Dear Eleven-Almost Twelve-Year Old Daughter,

I wish I could tell you I clearly remember what it was like to be your age, but the truth is, my memory has lapses in it, spaces that have disappeared and details that have vanished. 

If I did remember, I would like to write you a letter as my eleven-almost twelve-year-old self, because I bet we had a lot in common. I bet we would've been great friends. 

While I can't recall the typical day-to-day of sixth grade, I can recall the overarching feeling of being stuck between childhood and adulthood. I can distinctly remember how it felt to feel like no one heard my voice...to be so sure I had important things to say. 

Why won't anyone listen to me? I'm old enough to understand what everyone is talking about. I have opinions too. 

But now that I'm older, I see that was a time of great development for me. A time of learning, of figuring out who I was going to be. In some ways, it was one of the most important years of my life. 

So, I don't take any of your feelings for granted. Because everything in your world really is heightened. You feel things on a different level than someone who has lived 37 years. You are welcome to feel those feelings. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

But, I think there's something you should know. 

I am not your friend. I am your mother. There's a big difference. In my mind, God's given me a duty. To protect you. To raise you. To love you. And if I simply brush off bad behavior or sass-talk, blaming it on hormones, I don't feel like I'm doing my job. 

This is a really trying time for every girl. You haven't quite become responsible, so I have to nag a little. You don't want to be told what to do, so we sometimes butt heads. You haven't fully grasped what it is you're supposed to learn...and many days, neither have I. 

The truth is that while I'm not your friend, you might think that I'm your enemy. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am your cheerleader. I am your confidant. I am your teacher. Your role model. Your dance partner. 

I'm the one that will hold you when you experience your first broken heart. I'm the one who creates a safe place for you right here in this house...a place where you can laugh, cry, struggle, fail, fall flat on your face and still know that you will always be loved.

Always.

To that end, I must tell you, in hindsight, I do have one regret--vivid in my pieced-together memory.  I wish I'd learned sooner to appreciate the family God gave me. The mom who wasn't my friend (yet), the dad who worked hard to provide for our family and prayed over us every day, the brother and sister who pushed every last one of my buttons but have since become two of my favorite people in the world. 

I wish I'd cherished them and treated them as though they were my safe haven...because in retrospect, they were. 

This family is your spring board. This home is your foundation. And we will do everything we can to make absolutely sure to create the perfect environment to launch you into whatever God has for you, but I implore you now...please see us for who we are.

People, with feelings, oozing with love for you. 

Let us be a part of your journey...even the ugly parts that twist your stomach into knots. Because when you cry, I will cry. And when you celebrate, I will celebrate. And when you can't speak, I will hold you. 

Because I'm your mother.

And you will forever be mine. 

And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Comments

[Tleshia Farrar]

love this so much!

[Pam]

Oh my goodness! What a sweet letter to your daughter with such wisdom woven throughout. Thank you for spilling out your heart and letting us take a peek : )

[Doris Widder]

♥ Great post! I really wish more parents understood the distinction these days. I see too many trying to be their child(ren)'s friend rather than parent. It's so hard at times, but you are so right! It's our job as parents to guide them, nurture them, teach them discipline and responsibility, as well as, being there for them. I think you're doing a wonderful job and I'm sure that deep in her heart, your daughter appreciates everything you're doing for her and sees that everything you do revolves around what is in her best interest. {hugs}

[Jessica]

OH wow, do I love this post. So wonderfully written.

[SandraA]

Beautiful! After a particular "head butting" time, my husband told our daughter; "you can't be the woman in your mother's house". He went on to explain that in due time she would be the master of her own home.

[Sarah H.]

I'm crying now! So very true. I want to save this for when my daughter is this age.

[Sue]

This is wonderful! Very true and I can relate as I have an 11 almost 12 year old daughter right now! I will have to have her read this because you have explained it beautifully!

[tara pollard pakosta]

okay you made me cry!
this is exactly how I feel with my 11 and 13 year old girls...so much sass as they try to break away and become who they are meant to be, but it hurts sometimes!

dear sophia, you were born into a wonderful wonderful family, appreciate it now instead of later, that way you won't have any regrets! love you sweet sophia!

tara

[pjcannatt@sbcglobal.net]

Courtney,
Thank you for this beautiful post that I will be sharing with 11-almost-12-year-old daughter today. I started following your blog after "meeting" you in the BPC Big Festival class last summer. As I read your work, I learned that I shared your perspectives on a host of ideas...from family, faith, scrapbooking, writing,and the knowledge that everyone has a story to tell. Thank you for using your gifts from God to touch and inspire the lives of others, like me.
Thank you,
Jennifer Cannatti

[Bobbie]

absolutely love this, tears in my eyes!!

[Cara]

Thanks so much for sharing something so personal and it is still meaningful to a mom of a 29 almost 30 year old daughter. :) We do still butt heads at time and yet love each other more than ourselves. Perfect!

[Diana Montgomery]

That was a wonderful letter to your daughter. I'm sure she will treasure this.

[Pickedthewrongdaytogiveupchocolate]

I appreciate your heartfelt words. I have a young daughter and can imagine the road ahead. I will store up this wisdom. Thank you for sharing.
When people whom I love to my core test me, my patience, my strength, I tell myself: love is so strong, strong enough for me to "love them through it."

[Lauren]

Thank you for sharing this with all of us. I am the Mother of a 12 almost 13 year old, and we are still walking that line and fighting the battles. Your post has inspired me to write a note to my own daughter this weekend for her to read and maybe find some middle ground. Thank you again from one parent to another.

[Marci C]

This may be one of the best things I have ever read! And that is saying a lot because I've read and LOVED all your books too! :)
You have put into words what SO many of us struggle to know how to say to our children. Thank you for these words. Thank you for always sharing so much of yourself with us. I honestly take something positive and meaningful away from each and every one of your posts. You are an amazing woman in so many ways. Do NOT ever doubt that or yourself for a minute!

[Lori]

Wow! I'm crying right now. I have an 11 year old, almost 12 year old daughter and can so relate to what you wrote. Thanks for putting into words what so many of us are also feeling and going through right now.

[Nicole Samuels]

Love this!! :)

[Tammy Helfrich]

Wow. This brought tears to my eyes as I thought about this time in my own life and the next few years with my oldest son. Beautiful.

[Becca]

Brilliant. You have such a gift!