When God's "NO" is a much-needed detour {the next part of the story}

So...where was I? 

A funny thing happens to me when I sense God is doing something. That we're on the edge of change feeling takes over and I find myself looking for it everywhere. Like Sherlock Holmes, I try to deduce where God is taking us, as if it's a mystery to be solved. As if I can't wait another moment for the answers. As if He's not going to show us in His time. 

In the case of our move here, it was the pervy pastor. 

In the case of our move back home, it was something else entirely. And I was bummed out when I decided that I must not, after 36 years of trying, be able to hear God's voice after all. 

As a wife, I think it's safe to say that I can spot discontent in the man I married. He is, by all accounts, incredibly laid-back. Otherwise, I'm certain there's no way he could live with me. When I started seeing his discontent, I started to wonder what we were going to do...but then he'd have a great day (usually off at a video shoot or something) and it would be fine for awhile. 

But then, it wouldn't be. 

I'm not sure which one of us handled this worse. (Yes I am, it was me. I handled it worse.) Because I hate seeing him unhappy. Knowing what he can do and how good he is at what he does, seeing him spend his days doing something other than that just about killed me. 

So, I started praying. I prayed that Adam would find the kind of job that utilized his talents--his gifts--the things that made him truly happy. Adam has star potential, and I knew he'd couldn't be long-term happy in a cubicle. 

Then our church announced that they needed a worship leader. And while I knew my husband did not want to go back into church ministry and he most certainly didn't want to be a worship leader, all I could think was "This is something he could do." 

And I felt strongly about it. And I knew this was it. And I convinced Adam to call the church. And one hour before he called, they filled the position. And I moped and sulked a little because what other option was there for us? How, God? How are you going to fix this one? 

Oh, ye, of little faith. 

Man, I had little faith. 

That weekend, we were in Illinois for some reason and I remember recounting the whole story to my mom (who, if you can believe it, worries even more than I do...hey, I learned from the best.) But while I was telling her the story, this strange thing happened...

"But you know," I said, driving toward Wendy's for my apple pecan chicken salad. "Adam doesn't want to be a worship leader. The thing he keeps talking about is theatre. Kids' theatre. Teaching music and acting and directing...that's the thing we both miss." 

And in that moment, literally, it was like oh-my-gosh-that's-what-we-need-to-do...Like a lightbulb. Like THAT was the thing that we had in our hearts--that Adam especially had in his heart...and if it weren't for my misguided attempt to force him into a box he didn't want to go in, we wouldn't have realized it. 

That's when we started discussing our options...that's when we started dreaming about doing what we'd always loved to do...something we do together sort of beautifully. 

See, sometimes, we head down a path and we're sure it's God. And then it doesn't work out. I believe that doesn't mean it's not God...it's just God's way to get you to a different place...

Adam isn't going to be a worship leader, but that closed door got us dreaming again. Outside the box dreaming...and now, months later, here we are...standing on the corner of God's Will. 

Just where he wanted us to be. 

It's easy to get caught up in the method...to look at these detours, these twists and turns and beat ourselves up because the closed doors MUST mean we haven't heard God...but I don't believe it for a second. If you surrender, he'll get you exactly to the spot you're supposed to be in. 

I'm sure of it. 

What detour have you taken lately? Is it possible that it's leading you to something bigger?

Comments

[shelly]

Oh my goodness...just one? I feel like the last 2 years have been one huge detour after then next....but you're right, they've lead us exactly to where God has wanted us to be :) So exciting...it's a great place to be when the pieces start to connect!

[Shayne]

"I'm not sure which one of us handled this worse. (Yes I am, it was me. I handled it worse.)"

Love this! One of the things I appreciate so much about your writing is that you make yourself tangible to others.

This is a recurrent theme for so many of us---trying to figure out God's will. Each time I catch myself in that position, I promise that I won't let it happen again. A few months pass, and before you know it, I'm trying to guess the plan again. My hope is to get to the place where I'm not trying to figure out the plan, but to simply be His hands and feet in every part of life.

Sounds like you have excitement around the bend. Prayers for your entire family as you head out on this new road.

[Sherry Steveson]

Courtney,
What a fabulous blog entry today to continue to remind us to surrender. So many times I forget that closed doors or missed opportunities are the detours to get me back on the path God wants me to walk down. My story as of the last 6 months has had a similar theme. Crazy as it was for the first few months after I lost my job, I felt like when I hit my lowest point it was only so God could take me to new heights that I've never experienced before in my life. I loved reading about the journey that you and Adam have been on. Your openness has been so inspiring and uplifting. Enlightening is another word that comes to mind. Its your transparency that makes this whole experience relatable and real!

[Sandy]

Hi Courtney,
I was so inspired by your post today.
I have had the thought in my mind for a long time (more from a youthy - "what am I going to do with my life?" kind of perspective) that sometimes God allows us to have a certain plan or direction for a season even if that's not the ultimate plan or direction in order to keep us from going in a completely different direction to the ultimate and/or to put us in the right place to hear from Him or be at the junction to get to the ultimate plan or direction.
The most recent example is my niece. She just finished high school last year. She had planned all through her final year that she would be relocating to spend a year at a discipleship school. That move did not happen at the last minute, for a number of reasons. It would be easy to see the negative in not following through on such a plan. She is probably still searching for her ultimate. But if she had not had that goal in mind, she could have ended up anywhere or distracted from God in a different way. So I can see that God has now led her to the junction of where he wanted her that she probably would not have ended up at had she not had the original goal.
Perhaps your way of expressing it is less confusing than mine! You are a writer, after all. But it's nice for me to hear it in different words and from a more grown-up kind of perspective!!

[christina rayevich]

"See, sometimes, we head down a path and we're sure it's God. And then it doesn't work out. I believe that doesn't mean it's not God...it's just God's way to get you to a different place..."
this.is.what.i.needed.to.hear.
this pretty much had a "dear christina" binking neon sign above it lol
xo

[becky @ farmgirl paints]

this all hits home...all of it. love that you are sharing your story.

[Laura Cox]

Courtney.....it's almost scary the way your story unfolds....it's so much like my own.....so much like many of us, I suppose. Thanks so much for sharing it....it's so inspiring!!

[homegrownhospitality]

I need to create a canvas that reads "Closed Doors Induce Dreaming"
love your stories...I can not believe, yes, I actually can, believe how much we are so alike in life, situations and creating through it all...God puts us in each others paths so that when we hit those dang forks in the roads we can rely on HIM and each other! Yay!

[Courtney Walsh]

I'm anxious to hear about how your pieces all come together too, Shelly! :)

[Courtney Walsh]

This: "Love this! One of the things I appreciate so much about your writing is that you make yourself tangible to others." is one of the best compliments you could've given me.

Thank you, Shayne. :)

[Dana]

I read your post today and tears seem to come so easily for me. Why? Well, I come here via PageMaps contest and while there I read about your writing a book and having your first signing. Sigh! Yes, I sigh because that is my dream as well. I have been trying to complete a book for the past 3 years and out of that time frame, there have been moments of pause to deal with life & family issues. So on the shelf the lines of my musings must visit. Then through promptings & nudges of God, I find myself readying emails that refer me back to my writing, finding pay stubs from my visit to the Christian book store and attached is a phamplet on writing and how to be self published. "Hello down there!" Yes, I know he must be thinking those exact words, but I still don't get it. Why? Well with other problems to deal with that feel more urgent and demanding, the passion gets pressed down a little further and the enemy tells me that I don't have the funds, the suppport, or Faith to see me through. Now I know that the last two are totally untrue and I know that I need the last to believe that funding will take place. So in the grand scheme of things He really is in control and I just need to write and complete my novel. I have moments of doubt and insecurity due to never doing this before, though writing was my passion in high school and in college. When family life and circumstances are difficult and this couple, like yours is searching and still waiting for answers, you don't dare think of what He is calling me to individually. We thought that we were called to ministry before to find out otherwise as well. Similar to your story here. So where am I in all of this? Well I am at a crossroads, wondering if we are standing at the corner of God's will also. This story I feel was meant for me and that God directed me here today. To be reminded that He is not done with us yet and that the purpose and plan He has for us is just around the corner. Thank you for blessing my heart and inspiring me to look a little deeper at all those promptings of the holy spirit, those moments of Him reminding me that if He brings me to it, He can lead me through it. I want to say big congrats on amazing accomplishment and I pray that someday I can share in this dream of yours as well. May God richly bless you has you lead others closer to the heart of God. Hugs & Blessings.