Zeus allowed Hades to reek a bit of  havoc on mankind in hopes that mankind would pray to him again. I've always been taught that God doesn't bring bad things our way. He doesn't inflict harm. He's a loving God...but still, the Bible is clear that there will be trials. We have to suffer. We have to learn. 

We don't have to like it. 

But in those trials, we have a choice. We can whine, complain, don the sackcloth and ashes. We can do those things in spades, even...OR we can pray and refocus. We can instead choose to focus to the many ways that God is working it out for us... 

Interestingly enough, in the movie, Zeus tried to help Perseus. He even appeared to him and begged him to accept his help. But Perseus was proud and refused him...at least at first. It got me thinking about how many times my vision has been out of focus so much that I've rejected God's help. 

It made me wonder if maybe things weren't all going wrong, the way I'd originally allowed myself to believe. 

Perhaps I simply need to refocus...and see everything a little clearer. 

Do you think I'm a heathen for using the image of Liam Neeson to illustrate? my faith walk? C'mon, be honest...

Sweet Jesus...And the Little Victories...

I'm considering having Sophia blog for me when I get stuck in a rut. (Kind of like I am right now.) Her new blog would've had twelve entries in it yesterday if I'd let her. I caved and gave her a blog. I get to approve all the comments and watch her like a hawk, but HERE is the link to my daughter's little spot on the web. 

I make no promises, but her post about being beautiful almost made me cry. 

As for me, I've been stuck in a Wonder-Funk. Last week at this time, I thought I was having a stroke and it's taken me the entire week to recover. I won't bore you wtih the details of not being able to get the neurologist to return my calls or the residual headache that loves to hang around and play...or the genius that is the chiropractor...I'll just say that perhaps that whole episode scared me a little more than I originally thought. 

You know, people often say "Life is short" or "It goes so fast" or "No one knows how much time they really have..." and I think there's still a part of me that has that That'll never happen to me attitude. But this little episode was a reminder of how precious it is when you see that these things really do come out of left field. A reminder to stay close to my Maker...in sickness and in health. 

My writer friend Kellie says something that I don't even know if she realizes...but she says "That Jesus, he's so sweet to me..." 

This is her book. Click on it to find out  more about Kellie...(and her fabulous story...)

Twice now, I've been on the phone with her, and that phrase just jumps out at me every time she says it. It makes me smile. It's the kind of thing I'd write into one of my stories...someone should say that, shouldn't they? 

But those words have kept coming back to me this week. Comforting somehow...I'm not going to lie, there's been a lot of things in our life lately that have tackled us when we weren't looking. Every day, it's been something new, and when that happens, it's easy to lose your footing...it's easy to focus on the everything that's going wrong. 

And a  person can only handle so much. 

But then...Jesus does something sweet for you. And you see all this hope swirling around and you realize that he never left your side. Even though, maybe it felt like it. 

Yesterday I got to do an interview with WMBI out of Chicago. The program was called "This is the Day" and the host, Nancy Turner, transitioned into my portion with a story that I kind of think was just for me. It was about a boy whose grandma reminded him that when a potter is molding clay, he never takes his hands off of it. 

Never. 

While it spins, the potter molds and shapes and peels away the excess...and that's what God's been doing with me...little by little...I can't tell you I've liked every step of the process, but trial brings perseverance and perseverance brings character and characters brings hope...

I guess sometimes you just have to squint to see the hope...but once you find it, that's where the focus should be. 

On the sweet things Jesus does for you. 

Life is about little victories...what are yours today? What keeps you from focusing on them?

Dream Day & Some Fancy Pants

Today I'm over on The Crafty Power Blog sharing a little Fancy Pants love. This is my niece, Lilah. I got to hang out with her in November and then again over Christmas and I'd like to brag and say that I won her over because it was quite a proud moment in my life. 

I have to tell you how very much I love Fancy Pants. This collection is SO fun and I accidentally printed a few extra photos so I'm making more pages of Lilah. I love it! 

Fridays used to be a big writing day for me, but since I turned in the manuscript for A Sweethaven Christmas, today I've decided to catch up on something every bit as important as the writing... dreaming. And studying. And drinking a lot of coffee. 

Today is Dream Day. Sometimes I think you go along with life just accepting whatever comes your way, failing to stop and actually make the changes you need to make...and it's not until you get alone with your thoughts that you can really say "this needs to change." Or "This isn't right." Or "I can't do that anymore." 

For me, that day is today. I've been challenged by a very dear friend to dream bigger...and I thought my dreams were pretty big...but lately, what I've been learning is that if God is in the details then I should pay attention to the details too. And I haven't been...not really. 

Our life, right now, is in the middle of yet another upheaval...and I have to admit, while that sometimes frightens me, the truth is, I'm kind of excited...and in the midst of more changes for our family, there is SO much peace...

I will always follow the peace. 

Happy Dream Day!

Why Your Art Isn't Frivolous

Before we moved to Colorado, Adam and I directed a CYT production of the musical “Godspell”. It was, without a doubt, the most memorable show I’ve ever directed. I was going through a fairly good amount of inner turmoil at that time, and I was very close to backing out of the show before we started. I am so thankful I didn’t. 

We were SO influenced by the 1996 revival (which we accidentally saw off-Broadway), we could hardly wait to get started. Little by little, we watched these kids bring the parables Jesus told to life, and I started to get a new understanding of why Jesus told these stories in the first place…

See, I’ve always been taught that every word in the Bible was true. Every word. Words like “prosperity” are just as true as “punishment”, whether we like it or not. Because of that, (I can’t believe I’m admitting this), I always thought the parables were stories of things Jesus actually saw or did or witnessed…I thought they were TRUE stories...

Why, yes, I do have blond hair, why do you ask?

It took working out the Book of Matthew on the stage before I realized they’re just stories.

I have to say, that while you’re probably laughing at me right now, the truth is, I wonder if God kept me from finding out the truth because of the impact it had on me as the realization set in. See, I’d just started writing seriously at that time. I’d gotten the contract, but I still didn’t really know WHY I felt called to write.

God had made it SO clear to me that this was what I was supposed to do…but why? To what end?

Often, in our society, those of us who are drawn to the arts…to the telling of a story either on stage or on page, we’re made to feel—for one reason or another—that this is a frivolous pursuit. Several times I’ve seen parents discourage kids from pursuing art, music, theatre, writing…because those aren’t “acceptable” careers. It is, after all, a tough way to make money and often filled with rejection. What parent wants that for their child?

So, in spite of the support I’ve always felt from my parents, I think there was this thing inside me that says “this is a ridiculous thing you do…”

Why would you want to tell stories/write books/make art/pursue music for a living? You're destined for poverty and what if no one likes your so-called "art"? What then??? 

Mostly, I can slap some duct tape over the mouth of that liar, but every now and then, it creeps in again…and I wonder Am I making a difference to anyone? Can telling stories make a difference?

So, in that (albeit humiliating) moment in 2009 when my husband gently told me that the parables were, indeed, stories, this wave of understanding mixed with gratitude washed over me…because finally, it made sense. Finally, I understood this pull to write, to create, to tell stories…

While I’m fully aware that my stories will never have the impact Jesus’ stories do, the bottom line is that I’ve got something in common with the Son of God. I’m a storyteller…and because of that, I believe, that there's a reason to keep going.

I'm living proof that sometimes people aren’t moved by preaching but they are moved by story. They’re moved because a story takes them out of themselves to walk in someone else’s shoes, to imagine a different way…and because of that, they have an experience. And it's much more difficult to shake an experience than it is a sermon. 

No one’s told them how to live, what to change, why they should do something…they’ve done it for themselves. They’ve lived, they’ve changed, they’ve DONE…because they left their own body, ceased being who they always are and became someone else...

Isn't that what a great book does? Allows you to become the character? Isn't this why we love movies or plays? Because we get to experience first-hand the choices and challenges, the highs and lows, that the character is experiencing?

I guess it was eye-opening to realize that storytelling had its place even when Jesus walked the earth…that his stories still change lives, so it gives me a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, I could do the same. It may be a lofty ambition, but we all have to strive for something, right?

The parables were stories that inspires and motivated and taught...and they were hugely successful at exploring real life issues in the context of a hypothetical...so doesn't it stand to reason that God would value the art that tells a story even in 2012? 

Doesn't it make sense then, that he's kept this medium around for a purpose? I think so. 

It's not frivolous to express yourself through your art, whatever medium you choose. It is, in fact, the quickest way to reach someone's heart...

Pitch Your Tent in the Land of Hope

Source

When I was in high school (and college), I used to keep a journal with a bunch of quotes in it. I collected quotes like some people collect stamps or rare coins. I'd doodle them and create with them and write them on the pages of my heart. 

My notebook was nothing fancy, just a collection of handwritten scribblings in a composition book. 

Years later, now that I know more about art journaling and its therapeutic value, I feel like I'd be embarrassed to show you that notebook, but the truth is, I simply wish I could find it. Because while it's not fancy or artistic or creative, it represents a season of my life...

And those quotes got me through a lot of tough stuff...

Lately, one quote in particular seems to keep tapping me on the shoulder. 

"Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things...and no good thing ever dies." 

It's from The Shawshank Redemption. 

Source

The quote comes to me almost like a challenge, lately. Because  I've realized that I'm afraid to hope. I'm afraid to "get my hopes up"...because if the thing I'm hoping for most doesn't come to pass, then the disppointment I'd feel would be painful. 

And no one likes to be in pain. 

We build turtle shells around ourselves to protect our emotions and we draw our heads inside whenever it gets bit stormy out there...for the briefest moment, we may peek up, a dot of hop on the horizon...but then, something happens and we're quickly reminded to stay behind the shell. 

Protected. And unable to be hurt. 

I've wrestled with this a lot. Recently, I called my sister and unloaded the whole thing on her. She may be younger than I am, but gosh, she's smart. I want to introduce you to her because she just started a blog...and already, I can tell, it's going to be a blessing. A big one. 

This is us before my launch party:

I know, we have demon eyes...what're ya gonna do?

Anyway, Carrie is often my first call. My spiritual guru. My personal preacher. And she just tells it like it is, but her advice is always steeped in godliness, which is why I listen and mull and chew.

A few weeks ago, I told her about some stuff that's going on here, big stuff that requires intense amounts of prayer and list-making...I punctuated my sentence with "I'm just so scared to hope." Sigh. 

I sometimes wonder if she, like God, gets tired of telling me the same thing. 

"You don't put your HOPE in the THING," she said. "You put your HOPE in the fact that GOD wants what's best for you. So if this thing doesn't happen, then there's something better..." 

I remember literally, physically trying to wrap my brain around this concept and I ended up saying, "I have NO idea how to do that." 

After MUCH soul searching and a lot of Bible study, I think I'm finally starting to understand...It's not about getting the house you want or the part you want or the book deal you want or the job you want...It's about knowing (in the deep recesses of your soul) that God wants the best for you.

He wants you to soar.

And if you can put your hope in that, in Him, then the disappointment you feel is blanketed with the knowing that there is something better for you. Suddenly, the disappointment is more bearable because you know it's simply a bump on the road to something else. 

When I look back on the times I've hoped for something (the attention of a boy, a house I thought I had to have, a part I desperately wanted to play) it's clear to me that although I felt disappointment every time one of those things didn't come to pass...that there was a great plan at work here. A better plan. 

A better husband. 

A better part. 

A better house. 

So now, I'm in the hoping again...at this moment...I am clinging to that revelation. Hoping that this time around the mountain it makes more sense to me. That it's more real to me. Because the Bible says Hope does not disappoint...

And I know now that means hope in GOD doesn't disappoint. 

Source

What are you hoping for? Are you afraid to hope? Are you, like me, struggling to say what you want? To say it out loud and not let the fear of disappointment hold you hostage?

Do me a favor? Check out Carrie's Blog...it's brand new, but it's call "A Prisoner of Hope." And those are bars we could all stand to get behind!

"I'm glad from the inside out, ecstatic;
I've pitched my tent in the land of hope."
- Acts 2:26

5 Lessons I'm Learning Thanks to my Debut Novel. {And a giveaway!}

                             

Today I'm talking a little about my writing journey over at the Brave Girls Club Website. 

I'm sure you've heard of Brave Girls Club. Yes? I'm going. One of these days, I'm going to get out there and get my hands all painty and explore my life and how I can make it better. That image at the top is one of Melody's and it appeared at precisely the time I needed it most.

Funny how that happens. 

It's amazing to me to see how God has used this writing journey to teach me so very much about myself... about the things I need to keep working on...day after day, I learn something new. Like how to lean on other people. How to accept the help of others. How to admit to myself and everyone else that there's no way I can do it all. 

Oh, I pretend for awhile...but when I do that, it all comes crashing down on me. 

Today, on this reflective Saturday (I wrote this on Saturday), as I prepare to head out to the Barnes and Noble here in Loveland for a book signing, and my nerves are amped up and I'm scared, I think about the things I know for sure...

(Also Melody's art)

So here's my list: 5 Things I'm Learning...thanks to my debut novel:

1. God is always going to come through for you. No matter what. Even if it feels like the midnight hour. Even if it feels like he's forgotten you. I promise. He hasn't. Lately, I keep hearing the same phrase echoing in my mind... He has me in the palm of his hand...

2. Sometimes compliments are more jarring than criticism. They're scary because they bring out a different kind of insecurity...the kind where you want to sit down and explain to everyone that they're mistaken. Don't they know how frazzled you really are? Don't they see that you're the mom who forgot the permission slip? Again. 

3. Just at the time when you're sure you cannot go on for one more single solitary second, someone jumps in and throws you a rope. If there's no rope, then you can do it...even if you feel like you can't. 

4. When you put out a "fleece" and convince yourself it's biblical, you might be mistaken. Some experts say this is actually a sign of an immature faith. (When you discover this the day after putting out a fleece, it's especially fun.) 

5. You can't make people run to amazon and buy your book. And as much as you want to, you can't give them away...all you can do is be thankful...so thankful...that you have this opportunity...and then you can pray that God gets a hold of it and does what he wants with it.

You can't worry about what you can't control...

I'm learning, my friends...so much and so fast...and other things...REALLY slowly. Ha. But in honor of these many lessons, and in honor of my "Someone Threw Me a Rope" post at Brave Girls Club, I want to give away a copy of my book, A Sweethaven Summer...

The book is available HERE and HERE and on KINDLE, and NOOK...so if you don't win, maybe you'll join me for a little escape to Sweethaven!?

How do you enter? Simply leave me a comment and tell me...what lesson are you learning lately? 

To sweeten the deal, I'm also going to give away a spot in my new Big Picture Class, Scrapbooking Your Faith...

(Click on image for more information!) 

AND a copy of my first book, Scrapbooking Your Faith:

For additional entries:

1. Facebook a link to this post OR to "A Sweethaven Summer" on amazon!

2. Tweet a link to this post or to "A Sweethaven Summer on amazon!

3. Blog about either of these things. 

4. Sign up for my newsletter by clicking HERE. (I promise not to spam you. Cross my heart. I'm thinking 2-3 newsletters a year. I won't tell you if we get a new puppy or anything like that.) 

Also, I want to tell you that my sweet friend, Vicki Boutin has done a very brave thing herself...she's written this book:

Click on the image and find out you can WIN her new book...and come back here tomorrow for a very fun Sweethaven-inspired project from Vicki! (I can't wait!) 

:) Thank you. I'm feeling extreme gratitude today and I want to say thank you. I'd love to send you my books and see you in my class, so be sure to leave a comment today! :) 

Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge {The Blessings of Friendship}

Friendship and Forgiveness. It's what I keep telling people my book is about. A Sweethaven Summer is a story about friends, brought together by a little town and a scrapbook. That's it in a nutshell...but friendships are rarely so cut and dry, are they? 

I am so blessed to have friends all over the globe, people I love even when I don't get to talk to them every single day (or even every single month.) People who "get me." 

It's a resounding theme so naturally, it deserves a lot of attention when it comes to this fabulouso Art Challenge I'm about to issue...(I'm thinking tomorrow I'll get all the details announced...and the prizes...well, I'll tell you some of them!) :) 

Anyway, it's easy to document your children's friends, but what about your own? What about those people you cherish? Maybe you've known them your whole life...grown up with them...or maybe you met at a particularly important point in your own lives and have been friends ever since. 

For my friend Anabelle O'Malley, part of friendship is the tradition of going to Disney with her girlfriends...a tradition definitely worth documenting...

Anabelle took photos from three different years--three different trips--and used them all on the same layout. Can you imagine if Anabelle's son found this years from now and tracked down these girls to hear more about what his mom was like when she wasn't on "mom duty"?

It intrigues me...the whole idea of it. I guess in some ways, I think when we play a "role" all day long, like "MOM"...it's hard to think of ourselves as anything else. But that role of "FRIEND" is so important... it shapes us and forms us into who we are...don't you think? 

What if you step outside the role you're most used to playing and focused instead on another role, maybe one you don't get to play often enough, but that you're so thankful for. 

The other day, I had a radio interview and they mentioned the idea of the gratitude journal...in my mind, scrapbooking and art journaling are largely about expanding this concept...talking about our blessings, focusing on them...keeping them in the spotlight. My real life friend, Liz Hicks, demonstrates this with her "Blessed Beyond Measure" art journal page:

I love that Liz's art journal pages are always so full of vibrancy and life...and to be able to document the blessing of a good friend is something that she (and future generations) will cherish. I love to hear stories about my mom's friends growing up...it won't be any different with our kids...

I think more than anything, they want to know us as people not just as the "warden in the prison of their life" (as I expect my daughter might say given that the mother seems to be the villain in the story she's currently writing...) 

But the truth is, friendship IS a blessing...a huge one that we should never take for granted. Our friends see us through so many storms, whether we realize it at the time or not. 

Check out Liz's blog for tons of great art journaling tips, techniques and prompts. You can find it HERE. 

Question for YOU: Have you created a layout or art journal page highlighting your friendships? Does any of your artwork focus on you? 

I'd love to hear about it...and if not, I'd love to hear why...

And I'd especially love for you to join in my Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge and create a page inspired by one of the beautiful pieces of art my friends have shared...but we'll get to that later! 

For now, I'll leave you with a documentation of some of my favorite friends...

People I don't live near anymore...but who I carry in my heart...

Happy Monday!

Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge {On Scrapbooking & Music}

This morning I had a radio interview set up by my amazing publicist, Jeane. She's more than a publicist, she's a friend...and this girl keeps my brains in check. (Did you know I had more than one brain?) 

One thing that I love about doing these interviews is the fact that I get to talk about scrapbooking...something that I've realized has been with me for as long as I could remember. 

Before there was patterned paper and embellishments and scrapbooking stores, I used whatever I found around the house...(not acid-free, mind you...) and the results were always just fine. Because I was telling my stories. 

Pulling that in to this novel has been one of the most eye-opening things for me...because even as I wrote it, I don't think I fully realized the impact scrapbooking has had on my life. And I'm not "caught up" and all my pages aren't organized in albums...but the stories have been told...and there they are, waiting to be told again. 

Scrapbooking is at the heart of A Sweethaven Summer...so when Scrapbooking Rock Star Jen Jockisch agreed to create a Sweethaven-inspired layout, I was so happy she chose to reflect on the "why" of scrapbooking. Jen has long been one of my favorite scrapbookers, with her fresh and funky style...

But when you read her journaling...gosh. I just get it. I get that need for the creative outlet...that need to lock yourself away and get lost in it for a few hours. I love every word of this journaling...not to mention the adorable design...

(PS...visit Jen's blog later today for a chance to win a copy of my book!) 

What is your creative outlet? I really want to know what you're into!!

Being able to pull parts of yourself into a keepsake...it's so worth it. Worth the time it takes... For instance, Becky Fleck of Page Maps fame, has created a layout focusing on a particular song...a song that ran through her mind all day long the day she had to say goodbye to a trusted friend:

Music is a huge part of Sweethaven...from the country lullaby Adele always sang to her daughter to Campbell and her mom's shared love of Norah Jones, to the faded memories that accompany "When You Say Nothing At All..." the soundtrack of our lives brings back memories quicker than anything...

So, yes, I'm a sucker for this hobby that's become a job and then a hobby again...it's something that brings people together, and for that, I will be forever grateful. 

Next week, I'll announce The official rules of The Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge and tell you how you can win some awesome prizes! {Which of these layouts will inspire YOU most?!}

Now. About this book...If you've read it, thank you. If you've told me your thoughts about it, thank you. It's consuming my life a little right now, although the rest of my life sure hasn't stopped or paused or even hiccupped...

If you haven't read it, it's now available for Kindle or in paperback right over HERE at Amazon...and in advance, I'll say a humbled thank you...because it means the world to me.

Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge {Forgiveness}

Sometimes I think we, as writers, end up writing about things that are personal to us whether we want to or not. Forgiveness wasn't something I set out to include in this book, but I can't think of a more universal struggle. We all know we should forgive, but it's the how that escapes us... 

And sometimes, even when we think we're over something, it comes back to bite us later... and we realize that thing we thought we'd dealt with still holds up shop in our hearts. 

This is a strong theme through all three of the Sweethaven novels, and I think that's because it's a strong theme in my own life. I don't come buy forgiveness easily. It's not sitting on my doorstep waiting to be invited inside. It hides out in the dark spaces of the back yard... and if I want it, I have to go searching for it. 

And sometimes I do because I know it's what I need...but other times? I close the door, turn of the light and walk away, taking my bitter feelings with me, letting them fester... In Sweethaven, Jane does this a little bit. And she's justified...anyone would harbor anger in her shoes...but that anger, it eats us up... 

So she journals her through it. With photos. Like a paper crafter. 

I asked two incredibly talented paper artists to create pieces based on this idea of forgiveness... this elusive, yet freeing idea. They blew me away. 

Look at this art journal page by the insanely talented Tammy Tutterow:

It's SO gorgeous and I love the rectangular size of it. (I fully intend to create something this size!) 

But it's what Tammy said about the project that I find most inspiring...

Tammy: "At this time last year I was in a really tough place in life.  I had been hurt and deceived by someone very close to me and my world felt completely torn apart.  I tried to keep a very happy public face, but inside and in the confines of my home I was feeling complete devastation.  I didn't know where to turn or what to do.  I felt like I was swimming up river with a boulder strapped to my ankle.  

Although I have struggled with issues of faith my whole life, I knew that I had to surrender the pain to something larger than myself, that I alone could not fix the person, the situation, or my response to it.  Through everything, I knew that a large part of healing and moving forward would be in forgiving the person who had hurt me so deeply.  I couldn't even wrap my mind around how to forgive or even what truly forgiving someone meant.  I thought forgiving meant to just forget and to tell the person what they had done was ok.  It wasn't ok and I really wasn't sure I could ever let it go.  I am not one to share personal things or to reach out to others but I did and was led to some really wonderful resources.  One was THIS ARTICLE on the Focus on the Family website.  

At last I really started to understand what it meant to forgive.

As I sat down to create this project with the focus on forgiveness, I kept thinking of butterflies. When faced with difficult times and difficult situations at the hands of others, we can continue to crawl in the grief of the circumstances, or we can forgive, let go, and be free to fly.  It didn't happen overnight, but eventually I chose to forgive the person who had hurt me.  

At this time last year, I thought about the situation and concept of forgiveness every single day.  As I worked on this page, I realized I hadn't thought about it in weeks, maybe even months.  I think that was a sign that I had let it go and was finally flying free.  I chose to create the stamped images of the page so that they looked very fluid, as a reminder of the tears that were shed.  The symbolism of it though is that despite tears, there is beauty and vivid color and freedom to fly.  

The memory will never go away, but the pain does through forgiveness.  As I worked on my page, I searched for a quote to include about forgiveness and very quickly found one by H. Jackson Brown Jr, the author of Life's Little Instruction Book:

"Never forget the three powerful resources you always
have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness."  

Those were the three things I clung to in those dark days and those are the things that helped carry me through.

Tammy's story is so inspiring...I especially like that she mentioned that it doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't for any of us, does it? Not even the characters in my book have eveyrthing all wrapped up with a pretty red bow...

Tammy is still writing her story...you can find more of it on her blog HERE .

Stacey Michaud also tackled this subject of Forgiveness by scrapbooking about a relationship that helped teach her how to forgive: 

In this case, Stacey is also scrapbooking an important lesson, and it celebrates the fact that despite the hurts of the past, she could, with the help of a good friend, move past it and forgive. 

Take a look at Stacey's journaling:

What a gift, don't you think? The peace of mind that comes with forgiveness. 

I know, it's so easy to say that but even as I do I find myself mentally repenting and trying to come to terms with the hurts of the past...

How about you? Do you struggle to forgive? Do you journal through it? What helps you with those feelings of anger and hurt? I'd love to hear...

Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge {A Painful Memory}

The girls of Sweethaven are fighters. Their lives aren't all happy and jolly. What kind of cardboard characters would any of us be if we didn't have challenges, struggles, things to fight for...?

These women, like all of us, have been through their share of tragedy. And in this first book in the series, one of the characters, Jane, finds out that scrapbooking through it becomes quite therapeutic. 

In my own life, I've found that journaling and scrapbooking and creating art all give me the tools to tell a  story... painful or otherwise, and in doing so, somehow, I always feel better on the other side of it. 

And the most painful, most personal of memories are the ones you may be the most afraid to document...and also the ones that most deserve your attention...

Document a Painful Memory.

My friend, Jennifer Gallacher is a brilliant scrapbooker. Her layouts are so stunning and vivid and eye-catching, sometimes they literally make me gasp. On this layout, Jen shared so openly about a painful memory, the loss of her thirteen-year-old son, Joey. 

Isn't he handsome?

Yes, it's painful, but this is a huge part of Jen's story. 

A story I'll let her tell you herself...

"I lost my oldest son at 13 years old to the devastation of colon cancer. Joey had poor health almost his entire life, but he was always so happy. That's not to say that he didn't get down, but he never complained about the pain he was in. His battle with cancer and his passing was a terrible blow to our family. Suddenly we were left with a huge, gaping hole in our family and in our hearts.

As we have worked to repair those feelings of sadness and loss over the past five years, we try very hard to dwell on the happy times that we had together as a family. We also rely heavily on our faith. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't "talk" to my son and let him know that I'm proud of him, and that I miss him. I feel so grateful that I took so many photos of him even when he didn't necessarily love having his photo taken. I am even more grateful that through journaling and scrapbooking that I have recorded hundreds of memories of our time together. Now his sweet personality and beautiful smile is forever preserved for my children and my children's children--a priceless book of memories we'll always cherish."

Jen's story continues right HERE on her blog...

I can't think of many things more priceless than memories and photos of the ones you love.

The ones you've lost.

Scrapbook for the comfort of others. 

Several years ago, I had the opportunity to create a layout for Angie Smith. You might recognize her husband from the Christian group Selah. Angie's blog, and now her books, are inspiring, encouraging, amazing...but their story is not without pain.

Sometimes, documenting the hope found in the sorrow is also hugely important--for you or for those whose stories have touched your heart the way Angie and Todd's did mine. 

But where do I begin?

But maybe you're thinking, "I don't know where to start. It hurts too much..." 

Maybe you're scared to crack open the things that are holding you back, to speak them out loud so they lose their hold on you. 

So, today, I want to offer something amazing that can help you document the painful things, the things that are hard, the things you fear, the things that keep you from moving forward...

Watch:

 

My soul friend, Melody, is offering not one, but SEVEN spots in her online Soul Restoration class. 

Seven. 

And because I believe in the power of storytelling...in the power of all of us telling our own stories, through whatever medium we choose, I'm going to give away SEVEN copies of A Sweethaven Summer too. 

I've recently learned that writing a book is wonderful, but it makes you vulnerable in a way you didn't expect...and in some ways, that's scary...but in other ways, it's exhilarating.

I'd love to share it with you. (If you don't win, you can order your copy HERE or HERE!) 

How do I enter?

This time, just leave me a comment and tell me: Is it hard for you to document the painful parts? Would you rather turn away and forget all about them? Or do you find it helps to work through it...even though the tears may dot your paper as you write or paint or create? 

We're all in this together, girls...

Now, last order of business:

The winner of the Sweethaven Online Launch Party DAY TWO is: 

Margie Visnick said...

I think my word would be "light" to remind me to find the light and be the light...so important in all aspects of my life!

ReplyFebruary 08, 2012 at 06:39 AM

Margie, email me and claim your beautiful prizes! :) 

I can't wait to read your comments, your thoughts, your hearts...I hope you

A Sweethaven Summer Online Launch Party! {HUGE Giveaway!}

I used to wonder what it would feel like to wake up on the morning of my big book launch... to watch this thing I'd created go out into the world and you know, be free...

But I woke up the same way I always do...a little panicked and realizing I didn't make the kids' lunches last night. Worse, I'm out of jelly...and how do you make PB&J without the J?

On this, the morning of my book launch, I find myself wondering two things...

1. If I wear a long shirt, will anyone see the hole in the back of my yoga pants? 

AND

2. How do I properly say thank you to everyone who is a part of this amazing journey that I'm on? 

I'm risking it with the yoga pants, but #2 still has me stumped. I don't have the words or the means to convey how I'm really feeling at this moment in my journey. 

So, today, rather than get all sappy like I sort of feel like doing...I'm celebrating with A Sweethaven Giveaway...a virtual launch party to welcome this new book into the world...and friends, I'll be here all week...

Join me in Sweethaven with your own copy, available HERE or HERE or HERE! And it's always available on the Guideposts Website HERE. 

Now...for the good stuff...

The story of Sweethaven centers around a faded scrapbook...one that's full of secrets and stories of years gone by...so today, I'm celebrating with a scrapbooking giveaway...and here's what you could win! 

1. Webster's Pages' Palm Beach Collection Kit

With its beachy, breezy feel, this collection reminds me of Sweethaven, a little cottage town right on Lake Michigan. It's perfect for scrapbooking vacation, summer days, or even non-themed moments you want to remember. 

2. Unity Stamps

I LOVE Unity Stamps. And I love their BLOG! These beach-inspired stamps are a perfect complement to the Palm Beach collection, but could be used for so many fun scrapbooking and card-making projects! 

And this one: 

...is one of my favorites because I believe in creating yourself. In the book, Campbell learns this lesson for herself..and with a little help, she finally discovers how important it is...Both stamp sets are included in the giveaway!

3. Cardmaps Today vol. 2

It's FULL of gorgeous ideas and a copy could be all YOURS! (Lucky.) 

4. 7 Gypsies Interchangable Certifiable Round Stamp (Hand Drawn Seals)

I LOVE these things. They're just SO cool. Don't you want to win one? 

5. Scrapbooking Your Faith at Big Picture Classes.

I'm excited this giveaway will include a spot in my upcoming workshop at Big Picture Classes. This topic has always been near and dear to my heart, and I'm thrilled I get to share ideas on ways to document your faith for future generations through Big Picture. 

But I can't give you a spot in the class and not give you...

6. Scrapbooking Your Faith

My first book. I'd love to send it to you. 

7. Hope Springs Magnetic Closure Journal.

This new line of journals, cards, totes and apparel will make its way into this online launch party...there are some CUTE things I can't wait to share...but for today, it's this journal that wants to come home with you. And I'm a sucker for a cute journal. 

8. Chatterbox Wood Veneer Scrapbooking Album

It's really sassy, don't you think? 

9. A Sweethaven Summer

You didn't think I'd do a giveaway and NOT offer this book, did you? My goal is to get it into the hands of as many people as possible. I might even give a few away in the airport this weekend. 

If I'm feeling brave, that is. 

So, here's how to enter: 

1. Leave me a comment right here on THIS POST. 

Easy right? 

BUT, I need help spreading the word...so I'm offering  Three extra entries...

1. Tweet the link to this giveaway.

2. Facebook the link to this giveaway. 

3. Blog about Sweethaven and/or this giveaway. 

Each time, come back and leave another comment. Up to FOUR total. 

And tomorrow...the party continues with MORE giveaways that I cannot WAIT to share! :) 

A Place of Surrender

Things haven't exactly been going my way lately. 

Already today I've had to break up three arguments because my older two kids are home from school due to inclement weather. This shatters Sam's world. As much as he loves Ethan, when his big brother doesn't do just what he wants, he loses it. 

Completely. 

This, of all weeks, the week I'm supposed to share my book with the world and everything that could possibly go wrong in my world, did.

{Official Book Launch Coming Soon! Prizes! Inspiration! FUN!}

First of all, I printed my invitations for the launch party through Vistaprint. (Did I already tell you this?) They're quick and great and I needed something fairly inexpensive. So, I get them about a week later and they're 100% whacked. 

They're supposed to look like this:

But there are white lines where they've been mis-cut and they're off-center. I sat here with my scrapbooking tools and started hacking away at them and then got  upset because this was going to take forever...so I sent an email to Vistaprint--something eloquent, along the lines of:

"Seriously, man? I have a party!" 

To my surprise, they wrote me back. And they reprinted everything. And they didn't charge me. 

And suddenly I loved them again. 

Did you hear me, world? I love Vistaprint!

I'm nothing if not forgiving.

Another week went by and I got the new cards in the mail. They look oh-so-much better. I'm thankful and make a mental note to shout the praises of Vistaprint from the roofop. (This is me shouting!)

I print labels, stuff envelopes and include a little card with the book cover on it in each one. I'm almost done.

And on the backs of the cards, I handwrite a note about the book signing I'm doing in Rockford next Saturday. {Barnes & Noble; 2 p.m.}

And as I'm writing the date, something hits me and I pull an invitation out of the box and discover there's a typo in the DATE. I'm inviting everyone to attend a party on JANUARY 11th. (I changed it above so those of you who are just skimming this don't see it and think you've missed it.)

My week was already going fairly awful (awfully?), so this caused near-nuclear meltdown. 

But then I remembered I'm a scrapbooker who routinely makes mistakes on paper and I found a (not-too-terribly-tacky) way of solving the problem in the form of a brown fine-tipped Sharpie. 

Joy.

I'm good. Things are addressed. We're good to go. 

The next day, I got a call from our insurance agent. Let me just say that having a rental property, moving to a new state into a rental, then buying a house and moving again, changing cars over to Colorado plates...is confusing at best...and maddening at worst. 

A few months ago I said to Adam, "Why do we have so many different insurance companies?" Considering how many different things we have insured, I guess it wasn't illogical...until I got this call and realized we've been paying car insurance in two different states for a year. 

A year. 

Consider this a Public Service Announcement because friends don't let friends pay car insurance in two different states. 

This has all been compounded by the craziness that accompanies a book release. Here, I've been trying to get it all ready to go and in the tumbleweed of chaos, I felt God say to me... "Are you ready to ask for my help yet?" 

Ouch.

Here's what I'm learning...

I have a knack for doing everything all by myself. I'm self sufficient to a fault. I have a hard time accepting any kind of help and an even harder time asking for it. And while I don't think things have all been going wrong because God lifted his hand from me, I do think maybe he's using it to get my attention. To remind me that I'm nothing without him...that I really have no business trying to do anything without his help. 

Over and again, I've had to walk around this mountain, to remember that he's got me in the palm of his hand...that no matter what mess comes my way, he comes behind it with a broom and a dustpan, ready to help clean it up. Whether it's plans that go awry or invitations that go out a week late or overpaying car insurance...or worse...

He wants to be a part of it. 

And sometimes I forget that because I'm so busy trying to do it all by myself. I'm too busy to believe God really is in the details. 

But he is, isn't he? He IS in the details and what happens to us DOES matter to him. 

Once again, I'm at a place of surrender...hands up, eyes lifted toward heaven...and accepting the truth all over again that I am nothing without him. 

And that brings me all kinds of peace. 

If you're looking for peace today...give it up. Stop wrestling with it. Walk away and say "It's yours now, Lord, because I can't do this on my own..." 

And then watch him show up on your behalf. He wants to. I promise....

He's just waiting for us to ask. 

What's Lurking in the Shadows

For some reason lately, I've had the strangest memory on my mind. 

We were living in our second house, at that time a family of four.  This was the house with my dream scrapbook room, the one Creating Keepsakes and Cropper Hopper came in and renovated.

I still pine away for that room, especially now that I'm in a much smaller workspace (with seriously a lot more stuff.) 

Our house was a bi-level, so we had full exposure in the basement, which is where my office was, and my window faced our backyard. It wasn't fenced in, but we lived in a small town--a very small town--so I never worried or felt unsafe. 

It was the kind of town where you'd leave your car unlocked in the driveway. 

When I was working for Memory Makers, I'd often scrapbook late into the night. It's one of the things I've since changed because I missed out on a lot of Adam time for all the time I spent working until one or two in the morning.

One night, just like the night before, I sat at my computer typing in my journaling for an assigned layout when I started to get the strangest feeling like someone was watching me. 

You know how you just know? 

My window didn't have a curtain on it, and there I was, fully exposed in the light of the office, the dark of the night giving cover to anyone who might pass through our backyard. 

My heart started racing and my cheeks felt flushed. I knew it was illogical to think anyone would be in our yard. This was the smallest of small towns. No crime. No news. So, why did I keep feeling like someone's eyes were fixed on me?

I sat there, pretending not to notice that there was movement out there, and to be honest, I wasn't sure that there was...but I just had a feeling.  I tried to ignore it for a few minutes and then heard a voice through the panes of glass, like the sound of a man talking on his phone. 

That's when my imagination took over, and I ran through every possible scenario in the span of thirty seconds. 

I'm a writer, so believe me when I tell you, I came up with some doozies. (Is "doozies" a word?) 

In that moment, it was like, I didn't want to alarm whoever it was. I didn't want him to know I knew he was out there, creeping around our yard, looking in the windows and talking on his phone. (And for the record...if you're going to be a creeper, leave your phone at home.)

I wanted to pretend I didn't notice but ensure my own safety. There was a door in my office leading to our screened in porch--a great way for someone to come into the room from outside. I casually got up, pretended to be looking for something and checked that it was locked. Then, I slowly walked into the other room, where Adam was watching TV. 

"I think there's someone in the back yard," I said, knowing how stupid it sounded. 

"What?" He looked at me like I'd just said something stupid. 

"I heard someone back there. A guy's voice." 

Adam got up and walked into the office with me, and his approach was completely the opposite of mine. Rather than hang around to see if he heard or saw anything, he walked straight to the door, opened it and went out onto the screened in porch. 

I stood there, waiting for him to get shot or mauled or tackled at least, but he called out into the black of the yard and we saw the figure of a man running away, off into the darkness, never to be seen again. 

I don't know why this story keeps coming back to me now--except to say that sometimes you can sense things without ever really being sure they exist. I can't tell you I've learned anything from it or understood why that man found his way into our yard that night. The police never found him and for all I know, he could still be lurking in the shadows. 

But I've learned--and am learning--that I can't live my life worried about what might be around the corner. What people might say. How a situation might turn out. I guess I'm just not willing to sacrifice my sanity for what could happen...especially when what could happen might be amazing. 

And I never did put curtains on the window. 

Scrapbooking Your Faith at Big Picture Classes

A few years back, I had the sheer joy (and good luck) to write this book: 

I remember when I got the cover art, I was so stunned and amazed. The red doors are from a church in my hometown, Dixon, Illinois. Aren't they cool? 

Anyway, the book has been such a blessing to me...and I'm still passionate about the topic. Scrapbooking, to me, is like therapy...and when I'm working through something, I often turn to the written word. 

Go figure. 

After I wrote it, I started talking with the amazing Stacy Julian, creator of Big Picture Classes, about doing a workshop based on this book. I distinctly remember sitting my house in Illinois discussing this and thinking "YES. I have to do this." 

But life really got in the way. I got the contract to write three novels. I moved to Colorado. I moved again. It's been an absolutely crazy couple of years...but you know what? I think the timing for this class could not be better...

Yesterday, registration opened for my Scrapbooking Your Faith workshop at Big Picture. 

I couldn't be more excited about this. The class starts in March, so you have plenty of time to wrap your brain around it. 

I don't know if you have an album just for documenting your faith or if you work these kinds of images into your regular albums...or if you've never considered scrapbooking your faith...

...but there are so many different ways you can do it, and we'll be talking about that as well as doing eight different faith-based projects. 

There will be layouts, home decor, a mini album and mixed media artwork so you can put your faith on display...and the best part is that it really doesn't matter what your faith is. This isn't a religious class, it's a class about documenting YOUR beliefs...whatever they are! 

I hope you'll join me...I'm so excited about this and passionate about it. I think it's important and I still find ways to scrapbook my faith, both for me and for other people. 

Because it's important. 

You can register now for the workshop, and PLEASE let me know if you do! I am really hoping to get to know everyone that's taking the class! Just go HERE. 

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

The Measure of a Woman

Don't you think it's funny how, when we hit a certain age, we're cateogrized and put in boxes with labels like smart, pretty, big, athletic, creative...etc. And then, for the rest of our lives, we have to either accept those labels and become who everyone expects us to be...or shrug them off and become who God intended us to be. 

Which, let's face it, is no easy task.

It's no secret that I struggle with this. I've lived my life largely based on what's been expected of me. I'm not rebellious, but I don't conform. I'm confident, yet insecure. (I sound like an Alanis Morisette song...)

And when I was younger, I took on labels as if they were stamped on my forehead. For instance, I'm not athletic. I never have been. Many times it's been clear this is not a gift of mine...but I let this "truth" stop me from trying. I've got myself convinced that I'll fail. 

It's a tricky place to be, in the land of self-doubt. Who we want to be warring with who we've always been. Who we feel like on the inside battling with who everyone says we should be. 

We spend so much of our lives trying to prove ourselves, most often TO ourselves.

My mind spins back to high school when my confidence was like a seesaw, unbalanced and always bouncing. On one side, I'm sure I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. On the other side, I'm a mess of insecurities, certain my body issues will hold me back from what I really want out of life. 

Where's the balance? 

It occurs to me that with everyone else insistent on putting us in boxes with labels stamped on our foreheads, it makes no sense for us to do that to ourselves. Why must we measure ourselves based on things that are out of our control? Why can't we go deeper and measure ourselves based on how far we've come? On who we are becoming. 

Because I think the beauty is in the becoming...don't you?

People expect certain things from us. Sometimes that's a great motivator. Other times, a huge discouragement. I'm choosing to tap into a bigger plan, a greater purpose to try and locate my sense of self worth... because in the end, there's only ONE opinion that really matters...

How do you measure yourself?

If You're Feeling Jealous...

I'll be going home next month, back to the place I began, to celebrate the release of my first novel. Maybe that's the reason I've spent the last few sleepless nights analyzing myself at the various seasons of my life. Knowing I'd see people I haven't seen in a long time has made me question the kind of person I was compared to the kind of person I am now. 

I don't think I was ever a bad person, but my mom can attest the fact that I was quite selfish. My husband can attest to the fact that I still struggle with this. But the thing that I realized as my mind wound its way down the lane of memories was that there have always been people in my life who, for one reason or another, I could envy. 

Jealousy is such an ugly thing, isn't it? When I was a kid, it was easy to justify the feeling of wanting what someone else had. Perhaps because I'm a middle child, there were times I felt passed over and invisible, and I projected that onto the subjects of my envy. 

The older I've gotten, the more I've realized envy is human nature--but its not one of our best traits--so about a year or so ago, I purposed to pay closer attention, to dissect these envious feelings for myself and act accordingly. 

This is what I discovered. 

1. You can't compare yourself to other people.  I know this is really easy to say and really difficult to do, but one thing that's helped is to have a very clear understanding of my purpose. In this season, my purpose is to write. That's what I do. So, when I see people doing other things I love to do (photography, submitting to scrapbook magazines, etc.) I always remind myself: "This isn't my calling." Someday, maybe it will be, but for now, my time is spent doing what I know God wants me to do. Define your purpose stay focused on that. Celebrating with people doing other cool things becomes so much easier! 

2. Pray for people who stir up envy in you. Let's be real. This is hard. Especially if the person stirring up ugly feelings in you is doing it in an ugly way, but one thing that's really helped me is to force myself (and sometimes I fight myself) to really pray for these people. Looking back, I wish I'd realized this when I was younger, it would've saved me so much humiliation. When I can legitimately ask God to bless someone that's hard for me to deal with, those jealous (or annoyed or whatever) feelings disappear. Often when you say something out loud--it loses its hold on you. 

3. Do the exact opposite of what you want to do. You want to stew about it. You want to talk to other people about how this person isn't all that and a bag of Cheez-its. You want to...but don't. This is one time when I've found the best thing is to do the opposite of what you feel. Hold it in, take it to God and go one step farther--do whatever you can to help that person succeed.

Ouch, right? I can't tell you how many times I've gone around this mountain...but praising other people is like a fly swatter to jealousy. 

It's Your Choice. 

I'm far from having this thing figured out...but one thing I know for sure: you're going to feel jealous some time in your life...and when you do, you have a choice. Sit and stew about it, wallow and sing that old 80's song "What about me? It isn't fair...I've had enough now I want my share..." 

OR you can thank God for showing you that it can be done and do whatever you can to make someone else's dream come true. 

Remind me of this the next time I feel jealous, okay?

The Work is the Blessing.

sunset in our neighborhood this week...it's been amazing every day!

Over the years, I've known all kinds of people. Having been in ministry for a long time, I've also known all kinds of Christians. My favorite ones are the transparent kind. The ones who don't try to hide behind a wall of perfection. I mean, does anyone benefit when we pretend to be something we aren't? 

I'm the first to tell you I'm far from perfect. In fact, making fun of my shortcomings has become something of a hobby for me. But I am constantly learning, and in the months leading up to and immediately following our move to Colorado, I learned a lot. 

The lessons weren't fun or easy. They didn't come to me by way of situations I'd be eager to revisit. They came to me as silly putty situations--ones in which I was stretched and ripped and put back together, then balled up an rung out again. 

Isn't that how we're often molded? 

But since that time, I've had my eyes opened to something that I've come to realize is really cool about God. When I pray...he answers. 

I know, shocking, right? 

Our circumstances had changed and to be honest, on paper, it was scary. I'd always worked to supplement our income, but it was more of a fun thing I did on the side and never something we needed. So often, as Christians, we want to sit back and watch God take care of us, but sometimes I think the way he does that is by bringing us--not piles of money--but piles of work. 

I grew up with a father who works harder than anyone I know. And in these silly putty situations, I found myself praying, "God, I am not afraid of working hard, bring me the work and I'll do it." 

And he chose to bless me with the work. The work is the blessing. 

iPhone picture in Fort Collins last week. Seriously, this was the coolest sky I'd ever seen.

See, if God just dropped a pile of money on your front door step (and he could, I'm quite convinced,) you'd have a pile of money and that'd be great...but when he drops work in your lap...and you have to flex your creative muscles or think outside the box or deal with a difficult personality or do something you feel 100% unqualified for (thereby coming back to him with open arms and a plea for help...) you learn something. 

So not only does he bless you financially, but you learn. 

When I got my job at Webster's Pages, I knew it would be a blessing. It was too coincidental the way it happened. And everything about it doesn't come easily for me...I learn new things every day, but they're invaluable--in all areas of my life, and what do you know? I've made a life-friend in my boss, Brandin. That's not something I expected. 

And while it's a financial blessing, the lessons I'm learning...well, those are priceless. 

With the Hercules script we wrote for CYT, I continue to learn about writing dialogue, about progressing a story, about writing active scenes...all things that translate directly to writing fiction. But let me tell you, writing that script was work. 

Too often, I think I've got it figured out--how God's going to bless us. We do that, don't we? We're content to sit and wait until we see that bag of money...But what if the work is the blessing? What if the character building that comes with the silly putty situation needs to be solidified by the constant practice that comes with the work? 

Is it possible that God wants to bless us, but we aren't willing to do the work? 

There's a time for waiting on God. I was in a holding pattern for a very long time...but the flight took off and I had to get on board. The time for waiting was over...and now it was time to work. 

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't have anything figured out, but I know that if we're expecting a windfall of money, we're going to be disappointed. However, if we're expecting opportunities to learn and grow and become who we were always meant to be...well, then it's time to roll up your sleeves, because there's work to be done. 

So what about you? Has there ever been a time in your life when God blessed you in a way you didn't expect? I'd love to know...

Some Days All You Have is a Photo...

...a photo that reminds you you come from a family of really good people. People who support you and love you even when you live hours and hours away. 

...a photo that tells the story of two people whose commitment to each other translates to a legacy of strong, healthy marriages.

...a photo that you'll cherish forever because it's rare and unique and beautiful. 

And some days, that photo is more than enough. 

Scrapbooking Your Faith: Pocket Promises

When I first graduated college, I came back home (don't we all) and worked at my hometown newspaper for a little over a year. While I was there, I learned a TON--about writing on deadline, about writing with distractions all around you (seriously, have you ever BEEN in a newsroom?) and, surprisingly, about faith. 

My favorite stories (other than columns, which, let's face it, we now call 'blog posts') were the lifestyle stories. The ones about people. All kinds of stories came across my desk. From a little girl who saved her sister's life to a murder trial one town over. A lot of those stories have stuck with me, including one about a woman who created her own "Promises from the Psalms." 

She'd been battling cancer and to help bring comfort through it, she gathered all the Promises she could find in the book of Psalms. Now that she was healthy again, she bound the promises together and distributed them to others going through difficult times. And the whole idea of taking the time to find God's promises and write them on the pages of your heart just sunk in. 

Years later, I've developed many incarnations of this. I scrapbook my faith, paint about it, put it up on the wall. And when someone I know is going through something difficult, I've found that sharing the promises I've found can be a great way to extend kindness. 

Recently, I created a tiny book that I call "Pocket Promises" by hand stitching together about eight sheets of folded paper...

I love to make little books by hand. I'm not fancy about it and I sure don't know anything about real book-binding, but I've found that a simple stitch down the center holds everything in nicely: 

On each page, I wrote a verse or two, promises that could bring comfort for a friend. Prayers that she could whisper and cling to, even on the hard days...

These words are life to me. I've been through some really crummy stuff over the past few years, and I found it was during that time I RAN straight to God...and he found me there, in the midst of my mess. 

Obviously everyone reading this won't share my same beliefs, but you could create a book like this, one to keep in your pocket or purse, and fill it with encouraging quotes or words of wisdom. 

Maybe it's because I'm a writer, but I believe words have POWER. So much power. Life and death kind of power...and while it's not always easy to speak life, to speak GOOD, it is always beneficial. And necessary. And rewarding. 

I clipped all kinds of little things in here, more words, more promises, my own prayers. And I folded a heavier cardstock over the inside pages and adhered the outsides of the front and back to the covers. 

This way, I got exactly the size I wanted, and it was 100% customizable. 

I wrote the promises in the book, and took the time to read over them again and again, and I found this had a wonderful impact on me... but to give it away was even better. 

I'm going to be sharing lots of other faith projects like this one in my Big Picture Class, Scrapbooking Your Faith. Registration is coming SOON, and I'm excited to share some easy, inspiring ways to incorporate faith in your layouts and projects. Maybe you'll join me?

What about you? Do you scrapbook (or paint or craft) your faith? What kind of impact does it have on you?

The Journey Always Brings Me Back To You...(Body Restoration)

I try not to talk much about weight loss on my blog anymore. Perhaps it's because I feel like I've made a certain peace with my body. Or maybe it's because I got tired of hearing myself rehash it and try to come up with new ways to lose old weight. Who knows? 

Whatever it is, I've lost interest in it. Mostly. 

I feel relatively comfortable in my skin these days...and I think part of what's calmed me down is a revelation I've been wrestling with for awhile now. 

Growing up in a charismatic church, you really do get a wealth of different personalities. As people, we all approach God differently, and for awhile, it seemed to be a running theme to blame the devil for everything. If you were going through something, it was the devil's fault. And to be honest, I always struggled with that. I believe wholeheartedly that there's an enemy who wants to ruin our lives, but I think it's a bit naive to give him credit for everything. All the time. 

It'd be tempting to give ol' Satan the credit for the eating disorders and subsequent battle with food that I've always had, but a few weeks back I started to realize something... There I was saying "God, what is it with this? It's the ONE THING I can never get rid of? It's always there in the back of my mind..." and God's answer was like a smack across the face...

It's also the ONE THING that brings you back to ME. 

I don't think it's good that I'm constantly disappointing myself or having to learn and re-learn that I need to be kind to my body, but the results are always a closer walk with Him. Could it be that sometimes we're walking through a storm that's been divinely orchestrated by God? Could that storm be chipping away at who we are, building our character, molding us into the person we need to be before we can move forward into our purpose?

Why do we always assume that when something bad happens, we get to blame the devil? 

What if the bad is intended for good? What if HE really is in the driver's seat? 

It's hard to think that way because God is good and merciful and kind...but like Max Lucado says "he loves us too much to leave us where we are"...and not leaving us where we might mean putting us through the ringer. It might mean that those difficult things we're dealing with are all a part of His plan. It's those circumstances, those trials and tests and horrible, wretched, ugly-crying times that push us to the foot of the cross, that make us go searching for his will. 

Without the storm, would we ever look for shelter? 

My issues with my body are not unlike most women's. It seems that even my thinnest and most athletic friends feel the same pressure when they look in the mirror. It's something that we all have in common. I know that I'll never fully conquer the deep emotions connected to this journey, but I also know that I'm not alone in it...and in so many ways, it's made me a better person. A more compassionate, more humble person. 

Because of this journey, I am constantly reminded how very much I need Him. 

I know I've been doing a lot of giveaways on my blog lately...and that wasn't my intention, but I LOVE to share the cool things I've found...and today I've found a really amazing and very cool thing. 

This is my sweet friend, Melody. You probably know her. And her incredible sister, Kathy...

They are the founders of Brave Girls Club. I've never been. Someday, I keep telling her, someday...and she is always gracious and always kind and always tells me I will be welcome whenever I can make it. 

More than ever over the past few months, I've been reminded of her sweet and gentle spirit, and her desire to encourage women--just like us. She's been a constant inspiration to me. A cheerleader, a soul sister, a friend. And she's doing something that speaks right to the very heart of me. 

An online class called "Body Restoration." 

Make peace with your body through art and journaling. 

Really? Is she talking right to me?

I'm on deadline right now. CRAZY, insane deadline, finishing my third book and planning for my launch party for the first book...and I can tell you I am going to try my very hardest to participate in this class...and I hope you'll join me. Because if there's one thing I've learned it's that every bit of knowledge we soak up is one step closer to becoming who we are. 

Every storm teaches us something...could this be the next tool to help me on this journey? 

Could it be the tool to help you on yours? 

Melody is offering THREE spots in this class to one of my readers, and I sure hope one of them is YOU. All you have to do is leave a comment on this post and I will draw three random winners Monday night (late). Class starts Tuesday, but you won't be behind, I promise!

And if you don't win, think about this class. I have a feeling it's going to change a lot of lives. 

You can find out more about Body Restoration by clicking HERE.

If You're Feeling Disappointed...

When I was a freshman in college, I was, like many of us, trying to figure out where I fit in. I went through rush and joined a sorority only to become friends with two girls on my dorm who were in a different sorority. Their sorority had been the only one that didn't ask me back during Rush Week. After my third visit there, I was set up to talk to a girl that I just didn't click with. 

It was sort of like having a conversation with a stick of butter. 

I won't get started on the ridiculous methods of a sorority rush week (and the fact that there's no way you're going to hit it off with everyone) but I'll just say it didn't take long for me to realize I was not in the right place. 

In my sorority, I didn't belong. And the disappointment of not being able to join my friends' sorority weighed on me. Heavy, like hardening cement. 

Perhaps my friends' sorority seemed more elusive, more desirable because they'd turned me down, or maybe I just really wanted to be where my friends were, and I'd learned (a little too late) that a club or organization can help you assimilate but it doesn't determine where you'll fit in. 

I made the hard decision (at least as a college freshman) to de-pledge my sorority in hopes of joining a different one the following year. This was not without repercussions. For someone who hates conflict, I certainly had lopped a healthy dose right on my plate. 

But it didn't matter because I knew I didn't fit, and something in my gut told me it was the right thing to do. 

The following year, I rushed again. And joined the sorority my friends had joined the year before. But this meant they were already living in the sorority house and I was an ARA in a dorm. I would be required to live in the house my junior year. 

It wasn't ideal. There were so many different disappointments throughout the entire process, and I didn't understand. Why had I made such great friends if I wasn't going to get to spend every waking moment with them? Why did I have to feel the rejection of being turned away? Why did I have to make enemies with the girls in the first sorority, including a psychotic pledge mom who later accosted me while I was at work in the mall?

You know when you're young, little things add up to big things and soon blow into huge dramas. I was there. I mourned it. It wasn't the way it was supposed to go. 

But now I'm older, and I look back and I see the way everything worked out. My junior year, I had to live in the sorority house. It was a requirement, so there I was. My friends had moved off campus, but I was sharing a bathroom with 40 other girls. 

One night, I came home from rehearsal.

I was playing Cecily Cardew in The Importance of Being Earnest.

(Why, yes, I AM wearing a corset. The divets it left behind in my skin prepared me for the impending stretch marks that were only a few years away...)

And there was this guy playing the piano in our living room. (Yes, he was showing off.) I knew of him (and not in a good way) but I hadn't seen this side of him before. I mean, this guy was talented.

It's funny how in the midst of all that disappointment, I can see now that God set me up. He worked it out so on that October night, I would come in and see a different side of someone I hadn't paid attention to before. Adam had spent the summer at a church camp and found God, but finding God in college isn't easy. 

Perhaps God knew this. Perhaps he knew my future husband would need someone else who shared his new-found beliefs. 

It's like I can rewind in my head and play out a different scenario... If I hadn't been matched with a stick of butter. If I hadn't been turned away from that sorority. If I hadn't joined another one. If I hadn't de-pledged. If I hadn't lived in the house my junior year...

Would any of this be possible? 

Photo by Lyndsey Lew Photography

My point is that sometimes our disappointments are really gifts. I've said it before, but it's been heavy on my heart--maybe there's someone else out there who needs to hear it...who needs to see that being disappointed isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's the thing that leads us to the right thing. Sometimes, disappointment is a welcome friend. 

This Christmas, if you're feeling disappointed--about anything--I hope you can tuck that feeling away and focus on the fact that one day...maybe not very far off, you'll be able to rewind and see how, while it didn't make sense at the time, there is a very good reason you were disappointed. It's setting you up for something else. 

And it's NOT for nothing. I promise. 

*Speaking of disappointment, one of the prizes from last week's giveaways has not been claimed. If it's not claimed by tomorrow, I'll draw a new winner!

What I want for Christmas...to love myself like Lizzie Miller

If you frequent my blog, you know I'm fairly candid about my relationship with food. Eating disorders are neatly tucked away in the baggage of my past, but I still struggle with accepting my body. I think it speaks to me as a person--head hits the pillow at the end of the day and I recount all the things I didn't do. Exercise is usually on that list. 

This weekend I will be 36 years old. 

And last weekend I stumbled upon something that might've finally convinced me that being "small" isn't the only acceptable option. 

Her name is Lizzie Miller. 

I know what you're thinking. How on earth is this beautiful woman going to make you feel better about yourself? Don't beautiful women usually have the opposite effect on us? 

Not this one. And I can't believe I'm just now discovering her. 

A couple of years ago, Glamour Magazine ran this photo:

If you google her, the photo will show up bigger, but I don't feel right putting it on my blog since you know, she's nude-like. 

But here's the thing. They didn't airbrush her tummy. Or her thighs. And guess what? She is still gorgeous. 

In a world that's teaching our young girls that this is what they should strive for...

I was thrilled to see Lizzie, a so-called "plus-size" model (size 12-14), visibly comfortable in her own skin. 

It's something I think we all strive for...and in many ways this kind of self-acceptance is like "the ungettable get." But it wasn't the photo that converted me. It was this: 

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Listening to her talk about herself with complete acceptance, knowing that she, like so many of us had struggled, but settled upon the realization that some people are small and that's great for them...but that's not everyone's reality. It's certainly not mine. 

Does that mean I should beat myself up every time I yank on a pair of jeans or pass by a mirror? 

Heading into the second half of my thirties, I'm just done worrying about it. It doesn't mean I don't want to be healthy. It doesn't mean I throw in the towel. It means that I dig my heels in and find my confidence in something other than the number on a scale. It means I get a revelation of what God thinks about me and stop caring so much what other people think. Most of them are too caught up in their own lives to concern themselves with my clothing size anyway. 

When do we truly accept our differences, embrace them as the gift they are? 

Moving forward, this is my goal: Be healthy. Be honest. Be kind. 

And above all, love the person God's made me to be. 

What about you? What stands in the way of you fully accepting yourself--physically or otherwise?  

And for That, I am Grateful...

At present, my children are upstairs doing cannonballs off the couch and onto the floor right above me, which is, let's face it, the most annoying thing ever. 

But they're healthy. And they're happy. And sometimes their giggles far outweigh their screams. 

For that, I am grateful. 

Today I got some not-so-great news that should have me worked up (and if you give me another day, it might)...

But throughout the last year or so, I've learned that trusting God means relying on him even when things aren't going my way...

And for that, I am grateful. 

In this moment, my husband is conked out because he stayed up late working on a freelance project because he knew we'd need the extra money to go home at Christmas. And while that means I'm on bedtime duty alone and he'll probably be snoring just as I'm trying to fall asleep, it also means I'm married to a man who loves his family enough to sacrifice his own needs...

And for that, I am grateful. 

(Even when he does THIS in public...)

Right now, I should be reading the galley to my novel because I only get one more chance to catch any goofs I might've made, and while I'm the world's slowest reader and I have no idea how I'm going to get it done in time...

I have a debut novel releasing in February. 

And for that, I am grateful. 

I've spent the entire day in my chair (with the exception of the few stretching exercises my dad ordered me to do) and yes, my back is aching...

But I have a day job that I love, working with an amazing group of people who create all day long and are really encouraging to each other...

And for that, I am grateful. 

And I'll be in Colorado on Thanksgiving, not home in Illinois, sharing a huge meal with the family I love and miss so very much. 

But I'll be with good friends--new friends--and starting new traditions and not counting calories...

And for that, I am grateful. 

This week, I am celebrating thanksgiving even in the moments I don't feel thankful...because life is full of moments worth remembering. 

Have a wonderful holiday...be thankful.

 

 

When Disappointment Moonlights as an Answer to Prayer

In the darkness of night, my house finally quiets and for the first time all day, I can think. It happens fairly regularly, but this time, something seemed different. This time, something in the silence struck me. 

Odd. 

I don't know what it was that sent my mind reeling--perhaps the sight of my children, sleeping soundly and not arguing with me did it. Or maybe just stilling myself to the point where I could hear the words that seemed to play on a continuous loop in my mind. 

Slow down. You're missing it. You won't remember the moments. 

I've been scrapbooking a lot lately--and that helps to solidify my memories. I find that without it, I don't seem to latch on to the moments the way I want to...but when I think back only a few short years ago, it's like my memories come in fits and starts. Like they're buried and it's nearly impossible for me to find them. 

I know why, and it pains me to say it, but it's because I'm just too-darn-busy. 

I fill my days (and my nights) with various projects, many of which I took on long before I got a day job. Every time I finish one thing and get it off my plate, two more things  pop up. I'm not complaining--I LOVE my work. And I love writing. And I love deadlines. 

But now and then, too much of a good thing is still too much. 

And two nights ago, it hit me hard. I went to bed weighed down and heavy, the burden that seems to attach itself to my back following me all night long. I fell asleep praying for reprieve. 

"How, Lord? I'm committed. I've signed contracts. I need to do this work..." 

And I knew I had to suck it up and "get 'er done." 

Because I'm not a quitter.

And because I know superhuman strength is on sale at the Walgreens down the street. 

The next morning, I woke up, did my devotional and found my heart still heavy. I prayed as I went through my morning routine...wanting to find a way to ease the guilt of not seeing my kids enough... of holing away in my office to work on all these projects. Great, wonderful, amazing projects. 

I started my work day by checking my email, and while I can't go into details, I received one that under normal circumstances would've been hugely, hugely disappointing. (I didn't win Publisher's Clearing House. I know. Sad day.) 

But truly, I should've been worried, panicked, fearful. 

But instead, I felt nothing but peace. 

If you know me, you know peace is a costly commodity around here. It doesn't come naturally... which means, I came by it supernaturally. And I knew that in spite of that disappointment, God had just answered my prayer. In spite of not being thrilled by the news I'd gotten, he'd given me exactly what I needed. 

And in the silence that night, I heard him say Trust me.

And I knew that sometimes, what we're looking for comes to us in wrapped in a package that looks a lot like disappointment. Sometimes that thing we've been praying for, it shows up on our doorstep and we turn it away...because it doesn't look the way we thought it would. Or should. 

We forget how much He loves us. 

How much he wants the best for us. We don't realize that if we tune in, we'll find the peace he's given us in preparation for the disappointment. 

This news, this disappointing, sad news...it was a gift. In many ways, the gift I needed. 

And I find myself filled with gratitude. 

Oh, I'm still hoping the news turns around and it's not at all what it seems...but if it doesn't, I've learned to trust that there's a reason for it...

A new face on disappointment. 

And always a reason to be thankful...

Guest Posting With the Flower Patch Farmgirl

Shannan feels like that friend I've known my whole entire life. I'm not sure if our mutual attraction to comfy clothes or the fact that she openly makes fun of me in the kindest, most hilarious way that makes me love her so. 

Or perhaps it's our shared affection for Robert Downey Jr. I'm sure that's it. 

Whatever it is, I am so blessed to know this girl. And today I'm guest posting on her blog series 31 Days of Letting Go. My topic is "Letting Go of Hurt." Guess you could say I've learned a few things... and regaining my perspective has been good for me. 

Hope you'll come check it out HERE. And if you aren't familiar with Shannan's blog...you are REALLY missing out! 

Creepy AND Crawly

At some point, I know I'm going to have to share these horrible-awful photos I have in my stash. 

No, they aren't of me barely awake and stumbling to the kitchen before I've had my coffee... they are true, honest-to-goodness phobia-inducing photos that I'm not sure I can even edit in order to post. 

No, really. It is that bad. 

I finally found something I don't like about living in Colorado...

My friends, meet the Orb Web Weaver Spider...

This guy (or girl??) lives in my back yard. 

Yes. In the yard. On the fence. And it's, er, he's still there. 

(How HOW do you smoosh a spider with a body that big? fortheluvofallthatisholy...)

I got home from ACFW last month and Adam (in all his geeked out glory) ushered me to the back yard to meet his new friend. I cannot explain how this made me feel, I am not kidding. 

Stomach knotted. Skin crawling. And I started doing that little shaky thing I do when I'm just utterly grossed out...

And yet, even I have to admit...when I look at her (or him), I am in complete awe of this creature. I am not for one second saying I want this thing in my life for any length of time... 

But you have to admit, it's pretty darn cool...

One more of God's magnificent wonders, wrapped up in a creepy crawly little package. 

And living in my back yard. 

Shift Your Focus

Yesterday was a hard day from the start. I woke up late, felt frazzled and discovered I should've done things differently last week to avoid it. 

I may've collapsed completely were it not for my husband's insistence the day before that we get out of the house and enjoy this beautiful weather. (There's a pattern here of him forcing me outside and me realizing how good it is.) 

The only bad thing was I forgot the card for my camera and only had my phone. I'm telling you, no phone camera can do justice to the beauty of a Colorado fall...

We headed up into the mountains to a park hidden off the side of the road and even I'll admit, it was much needed and well worth it. 

Right when we got there, Adam said "let's just let the kids go explore." 

And then promptly yelled "Sam, get back here." 

He was up to no good. 

It's amazing to me that after lamenting my church issues only Friday, I could get out to a place where I'm sure God spends most of his days...

And I promise Ethan is not wearing short pants...

Though you can't tell it in this photo.

I think going through this little quandry has been good for me. It's taught me that it's time to move on. It's time to stop trying to live my life out of obligation, but to tap into the God who made me...and discover what he wants for my life. 

Which I'm convinced includes a community of people...though I'm not convinced we've found the right one. I haven't abandoned my beliefs that church is important and good and valid...I'm simply struggling to find where we belong...and I know it's important to keep pushing until we find it. 

Some days, I'm just thankful I can hear the whisper of God's voice in the changing leaves of the Colorado aspens. 

And I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude that Colorado trees DO change color... and they're just as beautiful as the trees in Illinois.

I want to thank you for the emails, calls and texts of encouragement over my last post... knowing that I'm not alone has been hugely helpful... 

So let me encourage you now, in the way you've encouraged me... to keep pushing until you find your spot. If you're searching, like we are, it's out there...and it's important to move past the past to discover what God has for us in the future...

Later this week, I'm going to share a post from someone who helped me shift my perspective on the whole matter...come back for more encouraging words...

And have a wonderful Tuesday!

When Your Faith Falters...

My mom isn't going to like this post. 

Probably a lot of people aren't going to like this post. And that's okay. I'm not even sure I'm going to like it when I'm done. 

For my first book, I created a layout about church. It was just called "Why church?" and my simple response was: "Because I believe in it." And I do. I really do believe in church the way God set it up to be, but I'm not convinced that in our society this is what we aim for. 

I often allow my emotions to serve as an internal compass. A way for me to guage what's really going on...and it's usually dead on. I'm 35 now, so the more years that pass, the easier it is for me to recognize when something is "off" or when it conflicts with something I believe in. 

If you read my blog, you've probably read our struggle to settle in to a church home. I think it feels like it should be an easy thing. Just start going to a church, get involved, be a part of their family. Like it's easy to enter a clique in high school or decide where to go to college. It's not. Your church shapes so many things about you. We went from knowing everyone who walked in the door to knowing nobody. And I thought that was part of what I liked--anonymity... but the truth is, when you've been on the inside and you know how things go on "behind the scenes" it's hard not to look for the holes in the seams. 

You sit in the service, eyes squinting, trying to find the discord. It's there. Maybe they're just good at hiding it. Maybe they aren't letting on that they're corrupt or immoral (or whatever else is they could be...) but it's there because they're human. It's everywhere. 

And I know this. I've been the on the human side of things. Full of mistakes but still able to be used by God...so in my head, I have to remind myself I don't serve these people. I serve God. I try to break free of the obligations that I've grown up with, the pressure to perform, the feeling that if I don't show up every week in my Sunday best I'm somehow letting God down. I try to snuggle in close with what he's telling me and I'm trying to figure out why that contradicts with most of what I've learned. 

I'm trying not to justify my annoyance with the way people have taken church and turned it into a business. Or my irritation with phoniness. My difficulty with impracticality. My need for common sense. 

Or the fact that lately...I don't want to go to church. I don't want to get involved. 

There. I said it. Frankly, it scares me a little. Because this feeling is the exact opposite of everything I know...Does it mean I haven't found the right church or does it mean that there's something broken inside of me? Did dissecting church life day in and day out for eleven years crack me apart at the seams? I know for a fact there are things I bought into that I no longer agree with. 

Like we should condemn people who don't think like we do. (Is that love?) 

We should expect commitment to church from people who can't commit to their spouse. (Shouldn't they get their home in order first?) 

Like pastors always know best. (They really don't.) 

I know I'm wrestling with something here...and I know that many of you are lucky enough to have a church family. And I also know there are many churches doing it right...But if you've been hurt over the years specifically by Christians, how do you reconcile the lack of desire to join that kind of family ever again? 

Do we purposely walk into dysfunction and say "yes, please, give me more?" 

I feel it's important to work this out for myself but more so for my kids. Because they're cracker-jack smart and they're going to pick up on the fact that while I believe wholeheartedly in God and the Bible and the principles within...I've lost a lot of faith in people...

And that's hard to remedy...

"I came to you in weakness -- timid and trembling. And my message and my preaching were very plain. I did not use wise and persuasive speeches, but the Holy Spirit was powerful among you.  I did this so that you might trust the power of God rather than human wisdom." - 1 Cor. 2:3-5

 

When there are no words...

My last post was all about me making light of all the things I seem unable to keep up with around here. Let's face it, we can't all be domestic goddesses. Some of us are just better at self deprecation then housekeeping.

Truth be told, I'm floundering a little...so I don't have a lot of extra words floating around. Only guilt.

And Jim Gaffigan quotes. (Chip Chop Chip? What does that even mean?)

And pictures of my girl before she got her hair cut...

 

That's all I really want to share today...pictures...

In spite of her hair, I think she's beautiful. And lately there are days when I want to strangle her but more often I want to hug her and tell her I"m proud of her. And I do. 

The other day when I was working on projects for my Papercrafting book, she sat with me in my office, doing her own creating. She made this:

It's a prayer jar. I didn't help her at all. I didn't even give her the idea. She just wanted to make a jar where she could tuck in her prayers. 

That sort of amazed me. She has a big heart, but her faith she mostly keeps to herself. It always surprises me when I see it coming out...and then I remember that I'm the same way, really. 

She's also picked up another one of my habits (though this idea didn't come from me either)... writing notes to herself on the mirror. Affirming love letters to herself. Nothing makes me happier...

She got that idea from a devotional she's reading written by a girl about her age (and her mom.) 

Sometimes I forget she's not this tiny person anymore. She's got a mind of her own. She needs independence. She needs to spread her wings a little. 

Never mind that the last time she "spread her wings" we found her on the other side of the neighborhood (where she isn't allowed to be) and is now grounded for the rest of the week. 

Those are just silly details. 

Speaking of details...

How about two winners of the Preschool Hands-On Bible??

The first winner...

Sharon said...

Courtney, I'm not quite sure why I have never visited your blog...but I suppose He drew me to it tonight with the post on FB about winning this :)

Good luck to me!

ReplySeptember 29, 2011 at 08:33 PM

and the second winner...

AnnaMarie said...

Ok this is pretty freakin' awesome!! :) How uplifting to be involved with a project like this...and love that it is experiential - it will really help the children to process the stories. Even if I don't win, I am so ordering one for my preschooler!! :) Thank you for the opportunity to win! :)

ReplySeptember 27, 2011 at 09:45 AM

You ladies need to send me your address so I can send you your Bibles! 

Thanks to everyone who entered! Hope you're having a great Tuesday. (Is it Tuesday?) 

 

Midnight Ramblings...

It's nearly midnight and I can't seem to quiet the thoughts. Bombardment of things to latch onto, things to remember. 

How do we keep from forgetting--from letting someone down? For years I refused to say the words "I forgot." As if it wasn't allowed. As if it wasn't okay. 

As if grace was meant for other people--people who didn't forget. 

At this moment, my house is nearly quiet. The hum of the fan pulls my attention, and I know in each of the bedrooms are people I love. Sophia, looking like a princess, a hazy cast over her olive skin. Ethan, burrowed under covers in a room black as pitch. And Sam, on the edge of his bed with his head at the foot-end. 

I wonder what they dream about. 

Me, I anticipate crawling into my own warm space--warm because my husband sleeps on both sides of the bed when he retires early. 

And I try to reel in the thoughts like a fish on a line, but they fight and protest. 

This precious time--these few moments of coherence when my world stills and I can hear the thoughts--it almost overwhelms me. All day long, I bury them...there isn't time to entertain it all. But now? Now that I'm hear with nothing but the blue light of the laptop to keep me company, I'm not sure where to start. 

I pray for God-ideas, but I wonder if they come, will I be in a place to receive them? 

Does he meet me in my weakness? 

Will he walk on by because he knows I've got other things to do? 

Rambly thoughts tonight, at nearly midnight. 

I hope I can make him proud...