Telling Stories

Memorial Day in Estes Park

This weekend, I had an edit to do on my second novel, A Sweethaven Homecoming. It's releasing in early August, and I'm thrilled I got to revisit these women, their scrapbooks and explore their stories a little bit more. 

But by Sunday night, I was near meltdown state and Adam knew exactly what I needed: to get out of the house and away from my computer. 

Let's face it, writer friends...sometimes we need someone to hold us hostage to make us quit working. 

One of the things I have loved about living here in Colorado is that we have access to so much beauty. This is the view at the main intersection near our house: 

 
Gorgeous, right?

But beyond that, we're less than an hour from both Boulder and Estes Park with Denver just a little bit farther away. Now that we're moving, we've started our "before we move" list...things we have to do before we head back to Illinois. 

Something about it is a little bittersweet. 

Anyway. Yesterday, we made the drive up to Estes Park. Spotted this guy (and three friends) along the way:

Whenever there are cars pulled over on the side of the road, you know there's an elk or a big horn sheep or something equally as cool hanging out in the woods. 

Driving into Estes is pure magic:

I mean, it really is breath-taking. 

And yes, it gets my writerly mind racing. Most stories I write start with two simple words... "What if...?" The next sentence is often met with a scowly look from my better half, at which time I continue to search for MORE "what ifs..." just so I can set a story in such a remarkable spot. 

Yesterday, we had the good fortune of being in town for Memorial Day:

It was beyond cool. 

Perhaps you'll remember about my dad being a war hero (something I didn't really even know until about a year ago...he doesn't like to brag.) 

Maybe Memorial Day means a little more to me now. Maybe I can be especially grateful that we aren't remembering him, but thanking him. 

Memorial Day in Estes Park meant an Art show in the park, lots of tourists and a ton of fun. 

And my borderline agoraphobic self didn't even have a meltdown. Go figure. 

We ate at an overpriced restaurant...

(where the food, sadly, wasn't even really that good...) 

And talked about this new adventure we're on...

And I realized how thankful I am that I got to spend two whole years living in a place that allowed me to breathe again. 

So, what about you? What do you do when you need a change of scenery? 

 

It's Just a House...

Adam started putting boxes together, and I've started mentally saying goodbye to this house. We worked so hard on it before we moved in, and while we still had some things to finish up, for the most part, we'd made it largely what we wanted. 

I've never had the courage to make this many changes to a home before. Always concerned with resale value and whether or not another owner would like my choices. 

How ridiculous is it to plan your decor around what the next person might like? 

Somehow, this house was like a blank canvas, and I guess we did okay because we got an offer only a few days after we listed it. 

Truth is, even though I know moving back is what God wants us to do, there is a part of me that is very attached to Colorado and what it meant for me and for our family. This whole experience was about refocusing, reprioritizing. It brought us closer together, through challenges and changes. 

And frankly, the weather is so much better here. 

When I think about moving back, I hesitate. You know, things in Illinois aren't like they are out here. The housing market isn't doing well. Higher taxes and unemployment rates. Gas costs more.

And while those things don't appeal to me, they make me think perhaps there's a bigger reason to move back than there is to stay put...perhaps stretching our wings with this new plan will benefit someone else more than we could hope to if we stayed where we are. 

I keep reminding myself that it really is "just a house..." and I've loved many houses before... 

But this one got into my heart a little bit, and while I can usually shut off my emotions pretty easily, I'm having trouble with this today. 

Moving here changed me. I'm not going back the same person I was. I feel stronger and more focused, more in tune with what I'm supposed to do. More value on the things that really matter and less on the things that don't...

And while I take all of that with me, there is much that I'm leaving behind. Good friends. Beautiful landscape. A town that makes me happy. 

And just for today...just for a moment...I'm feeling a little sad about that. 

A little sad that while I know it's God's plan, what we're doing...I'm thankful for the opportunity we had to live here for a little while. And in some ways, I wish we could take it all with us. 

It'll be hard to say goodbye.

How the Terror of Selling a House Has Changed Me...

Our house in Illinois was truly a dream house for me. 

It represented something I'd strived for somehow. We were adults. We were grown-ups. We were doing okay... 

But even when you're in the surroundings you thought you wanted...things can go wrong. You can wake up and realize that you aren't living the life you were meant to live. You can find yourself going through the motions, detached and not plugged in to what God's saying. 

Because sometimes the things he says are hard to swallow. 

Sometimes you don't want to hear "This really isn't your forever house. " Even if it's followed up with "I have something better for you." 

At least that's how it was for me. Because I'm stubborn. 

And I liked my house.

When we listed our Illinois house, I was instantly panicked. I knew we were going to have to file for bankruptcy (and oh, no, what would people say? "Are you sure you heard God?" "Surely God wouldn't ask you to do something that financially destroys you."...)

Because 1. People would say those things and 2. I would've cared. 

But this time? Not so much. This time, we listed our house with the calmest peace you can imagine. Partly because the housing market in Colorado is doing really well, but also because I just know that God's in control. 

For once, I can say worry is not in my wheelhouse. 

We are not kindreds, the two of us. There's no Anne Shirley/Diana Barry love going on here between me and worry.  

Since we listed this house, we've had five showings with another one tonight and a 3-hour evacuation for the Realtors to walk through tomorrow. We've gotten some good feedback. We've gotten some interest. 

We might actually be okay...but the truth of the whole thing is, I'm just not worried about it. 

And wow. That. is. freeing.

See, sometimes, you just have to go through it yourself. It's storming and rainy and horrible and you're sure you're going to drown, and then this crazy thing happens. God steps in. He brings you fabulous renters. He gets you across the country. 

He brings you work when you're sure you won't be able to pay the bills...He's with you every step of the way. 

So when the next storm kicks up, you can remember how faithfully he saw you through the last time and somehow...this storm pales in comparison. "God's done more than this already for us," you think. Because inside there's this knowing...

This knowing that you can't really explain, no matter how hard you try...

And that knowing can only come with growing. With getting older. With age. 

And I have to tell you, that while it wasn't easy in the middle of the storm...in the middle of any of the storms...I wouldn't trade them for anything. 

Because if this is the kind of peace I get to have as a result...it was worth it. I promise you. In the end. It'll be worth it. 

What storm are you facing today? Is worry your kindred, or are you resting in the knowing?

 

How Our Move is Hitting Home {hard}

It's hard to explain how a son can steal your heart unless you have a son that's stolen yours. 

bad iPhone photo. It is what it is.

The relationship between mother and son is unique and different and very special...at least around here. Ethan is my most sensitive child, but he's also my least verbal. At least when it comes to talking about his feelings. 

Oh, he loves a good rambling round of Twenty Questions (in which he asks approximately twenty questions on the same topic before moving on to a new topic and starting over...) because he's curious and intelligent and likes to dissect things. 

But ask him how he feels and he clams up. Cries. Struggles.

A few weeks before we really knew we were moving back, I started probing the kids. Ethan came with me to run an errand and when I wouldn't let him get something in the gumball machine he said, "You know Grammy would let me get it." 

Uh-huh. But I'm not Grammy. 

He sighed. "I know." (Read that with an extreme amount of disappointment. Because that's how he said it.)

I said, "You miss Grammy and Poppy?" 

He nodded. 

"What if we lived back by them, would that be a good thing?" 

He thought for a second and said, "You know, I never really wanted to move here in the first place." 

So I thought we were golden. It was the girl I was worried about. 

Then we explained to the kids that this was a very real possibility, and as I suspected, Sophia cried (she has this great little group of friends at school...) 

And Ethan said "Okay. Can I go play the Wii now?" 

But then a few days passed and Sophia remembered the good things about Illinois, including her friends there...

And CYT and the school she'd loved...

And Ethan still said nothing. 

Then I started getting emails from his teacher. Bad behavior. Wild. Talking out of turn. 

At first, my inclination was to punish him. No kid of mine was going to be the troublemaker. I don't care who his daddy is. 

But after a couple of days of emails like this, it dawned on me. For all of Ethan's "not caring," I knew that somehow, inside, he was having trouble processing this. In three years of school, he's had three different schools. And the one he loves is the one he's in at the time...which right now, is in Colorado. 

I sat Ethan down and told him I'd had another email from his teacher. We talked about his behavior, and then I dug my heels in and tore the band-aid off. "Is something upsetting you? Because usually you only act up when you're upset about something." 

It took a minute, but then he burst into tears and said "It's just hard that we might be moving back to Illinois." 

I said, "But I thought you were excited because you never wanted to come here in the first place?" 

And he said, "But then I started thinking about all the good friends I have here." 

And what could I say? Because I've thought about all the good friends I have here too. I've cried over the distance we're now putting between us and them...I've hated how flighty we seem to keep traipsing across the country. 

I've had dreams that we're doing the wrong thing mixed in with dreams we're doing exactly what we're supposed to...but more than anything, I've lost sleep worrying about these kids. 

I switched schools exactly twice in my life. Once in 2nd grade and once in 9th. It was traumatic both times. Kids are resiliant, yes, but how do you, as a parent, explain that this is the right decision for our whole family...not just for the grown-ups? 

How do you give them a chance to explore feelings they're much too young to have when really, you want to be wild and talk out of turn and throw your ball at your classmates just like they're doing? 

I know he'll be okay...but he's still processing right now...and so am I. My feelings are so mixed in spite of being so sure we're in the palm of His hand...

And I suppose that's normal...but that doesn't make it easy. 

I have no conclusion today. Just ramblings. Just questions. Just typical mom-worry...

And the hope that when all is said and done...we're going to be okay...

Truth Is Power {Lost and Found by Ginny Yttrup} Part Two

There's so very much I could write about "Lost and Found." In so many ways, this book opened my eyes to my own issues. The way I've allowed myself to be too caught up in the world's opinions. The way I've maneuvered my life to try and become who I am expected to be. 

If there's one thing I've learned over the past five or so years, it's this. 

Truth is power.

I think we have a tendency, as humans, to hide our mistakes, our sins, our evils, and then they become the thing that plagues us. The thing that could easily take us down. 

But when you speak them out, when you confess your issues or shed light on your sins...a funny things happens, they can't hurt you anymore. 

Light and darkness cannot co-exist. So, when you pull something out of the darkness, it's filled with light...and while the process can be painful, the truth of it brings power. 

Once there's light, there's hope...and that thing you've been hiding can't hurt you anymore. It's no longer a weapon that can be used against you...

In Ginny's book, there's a paragraph I circled: 

It is so like her to act as though nothing has transpired between us. To move forward without a backward glance. An apology. An acknowledment of any sort. These are the times that leave me feeling crazy.

And that's how it can be when you're unsure, when truth isn't prominent in your mind. You allow other people to dictate the things you believe, regardless of what you know to be true. 

Why do we do that? 

Why do I do that? 

Reading the words in this book opened my eyes and helped me realize that while I've felt like something was wrong with me all this time, in reality the only thing wrong is that I wasn't allowing the truth to have the power in my life. 

Like I said yesterday, I feel like this book was a gift to me. A way for me to fully embrace the things God's told me to do and allow them to be the only thing that matters. 

And the scary part is that I expect to be tested with this again. And again. Until I get it down. Until I can fully embrace this revelation. 

To that end, here's what I know: 

1. I'm first a wife and a mother. My family is my #1 ministry. Anyone who tells you differently (in word or in action) doesn't have your best interest at heart. 

2. I'm called to be a writer. 

3. Not everyone in the world is going to like me. And that's okay. 

4. I can't worry about the opinions of others...because if I please one person, I'll likely not please another person. There are, after all, as many opinions as there are people.

5. God has a divine purpose for my life. (And yours.) 

These are some of my truths. I have to stay focused on these and not get diverted watching enemy missiles firing at me. 

In a few short months, I'll be walking back into familiar territory. The place where people know me as the person I always was, and I'm tasked with the trial of staying true to what I now know. And it may be difficult not to let myself get tied in to the things that used to be such a huge part of my life. 

You know, it's kind of like trying to change your personal style...if I started wearing dresses everyday, would people think "Who is she trying to be?" 

Maybe. 

But the fact remains that the hard lessons I've learned over the last two years are in me now. They can't go away just because I'm shopping at the same Target store I used to shop at. And I think, in many ways, Lost and Found taught me that. 

That it's okay to seek the truth. 

That it's wise to hear God's voice and act accordingly, regardless of what anyone says about it. 

That sometimes speaking your mind, when done with grace, isn't a bad thing. 

This is my truth. 

What's yours? 

By the way...you can visit Ginny on her website/blog HERE.

And you can buy your own copy of her incredible book HERE. 

When God's "NO" is a much-needed detour {the next part of the story}

So...where was I? 

A funny thing happens to me when I sense God is doing something. That we're on the edge of change feeling takes over and I find myself looking for it everywhere. Like Sherlock Holmes, I try to deduce where God is taking us, as if it's a mystery to be solved. As if I can't wait another moment for the answers. As if He's not going to show us in His time. 

In the case of our move here, it was the pervy pastor. 

In the case of our move back home, it was something else entirely. And I was bummed out when I decided that I must not, after 36 years of trying, be able to hear God's voice after all. 

As a wife, I think it's safe to say that I can spot discontent in the man I married. He is, by all accounts, incredibly laid-back. Otherwise, I'm certain there's no way he could live with me. When I started seeing his discontent, I started to wonder what we were going to do...but then he'd have a great day (usually off at a video shoot or something) and it would be fine for awhile. 

But then, it wouldn't be. 

I'm not sure which one of us handled this worse. (Yes I am, it was me. I handled it worse.) Because I hate seeing him unhappy. Knowing what he can do and how good he is at what he does, seeing him spend his days doing something other than that just about killed me. 

So, I started praying. I prayed that Adam would find the kind of job that utilized his talents--his gifts--the things that made him truly happy. Adam has star potential, and I knew he'd couldn't be long-term happy in a cubicle. 

Then our church announced that they needed a worship leader. And while I knew my husband did not want to go back into church ministry and he most certainly didn't want to be a worship leader, all I could think was "This is something he could do." 

And I felt strongly about it. And I knew this was it. And I convinced Adam to call the church. And one hour before he called, they filled the position. And I moped and sulked a little because what other option was there for us? How, God? How are you going to fix this one? 

Oh, ye, of little faith. 

Man, I had little faith. 

That weekend, we were in Illinois for some reason and I remember recounting the whole story to my mom (who, if you can believe it, worries even more than I do...hey, I learned from the best.) But while I was telling her the story, this strange thing happened...

"But you know," I said, driving toward Wendy's for my apple pecan chicken salad. "Adam doesn't want to be a worship leader. The thing he keeps talking about is theatre. Kids' theatre. Teaching music and acting and directing...that's the thing we both miss." 

And in that moment, literally, it was like oh-my-gosh-that's-what-we-need-to-do...Like a lightbulb. Like THAT was the thing that we had in our hearts--that Adam especially had in his heart...and if it weren't for my misguided attempt to force him into a box he didn't want to go in, we wouldn't have realized it. 

That's when we started discussing our options...that's when we started dreaming about doing what we'd always loved to do...something we do together sort of beautifully. 

See, sometimes, we head down a path and we're sure it's God. And then it doesn't work out. I believe that doesn't mean it's not God...it's just God's way to get you to a different place...

Adam isn't going to be a worship leader, but that closed door got us dreaming again. Outside the box dreaming...and now, months later, here we are...standing on the corner of God's Will. 

Just where he wanted us to be. 

It's easy to get caught up in the method...to look at these detours, these twists and turns and beat ourselves up because the closed doors MUST mean we haven't heard God...but I don't believe it for a second. If you surrender, he'll get you exactly to the spot you're supposed to be in. 

I'm sure of it. 

What detour have you taken lately? Is it possible that it's leading you to something bigger?

Scrapbooking Your Faith Weekly Prompts {Won't You Join Me?}

I'm interrupting my story to gather the rest of my thoughts. I'll tell you all about how this move has already been challenging in that my son is acting out in school because he can't seem to process his emotions. I'll explain what it's like when well-meaning people plant a seed of doubt in your mind and how difficult it is to cling to what you know you know...

The story just keeps changing. Today our Realtor is coming by to talk about selling the house. When we moved here, I was terrified about our house in Rockford. It never did sell, but we have fabulous renters. 

Sometimes God works things out in a way you never expected. I love that. 

Because of it, I feel like I can walk into this next season with more peace. I don't know how God will work it out, but I know he will. I rest in that. 

Anyway. Today, I want to direct you to the Creating Keepsakes Magazine Blog where I'm guest posting (yay) and sharing a layout inspired by my book, A Sweethaven Summer. (Should go live later tomorrow!) Since I haven't talked about the 'ol book in awhile, I'll put in a shameless plug here...I think it'd make someone an awfully nice Mother's Day Gift, don't you? 

You can head right over HERE and enter to WIN a copy along with some fabulous scrapbooky prizes! 

I'm also working on some fun events to help spread the word about the book because we all know word of mouth is what really sells a book. 

If you've shared it with a reader in your life...thank you. Immensely. 

If you haven't, feel free. I'll pledge my undying devotion to you if you help spread the word. 

Too needy? 

Here's a little peek at the project I'm sharing over at CK...

(It's a map project. I love a good map.)

A few weeks ago, CK Editor Extraordinaire Jennafer Martin was in town and my good friend Liz and I got to meet up with her for breakfast:

I can't resist. I have to mention how sleepy I look. Wowza.

If there's one thing I LOVE about scrapbooking it's the friends I've made...which is why I'd LOVE for you to come join me for this new thing I'm doing right here on my blog. Six weeks of journaling prompts to help you Scrapbook Your Faith. 

Now, I'm not much of a video girl (which you will soon see givent he crummy webcam I'm using, but today I'm doing something I've never done before...a video announcement to tell you more about this fun idea.

I want to stress that this is NOT just for scrapbookers...this is for anyone...and I hope you'll join me...

At the risk of looking like a complete dork, here we go...(And the freeze frame/lighting are sooo flattering.)

 

So, let's recap (and talk about how you can WIN some GREAT, awesome, wonderful stuff.) 

1. Go over to the CK blog and enter to WIN A Sweethaven Summer and a scrapbooking prize package! (Post should be up tomorrow!) 

2. Leave me a comment on this post and you'll be entered to win a copy of Scrapbooking Your Faith (and one of the five winners will get a scrapbooking mystery box as well!) (And also, tell me if you're going to join in and journal YOUR faith!)

3. Come back next week for the first "Scrapbooking Your Faith" journaling prompt! It's going to be tons of fun! 

4. Tell Your Friends! 

Hope you have a wonderful weekend! 

Yep. We're Moving. Again.

Source

If you've been following our family journey for awhile now, perhaps you remember just two summers ago when we packed up our little family and headed across the country to Colorado. 

Maybe you remember our announcement that after only two years in our Rockford house, we were selling it so we could make said move. 

You may even remember only a few short months ago, how we, after living in a god-awful rental for a year, found a house in Loveland that we loved. And we bought it. 

And found out none of the appliances worked. 

And practically gutted it, replacing flooring and paint and trim...

Going from this:

To this:

From this:

to this:

If you're just joining our journey, then welcome. It's been a wild and crazy ride. 

And it's about to get crazier.

One other thing you might be aware of is our undying affection for Christian Youth Theatre, an organization we've written and directed for for a few years now. I think Adam's first show with them was when I was pregnant with Sam in 2007 and I came on the year after. 

And since our move, it's something we've missed immensely. 

For Sophia too...

(Peter Pan, her first show, 2009)

We miss the kids. We miss the theatre. We miss directing. And most of all, we miss making a direct impact on the lives and self esteem of young people. 

We used to do that for a living, you know. 

Well, today, we're happy to announce that Adam has officially accepted a position as the Artistic Director for CYT-Chicago. And yes, that means, this little family is hitting the road. 

Again. 

I promise I don't really have a lazy eye. 

Or wait. Do I? Do I have a lazy eye and no one is telling me? 

Regardless. 

I honestly cannot WAIT to tell you the amazing story of how God brought us to this point. It's a tale of learning patience, trust and the value of not giving in to the looming mental breakdown. And suffice it to say, God is using it to teach us and build our character... 

But I know what you're thinking...why would you leave Colorado...

For Illinois...

And all I can tell you is that when God moves you, you go. 

We've learned to trust his voice, to go where the peace is.

For us, that means Adam taking this job and us moving back to Illinois. Where? We have no idea. Many things need to fall into place... but life surely has turned into a journey for these homebodies...who seem perfectly incapable of finding a home. 

So...know anyone looking for a house in Loveland, Colorado?

The Quick Drive to Boulder

To say I needed a weekend of rest would be a tremendous understatement. I've started to see something about myself that I'm not sure how to change...I tend to internalize everyone else's stress (along with my own.) What's that about? 

So, if Adam is stressed, I take that on, make it mine. I give it a home and a place to set up shop. I've got to stop doing that. I have to learn that other people--even people I love--can handle their stresses. 

Awhile back, Adam went on a video shoot down in Boulder. They filmed a girl jumping out of an airplane. But what stuck with Adam wasn't the skydiving adventure so much as the drive home from Boulder... a drive that runs you parallel to the mountains.

And while it is really brown here right now, there's just nothing like the mountains on a beautiful day. And Saturday was perfect. We all hopped in the car and went for a drive...because we'd never been to Boulder before.

And because we needed to rest. relax. recharge. 

Boulder was different right off the bat. I knew it wasn't going to be a typical town when I saw these: 

They look like little sheds, but I'm pretty sure they were some kind of eco-homes. Tiny and all in a row. Naturally, I started wondering about the people who lived up there...how were their lives different from ours? 

Did they get out and recharge on the weekends? And why had it been so long since I'd allowed myself to do that?

We knew we wanted to make our way downtown to Pearl Street:

There's several blocks with brick sidewalks and beautiful shops and restaurants, and I knew instantly I'd never been anywhere quite like it. 

We were met by some interesting sights...Like a man sprinting down the block in a dress:

(I wondered if this was some sort of fraternity prank, but the dude didn't look like he was in college.) 

And this, which I feel is self explanatory:

We parked the car and started walking...and I loved that my kids got to see all the different artistic things going on downtown. All kinds of street musicians and performers, a creepy dude making balloon animals, a kid playing a mean violin...

This guy, whose instrument of choice was a didgeridoo...

And these two, who drew quite a crowd with their music...(I'm tempted to tell you these are xylophones, but as sure as I do someone will tell me they are some much more interesting instrument...anyone know??)

We also got to see some pretty amazing architecture and art. The entire downtown area looked liked something out of a movie. 

And while we didn't buy anything except lunch, and we didn't stay for hours and hours, the time away, unplugged, was exactly what we needed. It was like a mini-vacation right in the middle of the weekend. 

And once again, Adam and I were wondering "Why don't we do this more often?" 

I think they were wondering the same thing...

My Month So Far in iPhone photos...

I have to catch my breath. The word "Whirlwind" seems to describe my December so far and I'm putting my foot down. I'm making a point to inhale the winter chill, to marvel at the lights, to feel the joy of my four-year-old as he tells me he wants to see Santa. 

I have one last giveaway before we pick the winners, but it's not quite ready yet, so I'm changing my own rules and posting it tomorrow. In the mean time, I'm sharing something I know you're all dying to see...my iPhone photos that document the past few weeks. 

Riveting, right?! I mean, where else can you see this...

Proof that I can screw up even the simplest of dishes. This Jello dessert did not make it to our Thanksgiving dinner and it's pretty clear why. What a mess. I have a feeling I won't be asked to write a cookbook anytime soon. 

Sophia, on the other hand, is taking mighty nicely to the kitchen...

...and baked Adam cookies one night after she saw how miserable my dessert turned out. 

We went to a craft show where my friend Jenn was selling goodies. I picked up a couple of these for Sophia...

She broke it the second time she wore it. 

Last year, we didn't put up a tree. It was dismal in our rental and we did nothing to help that. So, this year, the weekend after Thanksgiving, I nagged insisted we get festive...

And by "we" I mostly mean "Adam." 

I write by this in the evenings and it's the coziest thing ever. The third book in the Sweethaven series is a Christmas book, so I'm soaking up all the magic and pouring it onto my pages. 

We  started a new tradition this year of going to Target and choosing a new ornament. This was Adam's:

Those of you who know him will understand. He is often seen with a pencil behind his ear. It was fitting. I think I was wise to nag him about the tree...it's made a huge difference in my Christmas spirit. And we all know the spirit of the house comes from the mother. At least that's what I'm told when I'm in a really crabby mood. 

For a couple of days in a row after the tree went up, Sam stood in front of it, decked out in his jams and said "I just want to stand here." Remember how cool Christmas was when you were little?

I treated myself to a Clearance mug at Pier1 and have washed it every single day since so I can have my coffee in it. Suddenly my previous favorite mugs have lost their appeal. Why is that?

This photo is so telling of my days...I start each one right here with coffee and the computer...tackling the to-do list of my job and thanking God he hooked me up with Webster's Pages in the first place. 

Adam decided Sophia was old enough to watch "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy. Thinking back on it, I'm not so sure I shouldn't have intervened, but apparently she emerged unscathed and it was a nice way for the two of them to spend some quality time. (And suddenly she has a crush on Merry.) ha. 

Naturally, when she found these:

She wanted to buy them for Adam. I said a picture would suffice. 

I'm such an orc of a mom. 

Adam and Sophia recorded a song Sophia wrote. It's a praise and worship song. It's not done yet, but I've already asked if I can share it with you when it is. Because I really like it. And because I want to be one of those braggy moms who always talks about her kids all the time. I think I'm good at that. :) 

 

Then I threw my back out. That was fun. I was down for several days and still am not 100%. The good news was Sophia gave me a pedicure. My toes are now aqua. 

Are you jealous?

Last week we headed out to Ethan's Christmas program at school. He's a sheep. 

A sheep with glittery fingertips.

And then this weekend, we celebrated our anniversary:

Turns out we're kind of boring people who sort of relish our boredom. We had so much fun shopping, having dinner and reminiscing about all the anniversaries past...

And then deciding that the past couple of years have almost felt like a new beginning. 

And loving that. 

So tomorrow, the Big Christmas Giveaway is going live and you don't want to miss it! And I'll post winners of all my giveaways later on this week. I cannot WAIT to draw names! :) 

Thanks to everyone for playing along!

 

 

Creepy AND Crawly

At some point, I know I'm going to have to share these horrible-awful photos I have in my stash. 

No, they aren't of me barely awake and stumbling to the kitchen before I've had my coffee... they are true, honest-to-goodness phobia-inducing photos that I'm not sure I can even edit in order to post. 

No, really. It is that bad. 

I finally found something I don't like about living in Colorado...

My friends, meet the Orb Web Weaver Spider...

This guy (or girl??) lives in my back yard. 

Yes. In the yard. On the fence. And it's, er, he's still there. 

(How HOW do you smoosh a spider with a body that big? fortheluvofallthatisholy...)

I got home from ACFW last month and Adam (in all his geeked out glory) ushered me to the back yard to meet his new friend. I cannot explain how this made me feel, I am not kidding. 

Stomach knotted. Skin crawling. And I started doing that little shaky thing I do when I'm just utterly grossed out...

And yet, even I have to admit...when I look at her (or him), I am in complete awe of this creature. I am not for one second saying I want this thing in my life for any length of time... 

But you have to admit, it's pretty darn cool...

One more of God's magnificent wonders, wrapped up in a creepy crawly little package. 

And living in my back yard. 

Shift Your Focus

Yesterday was a hard day from the start. I woke up late, felt frazzled and discovered I should've done things differently last week to avoid it. 

I may've collapsed completely were it not for my husband's insistence the day before that we get out of the house and enjoy this beautiful weather. (There's a pattern here of him forcing me outside and me realizing how good it is.) 

The only bad thing was I forgot the card for my camera and only had my phone. I'm telling you, no phone camera can do justice to the beauty of a Colorado fall...

We headed up into the mountains to a park hidden off the side of the road and even I'll admit, it was much needed and well worth it. 

Right when we got there, Adam said "let's just let the kids go explore." 

And then promptly yelled "Sam, get back here." 

He was up to no good. 

It's amazing to me that after lamenting my church issues only Friday, I could get out to a place where I'm sure God spends most of his days...

And I promise Ethan is not wearing short pants...

Though you can't tell it in this photo.

I think going through this little quandry has been good for me. It's taught me that it's time to move on. It's time to stop trying to live my life out of obligation, but to tap into the God who made me...and discover what he wants for my life. 

Which I'm convinced includes a community of people...though I'm not convinced we've found the right one. I haven't abandoned my beliefs that church is important and good and valid...I'm simply struggling to find where we belong...and I know it's important to keep pushing until we find it. 

Some days, I'm just thankful I can hear the whisper of God's voice in the changing leaves of the Colorado aspens. 

And I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude that Colorado trees DO change color... and they're just as beautiful as the trees in Illinois.

I want to thank you for the emails, calls and texts of encouragement over my last post... knowing that I'm not alone has been hugely helpful... 

So let me encourage you now, in the way you've encouraged me... to keep pushing until you find your spot. If you're searching, like we are, it's out there...and it's important to move past the past to discover what God has for us in the future...

Later this week, I'm going to share a post from someone who helped me shift my perspective on the whole matter...come back for more encouraging words...

And have a wonderful Tuesday!

Perspective

Sometimes when you're just goofing around, someone's there with her camera, goofing around with you...and she captures someting undeniably you. 

It's in that moment that you realize how thankful you are...

For a new life...

A new town...

A new perspective...

But all experienced with the same old guy. 

Photo by my uber talented friend, Lyndsey.

Recognizing a Blessing

If there's one thing I've learned to recognize it's a blessing. Sometimes it's like a lightbulb that goes off. Other times it's a steady influx of data into my brain, reminding me that yes...I am insanely blessed. 

Things are very hectic right now. I've slacked on blogging because I'm feeling a little unfocused, I'm weighed down with stress and deadlines and I'm honestly not sure if I'm going to continue. I started blogging originally as a way to get in the habit of writing everyday. That's not an issue anymore, so I have to wonder why I'm doing it...I'm just reevaluating, I guess...

Still. That's beside the point. It's just floating around in my brain. 

In all my stress, I sometimes fail to see Adam's stress...mostly because he is busy making sure everyone is alright. 

I've gotten into scrapbooking again, and in going back through older pages, I remember why I did it in the first place. Because every once in awhile, on a night when your daughter comes to you at 9 p.m. and tells you she needs a "photo of our history" you'll start scanning images and run across the ones that remind you of things like this. 

Of things like yes, you are married to the perfect man for you. And yes, he really does love you that much. And yes, he is the most creative, talented man you know...but you're together for a reason. 

Sometimes I forget to tell him how amazing I think he is. How proud I am of his willingness to completely change our life because he knew it would be better for our family in the long run. It's been a hard, hard year, but he continues to face every challenge with such positivity. 

I never would've had the courage to jump if he wasn't by my side. 

I am not a mushy person. I'm not even really all that affectionate. I sometimes forget to speak Adam's language. I get caught up in my own bad day and want to make sure he knows it was HARD for me that I forget maybe he wants relief from the stress.

I am proud of what we've done, moving here and changing our life. I'm proud of Adam for being willing to learn something completely new...and difficult. I love that he's THAT kind of dad who comes back to the front door for "one last hug" just because Sam asks.

And most of all, I am blessed...because this man is the greatest person I know...and I get to spend the rest of my life with him. 

 

Loveland, Colorado Corn Roast Festival

I sometimes have to step back and remind myself we now live in a much smaller town than we used to. Sometimes that is blatantly obvious, like this past weekend, when we headed out for Loveland's Annual Corn Roast Festival. 

Adam joined the "corn shuckers" at work and took part in the corn shucking contest. I'm told he was the weak link on his team...which I think is funny considering we're from Illinois. 

So, they serve corn all throughout the weekend (and it's GOOOD), but I'm told that years ago someone came up with the idea of a contest to shuck the corn...

Because seriously, that IS the most annoying part.

Adam did step up his game, and the rest of his team gave a valiant effort, but they just couldn't shuck enough ears to win. 

We didn't care...we were there to take it all in, regardless...

The whole set-up reminded me of The Petunia Festival in my hometown of Dixon, Illinois. It's over the 4th of July every year and it's so much fun. Many of my best memories of living in Dixon center around that week in the middle of summer. 

I hope the Corn Roast Festival is similar for my kids. 

After shucking, Adam made a good point..."I can't leave the Corn Festival without eating some corn..." so we tried it on for size. And let me say, we've got high corn standards having grown up in the middle of a corn field and all...

I won't even tell you how they put butter on it. 

Ok, I will. They have crock pots FULL of melted butter and they dunk the ear in, spin it around and then slosh it down in a piece of tin foil. Seriously. Paula Deen would be proud.

For some of us, corn wasn't enough...which is fine because there was a whole line-up of food choices...Ethan chose well, the perfect fair-food...

Sophia got this greasy mess:

My stomach hurts just looking at it. Tater twists. They're basically potato chips straight out of the grease. Yow.

Even still, the real star was the corn...

Everyone loved it. Even this random person that Adam took a picture of.

This is why I don't give him the camera very often. 

During the shucking content, the kids spotted an inflatable and bungee jumping thing. They begged and pleaded and wore us down until finally we relented. 

It was worth it...

They had a blast. 

Ethan studied Sophia before they strapped him in...

And then took the reins. 

A huge, huge success! 

We are definitely fans of The Corn Roast Festival...next year we'll add even more activities to our itinerary...and that's saying something for this homebodied family!

 

Hugh Hefner Loves Estes Park and so do we...

 It dawned on us about two weeks ago that we live in a place people drive or fly to vacation and yet, we weren't fully taking advantage of all the beauty within driving distance. It was the last weekend before school started, the last weekend before I started my job (which I love, by the way), and we needed to escape. 

So we drove about 35 minutes up into the mountains, doubling our elevation. The air is thinner and if you aren't careful, you can definitely make yourself a little woozy, especially with all the weaving roads. Thankfully, no one got sick...

Downtown Estes Park is the kind of place novelists photograph in their mind and save to draw on for a later date.  

Even when you forget to bring jackets and have to shop the sale rack at one of the overpriced tee-shirt stores meant to swindle tourists out of their wads of cash, you can still find so much to love in this place. 

I'm especially happy with the way Sam's taken to the camera...

I know, you want a better look at the best photo of the day, don't you? Well, here it is...

Someone please tell me whose child this is.

Standing on the edge of downtown near town hall, this is the view:

...okay, that photo does NOT do it justice. Let me just say, it's stunning. And I'm so curious about the people who live there. What brought them to a touristy type town, why do they stay, how could they ever leave? 

We started with breakfast/lunch at a little restaurant called Claires:

Nothing fancy, but it served its purpose. And my fruit plate was divine. 

(I would never say that in real live, fyi. I sometimes throw words into my blog that I would never say in real life. Just for fun.) 

When you walk down the street, you see all kinds of nifty things. Like a candy shop making salt water taffy right in the window...

Eventually it becomes this:

...which I would've bought in a heartbeat if I thought I could save it until my pseudo sugar fast is over. (I say pseudo because I'm starting to relax a little bit on it, it's been about 45 days...but that's a story for another day.) 

I quickly discovered this was not the place I wanted to be if I had any hope of escaping sugarless.

(Adam actually got one of those caramel apples on the left!) He left about two bites so I tried it and said "apples are totally fine for me. This is actually health food." To which he responded with that knit together eyebrow thing he does so well.

While he enjoyed his caramel apple, the kids enjoyed handmade ice cream...

And it started to rain a little...

But if there's one thing I've learned about Colorado, it's that seriously, the rain doesn't hang around for long. 

I found this to be the most brilliant thing I spied all day:

An all-day cereal bar? 25 kinds of cereal and 25 kinds of milk?? Are you serious? Why aren't these more common? It took me back to college and the long counter of cereal choices. Ah, those were the days...(hey, cereal is expensive!) 

I also discovered there are Cubs fans everywhere...

Sam discovered the drinking fountain. (This is my favorite picture of the whole trip, I think...)

And we discovered that yes, we do have something in common with Hugh Hefner. A pretty startling realization for this prudish work-from-home mom from the Midwest. 

We were walking along and this pulled up along the curb. Clearly they weren't trying to be discreet...

The Playboy insignias all over the windows gave me pause, but it wasn't until I spotted the license plate that I knew this was the real deal. And my maternal instinct to preserve the innocence of my children kicked in. I wanted to throw my arms over them and usher them into a store but thought that might be going a little overboard. 

Just a little. 

I braced myself for the parade of boobs, but oddly, the limo just sat there, its driver running back to the back, getting in, then running back to the driver's seat...

Look at the men gawking in this picture. Geesh. 

I think they were sad when the limo pulled away, boobies and all. 

Anyway, that was the first part of our day. And we had a blast. If you ever get the chance to visit Estes Park, go! It's gorgeous! And so worth it. 

Don't forget, today is the last day to enter to win two signed copies of Deborah Raney's newest books (scroll down two posts and leave a comment!) Someone is going to be very happy! :) 

 

Back to School

My kids start school tomorrow. (We're taking a step of faith and sending them to the Christian school...) For a month now, I thought it was Wednesday, but it's not. it's tomorrow. And I'm glad I realized it before tomorrow. 

How did that happen, though? How did it get to be mid-August? We were looking at our summer, full of moving and renovating and while we did go on vacation, that was really the only purposely fun thing we did. 

The other day Adam came up with a weekend plan involving grilling out and hanging out and going on a day trip. "We live in Colorado but we don't do anything we couldn't do in Illinois." 

Touche. 

He was so right. We spend our weekends playing catch up...whereas most people out here spend their weekends relaxing...and you know what? I think they're on to something. 

As a sort of "last hurrah" before heading back to the grind, we took the kids to Estes Park yesterday. I know that it's not possible to go "away" every single weekend, but if we could, I think we'd consider it. Getting out of cell range...away from the reminders we still have trim to paint...without access to the work hidden inside the laptop...it was the best thing for us. 

But I think it made me acutely aware that in just one more day, we'll be shoving the kids out the door at 7:30 to go to their new school (again) and I'll be home without their chatter. 

Don't get me wrong. I won't miss the arguing. Or the constant questions or the "Mom, can you do this...?" which seems to happen at fifteen minute intervals. 

(Dear Courtney, please correct your posture. Signed, your backbone.) 

Back to school time is sort of a love-hate thing for me. My kids thrive in school. They love it. They live for it. It's their favorite. And I love seeing them happy. But I really do miss them when they aren't here, wrapped in our little home-cocoon. 

(Dear Courtney, please get some quality sleep. Signed, the puff under your eyes.) 

This year, I'm determined to be utterly organized. To stay on top of permission slips and paperwork. To pack lunches and lay out clothes the night before. I'm determined, I tell you. I won't let homework get away from me. I won't forget they don't have school and take them anyway. I wake up late and rush around trying to throw them out the door with a Pop-Tart.

I have better things in mind this year and I hope I can pull it off. So, come tomorrow, my house will be eerily quiet. Just me and the Hobbit. 

And I'm going to miss them...

A lot. 

What about you? Do you love or hate sending your kids back to school? What will you miss most? What are you determined to do differently this year? 

 

Musings from the Road

(Otherwise known as "Things I Learned on our Latest Roadtrip...")

In no particular order. 

1. Kids can pee their pants even while they are sitting on the toilet.

2. Courtney-coffee=Satan (That was one Adam learned.)

3. Adam in a good mood is almost as annoying as Adam in a bad mood. (He knows this. I told him many times.)

4. The real reason Adam won't let me drive is because he doesn't want to have to deal with the kids. 

 

5. Three year old boys have to go to the bathroom every twenty minutes. Which happen to alternate with the times that 10 year olds and nearly-8 year olds have to go to the bathroom.

6. If the Stormchasers' Tiv ever breaks down, they could use a Buick Terrazza. 

7. Spending the money on an indoor waterpark? Totally worth it!

8. The way there is quicker than the way back.

9. The things you've heard about rural Greeley are true. It literally STINKS. (And here's why:)

10. Iowa has the NICEST rest stops. (Sorry, Nebraska, but it's true.) 

11. 90 degrees in Colorado feels like 90 degrees. But 90 degrees in the Midwest feels like 90 degrees and a shower in a scalding hot fire hose.

12. "Everyone else on the road is an idiot..." --Adam

13. Sometimes a Happy Meal toy can entertain a kid for hours (which totally redeems the nastiness of the food he just ate.)

14. If you think you're being all rebellious by buying Mike's Hard Lemonade coolers to drink with your sister & mom, you most likely won't drink them...then you'll try and take a couple home with you and if you do, they'll break inside your cooler and make the whole van smell like alcohol, which you will all regret the entire 15 hours in the car. You'll come to the conclusion that some people simply weren't born to know what a margarita cooler tastes like...and that someone is you. 

15. It's ridiculously hard to find a good salad on the road. 

16. If a fly gets trapped in your car, it's all over. Call in the guards.

17. You CAN get sunburned in goofy looking circles right on the tops of your knees. Just go canoeing. 

 
18. Late night farts are funny for weary travelers. Especially for 8 year old boys doing the farting. 

19. Double rainbows really ARE so intense. 

20. Construction sucks.  

21. Mosquito bites suck.

22. Iowa sucks. (Sorry, Iowa...but you're a very long and horizontal state!)

23. My dad doesn't know how to whisper in the movies. 

24. Leaving is hard. The sadness lingers and sometimes sneaks up and surprises you...especially when it appears in the form of a seemingly strong 10 year old girl. 

25. There's no place like home...the one you came from and the one you're going back to...

 

 

House to Home...the Entryway

Little things like the entry way seem to trip me up the worst. We had this ugly flooring...

BEFORE:

Ok. This picture doesn't show its true ugliness. The truth is, the floor was fine, however, with our new kitchen floor, it became an instant eyesore. Clearly the two didn't match. (This is our kitchen floor on the bottom...)

For those of you who've emailed me about that floor, it's by Shaw and it's called "Mountain Lodge Durango." Email me if you have more questions!

Anyway, we had just what we wanted in the kitchen...but the entry presented a problem. This is why I love our flooring lady. It would've upped our price considerably to tear up, pull out and replace the entryway floor. Such a small space, but seriously expensive. 

By the time we were picking flooring, we were more money conscious than ever, so we were on the hunt for an alternative to transform this guy...

BEFORE:

(I wish I had a better shot of just the entry. I wasn't composing this blog post in my mind when I was taking before shots.)

Carpet/Tile Lady suggested we have the guys sand it down and stain it a color that would match the kitchen. "Because they're not right next to each other, no one will ever know." 

Genius. I mean, if money is no object, get the matching floor...but if you want to spend your thousand bucks somewhere else (I had a couch in mind...it ended up being a dishwasher and garbage disposal!) this is a great alternative. 

At first, I HATED the way it looked. I was so worried we'd made a mistake, but I think the stain just needed a couple days to settle. And now? I love it.

AFTER:

(Sorry about my pile up of picture frames waiting for homes there in the lower left!) 

We also painted the trim, the walls and changed out this light fixture. I think it made a huge difference, but it was super easy to do!

I wanted to create a good balance of light and dark so I left some of my dark elements in the space and tried to make it all flow right into our living room. Because when you're standing in the front entry, this is the view:

For now, I've decided to use my little chest (which houses important papers, mailing supplies and office type "junk" (paper clips, stapler, etc.) right here because it fits well and it's functional. However, I may replace it with a little antique bench down the road if I can find one.

AFTER:

I put a "mail catcher" basket right on the top just for bills. No other mail is allowed in there. But then, when I go to pay bills, I just take the basket with me and I'm good to go. 

For us, our home is about our family, so we want to fill it with pictures of the people who live here. Next month, we're having professional photos taken so a lot of these older shots will be replaced. I can't explain how excited I am about that!

But in the meantime, this is, I think, a nice way to say "Welcome Home."

 

House to Home...the Kitchen (In Progress)

The room that's given me the most trouble? The kitchen. Hands-down. 

It's the room that's about halfway done. 

The room that had no working appliances (except the stove.) 

The room where I knew our family would spend the most time. 

This is what it looked like BEFORE:

And I wanted to change just about everything about it. 

BEFORE:

While I surveyed the mustard yellow sponge painted wall, I envisioned something completely different. Light, cheerful, happy. All in all, I felt like the house was sad. Literally, sad people must've lived here (later confirmed by our neighbors) and I knew we needed something completely the opposite. 

Kitchen BEFORE:

The initial plan? 

• Replace the flooring
• Change out all light fixtures
• Paint the wall
• Paint the cabinets and trim (we went with a high gloss white...LOVE it!)
• Add crown moulding to the top of the cabinets (side note: I cannot spell that "molding" even though I see it that way sometimes. To me, that conjures visions of squishy tomatoes left on the top shelf of the fridge for too many days, er, weeks...)
• New hardware 
• Eventually, we'd like to replace our table with a round one (ideally a flea market find because I want to paint it. And paint every chair a different color.) 

This isn't a great shot of our eating area BEFORE, but it's all I have...

So, as you may already know from my whining, we did not expect to have to replace all the appliances right away. It was down farther on the list. But what are you gonna do?

So here is our kitchen AFTER(ish):

The thing I love the most? The floor. I am in LOVE with this floor. It's distressed, I'm not sure you can tell, durable, cleans SO easily...I cannot say enough good things about it. 

(That's our new dishwasher over there in the corner.) 

I still have LOTS to do in here, including:

• Hang some artwork!
• Hardware on cabinets
• Replace fixtures
• Paint corner round white
• Pick ONE coffee maker to declutter the counter top!
• New counter tops (we've priced them. The price physically hurt me.) 
• New stove
• New sink (ours is completely banged up)...I'm dreaming of this one:

Swoon.

Oh, and I need to seriously do something about the top of the fridge. Some of those big dishes and bowls, I'm hoping to get moved...to this space...

Along that back wall. With my dream shelves that I'm trying to convince my dad to make for me. Remember those?

Double swoon.

I have big dreams of filling it with beautiful displays. You know, eventually. 

We have a new ceiling fan waiting to be installed over the table. There's not a trace of gold on it (Praise Jesus) and it's really pretty. I know some people are anti-ceiling fan, but if it saves us from turning on the air, it's worth it. 

We are also searching for some sort of covering for the sliding glass doors (NOT vertical blinds)...

So that's the kitchen IN PROGRESS. Still much to do, but so much has been done. It's like a blur, all that work we did getting ready to move in. 

Definitely a labor of love, but so, so worth it. And now? Yes, I even love the new appliances. 

Like I said yesterday...it's starting to feel like home.

House to Home...the Living Room

I've always wanted to renovate a house. I watch "Flip This House" and in spite of the messes they always have to deal with, it still sounded like...dare I say it...fun. Now that we've done it, or rather, are doing it, I have a new respect for all those messes, all the ways they add up, the hidden costs and unexpected problems. 

God bless you if this is something you've made your career. I've enjoyed many things about the process, but the stress nearly killed me!

I wasn't going to post pictures because it's not "finished." There's still a lot of work to be done in our living room...but I figured I could post Before and During photos, and we'll do the "After" later.

(Though really, in a house where a woman lives, is a room ever really finished?)

So, here's the living room...Before:

My main issue (besides the nasty carpet) was the wall color. Everything in the house was in this color family, and it darkened the space SO much.

(That's basically my version of the same photo)...

And here's the view from the other side along with some of my original plans...

Now, it took a couple of weeks for me to get this room cleaned out. It was the catch-all room because it's right off the main entry. There were so many boxes and random pieces of furniture in here, but it got to the point of maddening and I finally got the motivation to tackle it. (I had some genius help too.)

A few disclaimers: 

1. I'm waiting for Adam to hang that monster picture above the couch.

2. Our big TV is downstairs and I don't know if I want the other one in here, so I'm testing out this ginormous square hole in the wall without one...(The fabric background is VERY temporary...just seeing how I like it in the space.)

3. The trim isn't attached. 

4. The couch was the main thing we nixed when we had to buy appliances, so this is our make-do couch. Its's my college couch. The ottoman opens and has a ton of storage, but the couch is my least favorite piece of furniture. In the world. 

Still...I'm liking the space as a whole...

I realized somewhere along the way that I was trying to create this super calm, neutral space but I am 100% married to color. It makes me so happy...so I took a turn back toward what I love.

I am so glad I did. You've gotta create the space you love...it doesn't really matter if anyone else likes it! (Besides your husband, of course.)

It's a bit makeshift but it's still my favorite place to be in our whole house. I have more artwork and photos to hang in here and you can see where we need to get the trim up (it's painted and standing against the kitchen wall!) but we'll get there!

The picture in the center of this photo:

...is my Canvas from Canvas on Demand. When they had a groupon months ago, I knew I wanted to snag it and I finally ordered it a couple of weeks ago. When I took it out of the box, I gasped...

I cannot explain to you how gorgeous this canvas is and what an amazing job they did. The colors are SO vibrant! I highly recommend this company if you're in the market for a unique way to display your pictures! (I already have plans to order more! And gifts? They'd be perfect!)

Still, the canvas doesn't go here. Adam stuck it there to see how it looked, but I'm going to hang it up. The fireplace looks more like this:

(And that big square of fabric will probably be replaced by a BIGGER one.) I want the fabric to look like a background for that little cubby hole. (It's not attached right now.)

I really don't like the fireplace tiles and one of my friends suggested I get vinyl tiles and cover what's there until we know for sure what we want to do...(Thanks, Michele!) I like this one:

(Which is similar to the countertop I want in the kitchen.) 

All in all, the space is coming along. I have a whole list of things left to do and a wish list of things to buy (down the road) but I'm loving it so far.

It's starting to feel like home.

 

Dear God,

Lately I've been caught up in a lot of ME. It's a tendency of mine to be selfish, as I'm sure you're already aware. But I felt compelled this morning to pause.

To thank you, of course, for watching over us and for our health and for this home you've provided. But mostly, today, I want to thank you for this:

 

I've heard people say when they move away from home and all that's familiar, their immediate family gets closer. I think this is because they don't have anyone else--at least not at first--and when they need to express an emotion, they look to the people that know them best. In my case, it's my husband.

I've been thinking a lot lately about our society and its warped view of marriage. Couples (both Christian and non) are finding any and every excuse to throw in the towel. We flit in and out of romantic relationships and when the romance dies and it gets hard--as it's sure to--it's very easy to leave.

Easy to justify. Easy to walk away.

But not for me. I'm one of those people who loves with my whole self, and when I decided to get married, never did it cross my mind that this could be a temporary arrangement. Over this past year, I've been reminded time and again of what a blessing it is to be married to your best friend.

Reminded not to get complacent about him...because it takes very little for a marriage to unravel.

Reminded of the difference between romance and love.

He doesn't bring me flowers. He installs garbage disposals.

He doesn't take me for romantic walks on the beach. He finds me shut in the bathroom, sitting on the closed toilet crying and hugs me until I stop.

He doesn't write me love letters. He offers instead something more solid, the promise of his love. And that promise carries with it no strings. It's unconditional. 

So, I sit here before you this morning, reminded again of what a precious and sacred gift my marriage is. And I'm certain you aren't the only one I need to tell. I have a hard time showing my emotions and some days I imagine Adam must ask himself why he's married to me at all...

But I feel compelled to say thank you for this man...I don't want to give you a laundry list of all the things he does for us--for me--because I know you see, but these things are many and they often go unnoticed. It is my prayer that I can find a way to properly show my appreciation, my gratitude, because my life is well-lived thanks to the love of this man. 

I am blessed beyond measure. And today, I just wanted to say thanks.

Fourth of July Traditions

I could post a ton of Fourth of July photos and I bet you would think it was the happiest day of the year for me. That's the deception of the internet. I could tell you whatever I want to go along with the joyous photos and the happy faces. 

But my July 4th didn't start off joyous and happy. 

Back home, I'm from a town that does up the Fourth of July. In fact, because of my roots, the holiday ranks up there with Christmas for me. It's about being with my family, all of us at my parents' house, the kids in and out of the water, the adults hanging out in the air conditioning until we all head out in the muggy summer heat for the fireworks. There's the parade, the carnival, the art show in the park. The events last all week.

And while I haven't done every one of those things every year, the option was there. 

And this year, for the first time...it wasn't. 

I didn't take this well. Not at first. When something's bugging me, I get crabby, but after this long together, it didn't take Adam long to figure out what was bothering me, so he did what any loving husband would do and told me to snap out of it. 

And then he got us out of the house. 

Have I mentioned lately how much I love that guy?

We had no idea what people did for the Fourth in Colorado, but we headed up to Old Town for what the internet described as "good ole fashioned American fun." 

I felt better the second we got there. 

We walked around, listened to an awesome band play in the Square (there was a fiddle. I love a fiddle.), took in the sights and it struck me that in order to NOT feel homesick on big holidays, it's important to make new traditions. 

It doesn't make the old ones any less important, just gives place to something new. 

We walked over to one of the ice cream shops in Old Town and I noticed the shop was empty when we got there and right after, it filled to overflowing. 

I also noticed the colorful row of Adirondack chairs outside seemed to be waiting for our little family--all five of us--to sit down and enjoy our treats. 

All my wallowing back home had been compounded by the fact that I KNEW I wanted my kids to have a great July 4th...but I didn't have the energy (or the knowledge) to bring it to them. And that frustrated me from the start.

It's hard to wrestle that guilt, I think. I'm such a homebody, I'm perfectly content to be in my own house and yard twenty-four hours a day. But that's not the life I want for my kids.

I want them to get out and explore. To play the painted pianos throughout the whole downtown area...

To ask me to take their picture with a flag just because they're SO EXCITED it's July 4th...

To get wet...

I noticed as we walked through this crowded area with the fountains that shoot water from one rock to the next, that just as we got there, a table cleared and we had a shady place to sit and enjoy...

...and it all helped build the excitment of the day. 

You remember that don't you? The Fourth of July excitment...?

Knowing you were going to spend the day with people who made you laugh, grilling out and getting more sugar in one afternoon than you usually got in a month...

...anticipating the fireworks you were going to see that night, as the nerves danced in your belly waiting for them to start...

Wondering if all the little flutters going off around you were "the main event."

...Taking stock of the strange things you saw...

...and knowing that you'd get to do it all again next year...

I noticed when we reached the lake for the fireworks a place seemed to call out to us and we had front row seats. 

Someone seemed to be watching out for us, all day, giving us the perfect backdrop to start new traditions...one good thing after another...

And left me feeling so grateful for our new life. 

Even in the midst of missing things about our old one...

 

 

 

Something Better

I don't want to be all deep and heavy on a Friday. For one thing, I know Adam won't read this if I am and for another thing, it's the Fourth of July...but there is something on my mind that I just can't shake. 

Last year, right about this time, our plants and flowers at our old house began to look mighty pretty. We'd only lived in that house for a little over two years and the landscaping hadn't had a chance to mature prior to last summer. Finally, we saw the beauty of the work we'd done, digging, planting, watering. 

And by then, I knew we were moving and in my heart, I asked God a question... "How can we leave everything we've worked so hard to build?" Those roses were ours. We picked them out. We loved them. They were beautiful. And we were just going to leave? (The literal roses, but also a metaphor for everything good in our Illinois lives.)

And I heard God say, "I have something better for you." 

Many times over the last 11 months, I've clung to those words. Sometimes I've even raised an angry fist toward heaven "Where's the something better, God?" "Is this mess the something better?" 

(Yes, I am exceedingly grateful for his grace.) 

It's been an incredibly stressful 11 months, and none more stressful than June. It's seemed like everything that could possibly gone wrong has gone wrong. One thing on top of another, piled up like tires in a junk yard. 

On the surface, there's nothing better about it. 

I've wallowed a bit over this fact, over everything that's gone wrong. The appliances that don't work. Having to spend extra money on a washer and dryer because it costs so much to convert this house to gas to fit the eleven year old one we have. The home warranty doesn't cover the new appliances. We've had to call and re-call Dish Network for three different issues. Our internet only worked when it felt like it. And that's all just for starters...

I know it's nit picky little stuff, but it adds up and equals stress. 

This morning our vacuum stopped working. 

And I just laughed. 

But a few days ago, I was out in the backyard and I discovered something I didn't know were there. Peonies. 

My earliest memory of peonies are the several that lined the garage in the house I grew up in. I remember their vivid pink and the fragrance that filled the entire yard. And the ants. They were always crawling with ants. The older I've gotten, the more I've grown to realize that these flowers are among my favorites. They are so beautiful and full and smell so good. 

And right there as I marveled at the fact that I now had peonies, I heard God's voice as clear as day. 

Something better. 

 

See, to the rest of the world, our rose bushes maybe seemed more precious. Roses are, after all, some of the most "revered" flowers. Peonies, on the other hand, seem somewhat understated to me. Unassuming. Suprising. And God knew that if he was to give me something better, it wouldn't be another rose bush. 

No, he speaks my language. 

He gently reminded me of the answered prayers. The new friends I've made...friends I prayed for on the drive out here. I didn't want to keep everyone at an arm's length, and he made good. As leery as I've been about new relationships, he's given me friends he knows I need. Friends that build me up and encourage me and understand me. Right here in my own backyard. 

Our house is just what I've been praying for. Our kids are happy. My husband is happy. At our core, we are better. 

I don't know why things have been piling up on us lately, but I know that I'm thankful he prepared us for everything ahead of time. It's not what I expected, but it didn't surprise Him. He's known all along. 

The thing is. God knows exactly what we need. Just when we need it. 

Sometimes we need roses. 

But sometimes, though it may not make the most sense, we need peonies. 

One of those random Free Association Posts...and a Winner!

I think I forgot to show you my little altered notebook I made for the Crafty Power Blog. You can see the full post HERE. It's using mostly Vintage Street Market.

The next day Sophia made her own version with my scraps. 

I scrapped that all on the floor since my room is in shambles and my product is in the garage. No matter. It was therapeutic.

And now, I have some random thoughts for the day. 

1. Sometimes I hope a blog post will strike a chord and I'll hear lots of feedback in the comments section. This is not one of those posts. 

2. I've started using professional-speak with my kids. Often you'll find me saying things like "Please acknowledge." (Which is usually met with a slow as molasses "Yes, ma'am..." and then a pout.)

3. Unpacking shines a light on a lot of things. Like how you need to pay a little closer attention at the grocery store.

I've never even used Paprika.

And four cans of Sweetened Condensed Milk? I remember making one dessert that called for this (I admit, it's probably the most fattening, gooey thing ever, but it's really, really good...) but I haven't made that in years. WHY do I still feel drawn to these little of high fructose corn syrup?

And I beg you, tell me, who eats chicken out of a can?

I'm preparing for my bomb shelter. That's what it is. 

In other news, we don't eat kidney beans either, but they're making an appearance in this shot as well.

And I've decided for the next three months we're not eating sandwiches. Only wraps. 

For a family that has only had tacos maybe three times in eleven years, this is bordering on insanity.

4. Speaking of insanity. Doing dishes and having this pop up in the kitchen window is enough to scare anyone into the sanitarium...

6. I watched Adam "catch up" on my blog the other day. He only reads the posts in which he is featured. And then he laughs...not at my commentary...just at his own wacky antics.

7. And he skips the "deep posts" saying "Eh. Too deep for me." (P.S. I did not even SEE Sophia when I was taking these pictures.)

8. You know that song "Shave and a haircut?" That's the theme song I'm assigning to my husband. Fer reals. 

9. I never say things like "fer reals" in real life. 

10. And really the only thing anyone cares about, let's face it! I'm giving away this beautiful book:

And if your name is Cathy Derouche, you are one lucky lady because you won! This is Cathy's comment:

Cathy Derouche said...

Oh I love giveaways and this one is awesome!

ReplyJune 27, 2011 at 09:42 PM

If I knew how to do a screen shot, I'd offer proof, but I don't, so you'll just have to trust me. I'm an honest girl. (Cathy, send me your address to claim your prize. courtneycrops [at] msn [dot] com.)

Now I'm wondering if writing your email like that really does keep the spambots away...I have my doubts. I'm also wondering how to take a screen shot. I think I used to know.

If you're still on the fence about this book, take a peek inside HERE.

11. Just for kicks...my kids are at this moment speaking to me, or rather, at me, because I'm only listening with one ear, in French accents. So far, we've mastered Russian, Italian (or Brooklyn, I suppose) and French. I think we're ready for a world tour. 

12. P.S. Did I tell you that I now love our new carpet? (After all that worrying...) If you could see even a patch of it in this mess of a house, I'd show you a picture, but alas, someone hasn't gotten her act together and unpacked much of anything the last three days. 

What's that you say? That's how it looked the day we moved in? 

Don't bore me with those silly details. 

Just kidding. It's a little more put together, though not enough to take a photo. Have a happy (insert day of the week because I can't remember it here) day!  

Recipe for Weekend Fun

Unpacking is a lot like Christmas. We only unpacked the necessities at our rental house, so now we're finding lots of things we have just for fun. 

Like the milkshake maker. No one needs a milkshake maker, but everyone can benefit from the joy they bring. 

We found ours this weekend and decided to break it out after grilling a super healthy meal. We felt it was important to even things out. I bought the milkshake maker for Adam, but at this point, it's pure entertainment for the kids.

The great thing about making your own milkshakes at home is those of us who are dairy free can still play along. Of all the dairy free ice cream options, this is my favorite.

Though, I'm partial to the cookie dough (it's gluten free too). You will not feel like you're missing out on the ice cream experience at all. Trust me. 

While the first milkshake was being spun, the boys, like hound dogs, sniffed out the scent of pure sugar and showed up at the table to see what all the fuss was about. They probably don't even remember doing this back home.

Ethan instantly started making Star Wars noises as the blade crushed the strawberries. I'm still trying to figure out if there's a career for him in the world of cartoon voices. The kid is seriously like a walking sound effect. (It's annoying 99% of the time.)

This was that 1% when it was just funny.

I think this is the precise moment Ethan realized we zipped all his hair off.

"My head's fuzzy." 

Also the precise moment the oldest got jealous that the boys intervened on her milkshake making time. We're working on this with her...everything has to be FAIR 100% of the time. 

Is anyone else dealing with this right now?

It threatened to ruin the whole evening, and after the perfect day we'd had (unpacking...doesn't that sound fun?) we did NOT want to end on a sour note.

We chose to ignore it and focus instead on the sweet stuff in the room...

The Hobbit ended up not loving the milkshake, though, in his defense, it was kinda watered down. And gross. We should've cut the strawberries smaller and used less rice milk. 

He tried it like a champ...

And look awfully Hobbity and cute doing so...

Adam went to town on his strawberry banana, which he decided was the best one he made...

(I took a little taste. He was right...it was good!)

It ended up being the perfect way to spend the evening...sitting around our table like a family after weeks of eating on the floor out of fast food bags.

We just needed it. I needed it. I'd started to lose faith we'd ever have a night like this again. When you're stressed and moving and trying to get a thousand things done (painting, packing, buying, spending, trimming, demolishing...) and realizing none of the appliances in the house you just bought are actually functional, you don't have the patience you want. Everyone is at each other's throats. It's tense. 

But then suddenly, it starts to calm down and you remember that you're doing this for a reason... all the craziness has a purpose. 

And somehow, when you weren't looking, life has sprinkles on it again.

Dig in!

*******

Don't forget there's still time to enter the giveaway for The Big Book of Scrapbook Pages... it's open till tomorrow! Just leave a comment on the post below for your chance to win! :) 

In the Deep

I wake up this morning, early, before the sun. The sound of birds--or maybe just one bird--outside my window has roused me with it's repetitive tweet.

Mother Nature's alarm clock. 

I put my earplugs in. I haven't been sleeping with them because we're in a new house. Someone could break in and I'd never know it. As if hearing it from my room would stop it or do any good. I drift back to sleep. An hour later, I'm awoken by a little one in my bed. 

"Mommy, I want something." 

I try to open my eyes, but they are heavy with the sleep I didn't get. 

"Mommy, I want milk." 

He means well. He doesn't know it's 6 a.m. 

I cannot physically pull myself awake. I try and fail. He gets bored with me and runs off to wake his brother. 

A bit later, I wake to the sound of their arguing. Again. This is becoming a morning ritual. Today they're fighting over who can be Mario and who can be Luigi. They aren't allowed to play video games this early, so I'm pretty sure this is role playing going on...

My eyes flutter, but my lids stay down. Sleep is heavy on me today. Finally, I'm awake. I fumble for my glasses and then search for the clock. My body is aching, my head throbs.

The boxes in my bedroom remind me of the disorganization that surrounds me. My heart sinks. I've been falling in love with our new house, but something in the core of me is feeling displaced. I didn't expect it. I thought we'd move, I'd settle, it'd all be smooth sailing. 

I walk down the hallway into the living room. Littered with boxes, half unpacked. I peek outside and see Adam's car is already gone. And my stomach lurches. I missed him? He likely knew how many times I'd been awake last night and didn't want to wake me too early. 

Why do I feel like crying? 

I search for that comfort, that sense of home and come up empty. This pressure to put it all away, to decorate and touch up and make it all ours settles squarely on my shoulders, and while I try to shrug it off I'm convinced it's only then that this knotted ball in my stomach will disappear. 

My mind turns to Jesus, who I'm sure has been wondering where I've been. And I know that he's got words for me this morning. Words of comfort that will build me up. And I fish out my journal and Bible from the bag I packed them in. Funny how, in the midst of everything, those two things managed to make it out of the depths before the rest of my distractions. 

I pour my coffee and begin to pray. Impressive prayers that go like this... 

God, do you remember me?...been a little while...that's my fault. Are you still listening? I think we need to talk...

And, true to his Word, he meets me there, in the midst of the fighting children and the unpacked boxes and he pulls me from the deep. 

Just like he said he would. 

Another Big Move

Well, we're all settling in around here...

At least Mario and Luigi have been sleeping well. Never mind that Sam fell out of his bed last night. 

We started packing the truck Friday night. It was just Adam and I, but we managed to get quite a bit in there. I felt like a man.

I mean, I helped move the elliptical (which we're selling) and big boxes and yes, my back screamed later. Never mind that Adam managed to get the fridge into the truck completely on his own.

The kids occupied themselves, while we worked, leaving their mark on the old house. Or at least on its sidewalk.

My friend Liz has walked this road. Almost exactly. They moved here the year before we did, rented for a year and then bought a house. Sound familiar? But she reminded me that the second move can be just as traumatic (if not more so) for the kids--who've just gotten settled. It helped keep me on my toes. 

I'm not sure I would've paid as close of attention if Liz hadn't told me about her experience. I don't doubt that God put her in my life for a reason.

So far, the kids are doing okay...

Even though Sam's been in character quite a bit lately. But that's not really anything new. 

Note the Mario gloves:

He still calls our house "Mr. Robin's house" (that's our realtor) but at least he's stopped peeing in the back yard.

Moving day came with a bunch of nerves, a box of donuts and some very kind people who offered their muscles and helped us get moved. Box by box. Load by load. 

...and we just piled it in.

...knowing that eventually, we'd get it all sorted out.

But I admit, today when I woke up, I didn't feel much like unpacking. Even though I know I need to keep moving. 

For their sake...

...to keep them from getting looney...

It's a process, I guess...and we'll get there eventually. For now, I'm just thrilled to be in a house that's ours. With a fridge that opens without extreme force. Never mind that the dishwasher was completely stripped and the microwave doesn't work. 

It's going to come together. 

In spite of the little surprises. And I'm so looking forward to the day this feels like home. I have a feeling that's right around the corner...

Moving

This is where I'm sitting right at this very second. 

I'm on the laptop because something is wrong with the internet connection on the desktop. I'm surrounded by furniture and boxes, things all waiting for a home. 

I know how they feel. I've spent the last eleven months waiting for a home. 

And now, here I am. Sitting in the living room of our new home. I look around and see unfinished projects I ran out of time for. Baseboards that need to be painted and spots where the carpet guys messed up what had already been done...but mostly, I see a spot for my family to finally rest. 

And that makes this my favorite place on earth right now. 

I have no access to my photos with the internet issue, so I'll keep this short, but I have to tell you that moving is a jarring experience. Whether you're moving across the country or down the block. Uprooting the stuff of your life is, in a way, traumatic. And humbling. And exciting. It's every emotion rolled into one. 

You find things you thought you'd lost (or puruposely thrown away like the wind-up chattering teeth Sam rediscovered.) You throw away things you thought you needed but now realize don't really matter. You spread your wings and bask in the immense amount of work you've just completed. 

And then pop two Advil to deal with it. 

You look back on the people who came out to help you, and your heart swells and overflows at their kindness and you spend hours trying to figure out how to properly convey your thanks. 

You lay in bed getting used to the new sounds of a new house and then realize there are things you meant to keep separate that were piled in with other things and now you have no idea where they are. 

In spite of your hard work, you still have a to-do list longer than your arm, but you know in the end it's all worth it. 

Because you create your life. You build your home. You GET to unwrap peace and contentment...one box at a time. 

Productivity, Setbacks and Indecisiveness

This past week has been beyond full. I admit, it's getting hard to keep everything straight. 

I've been packing up boxes for a month now, and Adam loads them up into the van and drops them off at the house after work. We've moved so much already, so why do I still feel like there's so much left to pack?

In my purging/packing, I discovered my affinity for magazines is bordering on out of control.

That was one of three stacks I found. I packed them up in a box before Adam could hunt me down and force me to throw some away. (I haven't read these yet!) 

I made cover art for my upcoming papercrafting book. This is always so fun, but lots of pressure to "get it right!" You can tell I am an indecisive person when it comes to art...

I also made some little bookmarks for a friend which were featured on the Crafty Power Blog last week. 

I cleared off the fridge and thought "I will NOT miss this thing." Not only is this fridge small, but it's impossible to open. I swear, it's sealed as tightly as a deep freeze right after you close the lid. 

Plus, the kitchen does look cleaner with our fridge because I can't stick a bunch of stuff on it. As much as I love that, it's so messy!

One night last week, we had this crazy hail storm. It started out as thunder and rain and then got louder and louder until these started falling from the sky. 

In the morning there were what looked like piles of snow from all this hail. It was insane.

And keeping in line with Murphy's Law...my Hobbit woke up on Thursday morning 100% sick. Throwing up everything and ended up sleeping on the couch (in the midst of all of our noise) for most of the day.

I felt so bad for him--He was just miserable.

By Friday, he was totally normal again. It was the strangest bug. 

I also hunted down some fun stuff...

And yes, painted loads and loads of ugly brown trim to a beautiful white...

My hair looks ridiculous in that picture. Just sayin'.

Looking back on the whirlwind, it was quite productive, but we're all feeling the pain a little bit. Living in two houses hasn't been easy, but this upcoming weekend we move in for good. 

I can't wait to wave goodbye to the rental, but I have to admit, I'll miss living in this part of town, close to my friends and familiar with everything. This rental got us out here, and even though there are many things we don't like about it, I am thankful for the Colorado roof over our heads this past year.

Today we're getting hardwood floors in here...

...which I think is going to transform the space completely. We're still talking about backsplashes and counters, but those are decisions for another day...

My brain is much too full to think about it!

Decorating Woes

I'm at a loss. 

With this room:

It's a really big family room in our finished basement. I'm painting all the trim white and we've got new carpet coming in next week... 

But the paint color is throwing me off. 

This is the furniture we have to use for this room. 

Well, that's some of it. We won't put our TV on that. It'll be on a darker entertainment center. With book shelves.

You can see them here. 

I realize painting the room is the first step and then I'll still have a TON of work to do, but have I mentioned that I'm really, really clumsy? 

If we get brand new carpet and THEN I try to paint, I'm a goner. 

My main concern down here is light. We don't get a lot of natural light even though we've got two great windows in this space. My other concern is that I've got an entire gallon of my upstairs blue/gray paint just sitting there (we ran out and needed like, half a quart...they only sell this particular paint by the gallon...) 

I also have an entire gallon of that yellow. (Yeah, that was just me overbuying.) So, the practical part of me says "you need to use what you have...or see if they can turn those paints into a color you love...) 

I am completely at a loss. I think the pressure of having to get everything painted by next Wednesday when the carpet comes is finally getting to me. 

Part of me kind of wants to do a green, but nothing too earth-toned. I love green, but the whole house was painted the color of the inside of a dirty diaper (sorry) and I want to go completely in the opposite direction...

But green may be a little bold...

Source

But this seems too pastel, even though once it's all finished I LOVE it...

Source

I also lean toward blue. I have no idea why, but that whole family is really appealing to me, even though in our old house I swore I didn't want any blue on the walls...

Source

Then, of course, there's THIS...which I LOVE...

Source

But would that look ridiculous with our furniture? 

How do people do this? I'm incredibly visual. Like, I need to see it before I can make a decision...and this one has me in knots. So much so that I keep forgetting things I need to do, like let a repairman into the new house by 9 a.m. this morning. 

I rushed down there in my pajamas (all three kids in their pajamas) and made a great first impression, I'm sure. 

Anyway. There's a good chance this wall will end up getting painted the color we already have just because I can't make a decision...but I'm at a loss. 

For now, I'll paint trim, trim and more trim...at least I know what color to paint that!

 

 

 

 

 

House to Home...Weekend Update

My days are starting to blend together. Admittedly, I'm more or less living the same day over and over again...

This past week I had turned in Book One (small edits from my brilliant editor) and Book Two (first set of rewrites from a not-so-brilliant writer) and am now working on tweaking the cover art for my upcoming papercrafting book. 

I'm actually feeling pretty okay about the whole thing, in spite of the fact that in less than two weeks we're moving. Things at the new house are coming along, always a little slower than I'd like, but we're moving forward...

This past week...

My Bookworm got an Advanced Reader Copy of a book from Adam (which he got at work.) She loves that no one else has read it and she loved it! So much that she had to carve out a little spot for herself in one of the closets and hide away to finish it...

When I tell you the carpet in this house is dirty, I hope you believe me. Here's proof:

One day last week, the whole "tech-free" thing went down the tubes. The boys played the DSi's for a little while and I wondered if the novelty of the new house (and all it did to spark their imaginations) had worn off...

They followed it up the next day with this:

...which completely restored my faith in them.

This is my life lately. Painting. Painting. More Painting.

At least I have good company (and a good duet partner.) We sing The Dixie Chicks, Taylor Swift and some Lady Antebellum. Funny. I never took us for Country Music lovers. Wonder when that changed?

I do love that it doesn't matter if I drip on this carpet. Because let me tell you. I drip.

You know how they say "paint is the cheapest way to change the look of a room?" Maybe. But it's still expensive. Especially when you over-buy and are left with gallons you don't need.

I pack lunches every day because we don't have our fridge in yet. It's hard to guage what they're going to want, but it's pretty clear what they don't want...after all the half-eaten containers of applesauce that I've had to throw away. 

Ethan brought a puzzle and put it together right in front of the front door. To say this was annoying would be an understatement, but I loved that he was doing a puzzle instead of playing video games so I didn't complain too much. At least not out loud.

Adam came up with the bright idea to do stripes on Ethan's walls. Easy for him to say, but I was the one painting it! In the end, I took his advice and absolutely love the way it looks. I can't wait to get the whole thing done and make some new art for my creative boy! You can see the pillowcase for his new bedding (sort of) here...

Sometimes I look at him and I'm just struck by what a cool kid he is. I know. I'm his mom. But he's thanked me for painting his room and told me I did a "great job painting" probably ten times. And I kinda love that.

This guy, on the other hand, has no idea the new house is even ours. He calls it "Mr. Robin's house" because that's our Realtor's name. He thinks the house is Robin's. (I guess he has no qualms about peeing in someone else's back yard?)

Most days I'm shocked at how well he entertains himself. It makes me wonder why I've been killing myself to give him stuff to do. Give him a fountain full of rainwater and he's a happy camper...(in dire need of a bath by the end of the day, but hey, that's okay!)

Finally got one of all three of them...(and their icees. I know. Sugar overload. Don't send me letters, I already feel guilty enough for all the "quick dinners" we've been having of late.)

These trees in our backyard clearly have eyes...

But aren't they SO cool? 

We rigged up what the kitchen/dining area is going to look like...

I pretty much can't wait to get that floor in (next week!)...but that means I have a LOAD of work to do before then!

So, that's the update.

Today is a packing day. Which isn't nearly as exciting.

A Little Bit of Everything

Our new house has a great yard. And with all the rain we've had lately, the grass had gotten out of control--especially since we didn't have a lawn mower at the new place. When we finally figured out a way to transport ours, the results were spectacular. 

As in. "Holy darn, that grass was long."

Yeah. It was 80's style out of control.

Sigh. Remember when Tony Danza was cool? 

Anyway, we love the yard. It's bigger than what we have here, fenced in and has some beautiful flowers that are popping up all over the place. 

Plus, I often look out the window and see this:

I won't tell you what else I see out there...

Ok, I will. I'm a sharer.

Homeboy got used to peeing in the back yard when the house was winterized. I've found him out there several times, obviously unaware the toilets have been turned back on. 

We'll get there. 

Anyway, Sam entertains himself pretty well (both with the outdoor urination and with his imagination...) Which is a good thing because typically, my older kids aren't interested in playing with him. When they are, though, it's one of my all-time favorite things. Ever.

Sometimes Ethan is incredibly patient with Sam. We recently had a discussion about not being mean to him and Ethan said "Well, Sophia's mean to me." (As if that justifies it.)

I explained the whole "then you should understand how it feels. You don't want to make someone else feel that way" thing. I'm still waiting to see if some of that little talk sunk in. 

With the boys, I can always count on things to go to the Avenue of Silly with a stop off at Loopy Lane.

I kinda love that about them. And I love that they're acting like brothers should...I can already see their relationship is going to be one of those long-lasting kinds. 

Sam's looking rather Hobbity again, don't you think?

This is what he has to say to that:

Then, of course, there's Ethan doing his best Predator impression:

Uber weird. 

My days are filled with painting, but all the while, I feel like I'm spending this amazing quality time with my kids. Non-distracted and often one-on-one...I'm loving it. 

I'm not loving painting trim anymore, however...which leaves me wondering Who's idea was this?

To which, of course, my brain responds: "Yours, you moron." 

Remind me not to do this again!

Tonight, we're heading off to see:

(I think)...and I can't wait!

What are your plans for the weekend??

The Big Change

It's funny, for someone who is so predictable, there was always a part of me that wanted to do something crazy. Not "go to Vegas and wrack up a bunch of skeletons in my closet" crazy, but just "I'm going to take this step of faith and do the thing no one ever EVER thinks we would do." 

When we would find out friends were doing just that--making a big life change like a move or a new job, I would always get so excited for them. Like, the world was theirs. They could do anything. In those moments, I always realized that would never be us. 

We were never supposed to leave Illinois. 

But then God intervened...

One year ago...

Sam and I spent Memorial Day in the Emergency Room. He started limping for no reason and was clearly in pain, but no one could figure out why. He was quite the trooper.

And entertained himself by making a cape of his bed sheet.

Thankfully, everything turned out fine. 

Which was a good thing...because we were leaving on a jet plane...

To Georgia, to see this chick...

and her chicklets...

And while we on the beach, sunning...

...Adam was in the car. Having a nearly two-hour phone interview with the supervisor at Group Publishing. 

Yes. Us. Those people who were staying put. We were toying with the idea of doing the big thing...It was crazy. Were we crazy?

The interview went well, but we were in a holding pattern. We wouldn't hear what our next step was for a few weeks...

We did the only thing we could do...

...Go on with life. I made Adam a Famous Dave's key lime pie for his birthday. 

And I prayed and journaled and painted about this waiting period we were in. And it was agonizing...

Because we just didn't know what was going to happen. And because I'm not the most patient of people.

But I knew we were headed for a change. So we prepared ourselves for that...constantly asking God to give us each step. 

And he did. 

I learned so much about what faith really is during those months of waiting. I learned to rely on Him and not on the wisdom of man. I learned to separate what everyone else thought/said/injected and just focus on God's will. It was something I really needed to learn. Adam and I can honestly say, we made this decision on our own--and in those moments, we grew up. A lot. 

But we were still waiting...

In the meantime, I continued to work magic in the kitchen...

(That's a candle. That was fun to clean out of the grooves of the wood.) 

We went to Ethan's kindergarten play...

...We dressed Sophia up for "Pioneer Days."

...Ethan graduated from his first year in school...

...Our roses bloomed. (We planted them the year before. This was the first time they bloomed.) 

Ethan learned to ride a bike...

...And as we waited, we pondered our life. What we loved about it (our family, the freedom to be creative, the many wonderful people we called friends...)

And what we wanted to do differently if ever we DID make the big change. (Slow down, enjoy more, get outside more, live simply, worship God out of pure love for him and never out of obligation...)

And as we waited, it occurred to me...that we were all...

...in need...

...of a change...

Because sometimes that big, scary thing is exactly what God has for you. And while we didn't know it at the time, we were on the cusp of something amazing...

Now that we're on this side of it, I can say that yes...we're all okay... which was the overarching question during those times of uncertainty. What if we aren't okay? What if we choose wrong? 

I've come to realize there's grace for that. God's grace is so big. And he wants us to thrive--not just go through the motions. 

Sometimes that only happens with the big change. 

Question for YOU: Are you facing a big change? Are you waiting to hear what your next step is? What's holding you back? What do you fear most...?

 
 

A Tech-free Summer?

When I was little we had this shed in our back yard. One day, two neighbor kids and I decided it would be a great idea to start a little fire in a pit outside that shed. We lived in town and didn't start fires on a regular basis, but for whatever reason, I decided this was a good plan. 

Little did I know my brother was strategically hiding on top of the shed, just waiting for me to do something naughty, so at the first sign of smoke, he started laughing and sing-songing "You're gonna get in trouble." 

And I did. Especially after I tried to blame the other two kids when it clearly was not their idea. 

My kids are getting to that age now. The age of independence and exploration, but I can safely say they'd never start a fire in our back yard. This should make me happy, but the truth is, they wouldn't do this because I don't give them the chance. Their play is monitored by my hawk eyes, and sometimes I wonder if this is only stifling them. 

Our new house is basically empty, unless you count all the paint cans and brushes littering the dirty carpet. That means when I'm there, my kids have nothing to do. It also means I can't hawk over them non-stop.

And I love it. 

Instead of having to ration their Wii-time, (which, let's admit, is hard... they're quiet and well-behaved when they're occupied with a video game)... I've watched their imaginations completely blossom. I've considered a tech-free summer, but we're driving to Illinois in August, so I'm pretty sure that's not gonna happen...

But a tech free couple of weeks may be on our horizon. 

The boys have been discovering bugs, baby bunnies that live under our shed and especially--playing Super Mario Brothers. Without the game. Sam is Mario. Ethan is Luigi and sometimes Sophia is Daisy. They run around the house, talking in funny Italian accents (which sound more like Brooklyn than Italy, but who am I to criticize?) 

They dig in the dirt. They hunt for fire ants. They uncover Bowser's hiding place, which happens to be outside somewhere. They journey to the wide open space of our basement and RUN in circles until their cheeks are pink and they can't catch a breath. 

Sophia continues to jump on the trampoline with her new friend, giving her a wonderful sweat-tinged odor. 

And when they come home, everyone heads straight for the bath. 

Remember these summers? Playing hide and seek with the neighborhood kids? Ghost in the Graveyard? Starting fires in the back yard? (No one else did that?) We skinned our knees and stubbed our toes and caught lightning bugs and turned them into jewelry...don't think I don't know how gross that is, but we did it. 

And we came in smelling like dirt and sweat, the undeniable smell of summer. 

I want that for my kids. I don't want to stifle their creativity by being a hawk. 

My word for the summer.

Years ago...years, like when Sophia was a baby...

...one of the guest speakers at our church singled me out like she had something to say. She stared at me for a long moment, like she was tossing the words around in her mind, then finally said, "You know, hon, God just wants you to relax." 

At the time, I was doing anything but relaxing, which is what I've been doing for most of my adult life. But it was the third way God had tried to get my attention with this one little message...

I'm very stubborn that way.

But we have to work. I have to achieve. I need to get. stuff. done. 

It's how I'm wired. 

I have to confess, I really didn't listen. I think I thought I did, but if I'm honest, I didn't. I always put an insane amount of pressure on myself...and about two weeks ago, I started to realize it's not getting better. It's only getting worse. 

I started to look at how I spend my days. And I started flipping through my notebooks and all the things I hadn't achieved that were on my to-do list. No matter what I did, I always came up short. There were never enough hours in the day. 

The biggest weight, I admit, is the idea that I need to be marketing my books now. (The first novel releases February, 2012) And I've been trying to come up with all the things I need to do to make that happen...and not once have I asked God to come alongside me in this venture. Not once have I even asked myself "What do you want to do?"

Instead, I've filled my days with "shoulds" and "have tos." Because I don't want to be the reason my books don't sell. I want to know that I've done every single thing I could do get the word out about my Sweethaven series. 

My angst over the whole issue started around the time I asked myself "What Matters?" Which brought with it even more questions...And more confusion...

Then this week, one of my very favorite people in the world told me she was going to live. it. up. this summer...and I had no idea what that meant. I sat there, dumbfounded, trying to envision it and no images came to mind. Then on three separate occasions, I spoke with three separate (amazing) women and over and over the word returned... 

RELAX. 

Adam says I don't know how to do that. I don't live on a Hawaiian beach--how am I supposed to relax? What does that even mean? What about all the STUFF I have to do?

I don't have all the answers, but this is what I've realized for sure... I cannot do everything on my list, so that means, I have to let some stuff go. I have to take the pressure off...like my very wise friend said, "you have to think less about the "GOT TO" and more about the "GET TO." (Thank you for that, JW.)

I never think about the GET TO.

Tomorrow is my kids' last day of school and you know what? I don't want to spend our first summer in our new house sitting in front of my computer worrying about who is finding out about my books or worrying that I'm not doing enough with my blog or being concerned that I haven't figured out the tech side of all the things I want to do. 

I actually want to relax. 

And make our house a home. 

And go on hikes. (Because we live in Colorado now.)

And spend time with my friends. 

And go on a real vacation with my family. 

And find out what kind of tree this is...

...because it has the most beautiful blossoms...

And make art with my kids. 

And go on morning walks with Sophia. 

And remember how to ride a bike. 

And eat dinner outside.

And write and write and write. 

Because there are lots of stories in my heart.

And I'm starting to see the truth about me + the internet.

We don't always get along... because when I'm online, sometimes I'm inspired (there's SO MANY great things out there...) and sometimes I'm overwhelmed (there's SO MANY great things out there...)

And I get sidetracked. Distracted. Because I want to write books and make layouts and papercrafts and take art classes and learn how to take better pictures and yes, even connect with people because my days are free of adult conversation.

So, I'm challenging myself to relax about not doing everything on my list. To spend my days setting up our home. To stop putting the pressure on. To be the mom/wife/friend I've been wanting to be. I'm still going to blog, but once I hit "publish" I'm going to get up and walk away... because life isn't meant to be lived in the confines of a computer. 

My word for the summer...Relax.

What about you? Do you find this difficult? Do you struggle to let things go? Do you constantly have more things on your to-do list? How will you find time to relax this summer?

 

Scrapbooking Our Cross Country Move

I took a little hiatus from scrapbooking that ended only a few months ago. And by little I mean about three years. I'd had a stack of photos developed (which rarely happens) that chronicled our move, and as I looked them over, I saw so many stories I wasn't telling. It bugged me. So, I decided to document them, one at a time. 

I started with this photo:

...taken during Adam's trip out to Colorado to interview for his current position. Our kids had no idea. Something about that felt so so deceptive. I mean, look how happy they are here.

But the page I made is journaled in hindsight...and with the knowledge I have now that everything would turn out okay. Better than okay. We wouldn't just live out here, we'd thrive. 

I started with some of my favorite Basic Grey paper and incorporated torn book pages, notebook paper, hand stitching and lots of buttons...

...piled underneath the photo to highlight it and secure its place as the focal point of my layout.

and I wrote the journaling by hand, which I've often done because I think it makes the pages more personal.

I had to walk away from my scrapbooks because I think I'd turned scrapbooking into something it was never meant to be...more stress. It's not anymore. It's back to being a creative, visual way to tell my stories. And in this case, a story that isn't necessarily easy to tell...it was the hardest decision we've ever made.

 
Simple,but uniquely mine. 

So, a question for you: Do you document (scrapbook, journal, art journal) the tough times your family goes through or do you keep your albums and memories light-hearted? I don't think there's a right or a wrong way to do it, I'm just curious what other people are doing! 

For more on how I created this page, check it out on the Crafty Power Blog over at Scrapbook Adhesives!

 

 

Anatomy of a Friendship

You can learn a lot by watching a child. 

I've said before that I don't make friends easily, but that's not necessarily true. I think it depends on your definition of the word "friend." I read somewhere recently that Facebook has contributed to its overuse, and I have to agree. A friend is different from an acquaintance, a colleague, a peer. A friend is Anne Shirley and Diana Barry. Oprah and Gayle. House and Wilson. 

Those kinds of friends don't come easily, I think. I sometimes wonder if being in the ministry has made me stand-offish. There's this idea that not everyone will be able to handle it if they find out you're just like everyone else. 

And I am, believe me. 

But more importantly, I've often wondered how all this new friend-making is affecting my kids. Because I do think at Sophia's age, she needs one or two best friends. Someone to tell secrets to. Someone who accepts her. Someone that makes her laugh. How is this going to work with her leaving her new friends and starting all over...again? 

Saturday we went to the house...of course. There's so much work left to do. It was the first time we'd been there on a weekend without rain. Our kids took full advantage of being outside. And we noticed there's a little girl in the house behind us. 

She looked to be about Sophia's age. I stayed in the house painting, one eye on my daughter, to watch and see what she would do when I knew she so wanted to meet this little girl. It started with staring longingly over the fence in the direction of a big open field...

And graduated to her writing a note on a paper airplane and flying it in the little girl's direction. 

I had to laugh at her approach, but hey, she gets points for creativity. 

Neither of them spoke a word. Sophia kept responding on the note, and the little girl did the same, every time she took a break from jumping on her trampoline.

Over the fence, Sophia peeked, working up the courage to say "hi."

...and their exchanges became longer and more personal. She kept reporting what she'd found out. The girl was in fourth grade too! She was going to the same school Sophia would be going too! She had an older sister in fifth grade!

This went on for quite awhile...and I likened it to my own friendships, many of which have started with an email or a written introduction. The written word simply comes easier for some of us. 

The airplane went through many transitions...

And then, eventually, they spoke. I'm not sure how the conversation started, but I know it did, because Sophia came in and asked if she could join her new friend on the trampoline...

Of course, I agreed.

Sophia's new friend even brought her hamster over for us to see...

Everyone loved it...except me, of course. I really don't do rodents.

Yesterday we went back to the house. When Sidney (the little girl) got home, she ran outside and started jumping on the trampoline. When Sophia saw her, she went out back and Sidney yelled "Can you come jump?" 

Of course, I agreed.

...and just like that, the two became friends. 

I found it so interesting to see how this friendship started...with that brief bit of awkwardness and then a comfortable ease. 

I hope they fall into all of their friendships this easily. 

And I hope I do too.

House to Home: In search of the perfect bedding

Working on our house has been an exercise in decision-making, and for someone as indecisive as I am, that's been pretty eye-opening. I hate making decisions. And certain decisions weigh on me more than others. 

What couch to buy. 

What hardwood floor to settle on. 

And lately...what to do with our bedroom. 

We've never painted our bedroom. It's always been that room in the house that's a total catch-all. And yes, I've read that your room should be a safe haven, a place of peace. Let's just say when you're surrounded by mounds of laundry it's hard to find serenity. 

So. I've been perusing possibilities...starting with the bedding...and to be honest, I think I've only confused myself. 

I started at Pottery Barn bedding sets, which is always my favorite...but this is pretty much the only thing there right now that I like...

...and I like it even better when it's shown in with this group...which obviously requires loads of riches I don't have...

I've also taken an incredible liking to the color gray...but we've got gray in the living room, so do I want it in our room too? This one, from West Elm, is so pretty, though, don't you think?

...then I'm sidetracked because I see a red one, and red always seems to call my name....

...and then it's back to gray...which I decide I like even better than the other gray one...and pretty much plan to buy it as soon as I get the Adam-okay.

...and really, aren't these the prettiest pillows?

Then something leads me to Urban Outfitters, which is a store that does not reflect my personality at all. I hate to say that because I wish I was super trendy and funky and bohemian chic, but I have to face facts, ma'am. 

Still...the bold colors in this comforter really speak to me...

...until I see that deer/elk/antelope (what is that thing?) there in the lower left and I know this probably isn't for me...

Anthropologie has so many beautiful things...like this one...

...which is beautifully understated. And this one...

...which is more the kind of bold I could go for.

I'm still on the hunt for the perfect bedding, but it's fun to be inspired along the way. Where else should I look? Do you have some great sites or stores that carry bedding? What about colors...is your bedroom calm and serene or bold and fun??

Help a sister out! I could use the inspiration!

 

 

When it Rains...

We moved here in August of last year. Into temporary housing. Our kids are in a temporary school. Pretty much everything about our lives right now is temporary. 

We haven't put down roots. We haven't become "joiners." We don't "get involved" because we've known since day one there was a chance we'd move to a different part of town and this part, the here and now, would fade into the distance like the mountains on a foggy day. 

Our trip home reminded me of this. Reminded me that I liked being a part of something. Years ago, I was part of the scrapbooking world. It was a strong, solid community made up of beautiful, talented women. I was a part of CYT, a community in every sense of the word, with its own culture, its own language, its own pulse. 

And being here I've floundered without those things, I think. 

So when we decided to move to Loveland, in my mind something shifted. Finally, a place. A community. I would join. My kids would join. We would root ourselves firmly in the firmament of this town. We signed Ethan up for baseball and Adam and Sophia auditioned for a local production of "The Sound of Music." 

Long story short, after an audition and a call-back, Adam got a part. After an audition and TWO call-backs, Sophia didn't. 

It wasn't just that I was reliving my own disappointment, remembering the times I'd auditioned and not been cast, it's that this was supposed to be Sophia's thing. It was supposed to occupy her over the summer with something fun and excellent and a way for her to make new friends before going to a new school in the fall. 

And it didn't happen. 

It was raining. Droplets of disappointment fell on us last night as we processed it...the whole "telling your kid someone didn't think they were good enough" thing. 

It's tempting sometimes to revert back to my childish ways and lash out, claiming that "they don't know what they missed out on" and "you don't need them anyway..." but I'm the parent now. And I knew that wasn't going to fly. 

Because when it rains, there's a beautiful opportunity for something to grow. 

In this case, what needed to grow was Sophia. 

I told her about a time when I didn't get a part I'd tried out for. I hadn't had all the theatrical experiences in my youth, so not getting the part as a teenager came as a devastating blow. I handled it 100 percent the wrong way. I am still embarrassed about it. Everything seems so much worse when you're a hormonal teenager. 

Then I said, "So, what does this make you want to do? Do you want to quit and never audition for anything again?" 

And she said, "No, it makes me want to find out what I did wrong so I can get better for the next time." 

And in that moment, I saw the rain, pouring out on her, growing her into a young lady--able to handle disapointment with grace, a grace I never possessed at her age. 

So I asked her, "You know Daddy did this show to spend time with you. What do you think he should do? He could tell them he can't do it..." 

She interrupted me and said "I want him to do it. He should still get to be in the show." 

Most days I feel like a pretty crappy mom. 

I'm short-tempered, pre-occupied, self-involved...

And in that moment, God showed me that my kids really are in the palm of HIS hand...in spite of me.

I figured we had a choice... we could let the rain sweep us downstream, taking with it our newly planted roots--and don't get me wrong--a part of me, just wanted to retreat, to keep her from feeling that disapointment ever again, in spite of this gift I know God's given her to perform. 

But she showed me...it's in the midst of the downpour that we take our sustinence, that we drink in the strength that builds our character. That we become the people who can't only rely on our own strength, but who desperately need to tap in to something bigger than us. 

I sometimes don't give my kids enough credit...but last night, during our own personal storm, I discovered more about Sophia's character than I ever would have if she'd gotten that part. 

We decided to see if there's any way for her to get involved in Daddy's show... if there's any way for her to serve, to learn and to support what in our minds should've been hers. 

Somedays, you just have to drink in the rain...

 

House To Home...A Family Affair

So, we bought this house...

Yes, it has a purple door. Not for long. 

I admit, on the outside, it looks well, a little eh. It's plain and needs a coat of paint, but we realized during our great home search that what we really needed--more than anything else--was space. Inside the house. I work at home and let's face it, we're homebodies, so we need space.

We're moving in June, so we have a few weeks to whip our space into shape. At the risk of becoming like those poor do-it-yourself-ers on TV, who find new problems every time they walk through the door, we've decided to do most of the work...well, ourselves. 

And we're starting here...

and here...

Our kids have been through a lot this past year or so. Uprooting your family and moving to a new state, away from family and friends is a really scary thing...and I'm shocked at how well they've adjusted. In the fall, they'll go to yet another new school, and in order to help with that change, we're getting involved in the new community and involving them in this big house transformation. 

This goes against every perfectionist bone in my ever-lovin' body. 

But, it's important, I think, for all of us, to do this together.

Saturday, Sophia and I went to Home Depot for paint...

The sneaky salesman talked me into this all-in-one paint plus primer. 

I gotta tell ya...don't bother. We didn't feel like it covered our dark walls well enough and ended up having to go buy primer anyway. (Lesson learned.) 

We spent the day prepping the space for what would be our first "paint day" (of many, I'm sure.) 

This included taking off all the trim, which we intend to paint white.

He may not look it, but my husband is darn handy. And what he doesn't know, he's willing to learn. He's more than a pretty face, that guy. 

The trim removal was moving along swimmingly and then we hit a snag (or four.)

It was pulling up the drywall...and cracking in pieces...

So, it went in the garbage bucket and we had our first "happy mistake." We decided we'd purchase white trim at least 3 inches wide, which is what I wanted anyway. That way, we'd cover the problem areas and it would save us from having to paint at least these two rooms worth of trim. 

Sophia was itching to paint, so we got out the sample of "darker" paint and let her go to town. 

Ok. That's not entirely true. I had the sample out and did a big patch and then got a firm reprimand from my husband to "release the paintbrush" and "let the girl paint." 

Nobody thought the dark gray was dark enough. The saga of picking paint colors continues...

But in the meantime, we had to get it primed. Our moods on Sunday afternoon were, let's just say...less than pretty. 

But we were all ready to work.

Yep. About that ready. 

If you want to involve your kids in any kind of renovation project, be prepared. They will whine over who gets what roller. They'll fight over who gets to paint what wall and chances are, they're high-pitched voices will get under your skin like an unfortunate sliver. 

Prepare yourself now to avoid things like unnecessary sarcasm, which I seem to be mastering quite nicely. 

Think about how happy they're going to be...

...when they stand back and look at what they helped accomplish.

Somewhere along the way there will be moments of pure bliss...when everyone is happy and getting along...

Mark these moments in your memory, the first memories in your new house.

The moment the oldest took the youngest under her wing and showed him how to help.

The moment he shouted "I can do it!" at her and she didn't even get upset...

The moment your husband waged paint wars on both older children...

...but ended up getting creamed himself.

I admit, the priming process was a bit long and tiring. At one point I thought maybe we'd bitten off more than we could chew (given that we want to pretty much paint the entire house before we move in...) 

But we're doing it, little by little, and our kids are along for the ride. 

It wasn't always smooth. There were globs of paint I had to smooth out (namely from my husband who kept insisting "it's just primer" and "it doesn't have to be perfect...")

Which may have annoyed me a little until I saw how dedicated he was to this cause...

It's coming along nicely, and already the space feels so much brighter. Overall, a productive weekend...

We'll make this our home yet. It's just going to take a lot of hard work.

...to be continued...

Half Full

I love pretty things. I want to fill my new home with prettiness. Not necessarily "stuff" but just beauty...weather it's kind words or lingering kisses...hands helping little ones or looking for ways to make my kids smile. 

I'm declaring our new house a "Family First" zone. 

I rarely make things to decorate our house, but I plan to fill it with handmade items (cheap and easy decor) and things my kids have made. I don't care that it'll never be in some decorating magazine...it'll speak to our family, and that's what matters most. 

I made this wall hanging for the Crafty Power Blog...you can see the whole post HERE.

So simple and easy, but such a great reminder. I want to hang this one in my kitchen so I always remember to focus on what's important. 

GOD.
Our Family
People who love me. 
Encouraging words.
Our creativity. 
Good friends.
Our Health.

The glass is half full. Or 3/4 of the way full. Or overflowing.

And I don't want to miss it by focusing on the things that don't matter.

*****

Don't forget to enter the giveaway for Elana's new book, Gluten Free Cupcakes! Delicious stuff. I think I might make some this weekend! Just leave a comment on the post below.  

 

 

 

The Great American Tall Tales

Not long after we finished Godspell, the Artistic Director at CYT sat down with us and asked Adam and I if we'd be up for writing a show based on The American Tall Tales. We started kicking around ideas and suddenly a sort of "Night at the Museum" meets "American Folklore" idea was born.

We were excited because both Adam and I feel like theatre should be fun. And the stories lend themselves to lots of FUN...and really, what's the point if you don't enjoy it? (Isn't that true of anything?) I say yes.

 
(Here we are on the way to the show. Adam didn't even make a weirdo face!)

When we agreed to write the show, there were no plans of uprooting our family and moving to Colorado, so we thought we'd take all of last summer and work on it nights and days off. Piece 'a cake.

Yeah, right.

Moving changed all of that, setting us several months back on our deadline. Keep in mind that Adam was starting a new job and I was working on rewrites for my novel...and we had kids to acclimate to a new school and a new house full of packed up boxes... It was a lot to juggle, but I have to tell you the truth. I think it helped us to be so busy. It helped us settle in and feel like we were still a part of something. As much as we could be.

And it filled our home with music.

 
For months, Adam wrote music based on the script I'd written and he and Sophia recorded the songs so the kids would have rehearsal tracks. I can't lie...I loved it. The show was coming to life right there in our living room. We'd read through it scene by scene, acting out the parts and fixing things along the way.

And then we sent it off for someone else to direct...which, I admit, was sort of weird! I was nervous about not working through the kinks in rehearsals, but having done CYT, we were able to anticipate some of them. The directing team gave us some great feedback, some wonderful suggestions and we did a couple of simple rewrites and the kids got to work pulling it all together.

If I'm honest, I really didn't have time to go home this past weekend. None of us did...but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

We drove in to Huntley on Friday night (opening night)...

 
They have a beautiful performing arts center in their high school.

Then it came time to watch the show. We had no idea what to expect, but we sat back and enjoyed the kids' performances. Of course, we also critiqued our script and music the whole time. We found some great things to change, discovered which jokes worked (one of mine got a nice laugh and I teased Adam because he almost cut it out!) and which didn't. We were once again blown away by the talent and thankful that CYT doesn't underestimate them.

And even though we were worried about some of the song keys and transitions we'd written, we had parents come up to us and tell us what the show has meant to their family...

Because CYT is a family affair...

 

This little group that we're flanking here are three siblings who've all come up in CYT. I told them it was time for us to take a photo with "the beautiful people." Geesh!

But they blew me away. The girl on the left played "Sally Ann Thunder Ann Whirlwind Crockett." I thought she was seventeen.

She's fourteen.

I know that means nothing in a blog post, but this girl has the poise and maturity of a performer many, many years older...and I have to say, she's as good as anyone I've ever seen in a professional show. Her sister, next to me, is a dancer who didn't realize until recently that she can sing. (And boy, can she sing.)

They were both leading roles in the show and their brother (who Adam's worked wtih before) was the Asst. Director.

 
More beautiful people. Amy & Sarah are sisters and they were the choreographer and director. Amy's getting married at the end of the month. I guess busyness isn't reserved for the Walsh house!

We also got to meet some of the other cast members...

 
...and I was so shocked at the reception we got. These kids are humble and gracious on top of being insanely talented. If for no other reason, I think we made that trip to remind us how much we love theatre and also that your sphere of influence isn't always limited to those you can see. (Up there are (from l-r) the teacher, Johnny Appleseed, Annie Christmas and Annie Oakley.)

This boy played Paul Bunyan...

 
And rocked out on his song! He was also incredibly sweet.

We went home with such mixed emotions that night. Elated, excited, thinking about some of the things we wanted to tighten before Rockford does Tall Tales in the fall. Trying to work out ways that we could fly home and direct that production. Marveling over the kids and chatting up their talent.

And yes, missing CYT.

We went back the next day with our whole crazy clan (and picked up an extra member...)

 

Sophia was so happy to see her best Illinois friend.

I admit, I was a walking stress ball that day. I get stressed when I get nervous and I think I spent most of the weekend nervous. Nervous to fly. Nervous to see the show. Nervous what people would think of the show. Nervous Sam wouldn't do well during the show.

Nerves. Ugh. Adam kept saying "you need to learn how to relax."

I'm thinking massage. In a beach cabana. In Hawaii. With no responsbilities. For at least five consecutive days. Without my computer.

They invited us back stage before the show to talk to the kids.

 

They asked us questions like "Which song did you write fourth?" and "How'd you come up with the name 'Sloane' for the girl?"

We loved talking to them and they were so so excited...the energy back there was palpable.

 
...and I realized what Debbie, the Artistic Director said to me on Friday night was true... "CYT is CYT no matter where you go."

The good things about it translate from county to county and hopefully state to state. There's a great CYT in Denver and Adam and I have talked about starting one up here where we are, but it's a time issue at this point.

Still, I have to tell you...if you have a kid who, like me, isn't an athlete and who has any inkling of a desire to perform (sing, dance or act)...seek out a CYT.

The enjoyment they'll get being a part of this group is unmeasurable. It will build their confidence and give them an incredible sense of self. It will teach them to push themselves and to deal with disappointment when they don't get the part they want. And it will show them that hard work can sometimes lead to surprising yourself (when they do get the part they want.)

I am so thankful for the gracious reception we got at this production, so happy we made the trip and so grateful they allowed us to be a part of it. (Thank you, thank you, CYT Chicago!)

...now when do we start the next one?

Christian Youth Theatre

Last week, we went on a whirlwind trip back to Illinois for one sole purpose. CYT. (Christian Youth Theatre.)

 

A few years ago some kids at our church invited us to the first CYT production in Rockford. I admit, I didn't have the highest expectations from a kids' show. But wow, were we surprised. They were professional and excellent and not at all what we'd seen in kids' theatre (or community theatre, for that matter.)

We knew we wanted to get involved--theatre had always been a part of our lives, but when we dug our heels into the ministry, we thought we'd seen the last of "Guys and Dolls" and "The Music Man."

Ministry doesn't often afford you the time on the weekends to do that sort of thing. CYT was different. Shorter rehearsal periods, incredible parental involvement, the directors don't have to also build/paint/assemble sets.

It is, in a word, a community...and one we needed more than we realized.

So, we flew in to the flatlands...

 

...and stayed here, with my parents.

 

We got in on Wednesday (Adam's birthday) and the following day we ran errands and caught up with some old friends.

Here I am in my favorite place in all of Rockford: Barnes and Noble. I was there all day and could've spent longer...especially with two very important friends...

 

Chris has been a great source of encouragement in my life and Ronnie is now and always will be one of the most genuine, caring people I know. I was so excited they were able to meet me last minute.

The last show we directed before we moved was Godspell, and our disciples in that show grew to be a really close bunch. And they let us in their little circle.

We are awfully lucky that way.

So, when one of the girls asked if we could do a "disciple dinner" on Thursday night, we were all over it. She was going to handle all the plans--we just had to show up!

When she asked what food we missed most, we didn't even blink...

 

Giordano's Pizza.

So that's where we went.

And that's where I realized how very much I miss these kids...how very much I miss CYT and how very much I miss encouraging people at this point in their lives.

You see, when you're away, you can block out the things you miss. You can convince yourself that you don't really miss those things. You have a new life now...but the truth is, the old life is only a memory away. And while I was there, it occurred to me that having theatre as a common ground with teenagers is kind of a beautiful thing.

You don't have to figure everything out, you get to discuss this mutual love you have for performing.

We sat across from my beautiful friend Holly and her husband Dan (Dan, you're beautiful too...) because one of the kids (JoJo) told us to "go sit with the old people. (And because we love them.)

 

Holly is a dance teacher in Rockford and one of the kindest, most talented people I know.

The kids all looked a little different. Everyone was taller and thinner.

 

But just as goofy...

 

...and just as loud!

I love hanging out with teenagers because you find a wide assortment of photos on your phone that you didn't even know were taken.

Here's proof.

   

I think I was the only one that didn't know this one was being taken:

  

But all of this got me thinking about this group of people that we don't get to work with anymore, and I guess it made me realize that our life here has been in limbo. We live in temporary housing. My kids are in a temporary school. We haven't set down roots. We aren't involved yet because our community is changing again.

And it made me a little sad.

I think one of the greatest things about our life in Rockford was being able to work with kids like these...

 

...and seeing them go on to audition for colleges and get scholarships and write them recommendation letters because you already know how incredible they are and some college theatre professor is going to be let in on that little secret...

 

...and they make you feel like you mean something to them...and you hope they realize the feeling is mutual...

 
...and they tell you to call them silly nicknames like "Mexican" and you feel like it's so wrong, but you do it because it becomes a term of endearment and you love them.

...and can't wait for them to come to Colorado to check out the colleges that are in your new neck of the woods...

 

...and you burst with pride thinking about all the roles they're getting and the way they've blossomed and started to believe in themselves...and you hope you added just a smidge to that self confidence...because you've known for a long time how talented they were.

 

I guess it was eye opening. It made me miss this. At my core, I think I was born to encourage...but these kids have done more for me than I could ever do for them. They've built my self confidence.

Adam and I were talking the other day about how I second guess myself. And he said "Is there ever a time you feel totally confident in your decisions?"

And without a doubt, I knew...I feel that way when I'm doing theatre. Directing a show, teaching kids. I don't second guess myself. I feel confident. I love teaching them they've got more inside.

Because they do. We all do. When you dig down deep, there's so much more in there...and I want to be one of the people who helps kids realize it.

It was a long-short trip. I learned a lot about myself and tomorrow I'll tell you the whole reason we actually went...but today is a work day so I need to get to it. I hope you had a wonderful week!

We did it! We bought a house!

I guess we've officially moved to Colorado.

Today we closed on our new house.

 

I've been dreaming in color lately... these colors specifically...

 
I am obsessed with these colors. As evidenced by the last show I directed... I dressed all of our Godspell disciples in these colors:

It's in my blood.

By the way, I made that striped pillow up there. And I know it's not great on its own, but with the other things we came up with this past weekend I feel like it's going to be perfect. And I made it. Ok, Mindy mostly made it, but I supervised.

No sewing!

I picked paint colors for the living room and kitchen:

 
This photo does them no justice. The kitchen will be a buttery yellow and the living room is gray (not blue.) My friend Kelly informed me that gray is a great neutral and when Mindy agreed I figured we must be on to something.

I had been thinking about going white, white, white, but I realized while I LOVE the way it looks, it's not me. I love my red chairs too much...

 

So I have somewhat of a direction which helps so much. I was getting all overwhelmed about the whole thing and then revisited the things I love. That's so helpful.

I guess this means we've officially moved. We should probably get Colorado driver's licenses now. And bikes. And a bike rack.

Somehow, after all of the stress (and this was the most stressful home-buying experience I've had to date), it just sort of feels a little bittersweet. Sort of like when you finish a big project or something. You've worked so hard on it and then it's just...DONE.

I think when we can get in there and start painting and cleaning and tearing up carpet it's going to really hit me.

And then...we can all go home.

 

 

Exploring Fort Collins

You know those friendships where you don't see a person for years and then you get together and it's like you hung out the night before?

That's me and Mindy.

 
After four years, you'd think our friendship would've changed, and I guess it has, but only in the ways that make it stronger.

We've been through a lot...and come out on the other side better for it. More grown up. With our heads screwed on straight. She reminds me what common sense is and then reminds me that I have it.

We mostly talked and shopped. A lot.

Mindy has a knack for home decor (something that paralyzes me). She took my little inspiration binder and went through it, then listened to everything I've been wanting and helped me get a plan that reflected my style.

It started by going to this store...

 
Which happens to have a TON of eye candy...

 

Every time I've been there, I've coveted this table:

 
...and picked up a list of the sewing classes thinking one day I'll learn. I really don't want to make my own clothes or anything, but being able to hem a pair of pants, sew on scrapbook pages or even make some pillows would be nice.

I really need to get over my fear of the sewing machine.

There were tons of fabrics that I loved, but I was especially drawn to this...

 
I love color. My goal is to make our house homey but fun. I think our family has so much personality (usually. Sometimes we just like to hang out in pajamas and stare at the wall)...and color really expresses that.

I think you can be classy and colorful at the same time, though I'm sure I'll need help pulling it all together.

We trudged around Old Town Fort Collins two different days...

  
 
 

And went in about every store that looked even remotely interesting. We found some great stuff...

There's a little store called White Balcony and we ended up going there twice. We even met a fellow blogger who moved out here the same time we did. If she hadn't been working, we would've invited her to coffee. She was so nice.

The store is an eclectic mix of clothing, jewelry, home decor...just a little bit of everything. Like this wall hanging, which I would really love for our new house.

 

Don't ask me why, I just love it!

 
  

One of the other stores we went in had a ton of cool sunglasses, hats, scarves. I wish I could remember the name of it.

Further proof that I really can't pull off cool sunglasses...

 

And by "cool" I mean, "remarkably similar to the ones my mom wore in the 80's."

 

(Get that girl some lipstick! And a tan!)

Mindy, on the other hand, can wear hats and cool sunglasses.

 
And no, she didn't know I was taking that picture.

We went to a gift shop on the corner and I almost bought this as a little reminder to my family...

 

...but decided it really wasn't big enough for a respectable cup of coffee. 

We ate lunch at Cafe Vino, which Adam and I were introduced to by our good friends here in town...

It was a great, relaxing lunch. I think we were there for two hours...

We even encountered an anchovy...

 
...which didn't go over very well...

 
...and a waiter who reminded me of this guy:

 
...He was just like our own personal knight in shining armor because he ended up eating the anchovy.

I didn't take photos of the rest of the food we ate because I didn't want to run out of space on my memory card.

Just kidding.

I know I already described how important my friendship with Mindy is in my last blog post, but after this weekend I feel even more certain that I am a better person because she is in my life.

 

My only question is...when can we do this again!?

The creative middle child

Sometimes I'm reminded that Ethan is a middle child in every sense of the word. I was a middle child, so I try to make sure he doesn't get overlooked, but then it dawns on me that Surprise! He's being overlooked. He's easy and laid back and low maintenance, and well, that makes him easy to overlook...

 
I tried to convince Adam he gets these traits from me, but he just started laughing and walked away.

Ethan is all boy. His jeans are worn one time before they have holes in the knees. His shoelaces are coming apart after only one month of wearing them. He has to empty sand out of his shoes every single morning.

He plays hard. He cries too often. He's really sensitive.

And pretty goofy.

 
I sometimes wonder how he handles all this moving around stuff. He still talks about his old friends, and even though he's incredibly good natured, I have to wonder how it's really affecting his tender heart.

 
We close on the house on Friday. He has a reader's theatre at school. They're at the same time. I'm sad to think that he may not have a parent in the room cheering him on. It makes my heart hurt...makes me feel like I'm letting him down.

He'll never let on if that's really how he feels. He's just that kind of kid.

I've started noticing that Ethan is really creative. I guess I didn't expect that from my boys. I don't know why given who I'm married to, but it's been surprising to see how much he loves art and building things and yes, even modeling clay...

 
And, you can see, he's also got a thing for Super Mario Brothers...Here's Mario...

 
Luigi...

 

And um...Yellow Toad and that other guy...

 
Pretty fun, no?

 

He wants a Mario room in our new house and while this goes against everything I believe a child's room should be (I am not big on commercialized bedding/clothing etc.) I'm inclined to make it happen for him... and to make it the coolest room he's ever seen.

I think he's pretty special, this kid.

Time to find some creative ways to show him.

Busy.

This week, we close on a new house. Our first Colorado house. Our fourth house ever. We can't wait, but I admit, it doesn't seem real AT ALL. I keep thinking we have a month to wait, but we don't...it's actually here. I'm a little nervous, if I'm honest. I guess it means we've officially moved to Colorado. Maybe after we move into our own house, it'll actually start to feel like we live here and stop feeling like we're on vacation.

I painted this weekend. Just this one that's been brewing in my head for awhile now...

 

A reminder to myself that it's okay to go against the flow. It's okay to make waves. To be different. To follow your gut.

I'm also...

...working on a few custom pieces but they aren't finished. I loved what my friend Becky said about painting for other people in this post. I echo her sentiments exactly.

...busy trying to find Sophia a good audition song for her audition for "The Sound of Music" (which is Saturday.) Anyone got any good ideas?

...finishing up a few deadlines so I can enjoy my weekend free & clear because I'm...

...preparing for my best friend to come visit me. It's been years since I saw her and we are both ready for the break! There's something about an old friend, someone who knows you already...it's comforting and familiar. I am so looking forward to it. I envision antique stores, spa treatments, good food and there's even been talk of some Friday Night Lights. Sounds like perfection to me.

...Loving being part of the Scrapbook Adhesives design team. I did my introductory post this weekend and added this layout: 

 
...which looks crooked to me. Maybe I need a V8.

...reading devotionals here. They have so much great stuff and I have a feeling this one today is going to nail me to the wall.

It's important for me to slow down and hand it all over to God because stress has been making me physically sick and I'm kinda done with that. So. That's what's on my mind as I start my week...a whole lot of busy.

What're you up to this week?

 

Loveland, Colorado: Paciugo

Now that we've lived here for a few months, we've started a list of favorites. Favorite parks. Favorite movie theater. Favorite restaurants.

And of course, Favorite Desserts.

 

When I first found out I was allergic to dairy I said to my naturopath "Does that mean I can't have ice cream?" She said "Ice cream is the absolute worst thing you could have."

 

I think I managed to stifle my sob but only for a moment.

Ice cream was my favorite "treat", so I was disappointed. No DQ in the summer after ballgames? Sacriligious!

Sam and I were relegated to rice milk ice cream or coconut milk ice cream (which actually isn't bad!)

 

(That's a school spirit tattoo on her face. Lovely.)

But then we discovered Paciugo. It's a gourmet gelato cafe with a wide variety of flavors--different every time you go in.

I'd never had gelato, though I dare say after reading Eat, Pray, Love, I probably would've figured out a way to locate some even if I didn't live here.

 

The best part is they have soy based and water based options for people like me and Sam.

And TONS of other amazing options for everyone else. They also have specialty drinks where they make your coffee with the gelato. I have a feeling I shouldn't even try this because they may never get me to leave. And that could get embarrassing.

 

Gelato has 70% less fat than ice cream and it's SO creamy and good.

And fun. There's something fun about walking in and perusing a case full of options. Those are the kinds of decisions that don't stress me out!

I should add that I typically don't like soy. I don't like it in my lattes at all, but for whatever reason, in gelato, it's amazing. That's not saying that sometimes I don't snag a milk-based version and leave it to chance.

 

Sometimes I pay the price for that. Okay, I almost always pay the price for that...but I'm learning the hard lesson that food allergies don't just disappear when you lose weight. They're also agitated by stress. My stomach is mostly wobbly these days and I know I just need to figure out how to relax. It's a process.

The best part about Paciugo, of course, is taste-testing all the different flavors and deciding what kind to get. They have tiny little spoons for this purpose. My kids love it.

 

Even the big kid.

We went when my mom and dad were here. They love it too. In fact, I think my mom and I went back a couple of extra times just the two of us, but I'm sworn to secrecy on that one. We could make a meal of gelato and we're perfectly okay with that.

I know my mom's gonna kill me for posting a picture of her, but look how happy Ethan is. Focus on Ethan, Mom.

 

Cute, no?

Doesn't it make your mouth water just looking at it?

 

The coffee flavors are my favorite. And I never used to like coffee ice cream.

Sam almost always gets some sort of sorbet.

 

Clearly, we all leave satisfied...

 

P.S. Thanks so much for sharing in my exciting news yesterday! I am over the moon and you guys made me even MORE excited! :)

Dear Colorado...

Yesterday, I wore flip flops. Today?

 

Last week we turned the sprinkler system on and had the aeration guys come out...

Today?

 

A few days ago, my mom and I walked around the outside mall in short sleeves commenting on the warm sun and the beautiful day we had for shopping...

Today?

 

We've already grilled out twice, just last week in fact...

But today?
 

Oh, Colorado...you are so weird.