Telling Stories

Nine Questions with Christian Fiction Author Rachel Hauck

 It's been a whirlwind of a day...took Adam to the airport for his trip to Illinois and got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the way home. I could hardly wait to get back so I can share with you a little about the third and final book in my little "Prepare to be wowed this summer" series. 

Clearly I just made that up. 

Today we're talking with Rachel Hauck. Her new book, The Wedding Dress just arrived in my house this week and I can hardly wait to dig in:

Pretty, right? 

So, this is what amazon says about Rachel's new book:

Four brides. One Dress.

A tale of faith, redemption, and timeless love.

Charlotte owns a chic Birmingham bridal boutique. Dressing brides for their big day is her gift . . . and her passion. But with her own wedding day approaching, why can't she find the perfect dress…or feel certain she should marry Tim?

Then Charlotte discovers a vintage dress in a battered trunk at an estate sale. It looks brand-new-shimmering with pearls and satin, hand-stitched and  timeless in its design. But where did it come from? Who wore it? Who welded the lock shut and tucked the dog tags in that little sachet? Who left it in the basement for a ten-year-old girl? And what about the mysterious man in the purple vest who insists the dress had been "redeemed."

Charlotte's search for the gown's history-and its new bride-begins as a distraction from her sputtering love life. But it takes on a life of its own as she comes to know the women who have worn the dress. Emily from 1912. Mary Grace from 1939. Hillary from 1968. Each with her own story of promise, pain, and destiny. And each with something unique to share. For woven within the threads of the beautiful hundred-year-old gown is the truth about Charlotte's heritage, the power of courage and faith, and the timeless beauty of finding true love.

I'm sold. I am dying to crack this one open!! 

So, let's find out a little about Rachel... 

She read one of my very first drafts of Sweethaven and in so many ways was instrumental in helping get me on course. I've learned so much from her and feel like she is incredibly generous with her knowledge. That's one of my favorite traits. 

So, I asked Rachel a random assortment of nine questions intending to choose FIVE to share with you. But I love them all so what's the harm in a little extra info? 

Here are NINE questions with the fabulous Rachel Hauck: 

1. If Hollywood made a movie about your life, who would play you?

RH: Ack, I have no idea! Sandra Bullock! :) 

2. What was something unique about your own wedding?

RH: I chewed gum during the ceremony. A friend tried to take it from me just before I walked down the aisle but I was too nervous to give it up! LOL. We also had a ballet dancer open the ceremony with He Is Exalted.

3. What is something on your bucket list? 

RH: Give away a million dollars at one time. 

4. Is there another genre you'd like to try writing in someday? 

RH: Maybe sci-fi for my husband. He wants me to write Amish in space. 

hahahhaa. That one made me laugh out loud. My husband wants me to kill everyone whenever I get stuck. 

5. What is your guilty pleasure? 

RH: I love sitting in bed at night with my iPhone and just reading Facebook and Twitter posts! 

6.  If you could have dinner with any three people (living or dead), who would you choose? Don't say Jesus because he's already there. lol

RH: Solomon, the wisest man to ever live. Queen of Sheba, because she is fascinating. And George Washington. 

7.  If you could be any character in fiction, who would it be?

RH: Not sure I'd want to be a fictional character. Authors make bad things happen to them! 

8. What do you do when you need to relax? 

RH: Believe it or not, exercise. Or maybe chill to a TV show. We don't watch much TV but I like old reruns. 

9. Describe your perfect day. 

RH: Get up, hit the gym, have time with Jesus, eat breakfast, chat with my hubby, sun shining, easy breeze, write, then have dinner with hubby, maybe talk to a few friends or family, hear from my agent or editor.

I love learning about some of my favorite authors and tomorrow I'm inviting everyone back not just for Faith Friday but also for the chance to win all three of these books by all three of the sensational authors who've been guests on my blog this week!

If you don't want to wait, head HERE to pick up Rachel's book for yourself or HERE to read a little more about yet another FABULOUS author...

10 Questions with "Stardust" Author Carla Stewart

Perhaps you're gearing up for a little vacation (I'm jealous) and need some good reading material? This week I am here to help! Not only do I highly recommend Deb Raney's new book, After All, but I also have to tell you about another book that just released yesterday: 

This book is by another one of my favorite authors, Carla Stewart. I've talked about Carla's beautiful writing before, and I have to say, this new book is just as wonderful as the first two. There is MUCH to love about Stardust, but for me, it's the nostalgic, wistful feeling I got from the second I started reading. I absolutely LOVE Carla's soulful writing, deep with description and so good at transporting me back in time. 

Here's a little about the book: 

Shortly after burying her unfaithful husband, Georgia Peyton unexpectedly inherits the derelict Stardust motel from a distant relative. Despite doubts from the community and the aunt who raised her, she is determined to breathe new life into it. But the guests who arrive aren't what Georgia expects: Her gin-loving mother-in-law; her dead husband's mistress; an attractive but down-on-his-luck drifter who's tired of the endless road; and an aging Vaudeville entertainer with a disturbing link to Georgia's past.

Can Georgia find the courage to forgive those who've betrayed her, the grace to shelter those who need her, and the moxy to face the future? And will her dream of a new life under the flickering neon of the STARDUST ever come true?

Because I didn't live in the 50's and 60's, the era this book takes place in, it's fascinating for me to get a glimpse of how things were during those pivotal years in our country's history. Carla paints vivid word pictures and her characters spring to life and stay with you, pulling them into their story and making you care. 

But don't take my word for it. You can get your own copy right HERE! I promise you won't be disappointed!

To celebrate the launch of this beautiful new novel, I asked Carla to play along with my "5 Questions." She is such an overachiever, she answered all 10 of the ones I sent over... so I get to share all of them with you (because this lady is a hoot...you'll fall in love with HER as much as you will her books!) 

1. If Hollywood made a movie about your life, who would play you?

Kathy Bates, of course. She’s a mess, but she has a soft side.

2. What's something about the 60's, the era you write in, that you remember vividly? 

JFK assassination. Coming into my 8^th grade class after lunch and hearing the news. I felt sick to my stomach. I think we all realized our fears of Communists taking over our country really could happen if even the President of the United States was vulnerable.

A memory that NO ONE but people from my adopted hometown has: There was a hangout called the “Katari” in the basement of a downtown building and decorated sort of hippie style. You could get cokes and listen to the jukebox during the week, and on Saturday night, they had dances with a live band. ALL the cool people hung out there and you could smell the pizza from “The Cellar” next door. Those were the days! 

3. What could someone expect from their stay if YOU were running Stardust? 

Fresh coffee any time of the day or night. Served in stoneware mugs and not Styrofoam or paper cups. 

4. What are three things you must have every day? 

Fresh coffee in a mug.

Time alone.

Prayer.

5. What's something most people don't know about you? 

That my parents bought me from a band of gypsies. You didn’t know that? Well, maybe you also didn’t know that I once played Abe Lincoln’s mother in my fourth grade play, which led to a lifetime love of character roles in stage plays. Now I prefer to invent the characters in stories. 

6. Is there another genre you'd like to try writing in someday? 

I’d love to write a literary novel. Or a family saga. 

7. What is your guilty pleasure? 

Reading. Especially on a beautiful day when I can take a book and a glass of wine to the patio and ignore the world.

8. Who are some writers you admire?

Jeannette Walls (The Glass Castle)

Harper Lee (To Kill a Mockingbird)

C. S. Lewis

Dick Francis

Writing friends I admire:

Sarah Sundin 

Susan Meissner

Lisa Wingate

9. If you could have dinner with any three people (living or dead), who would you choose? Don't say Jesus because he's already there.  

Jimmy Stewart

Simon Peter

Katharine Hepburn

10. If you could be any character in fiction, who would it be?

Scout Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. Yeah, I know she’s a kid, but she surely grew up to be a woman who made a profound difference because of her childhood experiences. 

I'm so excited to give away not one or two but three books this week on my blog...come back tomorrow and find out how you can WIN Stardust!

Or, if you can't wait, head over to amazon and snag your copy today!

5 {FUN} Questions With Christian Fiction Author Deb Raney

Last night, after a very busy two weeks, I decided I just needed to breathe for an hour or two. No kids. No talking. Just me, alone with my thoughts. There's pretty much only one place to do that. Barnes and Noble. 

It is, without a doubt, my favorite place in the world. Ok, maybe that's generous, but understand my deep, passionate love for this store. 

I walked around, thinking about books, inhaling the Starbucks and dreaming up new stories...

And of course, I did some very important undercover work as well. 

I went into the Christian fiction section, found my book and a few of my friends' new releases and placed them all face forward on the shelf. I like to do my part. And it makes you feel somehow like you have control over whether or not someone happens to pick up a book you love (or have written.) 

I'm excited because this week, I'm sharing with you fun interviews from three of my favorite authors...all wonderful women who I consider friends.

And you'll have the chance to win the hot-off-the-presses
releases from all three of them. 

Swoony, right? 

First up is my dear, sweet Deb Raney. 

(This picture makes me want to cut my hair...) 

I call her "my Deb" which is a funny story for another day. You've probably heard me mention her, but maybe I haven't stressed to you how much grace this woman extends. 

After our first meeting, you'd think she would've done one of those pretend-I-don't-see-her-waving-at-me kind of things and run in the opposite direction...but so far, she still talks to me. 

Last year, at our writer's conference, my idiocy continued where Deb was concerned...I brought her this sweet little composition book not unlike this one:

Just to thank her for being so nice and answering so many of my writerly questions. 

At that time I was highly addicted to Coke. (The drink, not the drug.) It's an addiction that comes and goes (right now it's gone, thank God...) The night before the conference began, I grabbed a fountain Coke and took it back to my room. As I was setting my things down, somehow I got all tangled up (this happens on a fairly regular basis) and knocked the Coke upside down where it promptly tumbled into my purse and spilled all over Deb's gift. 

Any normal person wouldn't have given this sticky-gift, but I was so in love with the quote on the front of the notebook, I gave it to her anyway. 

Well, as you can see here, she is so gracious, she still has that Coke-stained notebook sitting on her desk (under the old school typewriter)...

I have many stories that celebrate my clumsiness, but I'll spare you.

For now, I have more important things to talk about...mainly, Deb's new book, After All. 

The thing I really love about this book is that it drew me right into the character's world, and in many ways, I felt like I made new friends. I found myself completely gripped by their stories and anxious to turn each page and find out more of what would unfold.

This is an author who knows how to captivate a reader, and I cannot recommend this book (and the whole Hanover Falls series) highly enough! 

So, in honor of Deb's new book hitting the shelves (truly, I found it at B&N):

(blurry photo courtesy of my iPhone)

Anyway...in honor of this awesome read...here are FIVE fun questions with Deb Raney! 

1. I'm not the only clumsy one...don't you have a funny story about your wedding ring?

I'm not sure it's funny, but if I don't laugh, I'll cry. And it's wedding ringS plural. I've only lost 3 of them. And I promise I really, really do love my husband and WANT to be married to him. But in spite of always carefully checking the prongs on my engagement ring, somehow, after about a dozen years of wedded bliss, the stone fell out. Lost in our house. I didn't vacuum for weeks. ; ) Wonder of wonders, a few months later I found it (in shag carpet, no less! And this was not a large stone.) We had the stone reset and I happily wore it for a few more years.

Then one night we were leaving one of our kids' basketball games and I felt something sharp, and realized, once again, my diamond was gone from the set. I didn't even try to look for it in that huge gymnasium––I wasn't even positive that's where it had happened. So I put my engagement ring, sans diamond, in a drawer and went ringless for a few years.

Fast forward a few more years and my novel had been made into a movie and Ken and I were invited to the film premiere in Hollywood! I did not want to go to the premiere of a movie called A Vow to Cherish without a wedding ring! But we had a kid in college and money was tight so I decided it wasn't the best time to buy a diamond. Mentioned that to my mom, who presented me with her beautiful wedding ring! To keep! (Her arthritic fingers wouldn't let her wear it anymore.) I wore it proudly to the premiere and for many years after. Then, one day, I looked down, and the diamond was gone! To this day I have NO idea how. Or why I'm SO hard on diamonds. I have both sets and someday hope to put stones back in them––but I think it might be wise to go with a nice rhinestone or maybe a CZ. : }

 

2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

That's SUCH a tough question because I have people I love all over the world! I love Kansas and the changing seasons, but now that two of our kids and three of our grandkids are in Missouri, it calls my name pretty loudly, too. If money were no object and I could fly to and fro with ease, I'd probably live somewhere in Europe! York, maybe––in the little stone cottage where my great-great-grandparents lived. 

3. Describe yourself in three words. 

Blessed. Content. Loved.

4. What is your favorite meal?

I adore breakfast for supper. Waffles, bacon and eggs with a great cup of coffee is a perfect meal, but especially in the evening! 

5. Tell us a little bit about your house and garden. How do they inspire you in your writing?

When we bought our house, it had a plain vanilla rectangle of a backyard with sparse grass and a few scrawny trees. My husband has recreated the Kansas prairie in our yard and when I'm there I think that must be a little what Heaven is like (minus the bugs and the wind, of course.) You can see photos (before and afters too) athttp://kansasprairiegarden.blogspot.com

So, if you're looking for a great read, I highly recommend this book (and the entire series) and will be bundling it with two more fabulous books for a fun giveaway on Thursday! 

 

Girl Land BLOG HOP!

I'm really excited today to be a part of the Webster's Pages Blog Hop. I get to share all the time about all the amazing things our designers are doing with the new collections, but this time I had to crack some open for myself... 

Girl Land is our new line and it's goes ON SALE TODAY! 

Before I share my Blog Hop layout, I have to share one other fun thing. Today I've got a project over on the Scrapbook and Cards Today blog... and I'm really excited about this one.

It's an envelope book I made for Sophia. 

Each envelope has a letter from me to her, letters she can open at pivotal moments in her life. For instance: "For when you get your feelings hurt..." and "For when you lose your courage..." and "For when you need to feel loved..." 

Wednesday, I'll also be sharing a little tutorial on how to make an envelope book of your own!

I hope you'll join me on their blog this week! (We're giving away a Girl Land Collection Kit on Friday!)

Speaking of giveaways...I'm hoping that our Girl Land Blog Hop brought you here...

It starts over on the Webster's Pages blog and continues through SIXTEEN fabulous designers' blogs. Among those 16, we've hidden SEVEN big prizes...but we're not telling you which blogs are the prize blogs! 

This is my Blog Hop Layout:

(Photo by LyndseyLew Photography)

Did I mention we're giving away the entire collection?

I'm actually the last stop on the Girl Land Blog Hop, but if you haven't started yet, head over to the Webster's Pages blog for all the details. Sixteen blogs with sixteen different inspiring projects... seven mystery blogs with prizes! All you have to do is comment and you could win! 

I don't know about you, but I think that sounds like pretty good odds! 

So tell me, what colors are inspiring you right now? I can't promise my blog has a giveaway on it... but you might as well enter just in case! (The prizes are SO worth it!)

Happy Monday!

Scrapbooking Your Faith Weekly Prompts {Week Three}

It's the third week in this Scrapbooking Your Faith venture, and I'm finding that I'm sort of coming up with prompts based on whatever kind of week I'm having. Maybe if I pre-plan a "Scrap Your Blessings" week, I'll have a WEEK of blessings?

Hm. It's worth a shot.

Regardless...here's the video for today's prompt: 

 

For the record, my thumbnail choices are atrocious. Come on Youtube!

So, here's this week's prompt:

Scrapbook (or document) a disappointment and talk about how it
stretched / challenged / shook your faith. 

I took a bit of a sideways approach with my layout because I didn't document specific disappointments...rather, I looked at disappointment as a whole and created a page based on something God's taught me recently...that HOPE never disappoints. 

I shared this photo yesterday on my blog, but I wanted to do more with it. I want to always remember (because I DO fear hoping)...that hope is a very good thing...and if your hope is in HIM, you won't be disappointed...

That said, you better believe there are times when I want things to go a certain way and they don't... I could easily scrapbook those times too. And since we all have them, so could you.

Take the opportunity to look at something that just STINKS and journal your feelings about it. 

My friend, Tania Willis (you can find her blog HERE) created a layout inspired by this week's prompt:

(Click on the image for a larger version so you can read her amazing journaling.) 

I LOVE that Tania didn't use a photo on this page. This page is all about getting her feelings out on paper...writing the words that her heart needs to say...

...and hitting on some solid truths that we all feel. It's funny how I can relate to so much of what she's written here...

"Because of it, I’ve lived the last several years of my life hoping
with a fragile kind of hope.
Because of it, I’ve come to learn that it’s only by God’s mercy
that I haven’t let disappointments consume me.
Because of it, it’s taken a while for the concept of
God’s mercy to sink in, but it never fails to test me again."

I so get this...don't you?

Here's what I've learned...God doesn't expect us to always be laid back and never feel disappointment, but there are lessons in these things if we look hard enough. Just writing/scrapbooking through these feelings can be SO helpful in finding the truth of them.

And suddenly, these hurtful things have a purpose. Is it going to solve all of your problems? Ha. I wish. But it might help you put things into perspective. 

So, this week...are you in? Have you ever felt disappointed? Can you turn that disappointment into a layout/art journal page or some other documentation? Share your links in the comments so we can all be inspired! 

Clinging to Hope

I'm preparing for our inspection today while at the same time preparing for Faith Fridays tomorrow... and I don't have a lot of words to share, though I'm sure Adam would rather I process my thoughts here...it's been one too many nights of verbal processing, I think. 

And it really is just processing...the kinds of things that have no answers. 

So today I'm quiet. Because sometimes we need a quiet day. 

And this is all I have to hold onto: 

Because sometimes there are no words. Sometimes there is only hope.

The hope of a quiet heart searching for something bigger than itself. 

The hope of answers that make sense and odds that are defeated and truth that is spoken.

In the stillness of this morning, I cling to that hope. 

10 Things You Can Do To Make Your Day Better

This morning I found myself getting ready (read: putting my pajamas back on after my shower) and simulataneously praying "God, can I just have an easy stretch? Not just a day or two, but an actual stretch of easy..." 

I'm whiny in the morning. Or is it whiney? So long as it's not wine-o, I think I'm okay. 

It was the weary in me talking, wanting more than anything for a true "month day of rest." When I get tired, I get emotional. 

And I wish I had a more gung-ho attitude about all that's going on, but there it is.

So I've been thinking about what it was that I've been missing in my life lately. Besides sanity. And I've come up with a list of ten things I want to do every single day. I thought I'd share so we can strive for it together...or at least strive for part of it. 

1. Pray. Quiet your mind. Take a time out. Be still.

You think it's a given, but it's not always. My days go so much better when I actually pray, when I take a few moments in the morning to stop and ask God to take hold of my day. WHY isn't this a given? Why, after 36 years, do I have to remind myself to do this? Lordie. It's so helpful to refocus on things like Ephesians 4:4: "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still..." 

Photo by LyndseyLewPhotography

2. Speak a kind word. 

Sometimes, I go to sleep at night with my kids' faces in my mind...and I try to remember how I've interacted with them that day. There are moments of loving, maternal, ever-loving motherhood... but often, I've rushed through my day so carelessly nothing sticks. I can't even conjure a memory of the day. I want to speak kind words to them, to my husband, to my friends...

Never miss an opportunity to pay someone a compliment. 

3. Remind yourself of your purpose...it will help you define your priorities. 

For everything you say "yes" to, you're saying "no" to something else. You have to decide which demands deserve your "yes" and which can handle your "no." Do you want to say "yes" to everyone else at the expense of your family? When someone is demanding something--even something GOOD--you have to step back and say "does this, in any way, bring me closer to my purpose..."? If it doesn't, let it go...

4. Hug someone. 

Do you remember the movie "Life as a House"? I remember watching it, depressing as it was, and there was this part where Kevin Kline went to a nurse and when she touched him, he realized he hadn't been touched in a very long time...and he needed it. We all need it. We need to be held. We're built to crave touch...so hug someone. Even your big kids, because while you don't think they need it and they may act like they don't want it, they do...and you'll benefit from it too.

5. Learn something.

You can never stop learning. You never know everything. None of us does. There is always someone who can teach us something, often in the most surprising places. Seek out the chance to learn every single day...

6. Choose not to talk badly about yourself. 

I love to self-deprecate more than pretty much anyone I know, but there's a difference between things I don't care about (how bad of a cook I am) and things I do care about (whether or not I'm a decent writer.) Negative self talk isn't going to get you anywhere. Charge yourself for every ugly word you say about yourself...and reward yourself when you focus on the positive. 

7. Appreciate God's creation. 

I'm aware now more than ever how beautiful this earth is. Sometimes, when I'm outside, it just fills me up...and many days I fail to notice. Catch the sunset, marvel at the moon, admire a mama bird feeding her ugly hairless babies...there's so much out there to speak to your soul...but you have to open your eyes. 

8. Take Care of Yourself. 

This is one of those "I'm gonna do my best to try this because I know it'll make me feel better" things. Here's the truth. I sit at a computer pretty much all day long. I have to remember to reset my posture, to stand up, to drink water, to stretch out, to find time to be active, to eat well...when I do, I'm more productive and happier. When I don't, we all suffer the wrath of Courtney. 

9. Fall asleep with your blessings behind your eyelids. 

I tend to get very mired down in all that's going wrong rather than looking at all that's going right. It's a conscious choice to focus on the good. No one can do that for you. 

10. Surrender.

I like to worry about things I have no control over. There is NOTHING so great as the peace that comes with complete surrender. To be honest, this is something I have to do daily because if I didn't, my mind would implode. Focus on what you can control and give the rest to God. I mean, really give it over...as in, take it and put it in His hands. Out of yours. 

And don't pick it up again. 

(That's me being bossy to myself, in case you couldn't tell.) 

So that's my list...I want to know what do you do to make your day better? 

It's Just a House...

Adam started putting boxes together, and I've started mentally saying goodbye to this house. We worked so hard on it before we moved in, and while we still had some things to finish up, for the most part, we'd made it largely what we wanted. 

I've never had the courage to make this many changes to a home before. Always concerned with resale value and whether or not another owner would like my choices. 

How ridiculous is it to plan your decor around what the next person might like? 

Somehow, this house was like a blank canvas, and I guess we did okay because we got an offer only a few days after we listed it. 

Truth is, even though I know moving back is what God wants us to do, there is a part of me that is very attached to Colorado and what it meant for me and for our family. This whole experience was about refocusing, reprioritizing. It brought us closer together, through challenges and changes. 

And frankly, the weather is so much better here. 

When I think about moving back, I hesitate. You know, things in Illinois aren't like they are out here. The housing market isn't doing well. Higher taxes and unemployment rates. Gas costs more.

And while those things don't appeal to me, they make me think perhaps there's a bigger reason to move back than there is to stay put...perhaps stretching our wings with this new plan will benefit someone else more than we could hope to if we stayed where we are. 

I keep reminding myself that it really is "just a house..." and I've loved many houses before... 

But this one got into my heart a little bit, and while I can usually shut off my emotions pretty easily, I'm having trouble with this today. 

Moving here changed me. I'm not going back the same person I was. I feel stronger and more focused, more in tune with what I'm supposed to do. More value on the things that really matter and less on the things that don't...

And while I take all of that with me, there is much that I'm leaving behind. Good friends. Beautiful landscape. A town that makes me happy. 

And just for today...just for a moment...I'm feeling a little sad about that. 

A little sad that while I know it's God's plan, what we're doing...I'm thankful for the opportunity we had to live here for a little while. And in some ways, I wish we could take it all with us. 

It'll be hard to say goodbye.

Scrapbooking Your Faith Weekly Prompts {Week Two}

 Ah, here we are again...time for another installment of "Faith Fridays." 

Let me start with this trust little video because I know you're all dying to stare at my dark roots and asymmetrical nostrils. 

 

To note: 

1. My favorite phrase is "super excited". 

2. I swear I didn't "color outside the lip lines" with my lipstick. I checked it twice, but it still looks off. Whatevs. 

3. There is no good natural lighting in our house. 

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...here is my layout:

The prompt is: Create a page or project to serve as a word of encouragement for yourself or someone you love. For me, this layout was a way to remind my son of something God's already done in our life.

Also, part of the challenge would be to create something that you could easily integrate right into your regular, annual albums. This page isn't overtly "faith-based", yet the journaling very much is what I wanted to remind him of. 

So, that's the prompt for this week. 

I think after I created this for Ethan, I needed to do something to remind myself as well...so I did this art journal page:

Here's a close up on the journaling:

To me, this was 1000% therapeutic. Sometimes you just have to get lost in the paint. Regardless of how accomplished (or not) you are. 

I created her bubble skirt using tissue paper and gel medium. I tore small pieces and balled them up, dabbing a dot of gel medium inside and then dabbing a dot on the back. Once it was all in place, I covered the whole thing in gel medium. 

It's not going anywhere. 

This week, I'm especially excited because I'm featuring the ridiculously amazing work of mixed media artist and god-lover, Stephanie Ackerman from Homegrown Hospitality. 

Here is Stephanie's take on this prompt:

I think I may use her project as a jumping off point for whatever I do next week just because it's so darn inspiring. The truth in this..."Out of my hands and into his..." is SUCH a great reminder, and I love how she really created something meaningful for herself. 

You can see more of Stephanie's project on her blog HERE. Scroll around there, it's amazing! 

So, there you have it...don't forget to share your projects once you get going...I cannot WAIT to see what you guys come up with! 

And finally, the winner of the life-changing, soul-jarring book "Lost and Found"
by the fabulous Ginny Yttrup is...

ROBBIE IOBST! 

Robbie, send me your address and we'll get it in the mail! (And if you aren't Robbie, head over to amazon to pick up a copy for yourself. It's a gift. I promise.)

"The Last Battle" by C.S. Lewis {according to my 11-year-old daughter}

You may or may not know that my daughter, Sophia is a HUGE bookworm. She reads faster than I do.

Which, actually isn't all that impressive come to think of it. 

She is always reading...so reading assignments are not a big deal for her. 

Usually. 

Recently, at school, she picked "The Last Battle" by C.S. Lewis to read and write a report on. She's in bed now (reading) and I happened to glance down at her report here on my desk. 

I thought it was my duty to post it here for your information. 

Because it's just that informative. 

And because someday you may need to arm yourself with an 11-year-old's opinion on this, the final book (I think?) in the Narnia series. 

So without further ado, I give you...

A Book Review of "The Last Battle" by C.S. Lewis.

As written by Sophia Walsh

"To start things off, 'The Last Battle' was a terrible book. First, there was no action! When I chose this book, I had HIGH (with a little upwards facing arrow icon) expectations for it. Those other books set the bar high! 

I tried to find the good parts in it, but I only found a few. Also, the storyline was not only slow, but hard to follow. This book was very boring, weird, hard to follow and pretty much stupid. 

I would NOT recommend this book to ANY of my friends. First, most of my friends have already read it. I'm pretty sure most of them would NOT read it again. Last, all my friends who haven't read it, would H-A-T-E hate it! 

Most of my friends have strong opinions so if I recommended it, I may get texts that say, "You like THIS?!" :) (she actually drew the icon for the smiley face)

If you haven't concluded that I absolutely positivley H-A-T-E-D this book, you can conclude that now." 

***

It should be said that as she wrote the last paragraph, her pencil was furiously flying (and jabbing) across the page. She wrote with so much hatred, er, passion. 

I kind of feel bad for old C.S. right now...but what can I say? Can't argue with that kind of decisiveness, right?

I hope her teacher has a sense of humor. 

How the Terror of Selling a House Has Changed Me...

Our house in Illinois was truly a dream house for me. 

It represented something I'd strived for somehow. We were adults. We were grown-ups. We were doing okay... 

But even when you're in the surroundings you thought you wanted...things can go wrong. You can wake up and realize that you aren't living the life you were meant to live. You can find yourself going through the motions, detached and not plugged in to what God's saying. 

Because sometimes the things he says are hard to swallow. 

Sometimes you don't want to hear "This really isn't your forever house. " Even if it's followed up with "I have something better for you." 

At least that's how it was for me. Because I'm stubborn. 

And I liked my house.

When we listed our Illinois house, I was instantly panicked. I knew we were going to have to file for bankruptcy (and oh, no, what would people say? "Are you sure you heard God?" "Surely God wouldn't ask you to do something that financially destroys you."...)

Because 1. People would say those things and 2. I would've cared. 

But this time? Not so much. This time, we listed our house with the calmest peace you can imagine. Partly because the housing market in Colorado is doing really well, but also because I just know that God's in control. 

For once, I can say worry is not in my wheelhouse. 

We are not kindreds, the two of us. There's no Anne Shirley/Diana Barry love going on here between me and worry.  

Since we listed this house, we've had five showings with another one tonight and a 3-hour evacuation for the Realtors to walk through tomorrow. We've gotten some good feedback. We've gotten some interest. 

We might actually be okay...but the truth of the whole thing is, I'm just not worried about it. 

And wow. That. is. freeing.

See, sometimes, you just have to go through it yourself. It's storming and rainy and horrible and you're sure you're going to drown, and then this crazy thing happens. God steps in. He brings you fabulous renters. He gets you across the country. 

He brings you work when you're sure you won't be able to pay the bills...He's with you every step of the way. 

So when the next storm kicks up, you can remember how faithfully he saw you through the last time and somehow...this storm pales in comparison. "God's done more than this already for us," you think. Because inside there's this knowing...

This knowing that you can't really explain, no matter how hard you try...

And that knowing can only come with growing. With getting older. With age. 

And I have to tell you, that while it wasn't easy in the middle of the storm...in the middle of any of the storms...I wouldn't trade them for anything. 

Because if this is the kind of peace I get to have as a result...it was worth it. I promise you. In the end. It'll be worth it. 

What storm are you facing today? Is worry your kindred, or are you resting in the knowing?

 

How Our Move is Hitting Home {hard}

It's hard to explain how a son can steal your heart unless you have a son that's stolen yours. 

bad iPhone photo. It is what it is.

The relationship between mother and son is unique and different and very special...at least around here. Ethan is my most sensitive child, but he's also my least verbal. At least when it comes to talking about his feelings. 

Oh, he loves a good rambling round of Twenty Questions (in which he asks approximately twenty questions on the same topic before moving on to a new topic and starting over...) because he's curious and intelligent and likes to dissect things. 

But ask him how he feels and he clams up. Cries. Struggles.

A few weeks before we really knew we were moving back, I started probing the kids. Ethan came with me to run an errand and when I wouldn't let him get something in the gumball machine he said, "You know Grammy would let me get it." 

Uh-huh. But I'm not Grammy. 

He sighed. "I know." (Read that with an extreme amount of disappointment. Because that's how he said it.)

I said, "You miss Grammy and Poppy?" 

He nodded. 

"What if we lived back by them, would that be a good thing?" 

He thought for a second and said, "You know, I never really wanted to move here in the first place." 

So I thought we were golden. It was the girl I was worried about. 

Then we explained to the kids that this was a very real possibility, and as I suspected, Sophia cried (she has this great little group of friends at school...) 

And Ethan said "Okay. Can I go play the Wii now?" 

But then a few days passed and Sophia remembered the good things about Illinois, including her friends there...

And CYT and the school she'd loved...

And Ethan still said nothing. 

Then I started getting emails from his teacher. Bad behavior. Wild. Talking out of turn. 

At first, my inclination was to punish him. No kid of mine was going to be the troublemaker. I don't care who his daddy is. 

But after a couple of days of emails like this, it dawned on me. For all of Ethan's "not caring," I knew that somehow, inside, he was having trouble processing this. In three years of school, he's had three different schools. And the one he loves is the one he's in at the time...which right now, is in Colorado. 

I sat Ethan down and told him I'd had another email from his teacher. We talked about his behavior, and then I dug my heels in and tore the band-aid off. "Is something upsetting you? Because usually you only act up when you're upset about something." 

It took a minute, but then he burst into tears and said "It's just hard that we might be moving back to Illinois." 

I said, "But I thought you were excited because you never wanted to come here in the first place?" 

And he said, "But then I started thinking about all the good friends I have here." 

And what could I say? Because I've thought about all the good friends I have here too. I've cried over the distance we're now putting between us and them...I've hated how flighty we seem to keep traipsing across the country. 

I've had dreams that we're doing the wrong thing mixed in with dreams we're doing exactly what we're supposed to...but more than anything, I've lost sleep worrying about these kids. 

I switched schools exactly twice in my life. Once in 2nd grade and once in 9th. It was traumatic both times. Kids are resiliant, yes, but how do you, as a parent, explain that this is the right decision for our whole family...not just for the grown-ups? 

How do you give them a chance to explore feelings they're much too young to have when really, you want to be wild and talk out of turn and throw your ball at your classmates just like they're doing? 

I know he'll be okay...but he's still processing right now...and so am I. My feelings are so mixed in spite of being so sure we're in the palm of His hand...

And I suppose that's normal...but that doesn't make it easy. 

I have no conclusion today. Just ramblings. Just questions. Just typical mom-worry...

And the hope that when all is said and done...we're going to be okay...

Scrapbooking Your Faith Weekly Prompts {Week One}

I'm so excited to share the very first "Faith Friday" Scrapbooking Your Faith Prompt!

 

Things I've learned from making videos of myself: 

1. One of my nostrils is bigger than the other.

2. You should never film yourself with the camera looking up at you. Even the slightest angle can show all your chins. 

3. There is nowhere in our house that seems to have good natural light. 

Today's Prompt: 

Scrapbook/Journal/Document Your Truth. 

What I mean by this is, document your latest revelation, your latest word from God. The most recent thing you don't want to forget. Your ah-ha moment...

Here's my page:

I'd like to apologize now for crummy lighting. It's been overcast and I took these photos THREE times. sigh. 

Regardless, you can see I'm all about keeping it VERY simple. It's important for me not to overwhelm myself with the crazy pressure of creating art right now. I'm on deadline and very busy preparing to move...so simple and easy is the name of the game. 

The point is, I don't want to forget the story. That's the most important thing. I don't want to forget what it's like to be in the middle of this revelation...

I've hidden the journaling behind the strips of patterned paper. This makes it easier if you happen to be journaling something you don't really want everyone to read. 

Clearly, I'm not:

In this case, I took the words straight from my blog post (which is where I digest most of this stuff anyway...) 

My embellishments were few and I printed the title right on the photo to make this whole thing even easier. 

Now, what about you? What revelation will you document? 

How would you like to win a copy of "Lost and Found" by Ginny Yttrup?

Leave me a comment and I'll enter you in a drawing to win an autographed copy of Ginny's book. I can't explain the importance of reading something so powerful, and the fact that the revelation comes through a fictitious story...you'll be amazed. 

Now...for the five winners of "Scrapbooking Your Faith"...

1. Stacy Caddy

2. Renee J.

3. Kimberli

4. Karen Larson

5. Susan C.

You five, email me your addresses at: courtneycrops{at}msn{dot}com and I'll get those out to you! 

And, like I said in the video, I hope you'll link up here when you finish your projects...even if they're simple (like mine), they can still inspire.

Have a wonderful weekend! 

 

Truth Is Power {Lost and Found by Ginny Yttrup} Part Two

There's so very much I could write about "Lost and Found." In so many ways, this book opened my eyes to my own issues. The way I've allowed myself to be too caught up in the world's opinions. The way I've maneuvered my life to try and become who I am expected to be. 

If there's one thing I've learned over the past five or so years, it's this. 

Truth is power.

I think we have a tendency, as humans, to hide our mistakes, our sins, our evils, and then they become the thing that plagues us. The thing that could easily take us down. 

But when you speak them out, when you confess your issues or shed light on your sins...a funny things happens, they can't hurt you anymore. 

Light and darkness cannot co-exist. So, when you pull something out of the darkness, it's filled with light...and while the process can be painful, the truth of it brings power. 

Once there's light, there's hope...and that thing you've been hiding can't hurt you anymore. It's no longer a weapon that can be used against you...

In Ginny's book, there's a paragraph I circled: 

It is so like her to act as though nothing has transpired between us. To move forward without a backward glance. An apology. An acknowledment of any sort. These are the times that leave me feeling crazy.

And that's how it can be when you're unsure, when truth isn't prominent in your mind. You allow other people to dictate the things you believe, regardless of what you know to be true. 

Why do we do that? 

Why do I do that? 

Reading the words in this book opened my eyes and helped me realize that while I've felt like something was wrong with me all this time, in reality the only thing wrong is that I wasn't allowing the truth to have the power in my life. 

Like I said yesterday, I feel like this book was a gift to me. A way for me to fully embrace the things God's told me to do and allow them to be the only thing that matters. 

And the scary part is that I expect to be tested with this again. And again. Until I get it down. Until I can fully embrace this revelation. 

To that end, here's what I know: 

1. I'm first a wife and a mother. My family is my #1 ministry. Anyone who tells you differently (in word or in action) doesn't have your best interest at heart. 

2. I'm called to be a writer. 

3. Not everyone in the world is going to like me. And that's okay. 

4. I can't worry about the opinions of others...because if I please one person, I'll likely not please another person. There are, after all, as many opinions as there are people.

5. God has a divine purpose for my life. (And yours.) 

These are some of my truths. I have to stay focused on these and not get diverted watching enemy missiles firing at me. 

In a few short months, I'll be walking back into familiar territory. The place where people know me as the person I always was, and I'm tasked with the trial of staying true to what I now know. And it may be difficult not to let myself get tied in to the things that used to be such a huge part of my life. 

You know, it's kind of like trying to change your personal style...if I started wearing dresses everyday, would people think "Who is she trying to be?" 

Maybe. 

But the fact remains that the hard lessons I've learned over the last two years are in me now. They can't go away just because I'm shopping at the same Target store I used to shop at. And I think, in many ways, Lost and Found taught me that. 

That it's okay to seek the truth. 

That it's wise to hear God's voice and act accordingly, regardless of what anyone says about it. 

That sometimes speaking your mind, when done with grace, isn't a bad thing. 

This is my truth. 

What's yours? 

By the way...you can visit Ginny on her website/blog HERE.

And you can buy your own copy of her incredible book HERE. 

When God Sets You Free {"Lost & Found" by Ginny Yttrup}

I'd just sat down to read a nice little story from an author I'd heard so much about. Her name is Ginny Yttrup, and her first book, Words, is one I've had on my "to read" stack for some time. Why I decided to read her second book, Lost and Found first was a mystery...until after I closed the back cover. 

Now, in hindsight...it's very clear. 

Pages 21-22:

"The object of our adoration can either sustain us or sink us." She bends down and picks up one of the red leaves fallen from the Japanese maple.

"What do you mean? God isn't going to sink us." 

She rubs the leaf between her fingers. "No, but He's not always the object of our adoration. Right?" 

"You're suggesting I adore Brigitte?" I laugh. "Really?"

She shrugs. "To adore someone is to revere them--to worship them. Isn't that what you're doing, in a sense, when you give someone so muh power in your life?" 

My heart sort of skipped and I went back and re-read that again. Especially that last part. The book is about a woman (Jenna) stuck in a verbally abusive relationship with her mother-in-law (Brigitte), and as I read, I identified with Jenna so clearly. It was as though Ginny's words were written for me. 

When I read this book, I had no idea we'd be moving back to Illinois. I'd spent my entire life there, and during those years, I'd always been the people pleaser. I followed the rules. I did what I was obligated to do. It's who I was. Who I'd always been. 

What I didn't realize was that by doing what I'm obligated to do, by constantly caring what people think of me, by worrying if I'd make someone mad if I stepped out and did what I thought God told me to do...I was essentially saying "These people's opinions are more important than what God says." 

Looking back on it now, I feel like this book was a gift to prepare me to go back to my old haunts but as a changed person. With a new perspective on life...

The story went on, and I thought maybe it was a fluke. Like maybe pages 21 and 22 were an accident. 

But then I reached page 121 and I read these words: 

"I need to persevere, I think." Then she sighs. "But..." 

...

"But...that isn't working. I'm"--her eyes fill with tears--"so weary. So tired." 

...

"I just want...more than anything...I want to please God. I want to do what He wants me to do. To handle things the way He'd have me handle them." 

I lean forward again. "Jenna, what happens when you dump your weariness on God? When you turn to Him and say, 'I just can't do it anymore?'"

She hesitates. "I...I don't do that." She shakes her head. "I don't turn to God during those times. Because I think I should be able to handle whatever is going on." 

Again, my pulse quickened. Was Ginny inside my head? Did she somehow base this character on me? At the time, I didn't know the author, and yet, her words were resonating with me. 

I was weary. I was tired. I wanted to do God's will but nothing seemed to be going right.

But God knew where we were headed...and he knew it was time to set me straight on some things. 

Because there are many forms of abuse. There are many ways in which people (friends/colleagues/employers, spouses, etc.) manipulate and control you.

They make you fearful. They have the final say. They are always in the right. And in doing what they do, they make you think there's something wrong with you. Like if you feel something is off, if you feel like you have to perform in order to be valued, that you're the one in the wrong... 

I always felt like that. That wanting the things I wanted (to be a mom and a wife and a writer and not much more...) was wrong. That by not wanting to be typical and play the role I'd been cast in...meant that something was wrong with me. 

But did it? Does it? 

For years now, it seems these kinds of personalities have been a part of my life, and as a result, I've lived in constant angst. Worrying what's being said or if I did something wrong or why someone isn't speaking to me...

And it wasn't until we moved to Colorado that I finally started to see that this isn't okay. I finally stopped being obligated. It's not okay for people to treat other people this way, but it's also not okay for me to allow myself to get so wrapped up in pleasing other people (who don't know God's will for my life) that I forget to seek first HIS kingdom. 

I'd forgotten who has the final say. I'd been unable to look at the things GOD says about me, too wrapped up in the opinions of a select few who ultimately have no bearing on my life.

I see now that the timing of me reading a book about someone on an identical journey wasn't an accident. In truth, I don't know that I'd have the strength to maintain my new convictions when I walk back into the familiar. 

I still don't know if I will, but I feel like Lost and Found was God's gift to me. It was God's way of saying "You're not crazy. You can do this. You will be okay." 

It was his way of reminding me what HE says about me is what matters. 

Nothing else. 

I realize that this pattern in my life will appear again, and I'll have a choice to bend or to stand. 

To remember page 213:

There is no punishment. 

No condemnation. 

Only grace. 

And to cling to that. 

Whose opinions do you focus on? Is it hard for you to break free of abusive or toxic relationships? What gives you the strength to do so?

More on this tomorrow...there's just so much to process...

A Sweethaven Page Map

This week, I have SO much to share...more on this crazy faith journey we're on and the first installment of  "Faith Friday" where I'm going to share "Scrapbooking Your Faith" (Or journaling/painting/documenting your faith) prompts to get you delving into your own faith journey...

But while I collect my thoughts, I have to tell you about something else I'm SO excited about!!!

This, my friends, is an exclusive Sweethaven Page Map designed by the amazing Becky Fleck to help celebrate my first novel, A Sweethaven Summer. 

Becky's first book, Page Maps, came out around the same time as my first book (I think) and wow, it just flew off the shelves. It is a book I keep out regardless of where we move. Since that time, she's also released Page Maps 2 and she has the most fabulous Page Maps website where you can create pages based on her sketches. 

Becky is not only amazingly talented, but she's wonderful to work with, she's encouraging and kind. I love when that happens. 

This sketch makes me so happy...and I want to invite you to join me in creating a page based on it too.

Here's my take: 

Rather than create a page specifically inspired by "A Sweethaven Summer", I decided to create a page about my life + "A Sweethaven Summer." More specifically, about this dream of writing my first novel coming true...

Having my first book signing is something I'll never, ever forget, so I wanted to document this part of the journey and Becky's sketch was such a great jumping off point. I find these sketches to be so helpful in sparking creativity. If you're ever stumped, hers is the website you need!

You can see I moved the placement of the flower/pinwheel element, mostly because I really loved this big Prima Flower and I really didn't have enough room for it in the bottom left-hand corner. But clustering it here with the photos made the whole thing come together. 

I then added three smaller flowers in place of that element to balance everything out. Those flowers along with the ones up at the top and the big one off-center create the visual triangle I needed to pull the whole thing together. 

So, do you want to give it a go?

To enter:

 Choose one of the theme prompts listed below and create a layout based on this sketch, in any size, any orientation, any way you want to interpret it and using any products you would like. Post a comment on this thread with a link to your entry.

The contest starts today and ends at midnight, Sunday, May13, 2012 (MST). This contest is open to everyone, everywhere!

THEMES:

• Create a layout about a friend or friends you haven't seen in a long time (or "create a layout that celebrates a special friendship). 
• Create a layout about a place that's special to you.
• Create a layout about a dream that came true (that is the theme of Courtney's sample page above).
• Create a layout about your first love.
• Create a layout inspired by the cover of "A Sweethaven Summer."

This contest will be running both on the PageMaps blog and on here on my blog, so feel free to enter on either one. 

What you can win: 

For more inspiration, grab your own copy of A Sweethaven Summer and spend a little time on the Page Maps site...there's SO much to see! 

When God's "NO" is a much-needed detour {the next part of the story}

So...where was I? 

A funny thing happens to me when I sense God is doing something. That we're on the edge of change feeling takes over and I find myself looking for it everywhere. Like Sherlock Holmes, I try to deduce where God is taking us, as if it's a mystery to be solved. As if I can't wait another moment for the answers. As if He's not going to show us in His time. 

In the case of our move here, it was the pervy pastor. 

In the case of our move back home, it was something else entirely. And I was bummed out when I decided that I must not, after 36 years of trying, be able to hear God's voice after all. 

As a wife, I think it's safe to say that I can spot discontent in the man I married. He is, by all accounts, incredibly laid-back. Otherwise, I'm certain there's no way he could live with me. When I started seeing his discontent, I started to wonder what we were going to do...but then he'd have a great day (usually off at a video shoot or something) and it would be fine for awhile. 

But then, it wouldn't be. 

I'm not sure which one of us handled this worse. (Yes I am, it was me. I handled it worse.) Because I hate seeing him unhappy. Knowing what he can do and how good he is at what he does, seeing him spend his days doing something other than that just about killed me. 

So, I started praying. I prayed that Adam would find the kind of job that utilized his talents--his gifts--the things that made him truly happy. Adam has star potential, and I knew he'd couldn't be long-term happy in a cubicle. 

Then our church announced that they needed a worship leader. And while I knew my husband did not want to go back into church ministry and he most certainly didn't want to be a worship leader, all I could think was "This is something he could do." 

And I felt strongly about it. And I knew this was it. And I convinced Adam to call the church. And one hour before he called, they filled the position. And I moped and sulked a little because what other option was there for us? How, God? How are you going to fix this one? 

Oh, ye, of little faith. 

Man, I had little faith. 

That weekend, we were in Illinois for some reason and I remember recounting the whole story to my mom (who, if you can believe it, worries even more than I do...hey, I learned from the best.) But while I was telling her the story, this strange thing happened...

"But you know," I said, driving toward Wendy's for my apple pecan chicken salad. "Adam doesn't want to be a worship leader. The thing he keeps talking about is theatre. Kids' theatre. Teaching music and acting and directing...that's the thing we both miss." 

And in that moment, literally, it was like oh-my-gosh-that's-what-we-need-to-do...Like a lightbulb. Like THAT was the thing that we had in our hearts--that Adam especially had in his heart...and if it weren't for my misguided attempt to force him into a box he didn't want to go in, we wouldn't have realized it. 

That's when we started discussing our options...that's when we started dreaming about doing what we'd always loved to do...something we do together sort of beautifully. 

See, sometimes, we head down a path and we're sure it's God. And then it doesn't work out. I believe that doesn't mean it's not God...it's just God's way to get you to a different place...

Adam isn't going to be a worship leader, but that closed door got us dreaming again. Outside the box dreaming...and now, months later, here we are...standing on the corner of God's Will. 

Just where he wanted us to be. 

It's easy to get caught up in the method...to look at these detours, these twists and turns and beat ourselves up because the closed doors MUST mean we haven't heard God...but I don't believe it for a second. If you surrender, he'll get you exactly to the spot you're supposed to be in. 

I'm sure of it. 

What detour have you taken lately? Is it possible that it's leading you to something bigger?

Scrapbooking Your Faith Weekly Prompts {Won't You Join Me?}

I'm interrupting my story to gather the rest of my thoughts. I'll tell you all about how this move has already been challenging in that my son is acting out in school because he can't seem to process his emotions. I'll explain what it's like when well-meaning people plant a seed of doubt in your mind and how difficult it is to cling to what you know you know...

The story just keeps changing. Today our Realtor is coming by to talk about selling the house. When we moved here, I was terrified about our house in Rockford. It never did sell, but we have fabulous renters. 

Sometimes God works things out in a way you never expected. I love that. 

Because of it, I feel like I can walk into this next season with more peace. I don't know how God will work it out, but I know he will. I rest in that. 

Anyway. Today, I want to direct you to the Creating Keepsakes Magazine Blog where I'm guest posting (yay) and sharing a layout inspired by my book, A Sweethaven Summer. (Should go live later tomorrow!) Since I haven't talked about the 'ol book in awhile, I'll put in a shameless plug here...I think it'd make someone an awfully nice Mother's Day Gift, don't you? 

You can head right over HERE and enter to WIN a copy along with some fabulous scrapbooky prizes! 

I'm also working on some fun events to help spread the word about the book because we all know word of mouth is what really sells a book. 

If you've shared it with a reader in your life...thank you. Immensely. 

If you haven't, feel free. I'll pledge my undying devotion to you if you help spread the word. 

Too needy? 

Here's a little peek at the project I'm sharing over at CK...

(It's a map project. I love a good map.)

A few weeks ago, CK Editor Extraordinaire Jennafer Martin was in town and my good friend Liz and I got to meet up with her for breakfast:

I can't resist. I have to mention how sleepy I look. Wowza.

If there's one thing I LOVE about scrapbooking it's the friends I've made...which is why I'd LOVE for you to come join me for this new thing I'm doing right here on my blog. Six weeks of journaling prompts to help you Scrapbook Your Faith. 

Now, I'm not much of a video girl (which you will soon see givent he crummy webcam I'm using, but today I'm doing something I've never done before...a video announcement to tell you more about this fun idea.

I want to stress that this is NOT just for scrapbookers...this is for anyone...and I hope you'll join me...

At the risk of looking like a complete dork, here we go...(And the freeze frame/lighting are sooo flattering.)

 

So, let's recap (and talk about how you can WIN some GREAT, awesome, wonderful stuff.) 

1. Go over to the CK blog and enter to WIN A Sweethaven Summer and a scrapbooking prize package! (Post should be up tomorrow!) 

2. Leave me a comment on this post and you'll be entered to win a copy of Scrapbooking Your Faith (and one of the five winners will get a scrapbooking mystery box as well!) (And also, tell me if you're going to join in and journal YOUR faith!)

3. Come back next week for the first "Scrapbooking Your Faith" journaling prompt! It's going to be tons of fun! 

4. Tell Your Friends! 

Hope you have a wonderful weekend! 

When God Surprises You {part three of this story}

I sat down on our bed and stared at my husband who had this sort of giddy-as-a-schoolboy expression on his face. 

"What's going on?" My heart was racing and I felt the change coming. 

We knew we were in for a change, but I have to tell you that every time I prayed about it, I prayed "God, there are just two things I can't lose. My house and the kids' school. Just let us keep those things." I don't care about cars or clothes or anything like that...but the kids' school and our new house are important to me. 

And the funny thing is, I prayed the same thing about our house in Illinois. 

Sometimes the things you cling to the tightest are exactly what you have to give up. Perhaps these things were my "Isaacs"...perhaps God wanted to see just what we were willing to lose to gain his will for our lives. 

"I've been waiting for you to get home," Adam said and then he launched into a recap of his conversation. And by "launched into a recap" I mean he relayed about two minutes of a forty-five minute conversation. 

This is my life, folks. If you want details, you have to probe. 

The long and short of it is this: Our Chicago friend was absolutely ecstatic about helping us however he could. For a good forty-five minutes, he and Adam discussed exciting things like insurance and logistics and Adam was feeling great. And then, somewhere in the conversation (the details are, let's just say "fuzzy") turned and our friend told Adam that two days before their current Artistic Director (a woman we all LOVE) had resigned. 

Because her family's business was booming (I'll blog about that some other time...that's a whole separate inspiring story...) she needed to devote more time to it. 

And that left CYT-Chicago without an Artistic Director. 

(today is blurry-picture day on my blog.) 

I stared at Adam and kind of shook myself out of my what-did-you-just-say trance. "So, what? We'd move back to Illinois?" 

His eyebrows popped up as if that were an acceptable answer. 

I can't explain what happened next. It was like, inside me something switched and I realized that while we love Colorado, ever since my launch party back in February, my heart has been homesick for Illinois. (Coincidence?) 

Sometimes I think when you're in the thick of something, when these are your circumstances and you don't have another choice, you simply keep your head down, make the best of things and focus on what's good. And there is a LOT of good here. 

Friends that I do NOT want to lose. Weather that you cannot beat. And, like I said, a school and a home I've grown to love. 

But in that moment, when he said flicked his eyebrows at me...my response was "Let's do it." 

(not commenting on my posture...resisting the urge to self-deprecate)

Later, Adam told me that as SOON as he heard they needed an Artistic Director, he knew that was our next step. Just like as SOON as I heard they needed an Artistic Director, I knew that was our next step. 

...but that didn't keep me from worrying. 

You see, Adam decided to resign from his position at Group. Crazy, right?

He came home one day and told me "I just can't do this anymore." And I can't explain the inexplicible peace I had in that moment. I couldn't stand to see him unhappy for one more day. This was not what he was called to do and everyone knew it. So I said "Then give your notice." 

We had to go on the faith that what we knew God was telling us was going to happen would really happen...but there was always that slim little chance we'd mis-heard...it had happened before, after all. 

I spent the next several weeks wondering things like "What if someone else swoops in and gets the job?" and "What if they decide they don't like Adam after all? Maybe his brand of humor will offend..." and "What if for some reason Illinois falls into the ocean never to be seen again?" (seriously, sometimes that's how ridiculous it is.) I practically made myself sick over it and all the while, Adam was completely confident because hearing God for him is very cut and dry.

Mind you, he'd only relayed portions of conversations with me so there's a very good chance he's instituted a plan to take over the world and I'd be the last to know. 

I clung to the fact that I'd been here before. My gut knew this feeling. I knew this was our step...and so did Adam. We committed our plans to God and we were going for it. 

We were all in. 

After several more conversations, Adam learned that one of the biggest parts of his job at CYT will be writing curriculum to streamline their classes...and after working at one of the top companies for church curriculum, he'd been trained in writing GREAT curriculum...regardless of the misplaced commas or hyphens. 

I can tell you in no uncertain terms, my husband is an insanely good writer. 

And it sort of ticks me off if you want to know the truth. 

Anyway. All of the sudden, all of my "WHY did we have to move here if only for two years?" became "Wow, God. You really set us up...Now it all makes sense." 

NONE of this is what we expected but when I see how all the pieces came together, when I see how God took care of us, used this whole experience to build our faith, it's clear that he is not about to shove us out of the boat without a life vest. 

After a trip to Illinois and several official interviews, we got word that it's a done deal. And as far as I know, Illinois hasn't fallen into the ocean yet. 

And God. Is. So. Good. To. Me. 

When God Intervenes {part two of this story...}

Needless to say, we didn't take the job with the pervy pastor. 

But that didn't keep us me from doubting that I'd heard God's voice. See, a funny thing happens when you think you know what God's doing...and he does something different. You assume you've missed it somewhere. You've messed up. 

And if you're like me, you wallow in the "I'm 33 now I should be able to distinguish God's voice, shouldn't I" of it for days...or, months. 

But in retrospect, when I look back, I realize that God's nudging really was there all along, I just didn't acknowledge it. Because I didn't want to. Because I thought this was it. Because we were so sure. 

Don't get me wrong, I think this whole scenario had to happen. I think God wanted us to check it out, to interview at this place, to inform us in no uncertain terms that "no" means "no." That he will stop us if we start down a path that's not his. I truly believe that, and it's comforted me in every decision we've made since. 

Including the one to move to Loveland for Adam to work for Group. 

We came here ready for something different. Ministry is an amazing thing, but it really can be grueling, and with our young family in tow, we just needed a different life. A different schedule. And we needed to calm our cynical hearts. (Just being honest.) 

See, another lesson that's hard to learn is that God is not found in a person. Or a church. Or in a litany of "things I did good today." And it took moving here to differentiate what God was saying and what people were saying. Often, the two were not the same thing. 

So we came here and three months later, there was a big shake-up at Group. They reorganized and many people lost their jobs, including a bunch from Adam’s department. Thankfully, Adam wasn't one of them. This is an incredible company doing incredible things, but for Adam, his "incredible" is all creative...and this job now didn’t allow for the amount of creativity Adam was looking for. That tends to happen when a team of 10 is cut to a team of 3 and the workload doesn’t change.  

If Adam had been any one of you in this position, I would've said "You need to find something else." And even though part of our livelihood depended on his job, even though I was a bit terrified about what we'd do and why we moved and the whole deal, I knew I couldn't support him staying in a job that he didn't love. 

It's just not how we're wired. 

Turns out, when you're supremely creative (and that's your main gift) checking for commas, periods and misspellings isn't exactly fulfilling. 

So, we started talking about what we did love. What we wanted to do. More than once I said, "What do you really want to do when you think about your days?" Sometimes he shrugged or said "I don't know..." but I started to pay attention and he kept talking about theatre for kids. 

We both missed it. I mean, CYT got into our blood. When we went to see "Tall Tales", the first show we wrote, that's when it really started to sink in what we'd left behind. 

So, here we were, months later, writing another original show for the same organization and feeling like we should be directing it one day. 

And this is where it gets interesting. 

I want to say something that I have absolutely no biblical proof of. At all. But it's what I've discovered in our own lives. Years ago, I overheard someone who was out of work saying "Well, I'm just waiting on God..." (This is truly a wonderful thing to do...and I think it's important to master the art of waiting. It's not in my arsenal of gifts.) 

But in the back of my mind, I remember thinking "But what if God is waiting on you to put in a resume or make some phone calls or get out there and take a step? Could it be that you're not getting your answers because you're not actively pursuing them? 

(As a disclaimer, I also think that sometimes God tells you "sit tight. Wait on me. Trust." So if that's you, ignore this...but in our case...God seems to move when we move.) 

So, we did. We made phone calls and set up meetings. We were going to start our own theatre and music program here. It would be hard and challenging and Adam would have to work another job, but we were dedicated to making it work. Again, we thought this was where God was leading us. 

And it was, but not for the reasons we thought. 

In the middle of all of this, Adam called our friend at CYT-Chicago. Why wouldn't we? They're the leaders when it comes to this kind of program, and we needed guidance and wisdom. They spent a good chunk of time on the phone and then Adam called me (I was out getting the kids)...twice...asking when I was going to be home. 

When I arrived, he pulled me into our room and shut the door. 

He looked at me, this strange little flash in his eyes and said, "Okay...keep an open mind." 

I kind of laughed and said "Oh, what are we moving again?" (as in "ha ha, that'd be just ridiculous...") 

His jaw went slack and he stared at me..."Just...keep an open mind..." 

God was about to shift our path yet again...and as the pieces fell together, it became clearer and clearer and he was answering the prayers of my heart...

God, we want you to use us. Take our lives and make them yours. Show us what you have. Put us in a place where Adam will thrive, where his gifts will be valued and he's able to use them on a daily basis. Help us make an impact in the lives of the people who surround us. 

We had no means to do any of these things...

But God...

When God Says "No" {where this story begins}

So. The dirt. The dish. The lesson(s) in all of this. 

I've been trying to think of the best way to share the story behind this great big change...and I've come up empty. I mean, I want fireworks to emphasize the right points because you know, there were mental fireworks. 

I want you to see how awesome God is...even when you feel lost...because he's still there. Loving us. 

The burden of making that clear is weighing on me right now...I'm not sure why. 

Anyway...I'm going to tell the story in a few different posts because  hindsight is 20/20. I'm starting to see the pieces fall into place, and it's amazing to me the way God has worked this out, how he was there in those moments when I was sure he'd forgotten us. Amazing. 

I mean, shaking-my-head at the computer screen amazing. 

To start with, I want to talk about "When God Says 'No'"...

Before applying at Group, Adam only applied at one other place. A church. We went there. He interviewed. We imagined. And the whole time, I had a PIT in my stomach...I can still remember walking to the bathroom at the end of the service, shutting the door to the stall and crying. 

God, this isn't what I want. 

But I ignored it because of what I thought God was doing. It seemed like He had lined this thing up for us. They wanted Adam. They were creative and valued his creative gifts. They were unique. 

We lay in bed at night running through the possibilities and trying to determine...God, is this what you want us to do? 

There was no booming voice...no fire or brimstone...but we didn't get a "no"...at least, we thought we didn't.

So we landed back in Illinois, making plans to break the news that we were moving. 

But then something happened. Adam had been texting back and forth with the pastor making plans for our future. Plans to take a HUGE step and move away. 

So when his phone buzzed and he got a new text, he asked me to read it because he was driving. (And I should add, that the pit in my stomach had not gone away.) So, I opened the phone to a new text from this pastor.

And it was most certainly NOT a text for my husband. 

I've washed my eyeballs out repeatedly, but cannot seem to get the words (and the image they conveyed) out of my head. 

"Just read it," Adam said. 

"I can't read this out loud." 

Adam frowned. "What's the big deal?" 

I shoved the phone at him and as he read the words, I could tell he thought the same thing I did. 

First, "ew." And second, "What in the world?" 

(I refuse to repeat it, but basically it was a VERY crude text...the kind that would make any girl blush. And not in a good way.)

Adam texted back an "Umm...was this meant for me...?" 

Dear Jesus, I hope not. 

But really, did it matter who the intended recipient was? The issue, in my mind, was the lack of respect and the dirtiness (for lack of a better word) of it. 

The phone rang and the apology came, but the damage had been done.  

The door had been slammed shut. 

I looked at Adam, completely shell-shocked...because while I am a prude, I also believe that there is a respectful way for a husband to talk to his wife. I know married people all have their own way of doing things...but this signified that something was off. Something wasn't safe.

And more than anything, we needed safe.

The rawness in my stomach intensified. 

"Is that a deal-breaker?" I asked. 

Adam shook his head, clearly as stunned as I was and said, "I think it might be." 

We'd been ignoring the signals. We'd been shoving aside the feelings of discomfort, the little inconsistencies, the red flags. We were so sure we knew what God was saying we failed to listen. It's like people who pull a Bible verse out of context when it supports their position, but forget to look at the rest of the chapter. 

That's what we'd done. We were Bruce Almighty begging for answers behind a truck full of "STOP signs"...and yet, we failed to hit the brakes. 

But I think God allowed it because what it did was teach us to trust that gut instinct. To pay attention to the peace...to follow it, no matter how it seems to the rest of the world...to seek it out. And to KNOW that when it wasn't the thing he had for us, he'd shut the door. 

Even slam it. 

Looking back on it now, I see that this incident, though heart-breaking, taught me to trust that God has our best interest at heart. Even when we mess up. Even when we need twenty five different signs. Even when we fail to hit the brakes. 

More than once since then, I've recalled that moment and have been able to remind myself what's been echoing in my head the past several months...

He's got me in the palm of his hand.  

Trust your gut. Follow the peace. And know that even in the darkness...even in the storm...He's got you in the palm of his hand. 

...and this is just the beginning of the story...

 

Yep. We're Moving. Again.

Source

If you've been following our family journey for awhile now, perhaps you remember just two summers ago when we packed up our little family and headed across the country to Colorado. 

Maybe you remember our announcement that after only two years in our Rockford house, we were selling it so we could make said move. 

You may even remember only a few short months ago, how we, after living in a god-awful rental for a year, found a house in Loveland that we loved. And we bought it. 

And found out none of the appliances worked. 

And practically gutted it, replacing flooring and paint and trim...

Going from this:

To this:

From this:

to this:

If you're just joining our journey, then welcome. It's been a wild and crazy ride. 

And it's about to get crazier.

One other thing you might be aware of is our undying affection for Christian Youth Theatre, an organization we've written and directed for for a few years now. I think Adam's first show with them was when I was pregnant with Sam in 2007 and I came on the year after. 

And since our move, it's something we've missed immensely. 

For Sophia too...

(Peter Pan, her first show, 2009)

We miss the kids. We miss the theatre. We miss directing. And most of all, we miss making a direct impact on the lives and self esteem of young people. 

We used to do that for a living, you know. 

Well, today, we're happy to announce that Adam has officially accepted a position as the Artistic Director for CYT-Chicago. And yes, that means, this little family is hitting the road. 

Again. 

I promise I don't really have a lazy eye. 

Or wait. Do I? Do I have a lazy eye and no one is telling me? 

Regardless. 

I honestly cannot WAIT to tell you the amazing story of how God brought us to this point. It's a tale of learning patience, trust and the value of not giving in to the looming mental breakdown. And suffice it to say, God is using it to teach us and build our character... 

But I know what you're thinking...why would you leave Colorado...

For Illinois...

And all I can tell you is that when God moves you, you go. 

We've learned to trust his voice, to go where the peace is.

For us, that means Adam taking this job and us moving back to Illinois. Where? We have no idea. Many things need to fall into place... but life surely has turned into a journey for these homebodies...who seem perfectly incapable of finding a home. 

So...know anyone looking for a house in Loveland, Colorado?

10 Ways To Build Self Esteem in a Child

I feel like a fairly passionate person. At least about some things. I think I'm passionate about theatre and movies and my family. But I'm also passionate about building self esteem in young people. Kids, pre-teens, teenagers. 

It's important to me to have that in my life. The opportunity to say to someone "You really are special" and not sound like a Veggie Tale. 

Perhaps the most important person I am saying that to right now is my daughter, Sophia. She really is special, but as she approaches the dreaded sixth grade year (my most challenging year as a child), I see her struggling with some of the same issues I struggled with. 

Self-doubt and insecurity. 

I'm sure there are moms out there with brilliantly well adjusted children who never question whether or not they're good enough/smart enough/pretty enough...but when those moms wake up from their delusions, I really don't want to be there. 

The truth is, no matter HOW much you build up a child, there's always more building to do. It may seem like you're not getting through or they aren't listening to you, but I promise you they are. And even if they don't get it the first twelve times, maybe thirteen is your lucky number.

It's too risky not to keep trying.

So, because I'm list-girl, I've got a collection of

10 things you can do to build self esteem in a child, regardless of their age.

I've found it works especially well to start the process early and not beat yourself up when you see they need another pep talk.

Remember, you're sending them out there in the world everyday where the positive reinforcement gets harder to hear.

1. Teach her to celebrate her differences. Explain that God made her for a unique purpose and just because she may not be the best person to have on your "Zombie Tag" team, she could be the best person to lead worship in chapel. If YOU celebrate her uniqueness, then she will too. 

2. As often as you can, tell her specifically what you love about her. I prefer to divide this into three areas: 

• A physical feature
• An intellectual feature
• A talent/skill or ability 

I've read that you should focus not on their physical appearance, but I think you have to include it. Let's face it, girls want to be told their pretty. That's just human nature. So tell her, specifically what about her is pretty...but back it up with what makes her pretty as a person. (She is kind. She is selfless. She is creative.)

3. Make HER tell you something she loves about herself in each category. When she gets down, a great way to build her back up is to guide her in the process of finding out what she loves about herself. She will feel like she's bragging. Explain to her that loving yourself isn't haughty as long as you stay humble. She needs to see the good inside her. 

4. Give her a visual representation. Print a photo of her like this one: 

Give her a Sharpie and let her highlight those things on her list. Hang it up somewhere for her to see it, like the bathroom mirror. Feel free to add the things you love too. 

5. Talk to her about your own insecurities. For a long time, I thought it was best to pretend, but I've found that pretending is just phony and no one likes a phony. Be honest with her, but be positive. For instance, I might say, "I always hated that I had these hips..." but I'd follow it up with "Thank God I had them when I gave birth to a baby that was 10 lbs., 2 oz." Sometimes the very things we hate about our bodies are the things that serve a purpose. 

6. Convince her to focus on what she can control. Sophia can get caught up in being the tall girl or the fact that certain clothes look better on her than others. She wants long, flowing curly locks. The sooner she can start accepting the things she has no control over, the better. It's taken me years to realize it really makes no sense to dwell on the fact that I have short legs. 

7. Determine if she's frustrated because she wants to learn something. Is she frustrated because she's not good at something she can learn--and wants to learn? For instance, if all of the girls in her class are learning to play volleyball and she really thinks it looks fun, but the two times she tried she hasn't done very well, how can you help her? Can you sign her up for a camp? Can you give her a fighting chance? Show her you're on her side. 

8. Make sure she sees the airbrushed pictures in magazines. Sophia is too young to read most of the magazines that are airbrushing actresses to look like plastic, but if she realizes now that the photos in those magazines aren't a true representation of real people, I think she'll walk into the next season with her eyes wide open, hopfully unwilling to compare herself to a fictitious representation. THIS LINK has some good examples of before and after pictures.

For example:

(Why can't we let Kelly Clarkson be Kelly Clarkson...super talented phenom?)

9. Talk about what makes her love someone. What things does she admire in her friends/teachers/family members? What does she want to be known for? Guide her so she focuses on kindness, skill, work ethic rather than the way someone looks. Then point out those things are all within her reach. 

10. Explain how God sees her. It's hard to grasp this concept. I can say that because I'm still trying... but if we despise ourselves, it means we despise God's creation. He's an amazing artist who knew just what he was doing when he made her. Show her verses that prove it. 

We love you, Sophia...

The Ditch Your Scale For 30 Days Challenge. {Are You Woman Enough?}

When Adam and I were in children's ministry, I developed a self esteem workshop for girls called "The Beautiful Girl Workshop." We had T-shirts printed that simply said "beautiful girl" across the front. We took the girls to a hotel overnight and poured into them all the great things God says and thinks about them.

My goal was to teach girls at a very young age how very much God loves them... in hopes that down the road they'd remember it, they'd cling to it. They'd know wholeheartedly they had a purpose. 

And I believed every single word. 

Over the last many years, though, it's been clear to me, that it's really easy to believe those things for everyone else...but profoundly more difficult to imagine them for yourself. 

That he knew me before I was born...

That he formed me in my mother's womb...

That the hairs on my head are numbered...(my hair is really thick, I mean, that's no small feat.)

That he really does want what's best for me...

Could it really be true? For me?

And it's also been clear to me lately that by not valuing myself the way God values me, I am, in a way, insulting him. Telling him he made something broken or not good enough...

How many times have I been guilty of sending him that message? (Too many to count.)

Recently, I started another attempt to lose those ten pounds that I can't seem to get rid of. But before I could lose those ten, I had to lose the other five. You know, the ones I put on in the stressed-out times that ensued post-book launch.

I earned those cupcakes. 

I managed to lose six and then I just thought...what am I doing? Killing myself for a few pounds...and then what...obsessing over them to keep them off?

This is not new for me. Anyone who knows me is aware that this has long been my battle.

Food + Courtney = chaos. 

I'm always trying to figure it out...and you know what I've been figuring out lately is that the scale is my boss. When it says what I want it to, I have a great day. 

Source

When it doesn't, my mood is shot. 

Right now, my husband is saying "I've been telling her that for years..."

And all my self worth is wrapped up in these three dumb numbers? Is that really how I want to live my life? 

Do I want to be a grown up with a career and a purpose and still obsessing over the way that scale makes me feel? Because somewhere along the way I've gotten it in my head that the ONLY way I'll ever be good enough is if I weigh this magic number...

But I've been here before...I mean, I've had these thoughts and feelings before...but I don't know...something is different. Maybe I've released those inner demons that want to please everyone else. Maybe I've realized that the people I was trying to please hold no stake in the life I'm building for myself.

Maybe I've discovered that the way I see my kids...that's how God sees me...

I'm not sure this will make sense, but it kind of feels like it's lost its grip on me somehow...

But still, I know I'm not the only one who lets the scale control her, so today, I'm issuing a challenge. 

Here it is...

If you, like me, allow your weight to control other aspects of your life (your mood, your attitude, your self worth, your desire to overeat or undereat...) then perhaps you'll accept.

(You also have to accept it if you are my mother. You know who you are.) 

The Ditch Your Scale for Thirty Days Challenge... 

Yeah, I'm talking to you, Walsh...

Ok. Here are the rules. 

1. I will not. For Thirty Days. Get on the scale. 

I'm not doing this to lose weight. For once in my life, I'm doing it because  I'm tired of feeling so crummy or ignoring my health so much so that I wind up in the hospital. Frankly, I can't afford the ambulance again. 

Break the crazy mental need to weigh yourself to find out how you measure up. 

That said, in order to ensure I feel GOOD and not WORSE in thirty days, I have two more rules:

2. I will not eat anything I'm allergic to. (I know this seems like common sense, but when you're deathly allergic to dairy products it's EASY to stay away...but when you're only moderately allergic to yeast and it takes a few days of eating it to feel the affects, it's easy to convince yourself you can eat it. Then, when you start to suffer and wind up with a complex migraine after three weeks of massive bread consumption, you remember why you stopped eating it in the first place.) 

What can I say? I'm a slow learner.

3. I will employ all the healthy eating habits I've researched and grown to mutually love and hate. This includes, but is not limited to: 

• No refined sugars or flours (I'll be baking mostly with almond flour.)
• Limited starches (they just aren't easy to digest, at least not for me. I may have the occasional sweet potato.)
• Lots of protein, vegetables and fruits (including bananas because while they're higher in sugar I don't care. It grows on a tree.) 
• Nuts and seeds. (I'd like to turn myself into a squirrel.) 
• Little/no soda. (I'd say NONE but I know I'd probably slip up and have to repent. I really struggle to take myself off the soda.) 
• Regular trips to the grocery store. (Which seriously makes me cringe.)

Side Note: I'm not a big fan of diets, and my "rules" are based on what I know about my own body. I've learned that while my husband can eat whatever he wants and never get sick, I don't have that luxury. It's not about comparison...it's about listening to my own body and doing what's best for it. 

So, at the risk of entering into this crazy-scary territory alone, I ask... 

Does anyone out there relate to this or am I the ONLY crazy scale-checker? Will you accept this challenge?

Will you break away from the need to weigh yourself just for thirty days? 

Here's the catch: You have to pay attention during this time to how you feel. How's your mood? How's your attitude? Are you nicer to be around? We can do it, friends! 

Who's with me? (I feel like Mikey Walsh in the Goonies right now. Let's all put our hands in the circle, what do you say?)

Goonies never say die.

Rest is a weapon...

I've learned over the years to trust my gut. It's led me to each next thing I believe God has for me... and so far, I've been able to see how it's served me well. 

I subscribe to the idea that you follow the peace. You fill up on the peace. 

This weekend has been about peace for us and our family. From the second we touched down in the green mecca that is Illinois, my spirit felt at home...and while we've found peace in Colorado on many occasions, there's nothing quite like coming home. 

The truth is, I'm not exactly a restful person. I don't take time off from work the way I should. My brain is never at rest...it's always running, often on overdrive. That's exhausting. 

So being here, letting it fill me up...it's not just a fun little thing to do because we're bored...it's necessity. 

When I had my "episode" with the complex migraine, I think I saw the benefits of slowing down some. Of learning to get my worry under control. And in many ways, our jaunt to Illinois came at a saving time...and I do feel rested because of it. 

And I'm reminded again that Rest is a weapon... 

And hoping that when I return I can let that be my motto. Or at least something I routinely remember...

Do you have trouble resting? What helps you shut your brain off...just long enough to recharge? 

Do you have a place that fills you up?

The Benefit of the Dirt

Everything I've read or been taught about blogging tells me not to go into detail about my kids. "I don't want to hear about your kids' football games," they say, "unless you're famous." 

Which I most certainly am not. 

But I'm a mom, and like most moms, I learn something new everyday...often thanks to my kids. 

I learn to say "I'm sorry..." as in "I'm sorry you can't have Hershey Kisses for breakfast, but those are the rules." OR "I'm sorry you don't want to go to school today, but the law won't allow me to keep you home and for the sake of my own sanity, you're going to school...." OR "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." 

I'm great at apologizing now, thanks to my kids. 

Lately, I've been thinking about my life and how it's not taking the course I'd set it on. It's veering off into it's own direction a little bit...and I fought back for awhile (a long while) and now, finally, I think I'm starting to go with the flow. 

I'm starting to learn a little something, maybe thanks to this guy: 

Ever since Sam was a baby, he's loved to play in the dirt...

(Go ahead, tell me not to blog about my kids...I'll stick my fingers in my ears.) And yes, that is dirt UNDER his pacifier. 

It's got protein in it.

I started thinking, you know, I don't like dirt. I don't like it under my fingernails. I don't like to kneel in it, stand up and have it embedded in my skin. I'm not a fan of it in any form. 

But when I check on my youngest in the back yard and he's doing this:

...grinning while happily getting filthier than filthy, it stops me in my tracks. 

What does he know that I don't know? 

Clearly there's a secret I've yet to uncover. 

So, like any mom in an uber-pensive mood, I start to ponder the point of dirt. It makes things grow. When watered, those things thrive...and it hits me that sometimes you have to get a little dirty...a little mired in muck...to see the green shoot out from the ground. 

And plus, it can be sort of fun to play in. 

We all go through seasons...transitions...changes...and boy am I ever riding the roller coaster of change right now...but somehow, I feel like there's something new being cultivated. In the dirt of it (the ugly part), something's been planted that I have a responsibility to water and care for. 

And if I'm too afraid to get my hands dirty, it'll never happen. 

So if you're stuck in the dirt right now, go ahead and dig around for awhile...I have a feeling there are answers waiting to be uncovered...

What about you? Do you ever feel like you're in a season of change? Do you welcome it or do you, like me, fight back until finally you reach a place of surrender? (C'mon stubborn friends, 'fess up! We can form a club...)

A New Way to Journal {And Some Winners!}

I wish I could ask my mom not to read this post, but I know she's the nosy type and would never comply. 

I want to tell you about something we're doing over at Webster's Pages. You know, when I started working there, Brandin told me not to blog about something unless I felt really strongly about it. You know, she didn't want me to turn myself into a Webster's Pages commercial. 

Thing is, I blog for Webster's Pages 3-4 times a week, and I could STILL find things to tell you about here on my blog...but I try to keep it all in check because, you know, I don't want to turn myself into a commercial for Webster's Pages. 

Anyway, this particular product is near and dear to my heart because I've gotten to be a part of it since the beginning...I've gotten to understand the process of conceptualizing a product and watch as it morphed into something unique and special and yes, simple. 

See, a few years ago, I wrote this book: 

I wrote it because I'd spent a lot of time trying to convince people to take up scrapbooking...but in all my badgering I realized something...

The number one reason people don't do it is because they're busy. 

So, I started thinking to myself..."You know, I'm busy too... and I don't really have time to spend hours on a scrapbook layout. How can we make this simpler?" 

The results of that brainstorm are in this book...(which you can get at amazon right now for just $8!!)

Now, I feel like we've taken it one step further with this new program called {blueprints*}. 

Incidentally, every time I type that word, I type "bluepritns" Every. Single. Time. 

Ok...feast your eyes...

So, this is what it is. 

A journal. This one is called "A Mother's Love." Inside are pages to write answers to the prompts we'll be posting on the Webster's Pages website every day starting April 12th. 

You'll finish just in time to wrap it up and give it to your mom for Mother's Day. Or, you can choose the prompts that are geared toward YOU being a mom...and save it for your own kids. 

It's like, the very easiest way to get your memories down into one place. 

Add photos where and when you want to (just stick them down, there's no pressure here...) 

The journal comes with an Embellishment pack and there are envelope pages to hold things like cards and pictures...You can snag your own HERE. 

I have to warn you though, there's a VERY limited supply and they've already started moving out of the warehouse. I'm going to be participating in this, answering my own prompts and giving some thought to this whole motherhood gig. 

Wanna come along?? :) 

***

Now it's time to finally tell you who the winners of the Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge are. This was HARD. I had to call in reinforcements to finally find winners. You guys are amazing. 

You can click HERE to find out more about the prizes, and thank you to everyone who played along! 

So, here they are...the WINNERS of the Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge! 

The Grand Prize Winner is...

Nicole Brenna with her take on Leslie Ashe's "Just Meant to Be Friends" layout. I absolutely love the little flags belowt he photo and the way Nicole wrapped her photo in twine. Love it! And the photo is adorable. 

First Place Goes To:

Laura Cox with her "Summer Traditions" layout. I love the way the waves swirl up over the journaling block, and capturing her boys in the same place at two different ages is just brilliant. 

Second Place Goes To:

Ann Jobes with her "Sweet as Honey" layout. I think the popped out honeycombs won me over, and the colors on this layout are so adorable. 

So, Nicole, Laura and Ann, send me your addresses so I can get your prizes out to you pronto! You can see some of the prizes in THIS POST but it's going to mostly be a surprise! Because who doesn't love a surprise? 

I have to add that I've chosen three additional Honorable Mentions. I wish I had prizes for these, but I did want to show them off because I LOVE them (and I really loved all of the entries! So much talent!) 

In no particular order...

"Sun Kissed Cheeks" by Emilia Van Den Heuvel...

"Capture Moments" by Kate Barber:

And "Never Say Never" by Naomi M.

Thanks to everyone who played along! I had so much fun...and I'm going to have even MORE fun sending out prizes! 

Happy Wednesday! Make it happier and (Go get you a {blueprints*} journal!)

In the Knowing...

I want to explain everything I'm thinking right now, but I find myself in the rare position of not being able to do that. Usually I'm just an open book and I like to muddle through the meanderings of my mind with you...

But some journeys are solitary and some problems you have to work out in the quiet of the night. 

Sometimes you can see how the things God's teaching you affect your children...and that's a hard thing to take. 

Sometimes I feel angry for it. 

When I wipe their tears, ones I wish I could cry myself, it makes me angry as much as it does sympathetic. 

Angry at circumstances that should be different. Angry that everything doesn't work out like your favorite song. Angry that lately I've been living on a steady diet that includes coffee and Aleve because my body isn't cooperating. 

And other times, I'm willing to move forward...because I know on the other side of the valley there's a forest of green, filled with exactly what I need. 

There are moments in the journey where I feel stuck, like a shoe that's come off in the mud. And in that state stuck-ness, I'm learning to listen rather than talk. I'm learning to run to HIM instead of people. It's easier to run to people because often, they say what I want to hear. 

Sometimes He doesn't. 

His answer is always the same. 

Trust. 

Sometimes it comes in the form of a question. Do you trust me? 

And I sort of scoff my "Of course I trust you..." as doubts swirl around my head like a cloud of dust kicked up by tires travling a dirt road. 

Of course I trust Him. I know there's much learning to be done in the desert...

But do I trust him to work it out? I did last week, what's changed? Am I that quick to forget? 

It strikes me that sometimes the landscape here in Colorado looks like this:

No mountains. They're covered by fog and even though you know they're there, you can squint for days and not find them...

And then something shifts. Some slight change...

And there they are. Clear as day. 

Could it be that it's like that with God's blessing? With the answers to my prayers?

Could it be that it's more about my focus, what I'm choosing to fill my days thinking on? That it's a choice to be positive and hopeful...?

Why isn't my knowing He'll take care of me as strong as my knowing that mountain is there behind that thick cloud?

If I KNOW he wants the best for me, if I KNOW the mountain really is there, whether I can see it or not, that it's just going to take a bit longer for the clouds to move away, for the fog to lift, before I can see them clear as day again? 

It's often in the fog that I lose my way...

Praying I can see through it today with a fresh pair of eyes...

***

ETA: Picking the Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge Winners today! I'm notoriously indecisive but having so many amazing entries SURE isn't helping anything! You guys made this impossible for me!!

Being Present

When you're pregnant, it seems there's a ton of advice out there floating around, doesn't it? Also, everyone wants to touch/rub/speak to your belly. 

Being the non-touchy-feely person I am, this never went over very well with me. 

I used to say I wished they came with an instruction book...because when I brought Sophia home from the hospital, I sure didn't know what I was doing. 

This weekend, she turned eleven. And I thought about all the people who told me it would go in the blink of an eye. It's my least favorite thing that older people say. It makes me feel like no matter what I do, I'm going to miss out on something. 

I get it. It goes fast. But what good does it do to reiterate what we all already know? That she'll be independent before I know it? That I can't keep her from growing up? 

That one day, she won't be my baby...she'll be my friend. 

This weekend, time stopped...for her. And I'm so glad it did. We didn't work. We didn't write. We (Adam) didn't compose. We were fully engaged. Fully present. 

...and sometimes I think that's why time moves so quickly...because we're not really paying attention. It's like driving across town, reaching your destination and having little memory of how you got there. 

I realize it's fleeting...this is why I scrapbook. It's why I journal. It's why I keep this blog... so one day I can look back and remember the days that turned into months that turned into years... and I can smile on the other side of it. 

Smile to think of all the adventures she's had so far...New schools. New friends. Discovering she loves to lead worship. Discovering we have a love of theatre in common (it's important to find common ground, I think...) 

Discovering her own personal relationship with her Heavenly Father...and her sweet relationship with her earthly one. 

And how many more adventures she has ahead of her...eleven years feels long and makes me feel old...and yet, it's just a drop in the bucket. She has so much to explore. 

 

For now, my plan is to be more engaged. To look into her eyes more often. To realize that when she gets out of bed at night, she's not always stalling...sometimes this is the best time to talk to her. 

That when she asks if I want her to sing to me, it's often because she can sense I had a rotten day.
This is her way of cheering me up. 

That she is going to grow up, whether I like it or not...and so far, she's proven that she's going to do that in a beautiful way. 

That she needs to be independent. It's okay. I was too. 

That it's important to bring out her silly side...and often the best way to do that is to find mine. 

That when she has a revelation about God, I most certainly will stop and listen to it...often he uses her to teach me something I need to hear. 

That she is sweet in so many ways...

Happy Birthday to my amazing eleven-year-old beauty. 

It may go fast, but I'm going to tune in to every little moment...

In the Land of Doubt...

Last night we did our taxes. Right now, we're living on a pretty strict budget. We've got things worked out. I have a plan.  

That plan includes looking at everything we're spending and realizing that when you spend almost $4 at Sonic's Happy Hour each day (as an after school treat), you're spending $80 a month on drinks. 

$80! Really?!! 

That's one habit we've broken...we'll make it an occasional treat. No one needs that many limeades (diet or otherwise) anyway. At least that's what I'm telling myself. 

Having to pay in to both Federal and two different state taxes was not part of my plan. And while for a fleeting moment, I thought "I'm sure it'll be okay..." 

Something else took over. That something? Doubt. 

The kind that niggles at you as you're trying to fall asleep. The kind that won't go away, won't leave you be. The kind that demands your attention. 

So I did what any freaked out, doubtful wife would do and I kept Adam from sleeping for at least an hour, lamenting over that thing that always seems to freak.me.out. 

Money. 

Throughout the course of the conversation, Adam, in all his nonchalance (which is equal parts helpful and annoying) claimed that it would all be okay. "There's always more money to be made." I rolled my eyes, having no place for his optimism. I wanted to wallow. I wanted to dig my heels in and fret. 

I wanted to worry. 

And at one point, I listened to the words coming out of my mouth and discovered something clear as day...(and Adam pointed it out just after I said it, so that was, you know, equal parts helpful and annoying.) 

But for me...money = security. 

My security isn't wrapped up in the provision God's promised...it's wrapped up in money. 

Ouch. 

But beyond that, I think part of my problem is that I don't believe God wants to do good for me. It's like I'm back to that being afraid to hope thing. I'm back to waiting for the other shoe to drop...and I think this morning I discovered why. 

Here's the ugly truth. People will let you down. Even Christians. Even church leaders. Even the righteous. Even the people you love most. We all let each other down--intentionally, unintentionally, whatever the reason...

A lack of character. A lack of integrity. A lack of follow-through or honesty or whatever it is. 

Or we're just busy and scattered...we've all got our excuses. 

Because we're all people. 

And I'm starting to realize that the one grave mistake I've made is that I've been attributing human characteristics to GOD. 

So, imagine my surprise this morning, when after a visit to Jill Savage's blog, I discovered this:

"God is not man, one given to lies, and not a son of man changing his mind. Does he speak and not do what he says? Does he promise and not come through? I was brought here to bless;
and now he's blessed - how can I change that?"

-- Numbers 23:19-20

And yes, I was completely convicted by it. 

Does he not speak and do what he says? Does he not promise and come through? 

He's not like the rest of us...sinners who hurt each other...he's GOD. He's here to bless...nothing we do can change that. 

Once again, I'm turning my eyes toward heaven, begging for forgiveness for my own disbelief and asking that somehow I can put my HOPE in HIM and not in the things of the earth, not in the things around me. 

Are you with me? Have you been where I am today? Have you made the mistake of putting your hope in the wrong thing or expecting God to disappoint the way people do? 

Do tell. 

A Manifesto

It's the middle of the day on a weekend and I'm sprawled on my bed with a pile of books surrounding me. In them, I expect I'll find the answers to all my questions from those who've gone before. 

Those who've studied and dove in head-first. Those experts. 

I believe in what they say, so I read with a highlighter in my hand, clean pages of a new notebook at my side. I'm poised and ready for wisdom to hit me. 

But the longer I sit and the more I read, the more I feel this odd sensation bubbling up inside me. The idea that maybe the answers aren't out there at all. Maybe, just maybe, the answers are already inside me, but it would take me being quiet to hear it. 

I set the two open books on my lap down on the bed and grab the plain white pages of the open notebook. I smooth my hand over the top page and close my eyes, inhaling the words that are boiling in my belly. 

I need those words, so I quiet my mind...and then, almost furiously, it comes. 

And I write: 

***

Your life isn't about working a job. The daily grind. Making ends meet.

Your life is about leaving a legacy. Using your gifts. Glorifying God.

Your purpose isn't to make someone else's dreams come true while your own dreams get farther and farther away...buried somewhere under files of paperwork or inbox messages clamoring for your attention. 

Your life is about something bigger...

About taking what you've learned (in all these years of being safe) and using it to challenge the status quo. 

Who strives to be mediocre? 

Not you. 

Step up. Step out. Be BOLD. take a risk. Put fett to your vision. Pound the pavement. Live on mac 'n cheese. Do what it takes. 

You get one chance to make this life look like the one you're dreaming of. 

So what are you waiting for? What are you so afraid of? 

Work hard. Make a difference. Speak truth.

Be real. 

And keep God at the center of it all. 

it's time to create something for yourself. 

To give back. To inspire. 

So go ahead. The legacy is yours to leave. 

***

My mind stills. My hand pauses. I'm finished writing.

The answers were inside me all along...and I know what I must do...

What Made My Launch Party REALLY Special...

Hi, I'm Courtney, and welcome to my launch party. 

First of all, I would like to say that this is my favorite photo from the whole event. Me, looking dorky while Lyndsey tests the settings on her camera? Priceless. 

This post will likely be quite random. I showed you yesterday all the details of the party (which were amazing)...and today I get to share a bit about what really made it so special to me...the people. 

First, THIS is Lyndsey. When she's not kicking butt in the Crossfit gym or wrangling her four wee-ones, she's working serious magic with the camera...(check out her website HERE...if for no other reason than to listen to the song...it's super catchy.) 

Lyndsey is one of the first people I met in Colorado...and she has family in little Dixon, Illinois, my hometown...and her mom lives in Rockford, where I lived for almost twelve years. 

What are the odds of that? 

I adore this girl. And her photos are fabulous...and she came to my party and captured the entire event for me on film...how do I possibly thank her enough? 

*All photos in this post are Lyndsey's. She is pure genius. 

I wish I had a photo of everyone who came to celebrte with me, but sadly there just wasn't time...each person who showed up is etched in my memory, which is oozing with gratitude. 

I felt so grateful the entire night...

I was surprised when I saw my grandma walk through the door. She'd been in an accident the week before, but there she was...and I'm so happy she came. 

These are my girls. When I think back on my earliest friendship memories, these are the girls who are there...I went to high school with them, and even though I was a year younger, they adopted me and became my best friends. 

I haven't seen them in FAR too long (since college, maybe?)

...and as I stood with them, in my heart, I wondered, like the women in my novel, HOW did I let myself fall out of touch with them? HOW did I not make sure I stayed in their lives? 

Do they know how much I love them? Even when we don't get to talk every day (or even every year?) My only regret is that I didn't get to take them all out for coffee the next morning and catch up on everyone's lives...do you have friends like that? Ones you haven't seen in so long you're afraid to reconnect? 

Just call them. I think you'll be happy you did...

I was so shocked/happy/surprised/elated when my blog buddy turned real life friend turned up in Rockford for the festivities...Shannan and I met last year when she joined me for the ACFW conference in St. Louis. You can read about that joyous weekend HERE. 

She didn't even get upset with me when she tried to talk to me and I didn't respond because I had ear plugs in. Or when I spilled salad all over the salad bar. Or whipped a giant jug of Coffeemate out of my equally giant purse. 

True friendship right there. If you don't know Shannan, get to know her. You won't regret it. 

My Uncle Tim, who is an Illinois State Senator, rushed in the door looking all dapper and Senatorial. (Is that a word?)

He and my Aunt Terri have been at every major holiday and family function I can remember. I was so grateful they were there. Especially because I know how busy they are, what with all their political gallavanting and all...

My immediate family was out in full effect too...keeping me company, and in my dad's case, staying up way past his bedtime...

My brother and his family were there, but photos of my brother are sparse...he snuck out without my knowing it...and my sister yakked it up all night long...

(Isn't she purty?) 

My girl was there...but my boys opted to spend their evening otherwise engaged. I actually asked Ethan if he'd want to come and he said, "Um, that doesn't sound like very much fun to me." 

At least he's honest...

And, of course, Adam was there, bulging disk (disc? Will I ever know which way to spell it?) and all...

Looking back on those few weeks leading up to the party, I'm floored by the number of random things that pulled our attention...things like Adam's back and the threat of him having to stay home...it really was hard not to let that steal my joy. Thankfully, he muscled his way through it and is now fully upright. 

And that slight look of angst has left his face. 

Overall, it was a night I'll never forget...

And as we flew back to Denver, it occurred to me that I'll never have that kind of party, that kind of signing, that kind of support anywhere else in the world...because those are the people who've always known me...who knew me when I was a little dreamer and didn't discourage me from going after the crazy idea in my head. 

(This is my beautiful friend, Kim, who is expecting her first baby VERY soon...and her sister Jennifer and Jennifer's sweet daughter...who seemed to like the book...)

(Have you been to Sweethaven? It's a sweet little ride!) 

And while making new friends is one of my very favorite things to do, I can't forget these old friends... because they made me feel like launching my debut novel was really something to celebrate. 

And for that, I am eternally grateful. 

What about you? Do you have a place where you can go where you always feel uplifted and supported? Tell me about it...it'll make me smile...

The Launch Party {And the Event Planner of my dreams...}

I considered myself a fairly detailed person, however, when it comes to party planning, interior design or getting myself dressed in the morning, the details are often better left to other people. People with a flair for these things.

People like Lauren Wave Delamater.  (Click her name to visit her site!)

I've known Lauren for several years now. I got to take her engagement photos (seriously, how hard is it to take photos of people this beautiful? The answer: Not very.) 

Her mom is someone I consider my mentor, the woman who gave me the health kick in the pants I needed and helped me discover I have food allergies. 

She also gave me a lot of courage to set boundaries and tune in to what God was saying back when what he was saying was a little bit scary. (Not so unlike what he's been saying recently.) 

Lauren recently had a baby, but thankfully she is still planning events (like weddings, parties of all kinds and, in my case, the entire weekend of my launch.) 

Lauren was in the details. 

She suggested I do the signing at Barnes and Noble. She got me on television and in two different newspapers. She then turned her attention to the actual launch party, and let me just tell you... I didn't have to think of anything. Lauren did it all. 

*Photos in this post were taken by Lyndsey Lewis of LyndseyLew Photography...

When you're a busy working mom who is flying to a different state to launch a book, this is invaluable. 

She listened to what I wanted, read an early copy of my book and then planning her ideas with mine...and she did the most amazing job. 

She also found a great deal on these gorgeous tulips (which have special significance to Campbell...and to me...) 

No detail went unnoticed. 

From outside, The Next Picture Show looked like it was THE place to be...and it was. We had a ton of fun! (And the food was really good too!) 

I put together a couple of big baskets for giveaways/door prizes and everyone could drop their name in the basket for a chance to win. It was fun because people I knew won the baskets...and you know I love to give presents. 

I sat behind the table most of the night, but I had great company...

And around the corner, out of my view, this was going on...

Chatting, eating, hanging out, reconnecting...it was everything I could've hoped for...

Overall, I feel SO thankful I had someone like Lauren to take care of the details, to handle the little things (and many big things...) it saved me SO much headache. I walked in just before the party started and left on Cloud Nine. 

If you're in the Rockford/Dixon, Illinois area and you need an event planner, I cannot recommend this one high enough. She is professional, detailed and stayed on top of everything that I would've let fall through the cracks. Thank you so much, Lauren, for being such a huge blessing and helping my party go off without a hitch! 

(Thank you Aunt Terri for snapping this photo of Lauren and I! She was busy when Lyndsey was taking the last of our pics!) 

...when can we do it again? 

My First Book Signing {A Recap}

*All photos in this post were taken by the amazing LyndseyLew Photography. If you live in the Fort Collins area or in the Rockford, Illinois area, hire her!

Check out her website here.

In February, not even a week after my book officially launched, I got to go back to Illinois to celebrate. My event planner, Lauren, set up a book signing for me at the Barnes and Noble in Rockford where I wrote the majority of the first book in the Sweethaven series. 

It seemed appropriate then, that this would be the place where I'd come to rejoice in its completion. 

(my friend Kelly, who you can't see...she is gorgeous, talented and sweet...and I haven't seen her in years.)

I was nervous the entire flight there and all day leading up to the signing (partially because of the TV interview Lauren scored for me...which was EARLY in the morning and totally fun!)...but also because I kind of had that "what if no one shows up" feeling in the back of my mind...

Like planning a party and then praying people actually come. 

(my good friend Sheree, the most fabulous singer you'll ever meet...who cracks me up every time I see her. I love this girl.)

I can tell you without a doubt that there is nothing like coming home. Especially when you have something to celebrate. To be with people who were there when you decided "Hey, I think I'm going to write a novel..." people who didn't look at you like you had an arm growing out of your head...

(We can be sort of serious. Sort of.)

People who read early drafts and still cheered you on...who brought you gifts and stayed at the signing the entire day just because...and then told you they missed you and they were proud of you...

(My sweet friend Ronnie who is my constant cheerleader. What would I do without her?)

And while I know I've blogged about CYT before, perhaps I didn't realize the impact these kids had on me until we moved. Going to my first book signing opened my eyes to how very much I miss working with these guys...(they are SO talented...) 

(Evan, JoJo and Peyton...all part of our Godspell cast...and these boys actually purchased my book for their moms. Seriously? I love them.)

I also love that they keep me laughing...and asked me to sign their arms.

I obliged, of course.

These kids (and their parents) won me over a long time ago, and being back to launch my book reminded me of how special it was...I think I miss that side of our life more than anything else. 

There's just something about being able to encourage them when they're at this age... I honestly can't write about it unless I want to end up a blubbering mess here at my computer. 

And I don't...so I'm moving on...

(Patty & Natalie, the Super-Moms who brought Alex, Addison, Hannah and Kelsey out to say hi...)

...when they remember you and support you and come out to snag a photo with you...

(Hannah, who thought I might not remember her...but I did (and I do.))

What an incredible experience...and a sweet reminder of how amazing the support of your friends and family can be. All those "what if's..." washed away. I had people to talk to the entire time, a line down the center of the store and we sold out of books...

Jesus is so sweet to me...

I left feeling exhausted, of course, but uplifted and grateful more than anything. 

I'll never have a "first book signing" ever again...and I have to tell you, I couldn't have dreamt for a better one. 

I flew home the next day with a full heart, completely aware of what Gena Rowlands meant in Hope Floats when she said "my cup runneth over..." 

Because it surely did. 

Words That Speak

I confess. I'm a word nerd. I love words. I love to string them together to evoke emotions. What can I say? I'm a writer. 

But I also love how words can encourage and uplift...and I'm not above encouraging and uplifting myself. We all need a little pick-me-up every now and then. Today I want to share with you a tiny little book I created full of words and reminders that I often need. A little positive self-talk never hurt anyone. 

This book started with a few digital layouts. I used this Kitschy Digitals kit from jessicasprague.com (Click on the image to check it out.)

I thought of them like little cards, so they're small, like 2.5"x3.5" and I used the same basic design for each one. It made everything simpler.

So this is what the cards looked like:

I chose words that spoke to me. Words that really get me out of any funk I might be in. You could easily do this with Bible verses, words of wisdom, notes to yourself...anything that speaks to you. 

The trouble with digital is that they do you no good unless you print them out. And I knew I wanted these cards to be carry-aroundable. 

What? It's a word. 

So, I went for a hybrid mini album. I made the booklet by hand using accordian-folded cardstock which I covered with print-outs from my digital kit. 

Very simple little booklet, but powerful for me...because the words are powerful. 

What words speak to you? Have you put them in a place of importance to help you remember them? And isn't it funny how we often forget them, choosing instead to focus on other words...like can't or who do you think you are? or you'll never...? 

There has to be better words than these, don't you think? 

And also, tomorrow is the last day to enter the Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge! Are you entered?? Click HERE for details on how your art can win you big prizes!!

 

Out of Focus

Recently, I had coffee with a couple of my friends. Friends I prayed for when we moved here because I knew I would need good, solid, God-loving friends if I was going to survive a cross-country move. God answered in spades. 

And as a side note, I've never understood what that phrase meant. "In spades?" Where did that come from and who decided spades were plentiful? I don't have a single one to my name. 

I was updating my friends on a couple of current situations in my life...a life which has, by many accounts, not gone according to my plan as of late. I have a laundry list of things that have gone wrong, in fact, and could recite it as easily as I can recite the entire Preamble to the Constitution. 

Don't test me. I really can. Along with all the presidents in order. (I had a really good sixth grade teacher.)

And as I told them some of the cool, miraculous, Big God things going on, one of my friends kind of shook her head and wondered aloud why it was that everything seemed to fall into place for me. 

I think the idea of it gripped me because lately I've felt more than ever that we are under a crazy mountain of eveyrthing-that-could-go-wrong-does.

I've wallowed and lamented. The only thing missing from my outbursts of grief were the sackcloth and ashes. 

I've been a mess. 

Let me rephrase. I've allowed myself to feel like a mess.

Yet, as we talked, to my friend, it seemed like everything was going swimmingly...

Somewhere along the way, I'd gotten out of focus. I think it's the lists... the ones of everything that's gone wrong. As if somehow it's going to prove my point and make me feel better to whip out my scroll and recount all the ways things are NOT going my way. And while I may not share these things aloud, inside, this is what I've chosen to focus on. 

This is what I've chosen to focus on? 

Why? 

Why on earth do I tattoo these things on my forehead rather than letting them go and instead turning my face towards all the things that God is working out for us? 

This weekend, Adam and I watched Clash of the Titans. I'd never seen it, despite recently having finished a script for a musical production of Hercules (which really has nothing to do with Clash of the Titans except that the gods are the same in both stories...) But it's funny what I found myself wondering about as I watched. 

1. Does Liam Neeson really glow like that? (And incidentally, I also wondered if Ralph Fiennes "Hades" reminded anyone else of Voldemort...)

2. Why doesn't the guy from Avatar get more big parts? He's kind of awesome. 

3. Why was there no love story in this movie? Methinks Perseus should've fallen in love...

And most importantly:

4. Could I learn something about God from this portrayal of Zeus? 

Clearly the greek gods are very different from the one true God, but I found it interesting how Zeus allowed Hades to reek a bit of  havoc on mankind in hopes that mankind would pray to him again. I've always been taught that God doesn't bring bad things our way. He doesn't inflict harm. He's a loving God...but still, the Bible is clear that there will be trials. We have to suffer. We have to learn. 

We don't have to like it. 

But in those trials, we have a choice. We can whine, complain, don the sackcloth and ashes. We can do those things in spades, even...OR we can pray and refocus. We can instead choose to focus to the many ways that God is working it out for us... 

Interestingly enough, in the movie, Zeus tried to help Perseus. He even appeared to him and begged him to accept his help. But Perseus was proud and refused him...at least at first. It got me thinking about how many times my vision has been out of focus so much that I've rejected God's help. 

It made me wonder if maybe things weren't all going wrong, the way I'd originally allowed myself to believe. 

Perhaps I simply need to refocus...and see everything a little clearer. 

Do you think I'm a heathen for using the image of Liam Neeson to illustrate? my faith walk? C'mon, be honest...

The Quick Drive to Boulder

To say I needed a weekend of rest would be a tremendous understatement. I've started to see something about myself that I'm not sure how to change...I tend to internalize everyone else's stress (along with my own.) What's that about? 

So, if Adam is stressed, I take that on, make it mine. I give it a home and a place to set up shop. I've got to stop doing that. I have to learn that other people--even people I love--can handle their stresses. 

Awhile back, Adam went on a video shoot down in Boulder. They filmed a girl jumping out of an airplane. But what stuck with Adam wasn't the skydiving adventure so much as the drive home from Boulder... a drive that runs you parallel to the mountains.

And while it is really brown here right now, there's just nothing like the mountains on a beautiful day. And Saturday was perfect. We all hopped in the car and went for a drive...because we'd never been to Boulder before.

And because we needed to rest. relax. recharge. 

Boulder was different right off the bat. I knew it wasn't going to be a typical town when I saw these: 

They look like little sheds, but I'm pretty sure they were some kind of eco-homes. Tiny and all in a row. Naturally, I started wondering about the people who lived up there...how were their lives different from ours? 

Did they get out and recharge on the weekends? And why had it been so long since I'd allowed myself to do that?

We knew we wanted to make our way downtown to Pearl Street:

There's several blocks with brick sidewalks and beautiful shops and restaurants, and I knew instantly I'd never been anywhere quite like it. 

We were met by some interesting sights...Like a man sprinting down the block in a dress:

(I wondered if this was some sort of fraternity prank, but the dude didn't look like he was in college.) 

And this, which I feel is self explanatory:

We parked the car and started walking...and I loved that my kids got to see all the different artistic things going on downtown. All kinds of street musicians and performers, a creepy dude making balloon animals, a kid playing a mean violin...

This guy, whose instrument of choice was a didgeridoo...

And these two, who drew quite a crowd with their music...(I'm tempted to tell you these are xylophones, but as sure as I do someone will tell me they are some much more interesting instrument...anyone know??)

We also got to see some pretty amazing architecture and art. The entire downtown area looked liked something out of a movie. 

And while we didn't buy anything except lunch, and we didn't stay for hours and hours, the time away, unplugged, was exactly what we needed. It was like a mini-vacation right in the middle of the weekend. 

And once again, Adam and I were wondering "Why don't we do this more often?" 

I think they were wondering the same thing...

Sweet Jesus...And the Little Victories...

I'm considering having Sophia blog for me when I get stuck in a rut. (Kind of like I am right now.) Her new blog would've had twelve entries in it yesterday if I'd let her. I caved and gave her a blog. I get to approve all the comments and watch her like a hawk, but HERE is the link to my daughter's little spot on the web. 

I make no promises, but her post about being beautiful almost made me cry. 

As for me, I've been stuck in a Wonder-Funk. Last week at this time, I thought I was having a stroke and it's taken me the entire week to recover. I won't bore you wtih the details of not being able to get the neurologist to return my calls or the residual headache that loves to hang around and play...or the genius that is the chiropractor...I'll just say that perhaps that whole episode scared me a little more than I originally thought. 

You know, people often say "Life is short" or "It goes so fast" or "No one knows how much time they really have..." and I think there's still a part of me that has that That'll never happen to me attitude. But this little episode was a reminder of how precious it is when you see that these things really do come out of left field. A reminder to stay close to my Maker...in sickness and in health. 

My writer friend Kellie says something that I don't even know if she realizes...but she says "That Jesus, he's so sweet to me..." 

This is her book. Click on it to find out  more about Kellie...(and her fabulous story...)

Twice now, I've been on the phone with her, and that phrase just jumps out at me every time she says it. It makes me smile. It's the kind of thing I'd write into one of my stories...someone should say that, shouldn't they? 

But those words have kept coming back to me this week. Comforting somehow...I'm not going to lie, there's been a lot of things in our life lately that have tackled us when we weren't looking. Every day, it's been something new, and when that happens, it's easy to lose your footing...it's easy to focus on the everything that's going wrong. 

And a  person can only handle so much. 

But then...Jesus does something sweet for you. And you see all this hope swirling around and you realize that he never left your side. Even though, maybe it felt like it. 

Yesterday I got to do an interview with WMBI out of Chicago. The program was called "This is the Day" and the host, Nancy Turner, transitioned into my portion with a story that I kind of think was just for me. It was about a boy whose grandma reminded him that when a potter is molding clay, he never takes his hands off of it. 

Never. 

While it spins, the potter molds and shapes and peels away the excess...and that's what God's been doing with me...little by little...I can't tell you I've liked every step of the process, but trial brings perseverance and perseverance brings character and characters brings hope...

I guess sometimes you just have to squint to see the hope...but once you find it, that's where the focus should be. 

On the sweet things Jesus does for you. 

Life is about little victories...what are yours today? What keeps you from focusing on them?

Five Things NOT To Do When You’re "The New Kid at School"

Sophia's first day as the "new kid" after our move to Colorado. Fourth Grade. 2010.

Sophia is quite busy being bored this week. She sent Adam an email explaining why she should have a blog, and I admit, she was quite convincing (despite her typo): 

"I think that i am olf enough to have a blog. Mom was saying that you can get a password so just your friends can look?? Please! I am responsible enough and i have nothing to do with all my creative genius." 

When I was younger, I remember putting together a full-on presentation to convince my parents why I should be allowed to attend public high school rather than stay at my small, Christian school. After I convinced them and started at the new school I tried to convince them to send me back. 

They said no. 

I digress. 

My point is, my daughter, who is on spring break, has decided that this is the perfect time to start a blog. As a trial run, I've asked her to do a guest blog here on my happy little virtual home. Having been the new kid at school not once, but twice in the last two years, Sophia thought she might be able to offer a bit of advice for other "new kids" out there. 

(I am not going to edit it, and I'd like you to notice the tone of voice she gives her mother.)

(Sophia's first day as the new kid at her current school. Fifth Grade. 2011.)

So without further ado, I give you my almost 11-year-old daughter's

"Five Things NOT to do When You're the New Kid at School." 

 1.    Don’t paint your nails with your new black Crackle nail polish the day before school or (if your mom is like mine,) you might have a conversation like this:

 “Sophia, go take that nail polish off.”

“But Mom, It isn’t even dry yet!”

“Well, good. Then you won’t have to use up the nail polish remover. It costs a lot of money you know.”

“Why can’t I wear it?”

“We don’t want the people at your new school thinking you’re Goth!”

“MOM! It has bright pink underneath it!”

“I don’t care. Go remove it or I take your iPod.”

“UGH.”

This is from personal experience. So, if you don’t want your iPod taken away, then you should wait until the week after school starts to be cool.

2. Don’t wear a dress and try to climb on the top of the monkey bars, even if your friends tell you to. Because, you finally get up there, then they tell you to do a flip off, and you do, not only will you land flat on your face because you can’t move your legs apart, you will not notice that everyone, even the football boys, saw your underwear. They were from 2005. And about 3 sizes too small. Yeah. Embarrassing.

3. Don’t draw pictures in your journal during Bible time unless you are an amazing artist. Your new friend might want to see what you drew, but it might be completely pathetic and you think she might not be your friend if she saw. Well, you thought right. You sat by her at lunch, and she didn’t acknowledge you. Oh well, you think. You get up and sit by some other people. You’ve been friends with them ever since. Yay! Happy ending!

4. Don’t tell everyone that your favorite song is “Just the way you are” by Bruno Mars. You might get in trouble with the teacher for singing the bad parts in the middle of class. At the top of your lungs. Let’s not forget to mention it was during a test. Yup. A test. Indoor recess for you.

5. Never, never, ever, NEVER bring yogurt to school while wearing your best dress. When you open the top, it usually splurts out a nice little hello all over whatever is in front of it. So if you open it towards your chest it says hello all over your favorite dress. Wonderful, right?!

There you have it. Advice you can use.  

If you've learned nothing else, you now know that I 1. Routinely threaten to take her iPod away and 2. Think nail polish remover is "really expensive." 

Ah, the stuff you can learn...

My First MRI...nothing glamorous about this at all...

I try not to be an alarmist. It's not in my nature to call an ambulance or rush to the hospital. It's more like me to google or WebMD my questions...and then make my own deductions. 

But sometimes even Dr. Courtney needs a second opinion. 

(And I hope you heard the sarcasm in that last sentence.) 

Friday was Dream Day. I'd planned to paint and journal and dream. I had everything set out. After I finished my blog, I was going to read my Bible and then spend the day doing things I hadn't done in months...but my day went quite a bit differently than I'd planned. 

But as I started the morning, I realized that the dull headache I'd woken up with had gotten worse. Like, quite a bit worse. But it was Dream Day, darn it. And I had stuff to do... starting with Ecclesiastes...where, incidentally, I found this verse: 

Ecc. 5:3: "For a dream comes through much activity..." 

It confirms some things Adam and I have been talking about a lot lately. The fact that God often moves when WE are moving. We take a step of faith, he intervenes. In our case, twice now, he's steered us in a different direction...but only AFTER we stepped out and said "I think this is what you want me to do...so that's what I'm doing..." Sometimes we're so afraid of making a wrong move, but over and again, God shows us that when we're seeking his will, he meets us there...he even helps us stay on course. 

Even when it's scary. 

Anyway, I jotted these verses down and then I realized I couldn't really see out of my right eye. Black spots along the edges. I tried to read the verse out loud and it made no sense. It was like I was struggling to figure out what words were and mis-reading them, and I could hear that it was wrong, but I couldn't get it right. At the same time, the pressure in my head worsened and I felt nauseous. 

I went and laid down and Adam called me on his way home to bring me some Excedrin...in those few minutes my right hand went completely numb. By this point, I was pretty scared. I know numbness isn't a good thing and I couldn't feel my finger tips or my hand. The sensation kind of passed through it but by the time Adam got home, the whole right side of my face went numb and I felt like I had a fat lip. 

I admit. I was terrified. 

Adam...calm, level-headed, sensible Adam...called an ambulance (and yes, I was protesting. I know how much an ambulance costs.) He shushed me and told the paramedic what was happening. They arrived literally a few minutes later.

Long story short, the thing that concerned the paramedic (Steve) was that my symptoms were all on the right side, but my pain was on the left side. He said we could go to the ER but recommended we come with them...because if we came with them, they could get blood right away and if I'd had a mini stroke (he called it something fancy) they'd know about it and there would be medicine for me. 

He also mentioned that this happened to Ellen DeGeneres when she was about my age, which made me feel, you know, cool somehow. 

Off we went, in the ambulance...then into the hospital where they wheeled me in and hooked me up to a  bunch of equipment. They monitored my heart rate and blood pressure and dumped a heated blanket on top of me which was the most comforting part of the whole day. A bit later, the doctor (and his Jeremy Renner looking sidekick) showed up and I considered asking them if working there was like being on Grey's Anatomy but they had their serious faces on so I refrained. 

He said "Well, the brain is a funny thing. I could've been a migraine but since you have no history of them, I want you to have an MRI to rule out tumors." 

Fabulous. 

Just saying the word out loud hit me with the fear of God. I mean, I'm the chick who regularly peruses WebMD to see if there are symptoms I didn't know were symptoms and decides on a consistent basis that I've got lupus or at least shingles. 

The MRI was oddly peaceful. I sat in there and prayed the entire thirty minutes, laying, as "Rick" instructed me, completely still. The heated blankets kept me mostly warm and I used that time to imagine my days...the way I spend them...the stress I'm under...the attention I don't pay to my health. In those thirty short minutes, I started to realize that old cliche...

Life is precious. 

And is this how I want to spend mine? 

It was supposed to be 30-45 minutes before we got the results so Adam ran to get my older kids from school, but while he was gone the doctor reappeared. I did not want results without Adam, but he didn't even wait to make eye contact before he said "Well, I'm so happy your scans are all clear..." 

And so was I. 

So happy. 

They think it was a complex migraine, but I have to follow up this week with a neurologist who I expect is going to use big words and not look anything like Derek Shepherd. 

I'm still not 100% over here, and I keep finding random stickers with plastic snaps on them stuck to my body, but I'm better...and I have a feeling that once I get quiet and process all of this I'm going to make some interesting discoveries...and some big changes. 

For now, I'm going to rest and pretend I've got nothing to do today but watch Cupcake Wars and drink ginger ale. 

I hope the next Dream Day I schedule doesn't land me in the hospital...

Dream Day & Some Fancy Pants

Today I'm over on The Crafty Power Blog sharing a little Fancy Pants love. This is my niece, Lilah. I got to hang out with her in November and then again over Christmas and I'd like to brag and say that I won her over because it was quite a proud moment in my life. 

I have to tell you how very much I love Fancy Pants. This collection is SO fun and I accidentally printed a few extra photos so I'm making more pages of Lilah. I love it! 

Fridays used to be a big writing day for me, but since I turned in the manuscript for A Sweethaven Christmas, today I've decided to catch up on something every bit as important as the writing... dreaming. And studying. And drinking a lot of coffee. 

Today is Dream Day. Sometimes I think you go along with life just accepting whatever comes your way, failing to stop and actually make the changes you need to make...and it's not until you get alone with your thoughts that you can really say "this needs to change." Or "This isn't right." Or "I can't do that anymore." 

For me, that day is today. I've been challenged by a very dear friend to dream bigger...and I thought my dreams were pretty big...but lately, what I've been learning is that if God is in the details then I should pay attention to the details too. And I haven't been...not really. 

Our life, right now, is in the middle of yet another upheaval...and I have to admit, while that sometimes frightens me, the truth is, I'm kind of excited...and in the midst of more changes for our family, there is SO much peace...

I will always follow the peace. 

Happy Dream Day!

Why Your Art Isn't Frivolous

Before we moved to Colorado, Adam and I directed a CYT production of the musical “Godspell”. It was, without a doubt, the most memorable show I’ve ever directed. I was going through a fairly good amount of inner turmoil at that time, and I was very close to backing out of the show before we started. I am so thankful I didn’t. 

We were SO influenced by the 1996 revival (which we accidentally saw off-Broadway), we could hardly wait to get started. Little by little, we watched these kids bring the parables Jesus told to life, and I started to get a new understanding of why Jesus told these stories in the first place…

See, I’ve always been taught that every word in the Bible was true. Every word. Words like “prosperity” are just as true as “punishment”, whether we like it or not. Because of that, (I can’t believe I’m admitting this), I always thought the parables were stories of things Jesus actually saw or did or witnessed…I thought they were TRUE stories...

Why, yes, I do have blond hair, why do you ask?

It took working out the Book of Matthew on the stage before I realized they’re just stories.

I have to say, that while you’re probably laughing at me right now, the truth is, I wonder if God kept me from finding out the truth because of the impact it had on me as the realization set in. See, I’d just started writing seriously at that time. I’d gotten the contract, but I still didn’t really know WHY I felt called to write.

God had made it SO clear to me that this was what I was supposed to do…but why? To what end?

Often, in our society, those of us who are drawn to the arts…to the telling of a story either on stage or on page, we’re made to feel—for one reason or another—that this is a frivolous pursuit. Several times I’ve seen parents discourage kids from pursuing art, music, theatre, writing…because those aren’t “acceptable” careers. It is, after all, a tough way to make money and often filled with rejection. What parent wants that for their child?

So, in spite of the support I’ve always felt from my parents, I think there was this thing inside me that says “this is a ridiculous thing you do…”

Why would you want to tell stories/write books/make art/pursue music for a living? You're destined for poverty and what if no one likes your so-called "art"? What then??? 

Mostly, I can slap some duct tape over the mouth of that liar, but every now and then, it creeps in again…and I wonder Am I making a difference to anyone? Can telling stories make a difference?

So, in that (albeit humiliating) moment in 2009 when my husband gently told me that the parables were, indeed, stories, this wave of understanding mixed with gratitude washed over me…because finally, it made sense. Finally, I understood this pull to write, to create, to tell stories…

While I’m fully aware that my stories will never have the impact Jesus’ stories do, the bottom line is that I’ve got something in common with the Son of God. I’m a storyteller…and because of that, I believe, that there's a reason to keep going.

I'm living proof that sometimes people aren’t moved by preaching but they are moved by story. They’re moved because a story takes them out of themselves to walk in someone else’s shoes, to imagine a different way…and because of that, they have an experience. And it's much more difficult to shake an experience than it is a sermon. 

No one’s told them how to live, what to change, why they should do something…they’ve done it for themselves. They’ve lived, they’ve changed, they’ve DONE…because they left their own body, ceased being who they always are and became someone else...

Isn't that what a great book does? Allows you to become the character? Isn't this why we love movies or plays? Because we get to experience first-hand the choices and challenges, the highs and lows, that the character is experiencing?

I guess it was eye-opening to realize that storytelling had its place even when Jesus walked the earth…that his stories still change lives, so it gives me a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, I could do the same. It may be a lofty ambition, but we all have to strive for something, right?

The parables were stories that inspires and motivated and taught...and they were hugely successful at exploring real life issues in the context of a hypothetical...so doesn't it stand to reason that God would value the art that tells a story even in 2012? 

Doesn't it make sense then, that he's kept this medium around for a purpose? I think so. 

It's not frivolous to express yourself through your art, whatever medium you choose. It is, in fact, the quickest way to reach someone's heart...

Pitch Your Tent in the Land of Hope

Source

When I was in high school (and college), I used to keep a journal with a bunch of quotes in it. I collected quotes like some people collect stamps or rare coins. I'd doodle them and create with them and write them on the pages of my heart. 

My notebook was nothing fancy, just a collection of handwritten scribblings in a composition book. 

Years later, now that I know more about art journaling and its therapeutic value, I feel like I'd be embarrassed to show you that notebook, but the truth is, I simply wish I could find it. Because while it's not fancy or artistic or creative, it represents a season of my life...

And those quotes got me through a lot of tough stuff...

Lately, one quote in particular seems to keep tapping me on the shoulder. 

"Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things...and no good thing ever dies." 

It's from The Shawshank Redemption. 

Source

The quote comes to me almost like a challenge, lately. Because  I've realized that I'm afraid to hope. I'm afraid to "get my hopes up"...because if the thing I'm hoping for most doesn't come to pass, then the disppointment I'd feel would be painful. 

And no one likes to be in pain. 

We build turtle shells around ourselves to protect our emotions and we draw our heads inside whenever it gets bit stormy out there...for the briefest moment, we may peek up, a dot of hop on the horizon...but then, something happens and we're quickly reminded to stay behind the shell. 

Protected. And unable to be hurt. 

I've wrestled with this a lot. Recently, I called my sister and unloaded the whole thing on her. She may be younger than I am, but gosh, she's smart. I want to introduce you to her because she just started a blog...and already, I can tell, it's going to be a blessing. A big one. 

This is us before my launch party:

I know, we have demon eyes...what're ya gonna do?

Anyway, Carrie is often my first call. My spiritual guru. My personal preacher. And she just tells it like it is, but her advice is always steeped in godliness, which is why I listen and mull and chew.

A few weeks ago, I told her about some stuff that's going on here, big stuff that requires intense amounts of prayer and list-making...I punctuated my sentence with "I'm just so scared to hope." Sigh. 

I sometimes wonder if she, like God, gets tired of telling me the same thing. 

"You don't put your HOPE in the THING," she said. "You put your HOPE in the fact that GOD wants what's best for you. So if this thing doesn't happen, then there's something better..." 

I remember literally, physically trying to wrap my brain around this concept and I ended up saying, "I have NO idea how to do that." 

After MUCH soul searching and a lot of Bible study, I think I'm finally starting to understand...It's not about getting the house you want or the part you want or the book deal you want or the job you want...It's about knowing (in the deep recesses of your soul) that God wants the best for you.

He wants you to soar.

And if you can put your hope in that, in Him, then the disappointment you feel is blanketed with the knowing that there is something better for you. Suddenly, the disappointment is more bearable because you know it's simply a bump on the road to something else. 

When I look back on the times I've hoped for something (the attention of a boy, a house I thought I had to have, a part I desperately wanted to play) it's clear to me that although I felt disappointment every time one of those things didn't come to pass...that there was a great plan at work here. A better plan. 

A better husband. 

A better part. 

A better house. 

So now, I'm in the hoping again...at this moment...I am clinging to that revelation. Hoping that this time around the mountain it makes more sense to me. That it's more real to me. Because the Bible says Hope does not disappoint...

And I know now that means hope in GOD doesn't disappoint. 

Source

What are you hoping for? Are you afraid to hope? Are you, like me, struggling to say what you want? To say it out loud and not let the fear of disappointment hold you hostage?

Do me a favor? Check out Carrie's Blog...it's brand new, but it's call "A Prisoner of Hope." And those are bars we could all stand to get behind!

"I'm glad from the inside out, ecstatic;
I've pitched my tent in the land of hope."
- Acts 2:26

I Carry You in my Heart

The past few weeks have been something of a whirlwind around here. I wish I had some great revelation to share today, but the truth is, I think my brain is on hiatus. Friday, I turned in the first draft of the third book in my Sweethaven series. It's called A Sweethaven Christmas, and it was so much fun to write. I told Adam right after I hit "send", "I'm kind of starting to feel like a real writer now." 

Kind of.

It's still completely surreal to walk into Barnes and Noble and see this:

And even more surreal to see this:

And, if it's possible, still MORE surreal to do this:

If you look closely you'll see my lipstick on the table. Dry lips are my biggest pet peeve. I keep chapstick or lipstick on hand at all times. 

And I took that sign with me. I'm going to hang it in my office. 

This whole journey has taught me SO much about God's goodness. Starting from the second we began talking about moving from Illinois to Colorado and leading right up until this point. And farther back than that, really... 

It's been a long and winding road, and I have a feeling I'm still in the middle of it...

It's funny but since we moved, I really haven't struggled with homesickness. I think that's largely because I get to see this every day:

And also because I'm nestled in with these guys:

Photo by LyndseyLew Photography

But going back home for my signing and launch party, and being received and supported the way I was, it was one of the biggest blessings of this whole journey. It remined me that it's okay to have your heart in two places...and it reminded me that there are things about Illinois that I REALLY miss. 

Like THIS view, which took my breath away just like Lake Loveland does...

And this one, which always feels like home to me...

(my parents' yard and my dad's man-cave, where he does all his woodworking projects.) 

Being away has reminded me of the legacy of these two people:

My grandparents have been married many, many years and being away makes me wonder, have I gleaned everything I possibly can from them? About a month ago, they were struck by a truck walking to mass...and this weekend, my grandma had a stroke. 

It's hard to be thousands of miles away when things like that happen...

It's also hard to be away from these hoodlums:

The kids we got to hang out with during our time directing for CYT. 

Being away has reminded me that it's okay to miss the people and places you left behind. It's okay to reminisce on the good things, because they are a part of your story, a part of who you are. 

For a long time, I wouldn't let myself think about those things...because I hate feeling sad. 

I guess going home, signing books, celebrating my launch, throwing a party, seeing old friends... I guess I've emerged with something different than sadness...I've emerged with nostalgia and joy and gratitude...

Mostly gratitude. 

Because that old saying is true..."I'll not say goodbye, but rather, I carry you in my heart..." 

Every single day, these things, these people, they're carried with me...reminding me every time I think on them that I am truly blessed. 

And there's nothing more humbling than that. 

The Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge {Big Prizes! Big FUN!}

Today is the BIG DAY! 

THE SWEETHAVEN SCRAPBOOKING CHALLENGE!

Before I tell you how this is going to work, let me share one last beautiful layout to inspire you courtesy of designer Leslie Ashe:

I'm a total scallop fiend, so this layout (and the one she has on her blog today) have me swooning over here!! And the topic of "Tradition" is right in lines with the story of Sweethaven...the tradition of going back to the cottages year after year, the tradition of sharing the scrapbook and documenting their memories...

Do you document your traditions? 

Don't answer that...at least not yet!

Let me tell you how the challenge is going to work. (And the whole thing makes me a little nervous because this is sort of like throwing a party and then crossing your fingers that people will attend...I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nerve-wracked!)

But here it is...the DETAILS:

Step ONE: Look over all of these gorgeous Sweethaven-inspired layouts...and then pick one as your inspiration piece.

Take a peek: (larger images if you scroll back for the last two weeks through my blog...there's SO much inspiration!!)

Any inspiration that comes to you, through the colors, the design, the topic or your own Sweethaven inspired layout if you've read the book, is eligible! 

Step TWO: Create a piece of art (any art...scrapbook page, paper crafting project, mixed media...there's really no limitation here to what you can do...) inspired by the piece you choose. 

Step THREE: Post your project somewhere on the internet (Two Peas, Scrapbook.com, your own blog, Facebook...anything goes here too!) But it MUST contain the words "inspired by 'A Sweethaven Summer'" somewhere in the title/post. 

Step FOUR: Link back here in the comment section of THIS POST and tell me a little about your layout and what project inspired you! 

Step FIVE: Tell all your friends so they can join in and be part of the fun! 

Step SIX: Watch my blog for the announcement of the WINNERS! 

Some of the amazing prizes include:

A $30 gift card to:

(Have you seen their gorgeous stuff?? If not, click on their logo and check it out!! Amazing!) 

This amazing new book by Vicki Boutin:

(Click the image for more info!)

Several stamps from Unity Stamp Company, including (but not limited to:)

 

 

 

 

 

A prize pack from Scrapbook Adhesives:

A copy of Card Maps Vol. 2 (which comes out this month!) 

An 8x8 gallery wrapped canvas (2 inch sides), like this one:

A Chipboard Mini Album from Maya Road, similar to this one:

7 Gypsies Accordian Mini Album: 

As well as product from Prima, Bo Bunny, Doodlebug, Basic Grey and MUCH, much more (I'm still shopping!) :) 

So, who's with me? Tell me I'm not going to be tooting my noisemaker by myself!

Anyone up for a BIG FAT PRIZE OR TWO OR THREE?

I plan to award THREE winners, and I cannot WAIT to see what you come up with!!! 

The deadline to submit projects is March 23rd, so you've got THREE weeks to create!! (And multiple submissions are okay too!) :) Get crackin', creatives!!

Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge {It's Almost Time!}

Lately, my son has been saying "I can't wait for Thursday" or "I wish it was Tuesday..." and I wasn't really sure why until I discovered that his dad bought him new goggles for his swim lessons...which are on Tuesday and Thursday. 

And that's a little bit of how I feel about tomorrow...I can't wait for Friday...because I get to recap all of these beautiful layouts and projects, (and share a new one) and then issue

...The Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge...

And perhaps I'll even let you in on what the prizes are going to be. 

That's something to look forward to, right? (I hope you'll consider joining in!) 

Tomorrow is also the deadline for the first draft of my third book in this series, A Sweethaven Christmas. And while I should be panicking a bit more than I am, I'm actually just really excited to start the next phase of writing a novel...the editing! {And thankfully, I have an amazing editor!} 

But I've learned not to squander a single day, so I'm beyond excited to share two gorgeous Sweethaven-inspired layouts from two gorgeous girls...and I promise I didn't give them a color scheme to work with, it just worked out that way! 

First up, Vicki Boutin, who scrapped a page about being a memory keeper...something all of the girls in Sweethaven would relate to:

Vicki has long been one of my favorite scrapbookers. I got to meet her at CHA one year, and I remember being awe-struck by how much she had accomplished that year. And I know from experience that every now and then you're going to create a layout that's just kind of a dud. You know, they can't all be winners...(at least that's how I'd console myself...) 

But I've never, in all these years, seen a dud from Vicki. 

What's more, she's giving away a copy of my book on her BLOG today!!

 And I may or may not have something super special to add to my prize package for tomorrow...

Here's a hint:

 

(Click image to read more about Vicki's new book!) 

Whether they intended to or not, Campbell, Jane, Lila, Meghan, Suzanne and Adele all became memory keepers...and I'm so glad they did, otherwise, I may never have gone to Sweethaven myself. 

Next, I get to share with you another gorgeous layout, this one by my new, beautiful friend, Jaime Warren. Jaime is an amazing photographer and scrapbooker and I'm so thankful I have the chance to work with her over at Webster's Pages...and especially thankful that she's created this Sweethaven-inspired layout:

Sweethaven is a town where the cottages are passed down through the generations...a place where people go to escape, to unwind, to decompress. Gosh, I'd love to go there right now!

Jaime ran with that idea, creating a page about the times her family spends at this cabin, a wonderful escape from the daily grind. 

So, have you been to Sweethaven? It's a way to escape the daily grind without even leaving your house...

And I'm happy to announce the winner of these....

Bethany Becker said...

I am learning to let things go and not to take things so personally. I am also trying to believe in myself and be more appreciative of the things I have. This post really means a lot to me and encourages me to continue on with improving myself and my life and to not give up! Thanks for the opportunity to win.

ReplyFebruary 29, 2012 at 07:50 PM

Thank you to everyone who entered! Bethany, shoot me an email with your address and I'll get these in the mail to you! :) 

See you tomorrow...for the BIG CHALLENGE!

5 Lessons I'm Learning Thanks to my Debut Novel. {And a giveaway!}

                             

Today I'm talking a little about my writing journey over at the Brave Girls Club Website. 

I'm sure you've heard of Brave Girls Club. Yes? I'm going. One of these days, I'm going to get out there and get my hands all painty and explore my life and how I can make it better. That image at the top is one of Melody's and it appeared at precisely the time I needed it most.

Funny how that happens. 

It's amazing to me to see how God has used this writing journey to teach me so very much about myself... about the things I need to keep working on...day after day, I learn something new. Like how to lean on other people. How to accept the help of others. How to admit to myself and everyone else that there's no way I can do it all. 

Oh, I pretend for awhile...but when I do that, it all comes crashing down on me. 

Today, on this reflective Saturday (I wrote this on Saturday), as I prepare to head out to the Barnes and Noble here in Loveland for a book signing, and my nerves are amped up and I'm scared, I think about the things I know for sure...

(Also Melody's art)

So here's my list: 5 Things I'm Learning...thanks to my debut novel:

1. God is always going to come through for you. No matter what. Even if it feels like the midnight hour. Even if it feels like he's forgotten you. I promise. He hasn't. Lately, I keep hearing the same phrase echoing in my mind... He has me in the palm of his hand...

2. Sometimes compliments are more jarring than criticism. They're scary because they bring out a different kind of insecurity...the kind where you want to sit down and explain to everyone that they're mistaken. Don't they know how frazzled you really are? Don't they see that you're the mom who forgot the permission slip? Again. 

3. Just at the time when you're sure you cannot go on for one more single solitary second, someone jumps in and throws you a rope. If there's no rope, then you can do it...even if you feel like you can't. 

4. When you put out a "fleece" and convince yourself it's biblical, you might be mistaken. Some experts say this is actually a sign of an immature faith. (When you discover this the day after putting out a fleece, it's especially fun.) 

5. You can't make people run to amazon and buy your book. And as much as you want to, you can't give them away...all you can do is be thankful...so thankful...that you have this opportunity...and then you can pray that God gets a hold of it and does what he wants with it.

You can't worry about what you can't control...

I'm learning, my friends...so much and so fast...and other things...REALLY slowly. Ha. But in honor of these many lessons, and in honor of my "Someone Threw Me a Rope" post at Brave Girls Club, I want to give away a copy of my book, A Sweethaven Summer...

The book is available HERE and HERE and on KINDLE, and NOOK...so if you don't win, maybe you'll join me for a little escape to Sweethaven!?

How do you enter? Simply leave me a comment and tell me...what lesson are you learning lately? 

To sweeten the deal, I'm also going to give away a spot in my new Big Picture Class, Scrapbooking Your Faith...

(Click on image for more information!) 

AND a copy of my first book, Scrapbooking Your Faith:

For additional entries:

1. Facebook a link to this post OR to "A Sweethaven Summer" on amazon!

2. Tweet a link to this post or to "A Sweethaven Summer on amazon!

3. Blog about either of these things. 

4. Sign up for my newsletter by clicking HERE. (I promise not to spam you. Cross my heart. I'm thinking 2-3 newsletters a year. I won't tell you if we get a new puppy or anything like that.) 

Also, I want to tell you that my sweet friend, Vicki Boutin has done a very brave thing herself...she's written this book:

Click on the image and find out you can WIN her new book...and come back here tomorrow for a very fun Sweethaven-inspired project from Vicki! (I can't wait!) 

:) Thank you. I'm feeling extreme gratitude today and I want to say thank you. I'd love to send you my books and see you in my class, so be sure to leave a comment today! :) 

Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge {Point of View}

When you write, one of the first things you learn about is Point of View. I love the whole idea of jumping into a character's mind and seeing everything just as he or she would see it. I think this is where the time I spent in theatre really comes in handy...because acting is all about bringing a character to life. In every way, you inhabit the character. You become them. It's why some actors don't stop talking with an accent when the cameras turn off...because embodying another person is a mental task, and for the writer, not one to be taken lightly. 

It's also my favorite part of writing a book. 

One thing that struck me as especially fun was when I asked two scrapbookers to create pages about friendship...and they came back with two very different points of view...but they both used the same photo. 

It was like a visual representation of what a novel is all about. The nuts and bolts of it...seeing things through the character's eyes. It was completely unplanned but it made me smile. 

First, designer Leslie Ashe scrapped this adorable layout about a friendship that was meant to be...

We all have those friendships, don't we? The ones that are meant to be. The ones where you look back and can't remember a time you didn't know the person? Even if you've only known them for a short time. 

Female friendships are so complex. I think that's why I wanted to write about them... because they're volatile and full of drama...but on the other side of that is something so special. When you cross the bridge and find out you've still got someone beside you? Well, there's nothing like that. 

The funny thing was, that Wendy Hammer, the other lovely in this photo, also created a page about friendship...and look who she decided to document:

I couldn't love the journaling on this layout any more. I swear. I love the whole idea of documenting a relationship that means so much to you...and I love the way both these girls did it.

Two different styles, two different points of view...

One friendship that clearly means the world to each of them. 

I think I'm hormonal because I kind of want to cry just thinking about it... 

All that said, I have to tell you that A Sweethaven Summer is on sale today on Amazon...so if you haven't joined me in that utopian cottage town, maybe it's time? 

It's also available on Kindle and Nook, if you're a fancy technology lover...

And if you're really desperate, someone is trying to sell a used copy at bn.com for $146. 

Hey, to each his own. 

Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge {The Blessings of Friendship}

Friendship and Forgiveness. It's what I keep telling people my book is about. A Sweethaven Summer is a story about friends, brought together by a little town and a scrapbook. That's it in a nutshell...but friendships are rarely so cut and dry, are they? 

I am so blessed to have friends all over the globe, people I love even when I don't get to talk to them every single day (or even every single month.) People who "get me." 

It's a resounding theme so naturally, it deserves a lot of attention when it comes to this fabulouso Art Challenge I'm about to issue...(I'm thinking tomorrow I'll get all the details announced...and the prizes...well, I'll tell you some of them!) :) 

Anyway, it's easy to document your children's friends, but what about your own? What about those people you cherish? Maybe you've known them your whole life...grown up with them...or maybe you met at a particularly important point in your own lives and have been friends ever since. 

For my friend Anabelle O'Malley, part of friendship is the tradition of going to Disney with her girlfriends...a tradition definitely worth documenting...

Anabelle took photos from three different years--three different trips--and used them all on the same layout. Can you imagine if Anabelle's son found this years from now and tracked down these girls to hear more about what his mom was like when she wasn't on "mom duty"?

It intrigues me...the whole idea of it. I guess in some ways, I think when we play a "role" all day long, like "MOM"...it's hard to think of ourselves as anything else. But that role of "FRIEND" is so important... it shapes us and forms us into who we are...don't you think? 

What if you step outside the role you're most used to playing and focused instead on another role, maybe one you don't get to play often enough, but that you're so thankful for. 

The other day, I had a radio interview and they mentioned the idea of the gratitude journal...in my mind, scrapbooking and art journaling are largely about expanding this concept...talking about our blessings, focusing on them...keeping them in the spotlight. My real life friend, Liz Hicks, demonstrates this with her "Blessed Beyond Measure" art journal page:

I love that Liz's art journal pages are always so full of vibrancy and life...and to be able to document the blessing of a good friend is something that she (and future generations) will cherish. I love to hear stories about my mom's friends growing up...it won't be any different with our kids...

I think more than anything, they want to know us as people not just as the "warden in the prison of their life" (as I expect my daughter might say given that the mother seems to be the villain in the story she's currently writing...) 

But the truth is, friendship IS a blessing...a huge one that we should never take for granted. Our friends see us through so many storms, whether we realize it at the time or not. 

Check out Liz's blog for tons of great art journaling tips, techniques and prompts. You can find it HERE. 

Question for YOU: Have you created a layout or art journal page highlighting your friendships? Does any of your artwork focus on you? 

I'd love to hear about it...and if not, I'd love to hear why...

And I'd especially love for you to join in my Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge and create a page inspired by one of the beautiful pieces of art my friends have shared...but we'll get to that later! 

For now, I'll leave you with a documentation of some of my favorite friends...

People I don't live near anymore...but who I carry in my heart...

Happy Monday!

Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge {On Scrapbooking & Music}

This morning I had a radio interview set up by my amazing publicist, Jeane. She's more than a publicist, she's a friend...and this girl keeps my brains in check. (Did you know I had more than one brain?) 

One thing that I love about doing these interviews is the fact that I get to talk about scrapbooking...something that I've realized has been with me for as long as I could remember. 

Before there was patterned paper and embellishments and scrapbooking stores, I used whatever I found around the house...(not acid-free, mind you...) and the results were always just fine. Because I was telling my stories. 

Pulling that in to this novel has been one of the most eye-opening things for me...because even as I wrote it, I don't think I fully realized the impact scrapbooking has had on my life. And I'm not "caught up" and all my pages aren't organized in albums...but the stories have been told...and there they are, waiting to be told again. 

Scrapbooking is at the heart of A Sweethaven Summer...so when Scrapbooking Rock Star Jen Jockisch agreed to create a Sweethaven-inspired layout, I was so happy she chose to reflect on the "why" of scrapbooking. Jen has long been one of my favorite scrapbookers, with her fresh and funky style...

But when you read her journaling...gosh. I just get it. I get that need for the creative outlet...that need to lock yourself away and get lost in it for a few hours. I love every word of this journaling...not to mention the adorable design...

(PS...visit Jen's blog later today for a chance to win a copy of my book!) 

What is your creative outlet? I really want to know what you're into!!

Being able to pull parts of yourself into a keepsake...it's so worth it. Worth the time it takes... For instance, Becky Fleck of Page Maps fame, has created a layout focusing on a particular song...a song that ran through her mind all day long the day she had to say goodbye to a trusted friend:

Music is a huge part of Sweethaven...from the country lullaby Adele always sang to her daughter to Campbell and her mom's shared love of Norah Jones, to the faded memories that accompany "When You Say Nothing At All..." the soundtrack of our lives brings back memories quicker than anything...

So, yes, I'm a sucker for this hobby that's become a job and then a hobby again...it's something that brings people together, and for that, I will be forever grateful. 

Next week, I'll announce The official rules of The Sweethaven Scrapbooking Challenge and tell you how you can win some awesome prizes! {Which of these layouts will inspire YOU most?!}

Now. About this book...If you've read it, thank you. If you've told me your thoughts about it, thank you. It's consuming my life a little right now, although the rest of my life sure hasn't stopped or paused or even hiccupped...

If you haven't read it, it's now available for Kindle or in paperback right over HERE at Amazon...and in advance, I'll say a humbled thank you...because it means the world to me.